6 gods who used their powers to get laid

If you suddenly find you've got the ability to shape-shift or kick ass on the flute, go ahead and use it to procure lots and lots of sex. Everybody else did.

What would you do if you found yourself with the power of an ancient mythological deity or monster? You might say you’d use your new-found gifts to make the world a better place, but history has shown us that it doesn’t always go down that way.

In fact, the real gods and creatures of lore found themselves using their supernatural skills to, well, get laid mostly. Being immortal must get lonely.


Since the ancient Greeks didn’t have access to TV, the closest thing they had to a Kardashian was Zeus. And the king of the gods loved layin’ some Olympian pipe. He had almost 50 baby mamas.

Zeus wasn’t picky; he copulated with goddesses, nymphs and even mortals. He was also a total freak. In what must be the earliest account of a golden shower, Zeus broke into the tower prison of a captive princess named Danae in the form of golden rain.

A depiction of Zeus impregnating Danaë in the form of a shower of gold.

They did it and the fruit of their sweaty passion was given the name Perseus.

Using perhaps the coolest trick in his arsenal, Zeus disguised himself as the husband of the human woman Alcmene and they had a son together named Heracles (Hercules in Roman mythology). Unfortunately, Zeus’s exploits often got him into hot water with his wife Hera back on Mt. Olympus. (And unlike most jilted women, she had cataclysmic powers.)

Keep reading for more unearthly debauchery.

The Incubus/Succubus

A nocturnal emission or wet dream is easily explained today. Back in medieval times, though, they blamed it on demonic forces.

Folklore dating back centuries tells of a demonic creature whose sole purpose is to get it on with people while they sleep. The incubus would sneak into a woman’s bedroom, put a spell on her and then proceed with the nasty.

The female version of this demonic nympho was the succubus.

Sex with an incubus or succubus was generally considered bad for you, but not always lethal. If an incubus did it with its victim one time, she would probably be OK. But if the incubus kept takin’ it to your girlfriend while you worked nights as a blacksmith or whatever, problems could arise.

Some people believed it would deteriorate your health, while others thought the incubus could actually impregnate women with ghostly demon spawn. In 1953, sex researcher Alfred Kinsey found that nearly 40% of the women he interviewed have had one or more nocturnal orgasms or wet dreams. That’s a lot of potential demon spawn.

We’re not sure if it works the other way round, but maybe you should sleep with a condom on just in case. The last thing you need is some hellfire-infused beast sayin’ you got it pregnant.


Odin, king of the Norse gods, only had one eye because he traded the other one for infinite wisdom. With his infinite wisdom he came to the conclusion that bumpin’ uglies was a fun pastime.

Odin depicted with his sword Gungnir and one of his two spy ravens (Huginn and Muninn).

On one of his many sweaty escapades, Odin found himself incredibly turned on by a female jotunn (a type of giant) named Jord (meaning earth/soil, aka Mother Earth, aka hell of a nice booty).

Not worried about her giant baby bunker dwarfing his non-giant member, Odin figured out a physical way to have sex with Jord.

Nine months later, a bouncin’ baby Thor was born!


The Hindu God Krishna wasn’t all about a good time. When Krishna’s douchebag uncle Kamsa stepped out of line one too many times, Krishna killed him like Joe Pesci doin’ in that mustached gentleman in Goodfellas.

Before making his uncle sleep with the fishes and becoming king, however, Krishna loved to get freaky with the ladies. He had a flute that would allegedly blow the minds of all the womenfolk.

Are you feeling rambunctious yet? That flute was his “in” for quite a few sexual escapades.

Times have changed — playing the flute hardly ever gets a dude laid now. Uh, unless he’s playing for the other team.


Pan was a Greek god who was all about the party. He liked to drink and run around with his bare erection out, making people uncomfortable.

Pan had a hairy, goat-like appearance, but was cursed with an insane sex drive. He made it work. Much like Krishna, Pan could use his magical flute to get a front row seat in any pair of panties.

He even convinced the moon goddess Selene that bangin’ the Pan-meister was a great idea.

The moon goddess got around. She had children by Zeus, her brother Helios, and no less than fifty daughters by her lover Endymion. And it just goes on and on. She is hot though, as a moon goddess should be.

All he had to do to convince Selene to come down to the forest was wrap himself in a sheepskin to hide his hairy black goat form. He then dialed his already grandmaster level of seduction to maximum erotic output. She fell for it hook, line and sinker.

Pan got a piece, and Selene then realized that she had banged a creature that looked like Goatboy played by Steve Buscemi.

The Meek-Moos-Ak

The Native American tribe known as the Abenaki had a crazy imagination.

18th-century watercolor of an Abenaki couple.

They believed in these short twin creatures called the Meek-moos-ak, who were like two drunk little Danny DeVitos running around, sexing up women and killing hunters.

You are now imagining these things humping towards you in the forest. With boners.

This gets even more credible and funny because some researchers believe the Meek-Moos-Ak creatures were actually a personification of the competing Miꞌkmaq tribe. According to Abenaki beliefs, once a woman did the deed with the Meek-moos-ak, she was cursed to never desire marriage.

What kind of group psychology was involved here? It must have led to some hilarious questioning of the single women. “Why won’t you marry? Did you by any chance have sex with two short monsters lately? Miꞌkmaq bad.”