Help! My wife keeps having dreams about lesbian sex and gangbangs Am I losing her? Is my wife secretly longing for sex outside of marriage? —Answered.

A reader asks:

My wife cannot come unless she stimulates herself. She has had dreams of lesbian sex and sex with multiple men and strange men. Am I losing her? Is my wife secretly longing for sex outside of marriage?

In fantasy, a person can do whatever they like and feel safe doing it. They can imagine doing things that they might never do in real life, for whatever reason – either because it's not actually appealing to them in real life or because they would feel too scared, threatened, or uncomfortable in real life. In fantasy, however, a person can control every detail of a sexual experience and make it a perfect, arousing, enjoyable experience.

Fantasies, not necessarily reality

The fact that your wife has had dreams or fantasies of lesbian sex, sex with multiple men and sex with men she does not know does not, in and of itself, mean that you are losing her, that she wants to have sex with other people or that there is anything troubling about her sexuality or your relationship together. In fact, it is quite common for women and men to have fantasies of different types of sex.

The fact that your wife feels comfortable sharing the details of her sexual dreams and fantasies with you may suggest that she feels close to you, and that she trusts you to listen to her otherwise private thoughts.

In other words, rather than signaling anything troubling about your relationship, her sharing her fantasies with you may actually be a sign of something very positive, safe and trusting about your relationship.

That said, it is true that sometimes women and men secretly wish that they could have sex with someone else. That doesn't mean that they will actually do so; it often is just a sign of the strength of the human sex drive.

Perhaps you can recall a time when you have seen someone who you found very attractive and wondered what it was like to be sexual with them. Just because people have these thoughts does not necessarily mean that their relationship is in trouble.

Talk to her about your concerns

If you have questions about your wife's sexual fantasies, or her feelings for you, try talking to her in a gentle way that suggests you want to understand and connect with her, rather than judge her.

As for her orgasm ability, it is quite common for women to find it difficult to orgasm. It tends to be easier for men to orgasm than it is for women, especially during vaginal intercourse, and many women stimulate themselves to orgasm.

To learn more

You can learn more about both fantasy and female orgasm in the book For Each Other: Sharing Sexual Intimacy.

Join the conversation 💬

3 thoughts on “<span class="entry-title-primary">Help! My wife keeps having dreams about lesbian sex and gangbangs</span> <span class="entry-subtitle">Am I losing her? Is my wife secretly longing for sex outside of marriage? —Answered.</span>”

  1. answer 2 (more realistic but less nice): your wife is a slut, who does not consider you a man by telling you dreams of being caught by groups of men. If she had any dignity she would hide her thoughts. do you tell your wife that you want to fuck all her friends or get sucked off by whores? She will find you weak when you express your anxieties and will be less aroused by you. And she will end up cheating on you thanks to the guilt-free speeches like we do on this site. afterwards if you are a sub-human you can accept that and even take pleasure.

    Reply
  2. having thoughts of having sex with someone else or "gangbang" IS mentally cheating. And it IS a form of cheating.

    You can avoid these thoughts at will or not entertain them and they'll naturally go away for better ones with your partner only.

    Giving attention to these thoughts is YOUR responsability.

    Reply
    • It really is cheating. And if it isn't then explain how physical cheating with no side effects (std etc) is cheating? Cuz outcome is the same.

      Reply

Add to the conversation