The following confession was originally posted on r/TwoXChromosomes, and was deleted by moderators when the fail went viral.
I [F26] have been dating Will [M27] for most of 2014; I met him on New Years Eve, we exchanged numbers, scheduled a coffee date and have been seeing each other ever since. He's tall and shy, with long thick hair like Eddie Vedder. He lives in an older house by himself and drives a 1997 Toyota. He dresses very casually - I don't think he even owns a collared shirt - and all his clothes are minimum 1-2 years old. For income, he told me he "ran a few websites" and picked up piece-work as a 'session guitarist'.
He is also very frugal. He never took me out for fancy dinners or anything. In the beginning it was always coffee dates, walks, hikes, etc. If we go out, he insists on 'pre-drinking' and refuses to buy drinks at a bar. Most nights he was content staying in, watching Netflix and playing his guitar.
I never outright asked how much money he made, but given his lifestyle, clothes, furnishings, etc. plus the fact that he rarely worked, I assumed it wasn't much. I would lightly prod him with questions about the future, if he had any career goals - he would say that he "saw me in his future", but also he was "happy the way things were".
I have Facebook and am on it every day, usually when work is slow. Lately my newsfeed has been filled with my peers getting married, buying houses, having babies, and other various accolades. I can't help but feel jealous by this; it seems like everyone but me is making significant gains in their lives and relationships. Three weeks ago, after seeing a girl I knew from high school buy her 3rd property with her husband, it felt like my relationship with Will was juvenile and had no future.
The next time I was over at Will's (after he served me potato soup for dinner and was torrenting a documentary for us to watch later) I ended the relationship. I was perfectly honest about everything - he was a great guy, I loved him and his personality, but I felt he lacked career/life ambition and we wanted different things for the future.
He sat and listened to everything, seemingly unmoved by it. When I finished talking, he said "fine by me" and asked me to leave. I went to hug him on my way out, instead he just guided me out the door and slammed it shut behind him.
With prior boyfriends, we'd still talk or text a bit after we'd be broken up. Sometimes we'd even still hook up. I dunno, I've just never had a 'bad break-up' and always try to remain on good terms. I haven't heard a fucking word from Will, even after texting him multiple times and calling him once.
I saw two of Wills friends at the gym today. I went over and made small talk, asked how he was, etc. I tried to explain myself, saying he was a great guy but our views on money and the future didn't seem to mesh.
To this, one friend chuckled to himself and walked away. I asked the other friend WTF that's about it, and he says "Yeah, we heard. The thing is, Will's loaded. He inherited his grandpas land which is leased to oil and gas companies. I've seen the quarterly checks he gets and they're more than my yearly salary. Good luck getting him to spend it, though. He has a 'if it aint broke, dont fix it' type mentality. Just look at that piece of shit he drives!"
This has completely baffled and upset me. I dated him for 10 months when I thought he was penniless, proof I'm not a fucking gold-digger. I am a 26 year old woman who needs to be pragmatic, I can't just indefinitely date someone with the future being so uncertain. He could've said something, ANYTHING during our break up when I was explaining my doubts about our relationship. Instead he said nothing, and now he refuses to talk to me. It makes absolutely no sense.
I just feel so low right now. If a man with disposable income meets a woman he likes, doesn't he want to treat her? He said he "saw me in his future", why didn't he care enough to share these things with me? He could have easily kept our relationship alive by being forthcoming. Someone please help me make sense of this situation.
*TL;DR - My boyfriend kept his wealth a secret from me throughout our entire relationship. I ended the relationship on the pretext that he wasn't money/career motivated, he didn't say anything to the contrary.*
[Ed.: After reddit realized what had happened, the replies came in fast and hard.]
You broke up with him bc he is frugal and now you're mad bc he's loaded. Lol.
Basically, he didn't think money mattered. You did. You lose. Get over it.
"I have Facebook and am on it every day, usually when work is slow."
So Will is the one who lacks ambition?
Actually, you are a gold digger, because you originally thought he didn't have money based on the way he treated you and what he owned. Get fucked lady, you're the problem these days.
Wow, you're nothing more than a disgusting gold digger, you're getting what you deserve, Karma is a bitch isn't?
What did you bring to the relationship that makes you feel that you deserve to be 'treated'? You are getting a ton of downvotes because you seem to believe that you deserve to have things bought for you just because you were physically present in this guys life.
Hahah.. Good for Will and OP, fuck you. Because you are greedy and self-centered. You are a typical gold - digger. You want the fancy life style that a guy will pay for, while you take care of the babies and sit at home do nothing.
The way he escorted you was awesome.
It's his money and his lifestyle. Quite frankly he is very intelligent and a smart financial planner to not throw his money around. He was clearly also smart for not spending it on you if you need to be pampered by a guy in a relationship. The truth is that you basically failed his test and now you are angry. He didn't want to find some girl who was in it for the money. The reality is he likely wanted to start a family as well with the right person who would help raise his kid with good values. You say you want a family but the reality is you just want someone to buy things for you.
He is going to find an intelligent woman who sticks by him regardless of how much money he has, who wants to live a simple lifestyle that isn't materialistic. Good for him. You say you aren't a gold digger but the truth is you meet the definition to a tee and that is blatantly obvious to anyone reading this.
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Sounds like he dodged a bullet. Allow me to clue you in on a few things:
1) You are a gold-digger.
2) Those of us with money ... know how to spot you. We will feed you lots of Top Ramen because you don't deserve fancy dinners.
3) He isn't asking any of your friends how you are doing.
4) Men like Will are rare. Girls like you are unsurprisingly common.
5) You never once mentioned what you brought to the table. Other than comparing him against your daily checks of your Facebook feed. He and his friends are laughing hysterically at you for dumping him because he was "penniless". Thank you for sharing this with all of us too.
[Ed.: UPDATE: She later posted a follow up, titled "I saw my ex after 1+ year apart and it crushed me."]
In 2014 I went through a pretty bad break-up. I met Will at a NYE party hosted by a friend-of-a-friend and we dated for 10ish months. I loved him - it was probably the best relationship I'd had on a 'personal connection' level - but he had been dishonest about some things (not infidelity - 'life' things) and it led to us breaking up. I couldn't come to terms with his lying by omission - it seemed like he threw away our relationship over nothing.
I was pretty unhappy for a while, not gonna lie. Went on a few dates, had a few Tinder flings, but nothing serious. Around summer 2015 is when things started to turn around and I felt I was in a good place. Happy with my job, happy with my body, happy with my social circle - just all-around happy and patiently waiting for Mr. Right to come along.
My friends and I were invited to the same NYE party this year, hosted by the same person. I knew there was a chance my ex would be there, but I didn't care - I was over him. Seeing him and being cordial shouldn't have been a problem. He was pretty icy when the relationship ended, so even if he was there, I didn't expect him to say all that much to me.
So my girls and I are there early, having a few cocktails and everything is going great... then Will walks through the door. He saw me, smiled, walked directly over and gave me a big hug. With his arms wrapped around me, smelling his cologne... I just melted. In that moment, whatever bad feelings I had about our relationship were completely gone. I just genuinely missed him.
I got through 15 minutes of small talk with him, my heart racing the entire time. He remembered all these little details about me, my friends and my family - I couldn't believe it. When I told him about my job, my new apartment, etc. he seemed happy for me. When the conversation ended, he gave me another quick hug and then left toward the kitchen.
My friends could tell that seeing him had affected me. They took me to a more private area of the house to talk it out; they reminded me to not get ahead of myself, he's still the same guy who lied to you, etc.
When we went to rejoin the party, he was on his phone giving directions to someone. After a minute of eavesdropping it became clear that he was talking to his girlfriend. Fuck.
I should've left then and there, but I didn't want it to seem like him having a new girlfriend affected me. Like I hadn't gotten on with my fucking life after 14 months apart. And so I stayed.
She arrived about 10 minutes later and Will introduced her to everyone. She seemed nice enough, but seeing them together made me sick to my stomach. I swear she was being all touchy-feely with him just to spite me. I did my best to avoid them throughout the night. I found out through a friend that they'd been dating for 2 or 3 months. The party ended, I got into a car with my friends and just started sobbing uncontrollably. They tried to comfort me but I was too far gone. They dropped me off and I cried for while longer alone in my apartment.
This was supposed to be a fun weekend with my girls, we had all sorts of stuff planned, but I ended up staying home by myself last night. No one questioned it, they all knew. I must've wrote 100 different texts to Will last night but didn't end up sending a single one. I'm going to stay in tonight as well.
I want him back so bad, I just don't know what to do 🙁
He didn't lie to you. You dumped him because he didn't buy you shit and now you are pretending like he did you wrong. Stop badmouthing him to your girlfriends and leave him alone. He deserves so much better than you.
Are you the girl who dated the guy you originally thought had zero ambition but was in actuality loaded?