History's most exciting story!

>Born as a bastard to a poor peasant woman
>Rises in the ranks as a military man to eventually sail to the Americas
>Leads 200 men to conquer an empire of 15 MILLION savages with only horses, swords, steel armor, and primitive long guns

Can you think of another more lopsided and miraculous victory in all of human history? Francisco Pizarro was blessed by God, for the purpose of converting tens of millions of heathens to the one true religion, Catholicism

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  1. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    >for the purpose of converting tens of millions of heathens to the one true religion, Catholicism
    Most of North America would eventually be taken over by Anglo Protestants though

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      Christianity didn't even exist in South America or North America at this point though. Both continents were entirely pagan, so this even changed all of history forever. Its why third world immigrants from these countries to the USA are Spanish speaking catholics by-in-large

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        >Christianity didn't even exist in South America or North America at this point though. Both continents were entirely pagan,
        So in other words catholicism was never the "one true religion"
        Not that it matters much anyways, spreading religion was always a post hoc rationalization to encourage Spanish occupation of the Americas and getting the Catholic church on board was simply the best way to do this. Eventually the Mexican government would divest from the Church and secularize the old colonial settlements leading to the downfall of much of their land claims.

        • 2 months ago
          Anonymous

          >this religion only came up when God wanted it to, therefore, it's not true heh
          >this religion is reducing its numbers in the [current year], therefore, it's not true heh
          ???

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            so what religions did god create and what religions were just a hilarious joke?

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            God created the universal truth. No matter what you may call him

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            ask God, not me

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        >By-in-large
        you have to go back

  2. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    You should read about his death as well. He killed and wounded several men.

  3. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    All of this is incorrect. Everyone knew Pizarro was literally mentally moronic, I mean he was almost a downs syndrome type of moronic. What probably happened is he got confused and accidentally killed the sapa inca, then one thing led to another and then he accidentally conquered everything.

    I mean Cortes has to do tons of stuff to raise an army to conquer the Aztecs. He demonstrated personal resolve and intellect. Pizarro, on the other hand, was basically a mentally-handicapped mascot everyone else used to project their wishes upon. It's like wishing upon a star for salvation, except the star is Pizarto, and when you ask him, "Sir, the enemy is yonder, what shall we do?" you already know perfectly well what to do but everyone waits for him to say "Yeah can I have pepperoni with that pizza and a side salad" anyway.

    I mean just imagine working with pizarro. You and your council of 6 foot 5 inches ultra-muscled bodybuilder pillarmen are drawing diagrams, yelling, argueing, debating, all forming a circle around this 5 foot tall person whose eyes are filled with confusion and visible fear, and everyone just stops when someone accidentally knocks pizarro down because: "Oh no the moron bumbled into our circle again." Wouldn't you take that opportunity to pause the debates on the apocalyptic future before your respective peoples, take a breather, and laugh it off together with the downie? He was basically an emotionally support-poodle.

    Imagine travelling with Pizarro. You're a Spaniard, born and raised in some desert, and this is what, the fifth almost aborted expedition Pizarro has launched, he's only getting this money to fund these voyages because his more successful cousins in Mexico feel bad for him, and they just want him to be happy and go on an adventure, because he's moronic. And then out of nowhere you observe that you have a Cortes-style situation unfolding right before your eyes! What would you do?

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      Imagine seething so much about some dude that died 500 years ago

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      >Cortés was forced to return to Spain in 1541 C.E. He hoped to win against angry civilians who had brought many lawsuits against him for debts, abuse of power, etc. Upon his return, he was shunned and unable to obtain an audience. In desperation, he forced his way through a crowd that surrounded the emperor's carriage. Cortés then mounted himself on the carriage footstep. The emperor, astounded his audacity, demanded to know who he was. Cortés responded proudly, "I am a man, who has given you more provinces than your ancestors left you cities." Perhaps, this incident caused the Emperor to rethink his feelings about Cortés.
      Kino

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        All of this is incorrect. Everyone knew Pizarro was literally mentally moronic, I mean he was almost a downs syndrome type of moronic. What probably happened is he got confused and accidentally killed the sapa inca, then one thing led to another and then he accidentally conquered everything.

        I mean Cortes has to do tons of stuff to raise an army to conquer the Aztecs. He demonstrated personal resolve and intellect. Pizarro, on the other hand, was basically a mentally-handicapped mascot everyone else used to project their wishes upon. It's like wishing upon a star for salvation, except the star is Pizarto, and when you ask him, "Sir, the enemy is yonder, what shall we do?" you already know perfectly well what to do but everyone waits for him to say "Yeah can I have pepperoni with that pizza and a side salad" anyway.

        I mean just imagine working with pizarro. You and your council of 6 foot 5 inches ultra-muscled bodybuilder pillarmen are drawing diagrams, yelling, argueing, debating, all forming a circle around this 5 foot tall person whose eyes are filled with confusion and visible fear, and everyone just stops when someone accidentally knocks pizarro down because: "Oh no the moron bumbled into our circle again." Wouldn't you take that opportunity to pause the debates on the apocalyptic future before your respective peoples, take a breather, and laugh it off together with the downie? He was basically an emotionally support-poodle.

        Imagine travelling with Pizarro. You're a Spaniard, born and raised in some desert, and this is what, the fifth almost aborted expedition Pizarro has launched, he's only getting this money to fund these voyages because his more successful cousins in Mexico feel bad for him, and they just want him to be happy and go on an adventure, because he's moronic. And then out of nowhere you observe that you have a Cortes-style situation unfolding right before your eyes! What would you do?

        Cortes

        Did jack shit in Cuba for 15 years, he just got lucky and ran into some equally savage injuns who didnt like the other injuns.

        Cortez is nothing without injun help, and him dying alone and poor is proof of god's judgment.

        • 2 months ago
          Anonymous

          Why did those indios wait for a worthless loser to arrive before they defeated the Aztecs?

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            Because despite what his tells you, many natives certainly believed the Spaniards to be gods, at least initially. First of all, the Spanish themselves were always claiming to be gods, predicting eclipses and shit, from a native perspective they seemed like aliens and were covered in shiny metal that could protect them from every conceivable weapon, that's something only gods could have.

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            >predicting eclipses and shit, from a native perspective they seemed like aliens
            you're literally making shit up, moron
            you're mixing various moronic pop-history memes into one post because you're a midwit with dunning kruger

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            I'm a Spaniard and I'm a god, look at the sky *slap him*

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            because this worthless loser had an army shithead? They literally took the spanish army and used them to ransack a local town that wasnt even on the way to Tenochtitlan. They just needed backup idiot.

            A true kino movie would document all the infighting with the spanish, and the spanish basically being forced to help the indios kill other indios.

            And when you find out your newfound white friends helped kill and destabilize the throne, of course you are going to continue helping them. Lol you act like the actual txcalla didnt receive nobility for their war efforts against the aztecs.
            Yes your precious moor rape babies gave the "noble indios" status.

  4. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    >Can you think of another more lopsided and miraculous victory in all of human history? Francisco Pizarro was blessed by God, for the purpose of converting tens of millions of heathens to the one true religion, Cathol-ACK
    >OP has left the thread

  5. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    CONQVISTADOR WAVE

  6. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    His achievements are incredible, he far outshined is familial Cortez imo. I wonder why he is not talked about more.

  7. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    After landing in the New World, Pizarro spent roughly a 3rd of his life in the Caribbean before he semi-retired to wealthiness in Panama, right after delivering Balboa's head (his former boss) to the new powers that be.

    Pizarro then led some expeditions along the Pacific coast of South America, driven by rumors about the wealth of a massive and rich kingdom (Inca Empire), soon nicknamed Peru, that had intrigued him since the earlier explorations on Panama's Atlantic side and then on the Pacific as well.

    About 8 years following his initial Pacific voyage, now in his 50s, Pizarro finally set foot in Tumbes, the first Incan city he had discover. Technically, Tumbes was encountered during his 2nd voyage but back then it had only been visited by a Greek guy named Candia, because a little before its discovery, Panama's governor came to rescue nearly all of Pizarro's crew who were dying of hunger and disease, only 13 Spaniards decided to continue the second voyage, and with so few men they were always wary, never engaging in confrontation but diplomacy, now in this third voyage many of them had important positions.

    Then, about another 8 years after beginning the conquest of Peru, Pizarro was assassinated in his orchard by his former subordinates who sided with the murdered Almagro (his former best friend) and were now supporters of Almagro's Panamanian mestizo son Diego "El Mozo" (the lad), who like Gonzalo (Pizarro's little brother) would do after this, both fought against Spain's royal envoys for independence (and each other) making themselves the de facto rulers of Peru at separate instances.

    There's some mention that Almagro supporters proclaimed Diego El Mozo as the king of Peru after the murder of Pizarro, anyhow Diego's reign was short, being captured while trying to escape to allied Inca's Vilcabamba.

    Gonzalo would have a similar fate and the plans of his supporters to crown him king of Peru by marrying an Inca princess would fail after his defeat.

  8. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    >of the 4 pizarro brothers who conquered the inca, 3 violently and 1 was imprisoned for 20 years and died in squalor
    kek. maybe there is a god.

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      Irrefutable proof that inca gods, are the actual gods of the world??????

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      Irrefutable proof that inca gods, are the actual gods of the world??????

      >Cortes died shitting blood with a burning lung after going into debt and almost drowning in a failed expedition to Algeria
      Christbros...

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        Maybe he shouldn't have claimed this when he first met a Meshika scout
        >I and my companions suffer from a disease of the heart which can be cured only with gold.

        • 2 months ago
          Anonymous

          Something wrong with speaking the truth? No need to protect him from his own words

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        >of the 4 pizarro brothers who conquered the inca, 3 violently and 1 was imprisoned for 20 years and died in squalor
        kek. maybe there is a god.

        You know that most people died a really shitty death back then?

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        THE CURSE OF HUITZILITLACOALAPOTZOCALITCHICACAOTACOTORTILLITOCACA

  9. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    Nah, all Pizarro did was copy Cortez' homework word by word, and only after some initial expeditions to the Inca Empire. Cortez' conquest on the other hand was a true shot in the dark, and unlike Pizarro's, It didn't almost get undone by a rebellion, nor did It leave a rump state for the next 4 decades.

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      >It didn't almost get undone by a rebellion
      Mexico is closer to Spain than Peru

      >nor did It leave a rump state for the next 4 decades.
      Mexico doesn't have the Andes

  10. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    >more lopsided and miraculous victory
    Ungern successfully sieging Urga despite being both outnumbered 7 to 1 and having his army much worse equipped than Chinese.

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      The chink fears the Mongolian warrior.

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        Unironically this, he literally scared them away with spreading rumors that the end of the world is near, kidnapping Bogdgegen from prison, getting personal blessing from the dalai lama and lighting nearby sacred mountain on fire. 10k chinks just run away without a fight abandoning their machineguns and cannons when his 1450 starving bums with rifles loaded with glass bullets entered the city.

        • 2 months ago
          Anonymous

          It's that Temüjin/ ᠴᠢᠩᠭᠢᠰᠬᠠᠭᠠᠨ spirit.
          When mongolians actually get that, they start horse riding, and throat singing and eternally frightening the chinks.
          They become horse riding chads.
          In the case of Ungern he became a horse rider gun user chad awake with a warrior spirit unseen since the time of the Great Khan/ᠴᠢᠩᠭᠢᠰᠬᠠᠭᠠᠨ.

  11. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    200 men to conquer an empire of 15 MILLION savages with only horses, swords, steel armor, and primitive long guns
    The Inca empire was being wrecked by diseases and civil war.
    >Can you think of another more lopsided and miraculous victory in all of human history?
    His cousin Cortes, for one. Pizarro mostly copied what he did.

  12. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    All of this got ruined for me when I realized conquistadors were swarthy moor rapebabies like modern spaniards

  13. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    >conquered the Incas with just 200 men
    No mention of all the native allies?

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      boiling

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        ?

  14. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    I will send it back on the topic of the angels and I will be there to see if you can get them in the west.

  15. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    Wait till you hear about this one madlad who went from a failed art student to ruling almost all of Europe

  16. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    Yeah, he gave satan reign over earth for a while to punish his people.

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