My father has wronged me, and i hold a grudge. I sort of want to re-establish contact. But i want him to repent to me.

My father has wronged me, and i hold a grudge. I sort of want to re-establish contact. But i want him to repent to me. But he will not. I feel like this is a very womanly thing to want from him, but i also feel it would be b***hy to come crawling back despite his wrongdoing. I am leaning towards not crawling back, as i've done that for years to resolve conflict, even when i am not in the wrong.

Books for this feel?
inb4 bible
already reading

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  1. 4 months ago
    Anonymous

    Infact, he has never admitted being in the wrong. The only time is when he made me go buy cigarettes on his behalf when i was 10 or so. It was possible because he lives in a very small village and they knew i was his son.

    • 4 months ago
      Anonymous

      https://i.imgur.com/19icHIX.jpg

      My father has wronged me, and i hold a grudge. I sort of want to re-establish contact. But i want him to repent to me. But he will not. I feel like this is a very womanly thing to want from him, but i also feel it would be b***hy to come crawling back despite his wrongdoing. I am leaning towards not crawling back, as i've done that for years to resolve conflict, even when i am not in the wrong.

      Books for this feel?
      inb4 bible
      already reading

      Maybe you are just being a pussy? What did he do?

      • 4 months ago
        Anonymous

        What did he do, OP? It's not necessarily a b***hy thing to swallow your pride and contact him.

        Well for one he wasn't very nice to my mother, and my mother has said he did certain things. But i have become an unironic misogynistic incel so i'm taking it with a big grain of salt. Even if all that were lies, he would berate my mother when i spent time with him.

        He was generally unpleasant. He would punish me for not liking the movie he put on for the night. Yelled at me for breaking a dinner plate on accident, give me death stares for moving a little when sitting in the couch. I would leave his house to make calls to other family to get a break and a sense of safety (i was fricking 8-13) and he would ask me who i talked to when i came back, so he had been watching me through the window or something. He'd say all i wanted from him was things or money, and that's all he would offer. He would put me to work to clean HIS HOUSE and do other various manual labor jobs around his property when i had allotted my summer holiday to spend time with him. He would take my laptop to speak to his chink long distance wife over skype or msn, and he would also berate me for whatever reasons that related to the laptop. He lived far away, so all these things would happen only when i had time off from school. My time off from school felt wasted for the 4-5 years i tried to get to know him again after my mother got a restraining order on him. In fairness to her, she encouraged me to try to get to know him, and she never tried to persuade me otehrwise. But i don't know if what she said was an attempt to sway my opinion of him. Even if that was the case it would only be partial to the final conclusion i made.

        so no, i wasn't anally raped

        • 4 months ago
          Anonymous

          cooking was a fricking nightmare
          struggle to cut tomatoes with his blunt knives?
          crack an egg incorrectly?
          accidentally burst the yolk while frying?
          i developed all sorts of neuroses while there, it drove me fricking insane and whenever i got back home after these visits i would feel an immense sense of relief

        • 4 months ago
          Anonymous

          No one would fault you if you decided not to have a relationship with this type of father. But you would benefit from a relationship with somebody else who could be a father figure for you.

          And it coudl be beneficial to just maintain a civil relationship. If he has property to inherit, he may cut you off from that.

          • 4 months ago
            Anonymous

            My stepdad, who I liked has died unfortunately. He was a good man, although I grew to resent him a little when he found a new woman half a year after my mother died

          • 4 months ago
            Anonymous

            >although I grew to resent him a little when he found a new woman half a year after my mother died
            What, you expect him to weep and rend his clothes forever? You say you're an incel misogynist. So are women disposable or not?

          • 4 months ago
            Anonymous

            Don't know

        • 4 months ago
          Anonymous

          He sounds like he had a miserable life and took it out on you. You can break this cycle and become a better person and live a more fulfilling life which is intrinsically rewarding to you. I can't offer advice as to whether or not to reconcile with him, if he is a changed person now then maybe it will be worth your effort, if he is the same person you may just be wasting your time. You can also satiate your innate desire for payback and go back and beat him into a coma, not sure how old either of you are but I am genetically different enough from my father that I could have done this when we were much younger people and there wouldn't have been anything he could have done about it, I could still do this now if I so desired, the burden of hate is too heavy a burden for me to bear and I let go of it. We have a better relationship now. good luck OP.

    • 4 months ago
      Anonymous

      If you don’t like him then don’t pretend like you do. Let him wallow in his shit and be done with him. I cut my parents off because all they ever did was betray me too, they’ll never change. Old people stuck in their ways are truly dead. Focus on yourself, they have to come to you don’t lower yourself like that.

  2. 4 months ago
    Anonymous

    I apologize IQfyhuanians. I just wanted to get this off my chest, this will not become a regular complaining blog.

  3. 4 months ago
    Anonymous

    What did he do, OP? It's not necessarily a b***hy thing to swallow your pride and contact him.

  4. 4 months ago
    Anonymous

    I’m dealing with something similar. I’ve basically cut ties and resolved to maintain only shallow and infrequent contact. It’s possible that you should do the same.

    • 4 months ago
      Anonymous

      If you don’t like him then don’t pretend like you do. Let him wallow in his shit and be done with him. I cut my parents off because all they ever did was betray me too, they’ll never change. Old people stuck in their ways are truly dead. Focus on yourself, they have to come to you don’t lower yourself like that.

      thanks anons, i will keep it in mind

  5. 4 months ago
    Anonymous

    read Nietzsche and his idea of resentment. and the bible is unadulterated cope

    • 4 months ago
      Anonymous

      you'd think, but no. take it for what it is, a collection of moral tales, but since you recommended Nietzsche I don't think you know or care about ethics all that much. you'd probably rape a newborn if it gave you advantage, and I feel sorry for you.

  6. 4 months ago
    Anonymous

    my sister and I haven't spoken to each other unless its to get something from one another. its the constant peanut gallery comments any time my parents criticize me, and I would rather she mind her own business.

  7. 4 months ago
    Anonymous

    There's nothing womanly about this. He's your father. He failed in his responsibilities to you. You have every right to be upset with him. And it would be wonderful if he owned up to his mistakes and changed for the better.

    HOWEVER.

    Can you force him to do that? No. It only means something when he chooses to do that with his own will. It would be womanly to beg him to change. It's a waste of time.

    For your own sake, I would simply put the past behind you as much as you can. Try to get rid of your bad habits, neuroses, etc., one by one. Be the father for yourself that your own father never was. Accomplish things you can be proud of. Let your father come back to you, if he wants to, but don't count on it. And if he never does? Let that be a judgment on his soul, not yours.

    That's all you can really do, anon. I'm sorry you had to go through all of that.

    • 4 months ago
      Anonymous

      Well said, anon. I went through something similar, OP, only it was a friend and not my father. I was very close with him before falling out and I so wanted to reconnect with him many times but he wronged me so bad that, thankfully, I didn’t reach out. I’ve now moved on and am a much better person for it. You have to have pride and look out for yourself, nobody else will.

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