Desperate times: how to steal someone’s boyfriend

We're not saying you *should* engage in man-snatching, but if you're wandering the dating desert and not coming up with anything available, here's how to do it.

There are a lot of single men out there, but if you’re anywhere near the dating scene, you’ll quickly find out that there’s a reason why they are single. Single men are inexperienced incels, Trump supporters, or just failed men who are unsuccessful in dead-end careers. In other words, completely unusable as dating material.

The simple truth is that only the top ~20% of men are worth dating, and the old gripe is true: they’re all already either gay or in relationships. If you’re a woman who is looking for real love, then there is only one option: you have to steal someone’s man.

Get close to the girlfriend

You might already know your target’s girlfriend on a personal level, but if you don’t, then it’ll eventually become time to ask your target to introduce you to her. Now this might seem counterproductive at first, after all, she’s your competition. But there are a few really good reasons for this.

If you get close to your target’s girlfriend, then you can effectively destroy the relationship from two fronts, like a pincer movement in warfare. While you’re changing your personality to fit the boyfriend and sowing discontent against the girlfriend, you can also befriend the girlfriend and use that friendship to sow discontent.

Does that make sense? You can do this by making it seem like you’re on her side and extracting all her complaints about the relationship, which is valuable information even if you don’t plan to let him know about them right away. You can also make it seem like he did something stupid or said something bad about her, and you’re on her side.

Use ‘positive gaslighting’

There’s a popular meme going around right now: gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss. It’s no secret that gaslighting is a powerful tool that women can use, not only against the patriarchy, but also in their own interpersonal relationships. If you’re unfamiliar with the concept of gaslighting, it’s just the process of women taking power away from oppressors by using the power of persuasion.

For example, if a man perceives his woman as crazy or slutty, then your comparative status is elevated by default — by a lot. You’ll want to drop some juicy “that time she drank a little too much” stories about her for this one, and tell him “don’t tell her I told you.”

You should pre-seed the ground for this: play up your history with his girlfriend in advance. The longer he believes you’ve been friends, the more of your stories he’ll believe.

When you’re trying to gaslight a man away from another girl, you can also use something called positive gaslighting. This involves making him believe that everything about him, and you, and the two of you together, is great. If he does something embarrassing near you, you do your best to pretend not to have noticed. Compliment him well beyond what he’s used to, and retell his proudest stories with 10% more spunk each time you tell them. Calculate your every encounter with him with preplanned compliments and ego-boosters and you’ll earn a permanent place in his psyche, and soon his pants.

Adapt your personality

Just by spending time with the man, you will slowly learn more and more about his life and personality. You’ll quickly learn his preferences and hobbies. Remember: maintain plausibly deniability. There’s no need to unnecessarily pry into his life; you will learn what you need to know naturally over time. As you learn more about him, mold your personality accordingly.

He doesn’t like bossy girls? Be laid back. His girlfriend is allergic to dogs? Well, you’re a dog lover.

No matter who is girlfriend is, there’s got to be some way you can be a better girl. If he ever complains about his girlfriend, take the opportunity to take passive aggressive jabs at her and make him feel neglected. For example, if he complains that she complains that he watches too much football, say something like “I always let guys watch the game” and remind him what she did is kinda bitchy. But again, maintain plausible deniability. Never directly say anything bad about his girlfriend.

Don’t become a side girl

This is probably the trickiest part, and where many girls inevitably fail. As you start to dismantle the relationship on all fronts, the man will seek out comfort. He will try to get you to sleep with him or will attempt to self-destruct by cheating on his girlfriend.

You must stay strong and resist this.

You have not claimed victory until the relationship is completely over and you want to ensure that you maintain all plausible deniability throughout the duration of your mission. If you help him cheat, then you lose all plausible deniability, and the relationship may be saved by throwing you under the bus.

Put the nail in the coffin

If you’ve done your job successfully, then you’ve maintained plausible deniability and the two have successfully broken up. Only then is it time for you to step in and reward yourself by being physical with your new boyfriend.

However, the job still isn’t over. As long as a make-up with the ex is possible, your knight in shining armor can still be snatched away from you. After you’ve given him a taste, you can use sex as leverage to pressure him to block his ex and cut off all contact.