Books to read before ending it

Shorter please, I don't have much time
And make sure to explain why

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  1. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    What's the matter, anon?

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      Just tired
      Please tell me why I shouldn't, I'm on the edge of my seat

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        There's a lot to life, and you've only experienced a fraction of it; you can find your repose on this earth.

        • 2 months ago
          Anonymous

          you got trolled. now go cope with your video games and weed compadre. make disciples out of weed, hookers and games.

        • 2 months ago
          Anonymous

          That has always and will always be true. The part I have left to experience seems increasingly not worth it. I'm tired of parasitizing everyone around me. Even this thread is just another way to use people to survive.

          You should read The Brothers Karamazov, Demons, crime & Punishment, War & Peace and Anna Karenina.

          Why? Because they are all very long and nobody should leave this earth without having read them.

          Thank you but I only gave you one condition, surely it's the least you could do?

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            I'm scared to recommend anything. Like, I have chance to recommend you something that's so inspiring it'll make you change your mind, but I mostly read depressing stuff... what if my recommendation only makes you double-down? 🙁

            Hmmm... perhaps Remains of the Day by Kazuo Ishiguro. It's still kind of depressing but I think there's also something life-affirming about it. It'll make you consider your life and the decisions you've made in a new light. And as a story about an aging man, it might make you realize how much valuable time and how many opportunities for happiness you've still got left, that is, if you're young, or at least younger than the protagonist.

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            Your programming is showing, but your recommendation looks good

            [...]
            >And make sure to explain why
            Because if you're terminally bored it might give you metacognition of that state.

            Haven't I metacognized enough?

            Dubliners by James Joyce, it's just a good and not too long read.

            This sounds interesting too, I'll see if I can swallow the style I think

            The Consolation of Philosophy.

            Why? Because it's a man coming to terms with his imminent death after falling from grace. Boethius was the 2nd most powerful man in the Roman Empire, then due to politics betrayed and thrown in prison to await execution. To him it seemed a great injustice, and if such a thing can happen to him, a virtuous and just man, then what possibility is there of good in the world? I'd recommend reading it anon, it is a very special book.

            Based and Igntaiuspilled. If you don't mind spoilers, does he in fact find consolation in philosophy? So far I have only found freedom.

            The death of Ivan Ilyich will give the weight of a wasted existence and is short.

            I think of ending things too. I didn't do it already just because of my family and because I will give arguments for all the people that think I'm weird. But my life is meaningless and I'm tired of feeling physical and mental pain. I still trying, I don't know for how long. What about you?

            I'm only happy as a neet but that's unfortunately not sustainable. It will also become harder soon, hence the time factor. I've spent the last few months making sure the last of my dreams were in fact dead, so I feel ready
            >I will give arguments for all the people that think I'm weird
            What does it matter what they think? It's your life

            Can anyone else speak to the suitability of boethius?

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            >Does he in fact find consolation in philosophy?
            He does. One thing you'll have to understand about it is that he tries to be as succinct as possible, condensing many elements of Greco-Roman Philosophy into a single brief work. If that sounds attractive to you I recommend giving it a go.

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            I'm not that programmed, okay, just a little bit maybe... I do think that people should be allowed to commit suicide and it shouldn't be moralized about. But I also think that in most cases it's a shame that it happens, especially when the "victim" is a young person, who still might have a chance of turning their life around. I'm in my mid twenties and couple of years ago I thought about suicide a lot. And my situation is still pretty hopeless, but I have hope, since I've so much to do still. And I really want to give it a try, even when there's so much pain and humiliation that I have to face, which I haven't done anything to deserve.

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            It is a shame my life turned out the way it did. I'm glad you have found such hope

            The Myth of Sisyphus.
            >here is but one truly serious philosophical problem, and that is suicide. Judging whether life is or is not worth living amounts to answering the fundamental question of philosophy. All the rest—whether or not the world has three dimensions, whether the mind has nine or twelve categories—comes afterwards.

            Why?
            Because suicide is life's biggest problem and you deserve to think deeply about it before you do it.

            There may well be no fate that cannot be surmounted by scorn; but what greater scorn to fate than suicide? I've always been skeptical of the existentialist -- he gives you all these great proofs about the impossibility of objective moral codes, and in the next breath starts saying we must therefore be rebels or authentic or whatever his little french mind thinks is objectively moral.

            Don't do it. Life's a gift and if you try to return it you get a serious talking to from the Big Guy.

            a little smoke session never hurt anyone

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            You will never find a logic based argument against suicide or any rationale that comes from the computerized mind. If you feel like you don't want to be alive, then no clinical reason based argument will convince you out of it. You will always meet it with logic that undermines it.
            It's a choice and it has to do with your feelings and perspective. You do have control over these things even though it doesn't feel like it. I am no stranger to these feelings and I still go through them here and there. More so emptiness now than any sort of depression.
            But, there are good days and good things. Call your mom or a friend, have a pleasant conversation. Go for a walk outside and spend some time around a creek, listen to the running water. Get a pet. Watch some films or read some books that mean something to you; make art.
            Most of us are failures and our lives didn't pan out how we wanted, due to both circumstance and our own actions. But that doesn't mean you can't enjoy life, and in the moments where you do, you'll be happy you didn't do it. You just have to stop dwelling on the failure and the expectations, have no expectations, and live within the present moment.
            Also, try volunteering or being of some use. I am sure you have some value and positive qualities that you can tap into, and helping others is rewarding.
            At some point, death will come for you, so you may as well enjoy the interim, and you do have some power to do this. I know it's easier said than done, my soul is empty, but I still smile during the sunny days.

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            >Call your mom or a friend, have a pleasant conversation.
            I can't do this anymore, I won't get into it but I assure you it's quite sad
            >Go for a walk outside and spend some time around a creek, listen to the running water.
            >Watch some films or read some books that mean something to you.
            I am going to read the recommendations of this thread outside, worry not
            >Get a pet.
            Killed the last one due to incompetence and vowed not to again, no go
            >make art.
            It's not good enough to spend time on anymore
            >Also, try volunteering or being of some use. I am sure you have some value and positive qualities that you can tap into, and helping others is rewarding.
            They didn't want me
            >At some point, death will come for you, so you may as well enjoy the interim, and you do have some power to do this. I know it's easier said than done, my soul is empty, but I still smile during the sunny days.
            Death HAS come for me anon. The above is how I am enjoying the remaining interim.
            Eveey time I see a sunny day I smile and think it would be a beautiful day to die.
            Doesn't the saccharine coping stop tasting sweet to you too, after long enough?

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            You're unusually refined for a suicideposter. homies in here recommending Boethius and the Dhammapada. lol. I'm all for Buddhism but increasingly I'm feeling like all the suttas in the world won't make up for lacking certain kammic qualifications. Skylark by Kosztolányi scratches the unwanted and loved exitless sorrow itch for me. Zorn's Mars if you're that estranged from your parents. Shimada's Diary of a Mummy is about a man who starves himself to death. Jeffrey Hopkin's Death, Intermediate State and Rebirth in Tibetan Buddhism is a pretty sober exposition of bardo phenomenology if you like that sort of stuff, the NDE industry is too pap to rely on if you're really steeled for death imo. Greg Egan's Diaspora if you just want to blitz out on math and physics in a diamond hard sci-fi odyssey and just don't give a frick about the rest of that shit anymore. Redwall if you want to go out on comf. Grapes of Wrath if it's that deep rich Americana instead. Aniara if it's the void. Madách's Tragedy of Man for the God POV. Chekhov's The Bet if you want it done quickly.

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            >You're unusually refined for a suicideposter.
            You're sweet, but you're probably just saying that because I overuse commas.
            >Skylark by Kosztolányi scratches the unwanted and loved exitless sorrow itch for me.
            This one will be difficult to get my hands on, it better be worth it
            >Zorn's Mars if you're that estranged from your parents.
            Already reading it, though my relationship with my parents isn't that bad. I mostly just can't relate to anyone irl anymore (and hardly anyone online)
            >Shimada's Diary of a Mummy is about a man who starves himself to death.
            Interesting read
            >bardo phenomenology
            I've always wanted to believe in /x/ nonsense, but never did (aside from some vague antisemitism). I guess that's the result of my FAS (fetal atheism syndrome)
            >Madách's Tragedy of Man for the God POV.
            More info?
            >Chekhov's The Bet if you want it done quickly.
            That was beautiful, thank you

            Have you ever actually died? how do you know that you would enjoy it?

            But anon, we don't do only things we believe we will enjoy, but also things of which we believe we will prefer the outcome

            Have you ever read Good Old Neon by David Foster Wallace? Its kind of like having your soul raped. It's probably the greatest thing I've ever read. I don't mean it in the sense that it offers any way out or any reassurance, it just perfectly encapsulates the feelings you're talking about, and of which I am no stranger.
            >doesn't the saccharine coping stop tasting sweet to you too, after long enough?
            Yes and no. Some days I am very aware of the fact that I say and believe these things strictly to stop myself from killing myself, and that it's all some charade, or some dance of sentimentality, mostly farcical, that I perform solely for that basis. That, and to convince myself that I am a better person than what the reality is, that I'm a wholly empty, calculating piece of shit that's probably never loved anyone past the age of innocent love toward my parents during youth.
            Other days, I don't feel like that; I maintain the self awareness that it *could* be a cope, that the feeling of temporary authenticity in the feelings could itself be a cope just to hide from my essential voided nature and, again, keep myself from the noose, but it starts to lose relevance because I consider the possibility that there's no meaningful difference between fooling myself into authentically feeling something, and actually feeling something. In those moments, I turn the thoughts off, and peer into the present moment, and simply smile. These are usually times where I am with my friends, or people that do actually mean something to me, enjoying whatever we're doing, whether it's out drinking at a bar or reminiscing about youthful memories, or watching TV together. It's like the narrative of me constantly analyzing myself and my true motivations or lack of any real humanity shuts off, and because of that and only because of that, the line between imitative fraudulence and authentic living humanity ceases to be, and in those moments I am genuinely happy to be there. To be alive.
            So yes and no.

            >Here's how I defraud myself into happiness
            >That's when I feel genuinely happy
            If we forget a concept, does it cease to exist? By the end of 1984, is 2+2 really 5? I suspect we have different answers. In any case I found the first few pages of The Broom Of The System insufferable.

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            It seems as if your mind is made up.

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            Well yes, that's why I made a thread on IQfy askong for books instead of a thread on /adv/ to help me decide. I'm happy to engage in discussion on the topic, and do so in good faith, but I do, in fact, find my own reasoning convincing

            Anything by Henry David Thoreau. There is too much beauty in the world to want to leave it of your own accord and at such a young age

            How old am I?

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            I know you do.
            I dont like anything else DWF has written. Good Old Neon is special. You should check it out. It's not going to necessarily change your mind.

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            >but I do, in fact, find my own reasoning convincing
            And what is that reason?

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            You also misunderstood me before. I wasn't saying that the happiness is fraudulence. I am actually happy in those moments, because those are the moments I let go.
            What I was saying is that the constant obsession with my own fraudulence or authenticity is itself fraudulence that prevents the happiness, which is real, from coming out.

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            I'll grant that that is real happiness, but my point was that such happiness is not a negation of the source of my (our?) unhappiness but rather a negation of the unhappiness itself. That is, not a cure but an escapist symptom-treatment.
            >There is no cure. Treatment is all we have. You just have to live with it.
            No I don't

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            Sounds like anxiety/compulsions. You might be like me, I'm on the spectrum (like everyone here), and suffered with anxiety massively for some 15 years. Eventually I tamed it, and I tamed my other compulsions. Your mind digs a channel for your thoughts every time you think them. You have thought patterns in ruts, but they can be redirected. Every time you think the painful thought, you can acknowledge, and then gently guide the energy of that thought to a place that is healthier for you. You can do this every single time you have the energy to do it. You can actually rewire yourself this way.

            Moreover, cartesian dualism is totally false, and you likely need a physical/integrative practice to help with this. Something involving physical movement, but especially something like yoga, which is developed to support this exact thing. I've done yoga intensively for the past year and a half and it has completely changed my life. Anon, please try kundalini yoga before offing yourself. It sounds goofy, but Jung wrote about it for a reason. You're not broken. You just need to take control of yourself. Our society never teaches us to do this, and then we almost inevitably hit bottom if we're neurodivergent. But you're a valuable human, and life is an amazing gift once we actually learn to live in it.

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            I will also add a third part that is critical - as you identify the thought that comes to you, part of your practice has to be following the origin of that thought as deeply as you can. What's the true darkness within you that is generating it? Can you, with practice, identify what those things, and those internal wounds and weaknesses are, and work on them? Because if you can, and if you can build yourself up, you've solved half of your problem.

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            https://i.imgur.com/HO5iZvJ.gif

            Shorter please, I don't have much time
            And make sure to explain why

            .

            >You're unusually refined for a suicideposter.
            You're sweet, but you're probably just saying that because I overuse commas.
            >Skylark by Kosztolányi scratches the unwanted and loved exitless sorrow itch for me.
            This one will be difficult to get my hands on, it better be worth it
            >Zorn's Mars if you're that estranged from your parents.
            Already reading it, though my relationship with my parents isn't that bad. I mostly just can't relate to anyone irl anymore (and hardly anyone online)
            >Shimada's Diary of a Mummy is about a man who starves himself to death.
            Interesting read
            >bardo phenomenology
            I've always wanted to believe in /x/ nonsense, but never did (aside from some vague antisemitism). I guess that's the result of my FAS (fetal atheism syndrome)
            >Madách's Tragedy of Man for the God POV.
            More info?
            >Chekhov's The Bet if you want it done quickly.
            That was beautiful, thank you
            [...]
            But anon, we don't do only things we believe we will enjoy, but also things of which we believe we will prefer the outcome
            [...]
            >Here's how I defraud myself into happiness
            >That's when I feel genuinely happy
            If we forget a concept, does it cease to exist? By the end of 1984, is 2+2 really 5? I suspect we have different answers. In any case I found the first few pages of The Broom Of The System insufferable.

            Have you ever read Good Old Neon by David Foster Wallace? Its kind of like having your soul raped. It's probably the greatest thing I've ever read. I don't mean it in the sense that it offers any way out or any reassurance, it just perfectly encapsulates the feelings you're talking about, and of which I am no stranger.
            >doesn't the saccharine coping stop tasting sweet to you too, after long enough?
            Yes and no. Some days I am very aware of the fact that I say and believe these things strictly to stop myself from killing myself, and that it's all some charade, or some dance of sentimentality, mostly farcical, that I perform solely for that basis. That, and to convince myself that I am a better person than what the reality is, that I'm a wholly empty, calculating piece of shit that's probably never loved anyone past the age of innocent love toward my parents during youth.
            Other days, I don't feel like that; I maintain the self awareness that it *could* be a cope, that the feeling of temporary authenticity in the feelings could itself be a cope just to hide from my essential voided nature and, again, keep myself from the noose, but it starts to lose relevance because I consider the possibility that there's no meaningful difference between fooling myself into authentically feeling something, and actually feeling something. In those moments, I turn the thoughts off, and peer into the present moment, and simply smile. These are usually times where I am with my friends, or people that do actually mean something to me, enjoying whatever we're doing, whether it's out drinking at a bar or reminiscing about youthful memories, or watching TV together. It's like the narrative of me constantly analyzing myself and my true motivations or lack of any real humanity shuts off, and because of that and only because of that, the line between imitative fraudulence and authentic living humanity ceases to be, and in those moments I am genuinely happy to be there. To be alive.
            So yes and no.

            You have it easy and aren't depressed. You're a hysterical midwit. Boo hoo, le sad! Meanwhile, you're able to read all sorts of books and want to solicit for a so called final book to actually read? Imagine the time and energy required. A depressed person would trade their family and friends for these things, moron.

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            I never said I was depressed. I just don't want to live like this. Maybe that means I won't have the will, who knows such things before they know?
            Also

            Have you ever read Good Old Neon by David Foster Wallace? Its kind of like having your soul raped. It's probably the greatest thing I've ever read. I don't mean it in the sense that it offers any way out or any reassurance, it just perfectly encapsulates the feelings you're talking about, and of which I am no stranger.
            >doesn't the saccharine coping stop tasting sweet to you too, after long enough?
            Yes and no. Some days I am very aware of the fact that I say and believe these things strictly to stop myself from killing myself, and that it's all some charade, or some dance of sentimentality, mostly farcical, that I perform solely for that basis. That, and to convince myself that I am a better person than what the reality is, that I'm a wholly empty, calculating piece of shit that's probably never loved anyone past the age of innocent love toward my parents during youth.
            Other days, I don't feel like that; I maintain the self awareness that it *could* be a cope, that the feeling of temporary authenticity in the feelings could itself be a cope just to hide from my essential voided nature and, again, keep myself from the noose, but it starts to lose relevance because I consider the possibility that there's no meaningful difference between fooling myself into authentically feeling something, and actually feeling something. In those moments, I turn the thoughts off, and peer into the present moment, and simply smile. These are usually times where I am with my friends, or people that do actually mean something to me, enjoying whatever we're doing, whether it's out drinking at a bar or reminiscing about youthful memories, or watching TV together. It's like the narrative of me constantly analyzing myself and my true motivations or lack of any real humanity shuts off, and because of that and only because of that, the line between imitative fraudulence and authentic living humanity ceases to be, and in those moments I am genuinely happy to be there. To be alive.
            So yes and no.

            isn't me

            Are you taking any medications? I was taking some Accutane a few months age and was in the same place mentally as you are now. Once I got off of it I got better.

            Clean as a whistle
            >verification not required

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            I mean you already saw through the pitfalls of your own reasoning here

            I'll grant that that is real happiness, but my point was that such happiness is not a negation of the source of my (our?) unhappiness but rather a negation of the unhappiness itself. That is, not a cure but an escapist symptom-treatment.
            >There is no cure. Treatment is all we have. You just have to live with it.
            No I don't

            So you're just being stubborn, frankly. Weariness, I understand, been there, done that. Most people are weary. Nobody can stop you from ending it. The reason people try is because its sad and people care about you. If that's not enough motivation than it is what it is, but don't pretend it's because you're seeing "the true reality" or some moronic shit like that. Its just giving up.

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            I conceded a detail but the main point stands. Such escapism (including happiness) does not prevent the general dissatisfaction with the way my life is.
            >don't pretend it's because you're seeing "the true reality" or some moronic shit like that. Its just giving up.
            Don't we all see "the true reality" in some ways and not others? Point out flaws by all means, autism alows me to change my mind easily when disproven, but please respond substantively

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            The thing about the truth, is that it's neutral in its emptiness. If you see it as bleak, its still a connotation you're throwing on to it. The Tao that can be spoken is not the true Tao. You can't even conceive of real emptiness or infinity, it's beyond your minds capacity, because you're human, not divine.
            Therefore, however you're seeing things, is all that you're seeing, not the way they are. So you can choose, you can't ever know; you can choose to see the good in life or you can choose to see it as meaningless or bad, but you'll never see it how it "is," thats inaccessible to you.

            You're making a choice. I'm not saying your life has no challenges or hasn't been difficult and exhausted you, it probably has, mine has.
            But I made a choice not to end it prematurely and each morning when I wake up i have to prep myself for how I'm going to choose to see everything that I come across. I work hard these days to keep it positive. You can call that a cope.
            You can see it as negative, or meaningless or whatever, but that's also a cope. You're never seeing anything beyond a cope. So, in my view, the best cope possible is the one that makes life worth living, positivity. If you don't agree, it doesn't mean you're right or wrong, just like I'm not right or wrong. It just means you're setting yourself up for the logically necessary consequences of your response to life.

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            I love you buddy. I mean that. I hope you make what is, in my view, the right choice. The world would be a little colder without you.

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            What are you even saying? You don't know me. Surely there are some people who the world would be warmer without, what makes you think I'm not one of them?

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            Are you?

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            Look at all the sentiment people are showing to you here. Evidently, I'm not the only one who thinks the world would be worse off without you.
            Nobody cares what you've done or how you've acted. A soul lost is a potential lost. I've got to go. Recognize love when you see it. Nobody wants you to die, and there is good in this world.

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            Cringe. You're a coward. Just let the man die.

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            Imagine justifying an arrogant lack of compassion under any credible moral framework

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            >just eat le pizza and play le frisbee at le park with your le friends :*~~)
            Twaddle. Some people are miserable and their desire for death is entirely justified.

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            Imagine creating strawmen to justify your intellectualization of your cruelty and callousness towards human life. There is no philosophical, intellectual, or moral superiority to be gained from trying to justify your own protective jadedness. Your feelings also matter, anon.

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            Shut up gay. It's because I sympathize (and empathize) with his pain that children in here posting about the Dao and recommending the Myth of Sisyphus are gays. Imagine thinking a lifetime of psychological pain is going to be healed or tranquilized by some zoomer's summer reading list.

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            Imagine being so weak and so arrogant that not only have you given up, you find others to be virtuous for doing so

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            Yes, there is a nobility in acceptance of the truth, instead of sticking around to impress gays who never gave a frick about you anyways.

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            On the contrary to whatever you tell yourself about 'nobility' to justify patterns of inaction towards your own uplifting, the soul giving up before the body does is Aurelius' very definition of 'disgraceful'.

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            Why is your head so stuck in your ass that you cant have enough freedom and seriousness to read a work about a possible view of the meaning of life (or lack) that its not THE TRUFH BECAUSE I SAY SO and without attaching it hashtags of "live laugh love" because it was not written by you. why is your doomer view superior to any other views? a book can change a persons life if its the right book at the right time, even if it has flaws (like all human work)

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            >one must le imagine le sisyphus happy
            because I read these books while you were still shitting in your diapees, gay

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            and how proud we are of reading without internalizing

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            I don't know if you're the anon I've been speaking to but just disregard my posts. I'm in a lot of mental pain and can't help myself from acting out

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            Everybody knows that and this anon

            I don't think there's a single person on this board who hasn't gone through periods of suicidal depression. this isn't normiebook anon. Loneliness, trauma, dehydration, insomnia, and an inability and aversion to understanding and processing feelings and emotion are what usually does it. Of course, then people shrink into their confined space and build short-circuited negative thought patterns around it, until they feel that to be their most comfortable space, and then lose hope entirely. But people outside with perspective can see that motion out of that place is possible. It's nothing trite.

            is exactly right. and I'll take it further, this isn't normiebook, but it also isn't any of the other boards on this site. This is IQfy, we are all here because of a similarity in temperament as well as interest. I'd bet money everyone here is a sensitive, thoughtful person who's been totally ravaged by their life experiences at one point or another. Normal people go to reddit when they want to discuss books.
            Most people here, even if they haven't lived out your same experiences, are familiar with these feelings. I almost committed suicide, didn't have the balls, and some nagging feeling kept me from it too. So for years I crashed and burned, this is passive suicidal ideation, I was just hoping my poor lifestyle would kill me.
            You recognize that you're in pain, we all may not have endured the same causes of that pain, but I'd bet most of us know the pain itself like the back of our hand.
            I'm not gonna tell you that if you hold out, everything magically turns around and you'll get a wife and white picket fence and all that shit. Maybe you will, maybe you won't.
            But your perspective is likely to change, as you age. Like I said, there are good things in this world, there are people who care about you, or would if you opened up to them, and that sort of love means something. It can make all the difference.
            You can also take this pain, and use it for something good. You're obviously articulate and sensitive, and now you understand what it's like to want to have a nice day.
            There are millions of people who also want to kill themselves and don't have the skills to get themselves out of it. If you get past this, which you will as long as you don't do it, now you have the skills to help them. That can be of extreme utility in this world, we need people like that, and you can gain the satisfaction of helping someone else before you inevitably die anyway from some disease or something. It will come on its own.
            There is no greater feeling of satisfaction or inner peace than the one that comes from helping others, and showing them that you understand and care. If you feel empty it's because you feel that life is empty, take it, and find some way to help those in your same position. It will fill the emptiness with something money can't buy. Maybe you think your life is worthless, but if you help even one person out of hating their own experience, you'll stop thinking about your own pain and feel something akin to true love.
            Step outside yourself and dedicate yourself to something more than just you, you have the skills now. People who haven't contemplated suicide, don't have those skills. You're uniquely suited for a needed role.

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            we know, anon. we've all been there

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            >just eat le pizza and play le frisbee at le park with your le friends :*~~)
            Twaddle. Some people are miserable and their desire for death is entirely justified.

            This, why is it always compassionate to oppose suicide?
            Anyway digits and I livestream

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            Because the compassionate approach is multifaceted:
            >Recognizing others' pain
            >Recognizing with perspective that there are ways out of that pain
            >Recognizing intuitively the potential for a good and virtuous life of a person who has a lot to offer
            >Conceptualizing the connections that person has who would suffer for the rest of their lives, even if depression clouds that perspective
            >Recognizing that in neurodivergent people, a crushing, black loneliness and anxiety compounded by a lack of emotional fluency is something that we have ALL experienced

            The difference is you can use this darkness to break through your masks and become the person you want to become. It is energy. It is strength. The problem is you are enduring, not moving. But there is so much beauty on the other side of the fog if you just recognize that the ability to turn this pain and this blackness into light and strength IS what defines us as people. And you are not alone.

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            gay cringe. I-I'm becooooooming the poooooooorsooooon I want to becooooooooome. The person I want to become is fricking dead. Because I should never have been in the first place

            you have a woman's brain

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            if the person who you wanted to become wasn't dead, who would he be?

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            Living alone in a shack in the woods because he can't be around people. But that person was born a loser unathletic dork so any hope of becoming a mountain man after 30 was null and void the instant my father locked eyes with my mother

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            You can be around people; just find other autists bro. That's what we all do. I wish it was easier, but that's literally it.

            Also go hiking for a couple of days first, it's as good as it sounds. IQfy is unironically a good board.

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            I don't give a frick about making friends.

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            It's not actually compassionate to assume people who are suicidal are merely confused or unaware of their potential. That's why everyone is so easy to shift on euthanasia for people who will not want to live their life past a certain point.

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            I don't think there's a single person on this board who hasn't gone through periods of suicidal depression. this isn't normiebook anon. Loneliness, trauma, dehydration, insomnia, and an inability and aversion to understanding and processing feelings and emotion are what usually does it. Of course, then people shrink into their confined space and build short-circuited negative thought patterns around it, until they feel that to be their most comfortable space, and then lose hope entirely. But people outside with perspective can see that motion out of that place is possible. It's nothing trite.

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            >who hasn't gone through periods of suicidal depression. this
            This assumes because you see these people as confused, that the person who is going to Dignitas is also confused. Ultimately, the compassionate thing for those who are in your confused category is to give them the perspective there are some things which would warrant suicide, but their problems are not it. Allowing suicide legally is one of the easiest ways to do this. It stops people who are having suicidal desires which are closer to whims than intractable situations from having so many crises, because it lends perspective to their situation. At the moment you're trying to be compassionate to those people by validating their suicidal ideas as the same wavelength as someone who's decided they don't want to be locked into their body or go through chemo every six weeks for the chance of one more year of agony, you're doing both sides a disservice. The idea it's a cry for help only holds up so long as it's illegal for it to be anything else: give people the upfront choice of going out when they please and a lot of people who just want help just go get help instead of inserting an extra series of steps to garner social concern. It stops being a way to define your pain when people start saying to you
            >Oh wow I didn't know you were becoming paralysed enough you can't eat without a tube, i'd get out then too

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            >Anyway digits and I live

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            you can't intellectualize your feelings into a meaningful life anon. you just have to feel them.

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            >How old am I?
            I'd bet a 20-something male

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            Bumping this question. I'm right, aren't I OP?

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            Quads of truth indeed, though you weren't very specific

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            I can find no better word to describe the state of the modern American male than torpor. He is thrust into an uncaring world where his every possible path is decided for him. (Worst yet to be raised in a home ravaged by the ills so ubiquitous in today's households.) His thoughts are instructed, his feelings medicated, and he consequently feels without agency as he floats day-to-day in a listless state of numb indifference. At some point in his development, when his phone battery runs low or when a particularly tragic event has revealed to him his own vulnerability to emotional turmoil, he will look himself teary eyed in the mirror and ask "Is this it?" Suddenly, and from then on, these frustrations will well up inside him and sit like an existential yoke upon his neck to be carried every day henceforth. Rather than fight to ease this burden, he will---as has characterized his entire life---resign to indifference until he is dead, sometimes by his own hand. I urge you to find whatever meaning in this world that helps to ease this burden. Unfortunately, this path is for you alone to take, so I am unable to give specific advice, but succor is commonly found in the relationships with those people that surround you, or in the out-of-doors. Volunteering is a sobering way of seeing the raw willingness to live present in those forgotten and cast aside by the same society that has failed you. While you may not feel your life is worth living, you can positively impact another's life, and in that you may find solace. Others turn to God, or their idea of God, and in that way are saved. I ask that you try anon, but you must try very hard.

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            Solid as a rock.

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            Have you ever read Good Old Neon by David Foster Wallace? Its kind of like having your soul raped. It's probably the greatest thing I've ever read. I don't mean it in the sense that it offers any way out or any reassurance, it just perfectly encapsulates the feelings you're talking about, and of which I am no stranger.
            >doesn't the saccharine coping stop tasting sweet to you too, after long enough?
            Yes and no. Some days I am very aware of the fact that I say and believe these things strictly to stop myself from killing myself, and that it's all some charade, or some dance of sentimentality, mostly farcical, that I perform solely for that basis. That, and to convince myself that I am a better person than what the reality is, that I'm a wholly empty, calculating piece of shit that's probably never loved anyone past the age of innocent love toward my parents during youth.
            Other days, I don't feel like that; I maintain the self awareness that it *could* be a cope, that the feeling of temporary authenticity in the feelings could itself be a cope just to hide from my essential voided nature and, again, keep myself from the noose, but it starts to lose relevance because I consider the possibility that there's no meaningful difference between fooling myself into authentically feeling something, and actually feeling something. In those moments, I turn the thoughts off, and peer into the present moment, and simply smile. These are usually times where I am with my friends, or people that do actually mean something to me, enjoying whatever we're doing, whether it's out drinking at a bar or reminiscing about youthful memories, or watching TV together. It's like the narrative of me constantly analyzing myself and my true motivations or lack of any real humanity shuts off, and because of that and only because of that, the line between imitative fraudulence and authentic living humanity ceases to be, and in those moments I am genuinely happy to be there. To be alive.
            So yes and no.

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            Also, you asked for recommendations. Read Good Old Neon if you haven't already. If you're having these thoughts and feelings, if you want to have a nice day, and if you're thoroughly aware of the fact that you're a clinical, calculating shell of a person who is incapable of really feeling anything; there is no other work. It will literally destroy you, in the best manner possible, like you are stark naked and being violated with your own consent. Read it. Promise me you will. And when you inevitably make the promise solely to pacify my desire for you to read it with no intention of actually following up and doing it, deny that part of yourself and then actually read it. Not for me, but for you. It'd be a shame if you left life without reading it. It's the greatest thing ever written for guys like you and me.

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            Relevant bit from Mars
            >In other words, now that so many pleasant things were hiding the basic gloom of my life from me, I was less able than ever to see that my cheerful facade was still no more than a facade

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            Just finished this, a beautiful book
            Thank you for the recommendation anon
            I've had some thoughts for a while on the folly of asceticism, how mistaken it is to be proud of divorcing oneself from the essential features of life, that this book captured better than I ever could

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            >I've had some thoughts for a while on the folly of asceticism, how mistaken it is to be proud of divorcing oneself from the essential features of life
            Then you haven't suffered enough

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            You're welcome (:

          • 2 months ago
            Anonynous

            I'm more into french shit. Any good French books for the soul?

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            Houellebecq cheers the soul

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            I'm scared to recommend anything. Like, I have chance to recommend you something that's so inspiring it'll make you change your mind, but I mostly read depressing stuff... what if my recommendation only makes you double-down? 🙁

            Hmmm... perhaps Remains of the Day by Kazuo Ishiguro. It's still kind of depressing but I think there's also something life-affirming about it. It'll make you consider your life and the decisions you've made in a new light. And as a story about an aging man, it might make you realize how much valuable time and how many opportunities for happiness you've still got left, that is, if you're young, or at least younger than the protagonist.

            Forgot to add that the Ishiguro novel is also pretty short, about 200 pages or so. I'm not any of the anons that replied to you earlier btw

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        >After that I shut my eyes and my teeth and prepared to drive the dagger into my heart. But before I had done so, this mare spoke with the voice of one of the daughters of men and said, 'O my mistress, do not by any means destroy yourself, for if you live you may yet have good fortune but all the dead are dead alike.'

        • 2 months ago
          Anonymous

          Ahh pascal's wager

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        Are you taking any medications? I was taking some Accutane a few months age and was in the same place mentally as you are now. Once I got off of it I got better.

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        Have you considered that upon suicide you might be given a harsh penalty in the after life? And that it might be better to just tough it out than have to face your demons but on an exponentially worser scale?

        • 2 months ago
          Anonymous

          How do you knownthe exact opposite isn't true? The afterlife you think happens when you have a nice day is what happens when you die naturally, and vice versa?

          I hate people like you so fricking much. You embody everything I hate in this wretched species. Unlike OP, I have more of an issue with increasing bloodlust, especially towards people like you. What helps me curb my bloodlust is reading books about the umwelten of non-human life or other interesting things divorced from humanity.
          The more I think about mankind or talk to people like *you*, the more my bloodlust increases. I don't know what OP's personality is like, but what helps me is to realize there are non-human aspects to the psyche and connect to that.
          Also, there's no guarantee after we did our consciousness fully dissipates.
          The point is, it is wrong to say we are "fully human". There are non-human aspects to the psyche, you disgusting humanist ingrate.
          I don't experience much suicidal impulse anymore, but I most certainly have an increasing bloodlust especially to those I feel have wronged me.
          I have excessive compassion towards animals than I do to human beings. Granted, I do have some attachments to my race, and those who insult my race, which I see frequently, I wish nothing but death upon.
          My favorite parts of Les Chants de Maldoror involved the sublime dialogue of the pelican-man and dolphin-man. To a Christcuck perspective, those dialogues are evil, but to me, they are beautiful.

          Tell me more about the non human aspects of the psyche

    • 2 months ago
      Anonynous

      It hurts because a decade ago all my family loved me and now they don't. All my good memories are curses i try to suppress now.

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        I had a friend who fished for sympathy, in the way you're doing, from his friends and family for years, right up to the day he shot himself in the head. I wish I could go back and smack him and tell him to frick off with the self-pity that did nothing for anyone, including himself, but cause pain. Nothing we say here is really going to change your mind. So frick off and figure it out.

        • 2 months ago
          Anonymous

          Why didn't you help him then moron?

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            >just cure mental illness bro it's sinple

  2. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    You should read The Brothers Karamazov, Demons, Crime & Punishment, War & Peace and Anna Karenina.

    Why? Because they are all very long and nobody should leave this earth without having read them.

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      >The Brothers Karamazov
      I've read it 3 times over the years and my copy is falling apart but I still have the constant urge to go back and read it one last time. Is this autism or is it just that good?

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        What translation do you recommend?

        • 2 months ago
          Anonymous

          I've read the Avsey version twice and the McDuff version once and the former is much more pleasant to read, although McDuff wasn't bad either. P&V is supposed to be the closest to the original Russian if that's what you're looking for, but at the expense of feeling clunkier. I'd go with Avsey. I just wish the cover wasn't so fricking ugly looking.

  3. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    Crying of Lot 49

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      https://i.imgur.com/HO5iZvJ.gif

      Shorter please, I don't have much time
      And make sure to explain why

      >And make sure to explain why
      Because if you're terminally bored it might give you metacognition of that state.

  4. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    Dubliners by James Joyce, it's just a good and not too long read.

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      For explanation, it just tells stories, like slice of life stories and doesn't dumb anything down. It's realistic shit about things that probably happened to at least one person at some point. Holds back no punches.

  5. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    The Consolation of Philosophy.

    Why? Because it's a man coming to terms with his imminent death after falling from grace. Boethius was the 2nd most powerful man in the Roman Empire, then due to politics betrayed and thrown in prison to await execution. To him it seemed a great injustice, and if such a thing can happen to him, a virtuous and just man, then what possibility is there of good in the world? I'd recommend reading it anon, it is a very special book.

  6. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    The death of Ivan Ilyich will give the weight of a wasted existence and is short.

    I think of ending things too. I didn't do it already just because of my family and because I will give arguments for all the people that think I'm weird. But my life is meaningless and I'm tired of feeling physical and mental pain. I still trying, I don't know for how long. What about you?

  7. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    The Heart of the Matter by Greene

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      >no explanation
      >some christian shit
      Checks out. Christianity ruined Franny and Zooey for me

  8. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    Alan Moore's Voice of the Fire and Jerusalem.

  9. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    The New Testament, of course
    Because you obviously need Christ and all other books are mere fragments of its truth

  10. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    Well anon you can either read Nietzsche till you understand him and not feel suicidal or you can read Hegel till you understand him and end up dying by natural causes well into old age.

  11. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    The Myth of Sisyphus.
    >here is but one truly serious philosophical problem, and that is suicide. Judging whether life is or is not worth living amounts to answering the fundamental question of philosophy. All the rest—whether or not the world has three dimensions, whether the mind has nine or twelve categories—comes afterwards.

    Why?
    Because suicide is life's biggest problem and you deserve to think deeply about it before you do it.

  12. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    Don't do it. Life's a gift and if you try to return it you get a serious talking to from the Big Guy.

  13. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    never have a nice day, go look into scientology's self-clearing course but ignore the exopolitical stuff

    • 2 months ago
      Anonynous

      >never have a nice day, go look into scientology's self-clearing course but ignore the exopolitical stuff
      Redpill me on self clearing, and their exopolitics.

  14. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    The Dhammapada https://www.gutenberg.org/files/2017/2017-h/2017-h.htm

  15. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    Adalbert Stifter's Motley Stones. It's a collection of short stories, none too long individually, and not too long a volume on the whole. Each story is named after a kind of stone, and the story is likened somehow after the stone that names it. Very charming, and also surprisingly gothic at points. One of Heidegger's literary influences.

  16. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    Have you ever actually died? how do you know that you would enjoy it?

  17. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    The Gospel of John

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      Please dont do it btw

  18. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    I'd recommend The Hobbit, if you haven't read it yet. It's just a short comfy book. Would be nice to read it in a park, on a sunny day. If I had to pick one last book to read, it would probably be this one. If I may ask, how are you planning to do it, anon?

  19. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    Anything by Henry David Thoreau. There is too much beauty in the world to want to leave it of your own accord and at such a young age

  20. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    you need to find motion in your life and move your energy. i know what it's like to want to die for very long periods. i gradually suffered through the pain and discomfort, slowly changing things around me. eventually i changed myself. every breath is a step forward anon. first thing is learn to breathe.

  21. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    I would agree with anons who recommended the hobbit and the remains of the day (as a butler myself, life is full of surprise)
    May God be with you anon

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      >as a butler myself, life is full of surprise
      say more

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        It's hard to explain.
        A butler's life is lonely, we aim at assisting someone else. Yet somehow, somewhere, Life turns all our sacrifices into joys greater than those of people who work for their own sake.
        Most of my peers agree that remains of the day carry that feeling ; it is a great read in that regard.
        Apart from being a simply good book, I'd also recommend the hobbit. You never know when dwarves could come knocking on your door, inviting you to an unexpected journey. Ending it means giving up on gandalf showing up some day, I think it sad; though you do you in the end

  22. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    What is your nationality / ethnicity?

  23. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    Please read Stoner OP

    Nothing relating to your situation just a great book I think is a must-read

  24. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    The Brothers Karamazov.

  25. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    Dante, divine Comedy. You should know where you are going to, when you anHero.

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      There's so many translations tho and the rhyming ones "aren't accurate". Which one is good?

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        The Hollander translation is good, and has very helpful notes.

  26. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    Philip K Dick - The Valis Trilogy, or at least Valis only if you want to keep it short.
    Why: It's one of the few books that can uncover another dimension to life after you have already made your peace with your maladaptation to a world which seems like it wasn't made for you, which is fundamentally hostile and presents you with little but a tiring struggle leading nowhere.

    If you feel like an automaton with no connection between your Will and your actions - unable to change your self-destructive habits, to establish contact with people, to make any step into a new direction that might make life worthwhile - it might just be that your conscioussness has shrinked to almost a point in empty space, which is literally Hell; but there are always ways to expand it again and come out into the light of full personhood. Yeah, Dante's Divine Comedy might be another apt read. Make sure to supplement it with good commentary, like Mark Vernons book that goes through each canto.

    But if you decide to kys anyway, you might at least wait till WW3 breaks out (soon enough), and at least die in the excitement of the battlefield with an adrenaline rush.

  27. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    If you have any Spanish and don't mind poetry: Rubén Darío has consistently shone me beauty since I was a child, in the original English few rhyme better or truer than Pope.

    More in line with your request, Robert Frost's "Stopping by the Woods on a Snowy Evening":

    Whose woods these are I think I know.
    His house is in the village though;
    He will not see me stopping here
    To watch his woods fill up with snow.

    My little horse must think it queer
    To stop without a farmhouse near
    Between the woods and frozen lake
    The darkest evening of the year.

    He gives his harness bells a shake
    To ask if there is some mistake.
    The only other sound’s the sweep
    Of easy wind and downy flake.

    The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
    But I have promises to keep,
    And miles to go before I sleep,
    And miles to go before I sleep.

    Please don't sleep yet, anon.

  28. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    Harry Potter 2, 3 + 4 <3

  29. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    The Birds by Tarjej Vesaas. It is quite short and just about the most beautiful book I have ever read. It explores several difficult struggles you have mentioned in this thread.
    You should also give the album Plastic Ono Band by John Lennon a listen. Its not what you asked for, but maybe the songs will emotionally resonate with you as they do for me.
    I sincerely wish you the best anon.

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      Plastic Ono Band did not resonate with me at all, which makes me hesitant to go out of my way to get a paper copy of The Birds on your recommendation. Can you convince me it's worth it?

      Do you have anything to leave me? I have nowhere to live after next month, and I'm too old to start "saving up" for a house now, and I have no family to leave me anything.

      I'm afraid I'm spending my last pennies on arrangements. Are you aware of cultural exchange sites like workaway? They might be able to house yourself for a while until you are better prepared

      Everybody knows that and this anon
      [...]
      is exactly right. and I'll take it further, this isn't normiebook, but it also isn't any of the other boards on this site. This is IQfy, we are all here because of a similarity in temperament as well as interest. I'd bet money everyone here is a sensitive, thoughtful person who's been totally ravaged by their life experiences at one point or another. Normal people go to reddit when they want to discuss books.
      Most people here, even if they haven't lived out your same experiences, are familiar with these feelings. I almost committed suicide, didn't have the balls, and some nagging feeling kept me from it too. So for years I crashed and burned, this is passive suicidal ideation, I was just hoping my poor lifestyle would kill me.
      You recognize that you're in pain, we all may not have endured the same causes of that pain, but I'd bet most of us know the pain itself like the back of our hand.
      I'm not gonna tell you that if you hold out, everything magically turns around and you'll get a wife and white picket fence and all that shit. Maybe you will, maybe you won't.
      But your perspective is likely to change, as you age. Like I said, there are good things in this world, there are people who care about you, or would if you opened up to them, and that sort of love means something. It can make all the difference.
      You can also take this pain, and use it for something good. You're obviously articulate and sensitive, and now you understand what it's like to want to have a nice day.
      There are millions of people who also want to kill themselves and don't have the skills to get themselves out of it. If you get past this, which you will as long as you don't do it, now you have the skills to help them. That can be of extreme utility in this world, we need people like that, and you can gain the satisfaction of helping someone else before you inevitably die anyway from some disease or something. It will come on its own.
      There is no greater feeling of satisfaction or inner peace than the one that comes from helping others, and showing them that you understand and care. If you feel empty it's because you feel that life is empty, take it, and find some way to help those in your same position. It will fill the emptiness with something money can't buy. Maybe you think your life is worthless, but if you help even one person out of hating their own experience, you'll stop thinking about your own pain and feel something akin to true love.
      Step outside yourself and dedicate yourself to something more than just you, you have the skills now. People who haven't contemplated suicide, don't have those skills. You're uniquely suited for a needed role.

      Nta but I guess you're talking to me
      I continuously bring suffering to the people who care for me. I open up, they sympathize, and then find themselves as unable to help me as I am. That does not of course prevent them from trying at their own expense
      Surely a greater feeling of satisfaction comes from actually understanding and caring for others than from showing them (ie manipulate them into believing) that you understand and care?
      Everytime I step into someone else's experience I can't do anything. It just hurts. "That's rough buddy" and awkward silence
      The underlying assumption behind reminding the suicidal man of his loved ones (or I suppose loving ones) is to remind him that these people's lives are improved by his presence. But I am only reminded of all the pain of caused. Of course this will cause some more, but then it's over, no?

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        I am not saying this to insult you, I'm saying it from experience, and it's something I still need to work on too: it's because you're self centered. Note that im not calling you selfish, I don't mean that you only care about yourself, like you're a heartless person or something; but I do mean you're only thinking about yourself, in a practical sense, your mental energies are caught in an infinitely recursive loop of thinking about yourself. Your own experience, how bad it is, the guilt you feel for not having done better, the guilt you feel for being a burden on others, whatever it may be, your mind always comes back to you, and that is what causes most of the pain. You can't change the past, you can't do anything about that. I think most of psychology is bullshit, but they're right about this: the amount of energy we spend thinking about ourselves is nearly indistinguishable from misery.
        I also understand empty attempts to break this through cheap empathy. "That's rough man," that type of stuff. It's not that you don't care, it just isn't effective either for the person you're trying to help, or for yourself. The intent is there in the attempt, but it's not enough.
        I'm more so recommending that you go beyond that in a way that'd practical and meaningful. Systematize it, apply it. Don't just be kind to people.
        Go to school, become a suicide intervention counselor. If you feel like you aren't suited for that, no one who's ever done something like that feels like they are, it's like being a father, no man who's ever had a child feels like he's good enough for that; you do the best you can.
        Or, find another avenue. Become a veterinary technician or shelter worker, help animals. Become some other form of social worker. My point is, you need to find some cause that you care about and motivates you to get out of bed, and takes the locus of your minds eye off of yourself and your torment, and on to other people's pain and easing it. Nobody who wants to die lacks a heart, sociopaths for example dont get suicidal because they're predatory and don't give a frick. Your missteps haunt you BECAUSE you care.
        So take that and do something with it, you will feel better. It doesn't have to be suicide or depression counseling, it could be tutoring, it could be anything, but take stock of your experience and how it could be used to help another, and then do it. Work towards it. It will solve this.
        The things you've mentioned don't work because they're half-measures. Life is scary for everyone, you might as well dive right in instead of drown.
        Who knows, maybe you'll be a life raft for someone else. The universe, God, smiles on that sort of thing, and heals the man who does it.

        • 2 months ago
          Anonymous

          >go to this school, become this, become that
          I've tried. Twice in the sense of a life devoted to helping others, but many more times than that in the more general sense of a satisfactory life. I found a cause, I figured out how to get there, I was doing all the steps and then...
          I couldn't complete it. Because I can't complete anything.
          I am incapable of doing the sort of thing that is increasingly necessary. I need something that doesn't exist.
          As an allegory, for a few years I used to daydream about getting back with my ex. Then one day I ran into her, and she was repellently fat, and a single mother. I realized then that I had been pining for someone that hadn't existed for quite some time. It was quite easy to move on then; you can't make a drunken phone call through time after all

          Also, I don't like sharing personal information, but I'll give you some idea so you understand you're not alone, I have done the following: hurt every woman who's ever tried to love me, called them every name in the book (bitch, prostitute, c**t, stupid, moronic, etc), wished death or misfortune on their loved ones just for minor perceived slights, I've stolen from my friends, I've rejected and cursed out my own parents, I've thrown many, many histrionic fits reminiscent of a toddler way past the point of acceptability, all towards people who were trying to help and love me even though I didn't deserve it, i squandered every opportunity I ever had, instead of applying my indisputable intellect and talent toward something positive, I used it to spew venom at people and comfort my own innate inadequacy and smallness through pseudo superiority (I'm smarter than you!!), I've picked fights and then ran away at the moment of confrontation because Im a pussy, I've broken many people's trust, several times I've told people who were religious that their God doesn't exist and is a security blanket they use to excuse themselves ( of course, i only meant for what they did against me, I didn't give a shit what they did to others, only myself...only myself...) I kept a keen eye out for others weaknesses and would even manipulate them into feeling secure enough to tell me about them, solely to use it against them if they ever made me feel threatened, which they inevitably would because I'm a deeply insecure and terrified person who only cares about himself. Every bad thing someone can do to another without breaching the law, I've done. I've burned every bridge.
          I have also gotten out of it, and apologized to many people. Most of them forgave me, you'd be surprised how forgiving people are, and you'd be doubly surprised by how many people saw right through you even when you were hurting them. Some people I didn't even attempt to apologize to because I recognize they've no obligation toward me anymore and I hurt them too much. But so many people forgave me and were just happy I was making an effort to be a better person, and not in so much pain. Most people know you're in deep pain. The ones who won't forgive, you accept that, everyone reaches equilibrium at different points, and acceptance is part of this journey to recovery. Acceptance that some bridges are just burnt and that that is okay.
          Some of these people came around when they saw real improvement from me, again, you'd be surprised how forgiving most people are.
          Even at my worst, some people never left. These are your rocks, value them, they put up with a lot because they love you and can see right through you. Learn to treasure this feeling rather than run from it. People don't see past your bullshit just to make you feel small or vulnerable, it's out of a deep commitment to you; imagine what someone must feel to see the worst in you at all times and still believe there's something underneath.

          Thank you for this
          I have also experienced the forgiveness ofnothers many times. However, I find myself unable to do anything but use that forgiveness to hurt them again. They may come around easily enough, but I can't quite get myself to see real imorovement in me.
          I don't like burning bridges. It hurts

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            >I've tried. Twice in the sense of a life devoted to helping others, but many more times than that in the more general sense of a satisfactory life. I found a cause, I figured out how to get there, I was doing all the steps and then...
            >I couldn't complete it. Because I can't complete anything.
            Aka
            >I've tried...and failed...and tried...and failed...
            This will keep happening, that's life. Someone recommended the myth of sisyphus in this thread. It is a great read, but I'll summarize it here: Sisyphus is condemned to an eternity of moving a Boulder up a mountain. When he gets to the peak, the Boulder slides back down the edge, and he must go to the bottom and move it again. He does this for eternity, just when he thinks he's reached the peak, he must go back and retrieve it and start again. It's a futile, meaningless labor, for eternity.
            But at some point, he begins to like moving the Boulder, and forgets about the peak, recognizing that since he can never reach it, it isn't real, it doesn't exist. All that exists is moving the Boulder. And in that realization, he begins to smile, and finds satisfaction in moving the Boulder, because he realizes it is all he can do.
            You just keep trying. It is enough.

            Having said all this. It is important to grow and mitigate harm. You do want to balance self forgiveness with real accountability. It's not worth much to be easy on yourself without minimizing the harm you cause others, that's just vanity.
            So how to do it? Because I know you want to do it and recognize that it's not enough, but you keep lapsing into the same pattern even when you sincerely try, so how do you do it?

            In buddhism, the emphasis is on compassion rather than guilt. Compassion toward others but also toward yourself. Instead of looking at your sins and saying, I'm hopeless! I deserve hell! Or conversely, I am redeemed! God saved me! I'll never sin again!
            You do this instead: I am prone to failure, and I accept this in myself. I will identify the worst of it, and recognize my power, and I will use it to keep the worst at bay, recognizing that I can't keep it all at bay, and through this I will grow.
            Guilt paralyzes agency, and illusory forgiveness does too. Acceptance paradoxically allows for change, because you're not being unrealistic, and you're not being self hating. You're just being you.
            Show yourself some compassion, and through it you'll learn to show it to others.
            >I dont like burning bridges, it hurts
            Nobody does. Use it as a reminder, and recognize your power, and stop doing it. Multiple times a day, I feel frustration setting in, and every time I force myself to think of how that's worked out in the past. I say, out loud if necessary, "don't get upset, you know its not worth it, just keep calm and do this task." Even at work, I don't care if people give me funny looks, because I know what would happen if I didn't do this. They'd give me even funnier ones.
            Use your mistakes as a reminder of what happens.

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            >This will keep happening, that's life
            I know. I don't want it to. Hence the choice of death.
            I have read it already, I had hoped

            It is a shame my life turned out the way it did. I'm glad you have found such hope
            [...]
            There may well be no fate that cannot be surmounted by scorn; but what greater scorn to fate than suicide? I've always been skeptical of the existentialist -- he gives you all these great proofs about the impossibility of objective moral codes, and in the next breath starts saying we must therefore be rebels or authentic or whatever his little french mind thinks is objectively moral.
            [...]
            a little smoke session never hurt anyone

            made that clear. You seem to take the rock as life (in which case I don't want to push and thus won't) but Camus's rock is the situation itself, and inescapable. In this interpretation, of course, suicide is merely another way to push
            >recognizing that I can't keep it all at bay
            But I can
            What could be more compassionate than freeing myself from this enslavement to my own failure?

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            This is also probably dumb anon but it did help me out: you know million dollar extreme? Charls is the best of the three of them and is actually a very soulful and deep person. If you go on Spotify and type "cowboy mode," he had a period where he made all these little talks, about these subjects, and they're actually very good. He's a great person who went through some real shit. It might help put things in perspective.

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        Also, I don't like sharing personal information, but I'll give you some idea so you understand you're not alone, I have done the following: hurt every woman who's ever tried to love me, called them every name in the book (bitch, prostitute, c**t, stupid, moronic, etc), wished death or misfortune on their loved ones just for minor perceived slights, I've stolen from my friends, I've rejected and cursed out my own parents, I've thrown many, many histrionic fits reminiscent of a toddler way past the point of acceptability, all towards people who were trying to help and love me even though I didn't deserve it, i squandered every opportunity I ever had, instead of applying my indisputable intellect and talent toward something positive, I used it to spew venom at people and comfort my own innate inadequacy and smallness through pseudo superiority (I'm smarter than you!!), I've picked fights and then ran away at the moment of confrontation because Im a pussy, I've broken many people's trust, several times I've told people who were religious that their God doesn't exist and is a security blanket they use to excuse themselves ( of course, i only meant for what they did against me, I didn't give a shit what they did to others, only myself...only myself...) I kept a keen eye out for others weaknesses and would even manipulate them into feeling secure enough to tell me about them, solely to use it against them if they ever made me feel threatened, which they inevitably would because I'm a deeply insecure and terrified person who only cares about himself. Every bad thing someone can do to another without breaching the law, I've done. I've burned every bridge.
        I have also gotten out of it, and apologized to many people. Most of them forgave me, you'd be surprised how forgiving people are, and you'd be doubly surprised by how many people saw right through you even when you were hurting them. Some people I didn't even attempt to apologize to because I recognize they've no obligation toward me anymore and I hurt them too much. But so many people forgave me and were just happy I was making an effort to be a better person, and not in so much pain. Most people know you're in deep pain. The ones who won't forgive, you accept that, everyone reaches equilibrium at different points, and acceptance is part of this journey to recovery. Acceptance that some bridges are just burnt and that that is okay.
        Some of these people came around when they saw real improvement from me, again, you'd be surprised how forgiving most people are.
        Even at my worst, some people never left. These are your rocks, value them, they put up with a lot because they love you and can see right through you. Learn to treasure this feeling rather than run from it. People don't see past your bullshit just to make you feel small or vulnerable, it's out of a deep commitment to you; imagine what someone must feel to see the worst in you at all times and still believe there's something underneath.

        • 2 months ago
          Anonymous

          I have done all of that anon, and I am still alive and picking up the pieces, and being a better person. People forgave me, I have many good people still in my life, and they remind me of my positive qualities and inspire me to use them. You are not alone, you are not irredeemable, you are human. This is what we do.
          Some people never get out of it and emerge from the ashes, don't be one of them. You have the power not to be one of them.
          Find a cause, use your pain, heal another. You can do it.
          Our mistakes and our rage, the venom we spew, haunts us precisely because it's alien to who we really are, and haunts others for the same reason: it is terrifying to see what was once a loving, sweet child turn into a rabid beast, it causes doubt where there ought to be faith.
          But for the Beast to reveal himself to be merely that same child in deep pain, and to heal himself, restores faith among all who witness it, this is the archetype of the redeemer, and the message of all the sages throughout history. There are consequences, there are trials, but there is never a lack of redemption, and the redemption saves not only you, but all who witness it, the healing of your soul heals the whole world, because you are a part of the world. You can do it.

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            I hate people like you so fricking much. You embody everything I hate in this wretched species. Unlike OP, I have more of an issue with increasing bloodlust, especially towards people like you. What helps me curb my bloodlust is reading books about the umwelten of non-human life or other interesting things divorced from humanity.
            The more I think about mankind or talk to people like *you*, the more my bloodlust increases. I don't know what OP's personality is like, but what helps me is to realize there are non-human aspects to the psyche and connect to that.
            Also, there's no guarantee after we did our consciousness fully dissipates.
            The point is, it is wrong to say we are "fully human". There are non-human aspects to the psyche, you disgusting humanist ingrate.
            I don't experience much suicidal impulse anymore, but I most certainly have an increasing bloodlust especially to those I feel have wronged me.
            I have excessive compassion towards animals than I do to human beings. Granted, I do have some attachments to my race, and those who insult my race, which I see frequently, I wish nothing but death upon.
            My favorite parts of Les Chants de Maldoror involved the sublime dialogue of the pelican-man and dolphin-man. To a Christcuck perspective, those dialogues are evil, but to me, they are beautiful.

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            >did
            die*

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            I recognize darkness, I was just trying to help someone out. I'm sorry it was upsetting to you. I don't know why it caused you to hate me so much, even if I was off the mark. I'm in no way unaware that there's no real excusing of one's self in life.

        • 2 months ago
          Anonymous

          I have done all of that anon, and I am still alive and picking up the pieces, and being a better person. People forgave me, I have many good people still in my life, and they remind me of my positive qualities and inspire me to use them. You are not alone, you are not irredeemable, you are human. This is what we do.
          Some people never get out of it and emerge from the ashes, don't be one of them. You have the power not to be one of them.
          Find a cause, use your pain, heal another. You can do it.
          Our mistakes and our rage, the venom we spew, haunts us precisely because it's alien to who we really are, and haunts others for the same reason: it is terrifying to see what was once a loving, sweet child turn into a rabid beast, it causes doubt where there ought to be faith.
          But for the Beast to reveal himself to be merely that same child in deep pain, and to heal himself, restores faith among all who witness it, this is the archetype of the redeemer, and the message of all the sages throughout history. There are consequences, there are trials, but there is never a lack of redemption, and the redemption saves not only you, but all who witness it, the healing of your soul heals the whole world, because you are a part of the world. You can do it.

          Not the OP but thanks. I've also done these things. Treated a woman who loved me despicably, treated my parents despicably, cursed them in my mind, broke endless promises to myself, lied to myself for years I would stop doing x only so I could enhance the high of giving into it later, etc. It isn't very cathartic for me to admit anything anymore, but this made me feel a tiny bit less alone.

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            You aren't alone. I'm not religious per se; but the message of Christ was never about being perfect, only God is perfect; humans are imperfect with the ability to learn from it and use it to help their brothers and sisters in the same predicament, to get out of theirs.
            Do it. Our imperfection is what makes us more perfect than perfection; God created us as sinners because he was tired of being alone, he needed something flawed to experience love, we are more perfect than perfection because we are imperfect.

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        I once knew someone like you. She was a nice girl, but had a lot of issues with self-worth and being unable to see the positives in her life, which far outweighed the perceived negatives. That, I think, is the most frustrating thing with people like that, they miss the forest for the trees and are unable to see the positive things they bring in life, only the negatives. You say that you have only brought pain to others, but I can assure you, that will only become permanent if you leave them for good. Life is a complicated thing, there is a place for good and evil in it, and sometimes it seems that we have a lot of underserved evil in our lives and that there is no way out and no-one will help, but that it not true; it is hard to live, but with the help of loved ones, of people who care, things can become easier. Why are you any different to all the people who have been miserable and still gone on? All life is valuable, no matter the circumstance, and that will never change so long as we call ourselves human.

  30. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    Malone Dies, although you should read the whole Molloy trilogy if you have time.

    It's about a man who dies.

  31. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    Jonathan Livingston Seagull and Illusions; The Memoirs of a Reluctant Messiah by Richard Bach.
    Short, simple and uplifting.

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      Livingston Seagull
      What the frick is uplifting about this? (in before "the air lmfao lol"

  32. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    Do you have anything to leave me? I have nowhere to live after next month, and I'm too old to start "saving up" for a house now, and I have no family to leave me anything.

  33. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    God you zoom zooms are pathetic

  34. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    bardo thodol

  35. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    Not a book but watch Taste of Cherry. It's a better meditation on suicide than most literature.

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      Great film

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      >Not a book but watch Taste of Cherry. It's a better meditation on suicide than most literature.
      yes.

  36. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    Also, if you want to chat because you feel you're in a rough place, add me on DC: henry_david_thoreau

  37. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    You might not be here anymore OP but one of my close friends took his life a year ago. The sadness it causes can ruin people. If you think you're a burden on people and that your a waste of space etc killing yourself will cause even more pain for friends and family, trust me.
    And if you don't care about causing sadness for those around you, you're lying to yourself. You can pull through this for you and your loved ones.

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      that's the only thing that saved several times, thinking how devastating it would be to mom and dad and how the rest of their lives would only be suffering, I hate that, I wish I had no family so I could have done it and ended all of this suffering and meaningless void

  38. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    There are some really good anons in this thread and y'all are appreciated

  39. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    Under the Volcano. It's a good book.

  40. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    Read nothing and reflect on the absolute potential to. tbh

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      >Implying you don’t have much time
      Let’s assume anyone has written precociously to the occasion as relative to the relative coruscation

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        Okay,
        >The Failure, by Papini
        Read it as if you’re the juvenile Black person who never had a better threat other than making the grandeur of spectacle obvious. Idk.

  41. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    /// This dish is a cinch to make /// The book is a magnificent idea, ruined by jejune bombast /// I was stuck in a rut and decided to look for a new job /// Deer, feral hogs, quail, turkeys, and water fowl were abundant on the ranch /// The commercial is a part of an underhanded PR campaign to whitewash the company's environmental record /// The hero had feet of clay and, oddly enough, that increased my tenderness for him /// Some of the jokes were pretty funny, others fell flat /// He just had a good offer from a rival firm and decided to get out while the getting is good /// The men were asphyxiated by smoke /// I don't want to harp on this issue any longer, but I really need it to be resolved today /// Wrens are tiny and immensely loud /// Until now, only four sites older than 30,000 years have been postulated, all from western Europe, including a Neanderthal site /// All such receptacles are placed on a small plate either with or without a paper doily of the right size /// Get off your heinie and do some work /// Telos is the concept of an end goal or ultimate aim /// Similarly, girls' lack of participation in lower brass and percussion and in popular music is evident in schools and professional environments /// He launched into a long diatribe against the lack of action in Congress /// Although animals and children move, transform and destroy matter, such actions do not establish rights claims because such actions are not willful /// I also won't repeat, or defend him against, all the fatuous charges leveled against him ///

  42. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    The entirety of Japanese philosopher Akira Toriyama’s Dragon Ball.

  43. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    go back to lereddit you attention seeking prostitute

  44. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    Invisible Cities by Italo Calvino.
    Short, easy to read, very profound and melancholic "cosmic" philosophy, you'll love it.

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      shit book. Left me completely unimpressed, never touched Calvino ever again. Normie drivel. Read Borges.

      I hate people like you so fricking much. You embody everything I hate in this wretched species. Unlike OP, I have more of an issue with increasing bloodlust, especially towards people like you. What helps me curb my bloodlust is reading books about the umwelten of non-human life or other interesting things divorced from humanity.
      The more I think about mankind or talk to people like *you*, the more my bloodlust increases. I don't know what OP's personality is like, but what helps me is to realize there are non-human aspects to the psyche and connect to that.
      Also, there's no guarantee after we did our consciousness fully dissipates.
      The point is, it is wrong to say we are "fully human". There are non-human aspects to the psyche, you disgusting humanist ingrate.
      I don't experience much suicidal impulse anymore, but I most certainly have an increasing bloodlust especially to those I feel have wronged me.
      I have excessive compassion towards animals than I do to human beings. Granted, I do have some attachments to my race, and those who insult my race, which I see frequently, I wish nothing but death upon.
      My favorite parts of Les Chants de Maldoror involved the sublime dialogue of the pelican-man and dolphin-man. To a Christcuck perspective, those dialogues are evil, but to me, they are beautiful.

      based. sick of human beings and their homosexualy problems.

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        oh no it's a midwit

  45. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    I don't know anything about your character, so I have nothing to recommend. What helped break my suicidal ideations 6-8 years ago was reading Genius of the Birds and gradually becoming more convicted in Panpsychism/Hylozoism. After that, I became obsessed with the umwelten of other beings like fungi, trees, dolphins, etc.
    It broke my nihilistic spell induced by reading Ligotti, Cioran, Zapffe, etc.
    Also, there is no guarantee your dukkha will end. I've had very intense dreams of being oceanic ecosystems, ancient hyper-intelligent avians like the Chozo from Metroid series, confronting a god in ancient tree, etc.
    Look up "extended mind hypothesis" and try to imagine what it's like in a panpsychist context.

  46. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    the death of ivan illych. it is about a rich aristocrat having lived a feeble and vain life who suddenly comes face to face with his death and he sees life for what it really is.

  47. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    The Gospels, as they will give you a purpose to stick around until time takes its course.

    Seriously though, please don't do it. I'm not sure what your situation is, but I'm sure it's transient and surmountable enough to not warrant suicide,.

  48. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    Pic related, since NDEs are actually irrefutable proof that heaven really is awaiting us all because (1) people see things during their NDEs when they are out of their bodies that they should not be able to under the assumption that the brain creates consciousness, and (2) anyone can have an NDE and everyone is convinced by it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U00ibBGZp7o

    So any atheist or materialist or agnostic would be too if they had an NDE, so pic related is literally irrefutable proof of life after death. As one NDEr pointed out:

    >"I'm still trying to fit it in with this dream that I'm walking around in, in this world. The reality of the experience is undeniable. This world that we live in, this game that we play called life is almost a phantom in comparison to the reality of that."

    If NDEs were just hallucinations then extreme atheists and neuroscientists who had NDEs would agree that they were halluinations after having them. But the opposite happens as NDEs convince every skeptic when they have a really deep NDE themselves.

    So if you read pic related, you will know that an afterlife awaits and what it is like and how it will actually be to experience.å

  49. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    homie, I was in the exact same place as you. Life DOES get better after a while, you just have to suffer through it

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      Chin up homie

  50. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    WATCH ALL THE ISEKAI ANON.A (CUTE) ELF GIRL WILL COME OUTSIDE YOUR BALCONY AND GIVE YOU A PURPOSE

  51. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    Sounds like you need BBC not books.

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