The five rules of “sexiling” your roommate

The proper etiquette of kicking out your roommate so that you and your lover can get down to it in peace.

For those of you who have ever lived with someone who is in a relationship, you know exactly what I’m about to discuss. Or, maybe you’ve been the roommate who is in a relationship, in which case you, too, have experience with “sexiling.”

“Sexile,” a word thrown around at many colleges and other settings where roommates exist, is simply the act of exiling your roommate for the night so that you and your lover can engage in sexual activity in privacy.

verb: to sexile

comes from combining “sex” and “exile,” meaning to kick someone out of a house/room/dorm for means of fornicating.

My roomate is gonna sexile me on Valentine’s Day so that he and Yolanda can have their hot monkey sex in our room.

Sexiling can become an issue for many roommates, most often because the proper etiquette isn’t followed. It seems unfair that you shouldn’t be allowed in you own room; in college, for example, that is the one place you can get some relaxation and alone time after a long day!

At the same time, it is unlikely that your roommate won’t ever have sex or want some privacy with a lover, and you probably don’t want to be there for that. As with most everything else, proper social function requires give and take.

In an ideal world, there would automatically be some sort of understanding between roommates about sexiling and how often it is okay to do it. Ideally there would also be a balance, so one roommate isn’t constantly being kicked out while the other never suffers any similar consequences.

However, roommate situations are rarely ideal, let alone comfortable — especially at the beginning of college.

We know there are plenty of college freshwomen out there wanting to bring someone back to their room, but struggling with what to tell their roommate in order to not offend them. So, after talking to many sexilers and sexilees, I have come up with the five rules to politely sexiling your roommate.

#1. Ask, don’t tell

Although sexiling sounds like it is a command, you should always try to phrase this request as a question instead of an order. It’s not a great feeling to be told to leave your own room.

#2. Don’t do it too often

Try to spend an even amount of time in your room and your lover’s room– that way, each roommate is only suffering half of the time.

#3. Give your roommate advanced notice, if possible

It is a lot easier for someone to find alternative plans if they’re not being asked to leave at 2 AM. Your roommate will appreciate the heads up.

#4. Set a time limit and don’t go over it

If you don’t plan on having your guest sleepover, give your roommate a predetermined time frame for which you’d like them to be out of the room, and then abide to that limit.

#5. Always say thank you!

Don’t forget to tell your roommate how much you appreciate their cooperation, and always let them know that you will return the favor whenever!

So, what do you think? Have you ever sexiled someone or been sexiled? What is the right way to go about it?