Unraveling YouTube's monkey torture network

Warning: this investigation is SFW as long as you don't click yourself into the rabbit hole, but it's very media heavy.

What compels someone to hate monkeys? To look at a picture of our little cousins and and wonder aloud with your friends how wonderful it would feel to crack their skulls open with a frying pan?

YouTube is host to many diverse communities coming together to create, share, and comment on their particular thing. Furries shitting in their diapers or even men living in septic tanks -- there's always a video, always another user with your specific interest looking to connect.

Out on the periphery, on the very edge of perception, there exists some groups which must remain hidden, because deep down they know they are completely fricked up. One such group would be what internet researchers are now calling the YouTube monkey torture network.

To understand its origins, I need to take you on a journey. A journey of truth. And there's no better place to begin than the /x/ board.

The /x/ standing of course for e/x/ceptional detective work -- 100% true verifiable facts -- admissible in court.

Amidst the daily threads of horny lonely men trying to summon succubi, tarot card believers looking to read you your fortune, and even people claiming their haunted doll is sexually assaulting them, threads on a mysterious new subject matter recently started popping up.

And it quickly got lots of attention. How was it possible that a monkey torture network could exist on a platform owned by google, a company known for sanitizing anything anti-PC or not sufficiently family friendly? It just seems to fly in the face of common sense. Surely there has to be some very mysterious back story.

And with further digging it soon became apparent that this monkey hating business wasn't a recent phenomenon or a flash in the pan fad: it was something that had existed on the platform for multiple years, in varied incarnations, and the community around it comprised thousands and thousands of users.

As the investigation began to bear fruit, certain key points rose to the top. First of all, that they were seemingly dealing with a sophisticated network of users, who had a joy and a common interest in sharing videos which dealt with the abuse of what they referred to derisively as, among others things, "tree rats."

Who exactly were these users? How long had they been engaged in this activity? Why on earth did they hate monkeys so much? What motivated them? Where did they find their sick content? And was there a deeper meaning to any of this?

Second, the users involved in this monkey torture network were big on using YouTube playlists to distribute the videos they found. Playlists with very mundane, normal names that would surely keep the heat off of them, like: "baby monkeys suffering," "wounded monkeys," "rotten little vermin make you puke," "dead monkeys," "monkey abuse," "baby monkeys make me sick," and, of course, "vintage tree rats."

The playlists are extremely popular. "Kill baby monkey" has 1,353,398 views. "Baby monkeys suffering" has 2,092,922.

Stranger still, as time went on, it was soon discovered that this wasn't the first time this subject had been brought up. The /x/ board hadn't stumbled into something unknown up until this point. In fact, it had been discussed at length on multiple websites for a span of nearly 5 years.

Sites like Reddit, Facepunch, and multiple YouTube videoes had talked about the phenomenon.

A YouTube user would stumble upon one of these playlists or read a comments on one of the videos, and become curious about what is going on. They share their finding with their own community, and then after a few weeks of initial interest, it peters out without really going anywhere.

I can't explain why thy this particular YouTube controversy just can't seem to get off the ground and always dies off without anything being done about it. The only thing known for an absolute fact in all this is the unbridled hatred that thousands of YouTube accounts have for innocent little monkeys.

A quick glance at any of the comment sections to the videos in the playlists shows just how deep that hatred runs.

Not too surprising when you look at the names of some of the accounts taking part in this -- "killbabymonkeys," "Monkey Hater" -- or the videos they upload to their own accounts (none of this has been removed at the time of writing -- March 31 10:59PM Paris time):

Scattered throughout the comments made to these channels, you find ones like this:

Which suggests confusion about why the channel they were following is uploading material that seems out of character for who they were and/or what they themselves would normally subscribe to. This is potentially a clue that some of these accounts are hacked, as if the YouTube monkey torture network didn't have enough organic users: they needed to go out and harvest new YouTube accounts and channels. Just speculation at this point.

But among all of these monkey torture affiliated accounts, one in particular stood out to researchers on the /x/ board.

If his mug seems vaguely familiar to you, a reverse image search with Tineye reveals the reason for it:

Which leads to The face of pure evil: Australia's worst paedophile.

So now /x/ naturally wanted to know why someone involved in a monkey torture network is LARPing as a prolific child sexual predator -- Australia's worst, in fact -- who targeted not just little children, but also babies.

And some of them managed to get hold of him on Discord (of course):

It didn't reveal much but a few pieces of information. The user was definitely genuine in his hatred of monkeys. He was fairly new to the monkey torture community. And he had interacted with people who had been part of it for much longer than himself.

And when it comes to that community, Peter wasn't alone in his choice of edgy usernames, ones tending to hint at a secondary underlying interest other than monkey abuse.

How exactly child porn and monkey torture intersects is a question better left to experts, but there does seem to be a definite overlap. Whether that overlap is several layers of irony deep, I leave up to you.

The monkey abuse videos themselves run the gamut from re-uploaded nature documentary footage that's been given a misleading title so as to trick you into believing it was going to be monkey abuse when none was present, to military units using lab animals to test out chemical warfare treatment procedures. Some of the videos were in Chinese, others in English. Some featured monkeys hit by traffic, or beaten, or killed by another animal.

The only thread running through all of them was that they were put into playlists by the monkey hater network so they could be commented on, and used as a vessel to express their hatred of these innocent creatures.

The speculation surrounding these videos and this community have coalesced into multiple theories at this point:

Some people believe that the users are engaged in illicit, illegal activities, and they're using this monkey stuff as a smoke screen that point people towards actually illegal content while evading law enforcement detection.

Others think it is a variant of the Elsa and Spiderman phenomenon that blew up a few years ago.

Some believe it's a geographical, cultural phenomenon. This theory posits that even though most of the usernames and videos are in English, they're actually really from Asia.

The theory I personally find the most interesting is, I think, the simplest one: it was just a prank, bro. A five year long trolling op by a group of people that created something much bigger than they had perhaps anticipated.

I think that becomes slightly more obvious when you look at some of the accounts surrounding all this. Such as Peosphoros:

Peosphoros is a YouTube user that follows the Peter Ridell account and has commented on the monkey abuse videos. It describes itself like this: "We are a politically correct Trans LGBTQMN Pink Metal band who are against Black Metal. Social Genocide Warriors."

One look at their uploads and you can definitely tell the channel is run by edgelords. But how does it specifically relate to our monkey torture phenomenon?

Consider this statement delivered by a man and a woman in one of their videos: "We support extreme political correctness, which means we also support underrepresented minorities of nazis, fundamentalist islamists, and child molesters. Hence LGBTQMN. We are also the proprietor(?) of edgetivism."

But what is edgetivism? According to Edgetivism.com, which redirects to Peosphoros' website c**tRape.com, it's defined like this: "Edgetivism is the practice of stamping your art with the most reprehensible themes of your time to defend the idea that art is limitless."

When you look at the creation dates for the Facebook and Instagram related to this particular art/music group, you'll see that they coincide roughly with the beginning of the monkey abuse phenomenon on YouTube.

You may or may not want to check out their other stuff.

You get the idea any way.

So did a collective of trans* edgetivists gather together on YouTube, decide to LARP as child sexual predators and create a YouTube monkey torture network -- all to show the world that their avant-garde finger painting is pretty BAD ASS (and also sell records via their BandCamp)?

While YouTube has a lot of sick fricks who just really fricking hate monkeys and send millions of views to these bizarre playlists, I would say yes.

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  1. 5 years ago
    Anonymous

    what the frick?

    • 4 years ago
      Monkey Lover

      What the gently? If you mean who cares, Its a lot of people it is a real problem. Maybe not the biggest problem but it needs to be stopped anyway.

      • 4 years ago
        222

        if you were to say the f word it would change it to that, now you know

  2. 5 years ago
    Rabbi Schlomo Shekelstein

    >A YouTube user would stumble upon one of these playlists or read a comments on one of the videos, and become curious about what is going on. They share their finding with their own community, and then after a few weeks of initial interest, it peters out without really going anywhere.
    >linked to edgelord trannies
    >one member was found on disisraelite
    Pure coincidence.

    • 4 years ago
      Monkey Lover

      But what if its not. That is always a thing can happen. Even if the odds are 1 million to 1 its still a chance, you never know and you shouldn't act like you do

  3. 5 years ago
    Nolana

    You are using terms in the past tense. There are still people who enjoy seeing monkeys in pain, or dead commenting on videos and making them. Search Daniella monkey dead. As of last week a baby monkey in Cambodia was brutally killed by an adult male long tailed macaque. She is shown afterwards being carried away by her mother with her entrails falling out. It is sick and what is worse is the sickening comments saying things laughing, enjoying and trolling people who do follow these monkeys being born and growing up . It is like a soap opera watching new babies born and doing adorable things. Then there will be a death and it is tragic. But some will take clips from various deaths and make jokes out of it. Example Solita was a baby who was hit by a bus. There is a video that shows her repeatedly being run over back and forth for like 10 minutes then more of her dead on the ground with dirt and blood and flies on her face. I have reported videos to YouTube but I wouldn't know how to stop it. There are caring people who make Videos and some who watch these monkeys and have even helped save hurt injured monkeys by banding together and getting the rescue sanctuary involved. Then there are channels like ewsell that shows videos of baby monkeys dressed in cute clothes forced to stand up by binding their arms and such. Little more than a moneymaker for a narcissistic YouTuber

    • 5 years ago
      Diana

      I have watched a lot of videos. I have watched some on the sites you have mentioned, mostly to try and find why a mom might kill her own baby, to prove a behaviour. I have read some sick shit. And I always make it very clear that I hope they experience what they have wished upon a baby monkey. And if you watch the VO'S that film them everyday you will see how they have manipulated situations and behaviors that have resulted in death of moms and babies. Feeding them is the #1 cause of the dysfunctional way the troops interact with each other. Butt they have caused a lot of babies to be tortured by it's members. Daniella, the day she died, she got attacked by the whole troop because the VO'S kept feeding her. They knew it would happen. The monkey that killed her had been hanging around for a few months but was not accepted into the troop. He had watched Daniela be abused from birth. Dana was a horrible mother. And after the troop didn't kill her for eating out of turn he did. I believe he thought that would earn some points to be accepted. The VO'S have done some shady shit just to film babies suffering. Seems like they do it because they will get more money from the sick fricks of the world because there's more of them watching than people like me that enjoys the babies when they're happy. I won't watch a lot of them that's being tortured by other monkeys. Deedee was one that has abused babies from a very young age. She kidnapped Daniela several times a day and would try to kill her. I have wished her dead because she's an evil little monkey. And most viewers don't want to and are sick of seeing it. The VO'S get off on it themselves, it seems.

      • 5 years ago
        Anonymous

        Specifically they fed the baby monkeys, disrupting the troop order. Moms will take food out of their babies mouths because in the troop they just naturally eat first. They lured Daniela far enough away that her troop would not take any food. Far enough that a rogue male scouting the troop got to her before they could. Like if aliens started wars on earth for entertainment.

    • 4 years ago
      Anonymous

      Nolana,
      Let's just take your last sentence and examine it. Hmmm. Poorly written and even more poorly thought out. If the "YouTuber" were narcissistic, it stands to reason they would be the subject of the video and wouldn't "share the spotlight" with anything else, let alone a filthy monkey! You are aware what a narcissist is correct? And how that affects the behavior of the afflicted subject?? As for "making money" I've found that the general public is borderline moronic when it comes to understanding the YouTube economy. You don't get paid just for posting or for views. You have to monetize, placing ads in your content. Only then can you start to see some income, but even a thousand views (with ads) might make you $10.00 USD. Your premise is flawed, therefore everything placed on that foundation is shaky as hell. People hate monkeys because they are filthy, disgusting, disease ridden vermin. They are evil beasts. People who have lived around wild monkeys have a wholly different view of them than people who watch "cute monkey" videos on YouTube. You don't know what you're talking about so stop being so aggressive and insulting. It would be like you trying to explain Law to me a lawyer or me trying to explain to you how crystals, soy milk and veganism can make you immortal.

      • 4 years ago
        Anonymous

        https://imgur.com/a/bHrvs7E#U4qKQws

      • 4 years ago
        Jodi

        these baby monkey videos are indeed monetized. They virtually all have ads at the beginning and many are interrupted by ads half way through...you might want to go check out the insane number of views these vids get.

  4. 4 years ago
    Anonymous

    Wow. So this qualifies as news now? Who fricking cares about monkeys!?!? The President is asking foreign governments to spy on US citizens, the climate may already be too far gone to save, poor people the world over are starving to death and dying from diseases the developed world hasn't seen in a century and you lot are watching "monkey soap operas"!! Fricking Christ... In today's day and age you're allowed to do just about whatever you want as long as it doesn't hurt others. Free speech exists no matter how badly your feelings are hurt. Some people have lived in areas inhabited by wild monkeys and the hatred they have towards those "tree rats" are justified completely. Until your child has been mauled for the snack she was eating, you don't get to judge. "They're so cute"... Bullshit, maybe on camera but IRL they are filthy, disgusting, depraved, disease ridden vermin. They rape and kill their own children, destroy property, steal crops, kill chickens and eat their eggs, basically vandalize our vehicles and homes, terrorize our pets and even attack our HUMAN CHILDREN! Frick you if you sympathize with those abhorrent creatures! You're not using your brain, you're acting on emotions. Do your research (From reputable, scientific sources) and get some experience with tree rats in the wild, then come back and tell us how "cute" they actually are.

    • 4 years ago
      Anonymous

      You actually managed to make monkey torture a left/right thing, congratulations

      Democrats support monkey torture

    • 4 years ago
      Anonymous

      Your desperate need for attention is really pathetic.

    • 4 years ago
      Monkey Lover

      Shut up this is news it may not be the most important thing but it defiantly is a problem. Just because it is not the most important thing right now doesn't its not important at all.

    • 4 years ago
      Another anonymous

      Lol you're fricking pathetic moron. You claim we're acting on emotions when it's you doing so, your hatred and anger for the monkeys have blinded you to the fact that they are sentient beings, who feel and suffer, that you have invaded their land and humans do way worse things than these monkeys, ppl like you are a good example, would that justify torturing you, you sick frick? The monkeys are just doing their best with what they're given, when you stop thinking with your negative emotions maybe you'll become more rational.

    • 4 years ago
      Animized

      For real. People are getting too worked up over some stupid worthless animals

      • 3 years ago
        Lola

        Dear Animized, they're not worthless or stupid, they're just animals. They have smaller brains than we do, so how do we, humans, the allegedly superiorly evolved species, justify torturing them rather than finding better solutions to stop the negative behaviors? Just because you want to get off watching the torture?

      • 2 years ago
        killyourselfanimazed

        you're worthless and won't be missed anyway.

    • 4 years ago
      Joshua Robinson

      Manage the land better so monkeys have somewhere to eat and live. It's a complicated issue but merciless killing (and getting joy from it) isn't the answer.

    • 3 years ago
      Lola

      Nothing you said justifies what is happening on Youtube. Nothing justifies gleefully watching animals be tortured.
      It does remind me of another poster, however.

      Farmers have the right to defend their property.
      Do humans have the right to torture animals they kill? ...baby animals because they act like animals?

      It is well documented that enjoying the torture of an animal is linked to psychopathy, for good reasons.

      A lot of animals have a percentage that kill their offspring. Humans do, at a surprising rate.
      Not all monkeys do...since humans and monkeys have a percentage that do kill, does that mean all of them should be tortured? You speak of not talking from emotion, but that is what you do. It's all you do.
      More dogs "maul" children than monkeys. Do you suggest we torture and kill dogs....and not just one animal, but any and all of them, because you FEEL this way.
      It's amazing. Truly amazing, you're rationale.

      Humans have killed so many animals and put them right into extinction. We have encroached upon lands and given no care to what was there first. We expect it to conform to our desires.
      But you hate monkeys.

      You do understand these animals are the result of human behavior. They are overbreeding due to the diets they get from tourists. More sugar and carbs = more successful pregnancies.
      We could spay and neuter them, and it has been tried, but then, people who want to make monkey money off of Youtube end up setting free their monkeys, who breed and eat and are used to humans, so they're aggressive, but to you, the fault is with the animals...and therefore, it is okay to torture them.

      You are one sick frick.

    • 2 years ago
      Anonymous

      "You're not using your brain, you're acting on emotions."
      So the phrase "filthy, disgusting, depraved, disease ridden vermin" you used is an unbiased scientific description? What's the Latin term for that?
      Anthropomorphizing a wild animal is just as inaccurate as thinking they are cute and would make good pets. The fact that their view is different from yours doesn't make you right, or them wrong. It just makes you a hypocrite.

      • 2 years ago
        Queen Validator

        Totally!

  5. 4 years ago
    Primatology ivy grad

    I follow baby monkeys on youtube because i study them and think theyre cute. I have a degree in physical anthropology and also advocate against poaching or keeping baby monkey as pets where they are psychologically tortured wwhich is frequent of young women in urban China. Many of the pet abuse is from the chinese youtube and they think it isnt abuse .
    But the monkey channels are being taken over by monkey haters.
    Thiese are verh real ppl its nit just a joke. I have 3 theories all 3 are different groups being conflated but there some over lap.

    1. Uncanny Valley. Some humans a certain % have some leftover genetic inheritance where theyre freaked out by other primates. Infant macaques in particular look very similar to caucasian human babies out of all monkets and these are the ones targeted. In uncanny valley, ppl have irrational fear hatred of things that are too humanlike but clearly not human enough. Its an evolutionary adaptation we develooed to avoid mating with other homin in n species, or humans who were sick defotmed etc.
    I have heard even vegans say they feel this way about baby macaques an irrational hatred desire to stomp them and it was shocking to them they felt this as it goes against their identity and beliefs n were very co fused. So these include ppl who feel this iij nstinct but would NEVER hurt an animal as well as ppl who revel in the sadism and will hurt a monkeys baby.
    Also the ones who want to really hurt the baby monkeys-- they ONLY deel this twd baby monkets primarily macaques. They clsim would never hurt a dog child cat or even a rat. Or even an adult monkey! ( adult macaques no longer look human like)They consider baby monkey to be lower than animals.

    2. Repressed pedophilia. They look very similar to small children, are even more helpless and they react to psychological abuse emotionally are very emotionally vulnerable so if someone likes torturing toddlers thiz would be the perfect substitute. It takes very little to cause them terror nuerosis. The haters generally enjoy the reaction of their terror ie geckering and splaying limbs crying etc.

    3. Asian defenders of villages. The above primarily regards to westerners. Many Asians have to live in areas where macaques attack their livestock and farm and even them. They are considered vermin there , a pest. Thus is the adult monkey's of coursebut every monkey starts a baby and every baby will be an adult to attack you. So there is alot of understandable vitriol toward monkeys bcus the government's are too poor or corrupt to create effective wildlife management such as rifle hunting males certain season like US does with deer or UK with foxes , both considered vermin in their respective nations. Nor spay and release. So you have these builders taking over jungle and turning it into arable land for farmer's who then stuck with overpopulation of monkeys who lost their jungle.
    Most will just have a general oh i hate monkeys their vermin type attitude but only kill like an adult monkey who attacks their cow or brwaks into the house. BUT i think with some it is taking them to a darker place from the influence and ubiquity of the other 2 groups.

  6. 4 years ago
    Joshua Robinson

    Half of the problem is habitat destruction. Deforestation leaves the monkeys looking for food anywhere they can. Where the frick are they supposed to go? These twisted morons need to get their facts and priorities straight. There is plenty of land, plenty of resources, and plenty of food for humans and animals. We just have to work together. Unfortunately, I don't see that happening anytime soon.

  7. 3 years ago
    Amin J akbar

    No you era all wrong we India hate tree rat they eat crop destroy all farm I shoot monkey I see and hang them no monkey do again

  8. 3 years ago
    Amin J akbar

    Stupid American think they know everything that happens in India frick idiots

  9. 3 years ago
    Der Juden

    Some channels even make a mockery of torture videos, adding funny memes and music throughout the video. Such an example is the YouTube account "Newlytrends." It's a bizarre phenomenon, but not surprising. There's videos of rats getting electrocuted, drowned or just plainly killed with a rifle. Same with buffaloes and etc. Anything that can be considered a threat or just hated for what they are, like wienerroaches. And of course, the comments on these videos agree that these animals are vermin and take pleasure in seeing them get killed.

  10. 3 years ago
    Chloe

    Ok, here is my interesting thought, or rather question..
    Why do none of you seem at all aware of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and Intrusive Thoughts? Every article I have seen written on this subject is rampant with ignorance and dramatics.
    This disorder, O.C.D. with Intrusive Thoughts also happens to affect a great deal postpartum women. These women have constant intrusive thoughts about hurting and murdering their infants in horrific violent ways, drowning, shaking, and throwing the infant off of a balcony or bridge are some of the most common ways that come up. But it does not end there. These compulsive intrusive thoughts are also very frequently manifested as being sexual in nature. Thoughts of molesting to violently raping of the new infant. And you know what? All mental health professionals say that it is all normal. And no, it does not mean that these new mothers are psychopaths or pediphiles or any of the other over the top psychological disorders that have been diagnosed by you armchair psychiatrists. Another interesting point agreed upon by all of these professionals is that unless there happens to be a comorbitity of another psychotic psychological disorder, none of these women will ever actually act upon these thoughts.

    I am an ardent animal lover. I still bawl whenever I am reminded of an incident over ten years ago in which I accidentaly ran over and killed a poor turtle in the road. My brain did not register what it was in the road until after it was too late. And to this day I still feel tremendous guilt, like I murdered a human being level of guilt and sadness over it. I honestly do not even kill nor allow killing of bugs around me. The only living thing I will kill are wienerroaches, I do not think I need to explain why. Any other bug that makes its way into my home is scooped up and placed safely outside. I really dislike mice getting into my home, as most people do, but still only use humane traps to catch and release them. Hell, I get upset when I see people mishandling plants because they are alive.
    But...I also thoroughly despise any and all simians. The reasons are too numerous to list, but it is a passionate hatred and disgust for all of them. They are the most vile, sickening, useless creatures on the face of the planet. Even worse than humans, and that is bad! So yes..I do have these intrusive thoughts about smashing in their skulls and enjoy seeing them die. But regardless of anyone's uneducated opinion, no I am not a psychopath. I have zero sexual interest in children, honestly I really have no sexual interest in anyone at all. But when I did children were never a thought. And just like the new mother who has thoughts about wrapping a plastic bag around her infant's face so that is slowly suffocates while she sexually assaults it, the chance that I might actually go out and start bashing in the skulls of those revolting creatures of the simian perssuasion is nil.
    I understand that critical thought, science, logic and fact are now a thing of the past, taking a backseat to our emotions and feelings. But as someone who purports to be a reporter, an investigative journalist you really do have an obligation to look at the subject matter with an open mind and examine it with your mind, not emotions, and report the facts.. not your feelings.

    • 3 years ago
      Lola

      You desperately need therapy.
      To use an old line, "The lady doth protest too much, methinks."
      The way you describe what you say you don't think of, is a bit too graphic.

      You are, as has been revealed, in some form, substituting monkeys for infants, and perhaps you're not sexualizing the act, but you are doing something with it, and yes, it IS psychopathic to want to harm an animal, especially one that has so many features, behaviors, similar to humans.

      There is a strong emotional tie to why and how you want to harm the infant monkeys, which is ironic and amusing that you'd speak of logic and rational, critical thinking. Even were people to dislike an animal for certain behaviors, It is only a sociopathic personality that wants to literally torture the animal. You seem to miss this, and no, no one is under any such obligation to "open their mind" to look this kind of behavior as anything more than what it glaringly is. Abusive and psychopathic.

      I'd advise you to read your words again:
      "I also thoroughly despise any and all simians. The reasons are too numerous to list, but it is a passionate hatred and disgust for all of them. They are the most vile, sickening, useless creatures on the face of the planet. Even worse than humans, and that is bad! So yes..I do have these intrusive thoughts about smashing in their skulls and enjoy seeing them die."

      Get help. You are one psychotic break away from harming someone or something.
      It is possible if not probable you suffer from a number of other pathologies that keep you from seeing how you come off in your rather defensive quest to seek legitimizing your mental illness.

      The offense you overlook:
      If one accepts you are not projecting certain desires on baby monkeys on these comment boards, and I'm sure you're participating with comments, you can't help it.... the problem is, you're associating with the very people who ARE accurately described, or revealed in this write up.

      Association and the defense you put forth leads me to further believe you have a lot of psychological digging to do -- digging. Not covering up.

      Stop legitimizing what you enjoy. You get some pay off from the death of a baby monkey - harm to a small animal that has no defense.

      Stop asking for people to understand it. Go to a professional for help. Unless you do, you're mentally jerking off to their torture, and that's mentally ill.
      Find out why.

    • 3 years ago
      T-Bone

      This shit is crazy dude, you're nuts lol. If you're just an edgelord I understand you had to appear and be edgy because you were mentioned, but if you're a real monkey freak type person that's some weird shit bud get help, play a video game, go to a cycling class do something. pump the brakes.

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