How do I fix my soul?

I desperately need books that will inspire me to take action and find meaning. I've wasted my whole life playing vidya and on social media. My mind is completely blank, I have no skills and no original thoughts. Reading is one of the only things that used to bring meaning to my life, but recently I found myself giving it up when things get hard, just like I do with everything else in life.

I've decided I want to devote my life to something bigger than myself. I want to contribute to the advancement of AI and its application in combating diseases. Problem is, when I start studying computer science, physics or math, at the first sight of hardship, I crumble to the ground. I have this terrible fear of finding out I'm mediocre and will never be able to do something worthwhile. I cry just thinking that I might end up flipping burguers because I don't have the hardware to pursue a deeper purpose.

I imagine some psychology or philosophy books might help me better understand what is going on inside me. This is hell.

This post was inspired by another recent post I saw on this board, so if it looks similar that's why. Thank you for reading.

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  1. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    [...]

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      I believe people on this board can help me more with good book recommendations.

  2. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    >I've decided I want to devote my life to something bigger than myself. I want to contribute to the advancement of AI and its application
    >I'm a nihilistic wreck guys
    >Help me spread more nihilism
    They say the path to hell is paved with good intentions, I disagree. It's paved with efficiency and comfort.

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      I don't think of myself as a nihilist

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      >just dedicate your life to a comforting illusion bros, it's better than actually contributing to something real

      You are worse by far than OP.

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        I don't want to derail OP's thread by turning it into a theological shit flinging circus.

  3. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    I might be able to tell you some things. But first, what do you believe in, if anything?

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      I'm not sure. I believe there might be something beyond the material world and it's somehow connected to consciousness and goodness. But it really is just an instinct, not a structured belief.

      I'm a very confused person.

  4. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Saw some youtube videos on Carl Jung and felt very attracted to his ideas, not sure where to start though

  5. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    >I have this terrible fear of finding out I'm mediocre and will never be able to do something worthwhile. I cry just thinking that I might end up flipping burguers because I don't have the hardware to pursue a deeper purpose.
    Even if you have the burger flipper hardware, do you see that there is one thing that distinguishes you from the average burger flipper?

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      Self-awareness? longing for a more profound experience?

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        >Self-awareness?
        Very close to what I would have said, which is consciousness. Let me explain what I mean. By the way, what I'm going to talk about is not unscientific at all, but it goes beyond science's current understanding of things and goes into mysticism.

        That fear and anxiety that you feel, while it is an unhealthy manifestation, it actually comes from the exercise of your consciousness. You might ask, who cares if I'm conscious of my inadequacy? How does that practically distinguish me from the other burger flippers? Well, you see beyond your limits through your consciousness, and though it makes you anxious, what you can conscious perceive, you can strive towards. The others can never strive towards what you strive towards because they are unconscious of it. And you can achieve it.

        Consciousness is very powerful. Monks who spend their lifetimes trying to be mindful and conscious achieve superhuman powers, you can easily look this up. You might say that you're not a monk, well look at the documented cases of mothers who somehow lift cars if they need to save their child. In those moments they become fully conscious and remove all self limits. People who take a placebo and consciously believe in it sometimes are cured of cancer! So don't underestimate it. Don't feel anxious when you become conscious of your limits, take solace in the fact that you can see them, because what you can see you can transcend.

  6. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    AI is a meme don't waste your time on that shit. Instead think about the issues which are most pressing in the world, like The plummeting birth rates, the falling IQ, the unprecedented amount of dysgenics. These are real world things which will affect the future of industrial civilisation and the lives of billions. If you want to know more look up Joseph Bronski on substack, he talks about the need to create a new society. Trying to salvage your personality is probably a waste of time, instead devote your body to a higher purpose and leave 'yourself' at the door.

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      When I mention AI, I'm not refering to AGI. I really just believe simpler AIs can help us solve a lot of those problems in many ways.

      I'll check that guy on substack, thank you

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        >I really just believe simpler AIs can help us solve a lot of those problems in many ways.
        Through out history, the ruling class was always, to an extent intertwined with the plebs they ruled. If an outside force comes in and defeats a nation, they lose their position whilst the plebs get put into a worse position than the one they previously held.
        If things get bad enough the plebs themselves will overthrow the ruling class.
        Finally, someone has to toil the fields, extract the resources and build the buildings.
        Now, even in this pre-AI paradigm, we've had many instances of the ruling class, which was somewhat dependent on their plebs, engaging in wanton and merciless violence against said plebs. We're talking about genocidal levels of violence. Khmer Rouge, Soviets, chinkoid communists (Chinese history in general is a fricking mess), religious persecutions, etc. etc.

        The point I'm getting at is, if the governments were, and are willing to engage in violence against vast swaths of the population they're governing and are semi-dependent on, what's to stop them from doing so when the plebs become obsolete and turn into useless eaters?
        Best case scenario, you get put into a UBI funded, comfort prison where you await death and you've got some form of soma to make sure you don't make any waves.
        Food for thought.

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      You are an idiot. Dysgenics and low IQ will be fixed in a few generations when genetically engineering fetuses becomes mainstream and the plummeting birthrates aren't a real problem. Rich people are paying for the creation of superior fetuses as we speak.

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        >Dysgenics and low IQ will be fixed in a few generations
        Placing your trust in a technology that will "fix things" in a few generations is a bad idea. You don't know how this technology will be implemented or whether it will even be allowed to be implemented at all. What if a nuclear war or disease plunges technological advancement back for a few decades? Too many possible things could happen in the future. Besides we don't have the luxury to wait a few generations, action must be taken now.

  7. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    >finding out you're mediocre
    Just tell yourself that there is no such thing as eternal mediocrity unless you are clinically moronic, there is only laziness. Mediocrity is something you can defeat with hard work. Stop thinking of failure as a sign of weakness and start seeing it as a stepping stone to success. Nobody successful started out that way, anon. Nobody. Sitting on your ass doing nothing is what should make you crumble.

  8. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Only you know the answers.
    Stop trying to force yourself to create value in a particular way (AI bullshit might not be for you; no problem.)
    Find the value that you can create, the thing that inspires passion within you, and then cultivate the power to make it real. This only happens through your own self-organization, introspection, and experience.
    What you need, more than any book, is a journal and pen.

  9. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    >Enneads
    >Periphyseon

    Internal polarization is the beginning of wisdom. You can be twice born, or an NPC. There's no inbetween. Picrel as a primer will be sufficient.

  10. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    You could always do something important that doesn't involve math or science. There's a lot of tribal cultures that will be forgotten forever if no anthropologist catalogues them, there's a lot of wildlife left to discover, there are a lot of comets left to catalog and there's a lot of land left to map in places like caves and deep under the sea.

  11. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    I don't know man... even after my first ecstasy in God seven years ago and trying my best to live a good, healthy, wholesome life, seeking truth and what not, taking to the 'spiritual path', even letting go of the desire to attain peace and just trying to live with the horror of reality, I haven't found any sort of lasting remedy to our human problem, and have lost assurance in most of what I knew to be absolutely true. Do what you need to do, but devoting your life to any 'thing', no matter how good, will not fix your soul. At this point, my best guess as to what we should do is to just pray for mercy. Perhaps we will be ok, perhaps not, just keeping praying.

  12. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    I wish there was a board or something dedicated to these kinds of topics, without the swarm of the same tired shitposting. A lot of you guys are very intelligent and some days I wish we could all just sit down together, share views, and really talk about what matters in life. Every once and a while an anon will make a simple post carrying real weight with it that meets me at the right place and time, being a true help and inspiration to me. I'm sure you guys have had that happen too; those moments are wonderful.

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      Only reason I keep coming back, beyond book recs.

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