The Bedroom is THE most important room in the home. It is important that it be a restful, inspiring and sensual place that we love being in. If we can’t truly rest there, everything in our lives is impacted, including our love life, our ability to make money, health and family relationships and the way we feel about ourselves.
This is the place that we interact with our significant other in the most intimate way. It should be both cozy and sensual and is the ideal place to anchor in affirmations about our existing love life or the one we would like to bring in.
Expressing our sensuality and connecting deeply with another is one of the most joyous parts of being human. For those who are seeking a partner, here are some suggestions for arranging your bedroom to bring in romance. If you are happy the way you are, you will still find some helpful tips for creating a bedroom that inspires, uplifts and supports deep rest and rejuvenation.
The law of attraction
One of the key premises of Feng Shui is that our outer environment reflects our inner environment. Every object is felt to hold a frequency or vibration that is attracting a ‘like’ vibration. By looking at our homes as energy attractors, we start to see them in a new way. They can give us valuable insights about belief systems that may be energetically anchored into our space that may or may not be serving us. The powerful part of Feng Shui is that when we consciously create affirmations that reflect our true desires, we attract them to us. It can go both ways as you will see in Julie’s story.
My client, whom I will call Julie desired to bring into her life an equal partner but kept attracting controlling men who wanted to take over her life. Julie had a frilly – ‘girly’ sort of bedroom with dolls and stuffed animals on the bed. Her pictures consisted of collections of cupids, a ‘winged’ man rescuing a mortal woman, and several pictures of her as a young girl.
In getting to know Julie better, she shared that her father had died when she was eight years old. In looking at her bedroom from her new Feng Shui ‘eyes’ she saw that her ‘environmental affirmations’ were attracting a man who would rescue her, like a father, rather than one who would be her equal.
She realized her unresolved father issues were reflected in the objects she had unconsciously chosen for her bedroom. As a result she had been attracting the kind of man that would not bring her real happiness. In replacing them with pictures and objects reflecting a realistic relationship, she could now send a clear message to the universe about what she did want. In looking at her bedroom as an energy attractor, she was able to clearly see core issues that needed resolving in her life in order to have a healthy relationship. From the valuable insights revealed in her environment, Julie chose to go into therapy to set a new course. Within six months she did attract a wonderful partner in Jon. A man very different from the type she thought she was attracted to, but perfect for her. They remain very happy to this day.
Go through your bedroom and objectively look at everything in it. See if the objects and art work are attracting what you truly want. Do you have many pictures of single people or single objects? Perhaps the "one nightstand" reveals some truths …humm….maybe it is time to get a second one.
Arrange objects in pairs + use realistic romantic relationship pictures
If you would like to attract a mate, replace these with pairs of things grouped together. An example might be two red candles, two roses in a vase, pairs of doves, etc. To give it more oomph, place it in the love corner of the bedroom, which will be the far right corner as you are standing in the doorway looking into the room.
Relocate pictures of family and children to other rooms such as the family room or hallway. The bedroom is your place to connect and be fully sensual with your significant other. Keep in the bedroom only the pictures of the two of you in a happy time, or bring in a romantic and realistic relationship picture or a vision board depicting your desired relationship.
Find a box you are attracted to and designate it as your love affirmations box. Write on a piece of paper a list of the important things you want in a partner. Make in present tense, with gratitude, as if it is true now. Keep this affirmation in your love box in the love corner of your bedroom. Keep two fresh flowers in a bud vase next to it and read it frequently, envisioning it as if it is is presently happening in your life. Make sure it reflects the qualities you truly want in a mate. Don’t dictate what they will look like but allow the universe to surprise you. You mate may come in an entirely different package than you expected but they will be attractive to YOU!
Act as if it is true now!
For single women who want to bring in a partner and/or a family, create what you want your life to look like NOW! Make wonderful dinner parties for your single friends and have your home be the place everyone comes to for holidays. Take a cooking class if need be and create the warm and vibrant home you desire in whatever space you do have. I often find no food at all or the lonely single milk carton in refrigerators of my single clients. A sure sign they are going ‘out there’ to find their life rather than creating the life they want now.
I had to practice what I preached when I moved from a four-bedroom home with a large dining room to my cute but small cottage by the sea. I stopped hosting the multiple dinner parties I loved to throw when I was married thinking my place was too small, and always ate out with my single friends.
I realized I missed this expression of a vital part of who I was. I figured out a way to squeeze nine people into my little place for a sit-down Christmas dinner and have never looked back. I saw that I was the only one limiting my self. Now my little cottage hosts everyone who does not have a place to go on holidays and I continue to throw the wonderful dinner parties that I always loved doing. We all squeeze and have a lovely time!
Safety issues both subtle and obvious are an important part of Feng Shui. Here are some safety issues that would be important to address in the bedroom for everyone, single or not:
- Replace or pad any piece of furniture than can injure, especially unfriendly bed frames that you can bruise your shins or stub your toe on. The picture to the left is an example of an unfriendly bed. Notice it even has a place for two lap tops….so that we can work all night long!
- Move the bed away from heavy beams or ceiling fans. Your nervous system will always be on alert and you will not rest deeply. You can cover the beams with a piece of cloth or create a ‘faux’ canopy by draping it on the ceiling. Ceiling fans can be removed or replaced with more friendly looking blades that look like palm leaves.
- Cozy-up rooms with high vaulted ceilings with canopy beds if you can. As creatures of comfort we sleep better in more cozy spaces.
Ideally the bed should be positioned so that you see the entry door from your pillow but are not in direct alignment with the open doorway. If you cannot move the bed, always close the door when you sleep. The energy coming in through hallways is too strong and can have a huge affect on anyone who is energetically sensitive. If your bed is in direct alignment with a bathroom door, close this whenever you are in bed. We never want to be looking at the toilet.
If the bed has to be positioned in front of a window it should have a large headboard to provide a sense of protection. Use heavier window coverings to mute street noise. Always have window coverings on bedroom windows, preferably with black-out shades to allow for a sounder sleep for those who are light-sensitive.
Clutter and organization
All of the same principles of dealing with clutter apply to every room of the home. Closets are no exception. For every article in our closet ask the Feng Shui rules of clutter ….Do I love it? Do I need it? Have I worn it recently? Does it reflect who I am now in my life? If it doesn’t pass the test, deep-six it and donate to a worthy cause. Closets are areas of much hidden clutter. You will be surprised what joy an organized closet can bring every time you open the door!
Ideally we should not have storage under the bed but for small spaces we need to utilize them. If you do store things there, make sure there are no weapons or sharp objects. Organize the storage and edit out anything that is not necessary. Store them in containers that are clearly marked and easy to pull out.
Color in the bedroom
Bedrooms should be calm and cozy space conducive to rest and rejuvenation. We want them to feel happy and lift our spirits, but too-bold colors will not serve the purpose of sleep. Flesh tones and earth tones are ideal for bedrooms. Dark blue, green, black and grey are too cool and recommended in small doses. Use them for accent colors only.
Bring in the fire element to add sensuality and sizzle but don’t over do it. Use more muted fire colors such as plum, coral, terracotta, berry red or burgundy. Bright red walls or hot pink accessories for curtains bedspreads, sheets and rugs are too stimulating and will not be conducive to sleep. You can add romance to any color scheme by bringing in two red pillows, a red throw on the bed with red candles in pairs. They will add just enough spark without making it too stimulating for sleep.
What not to have in your room
Remove televisions, home offices and exercise equipment
Bedrooms should ideally be places for rest and rejuvenation. Working, exercising and watching television are all Yang activities and should be done in the more active spaces of the home if at all possible. If you are looking at work you will either be feeling guilty for not working or feeling guilty for working too much.
If you live in a studio and need a work space as well, separate the work with an attractive screen, put computers and televisions in a cabinet you can close up at night or disguise them with an pretty throw or shawl when you are through working. If you do have exercise equipment make sure you are able to fold it up and store out of sight.
Remove mirrors in bedrooms
Mirrors are ‘chi activators’ and used in Feng Shui for many things but will be counter productive in bedrooms where we want the energy to calm down. These are the culprit for many of my clients who do not sleep well in their bedrooms.
Large vanity mirrors can be covered with an attractive shawl at night or replaced with a picture. For mirrored closet doors – treat them like a window and put curtains on them and close them up at night when you need to sleep. You can also paint over the glass. Paint is easy to scrape off when you need to restore them to their original state. Another idea would be to cover them with an attractive shelf paper with a sticky back that will adhere to the glass. Get something with an interesting texture like rice paper. If the closet doors span the entire wall you will want to be looking at something visually interesting.
Make sure the last thing you look at before you go to bed and the first thing you see when you wake up inspires you. This holds tremendous energy to move your life forward in the direction of your highest aspirations, so put your most inspiring artwork and affirmations in this most important piece of real estate!