7 struggles of dating when you're a guarded person It can seem like you’ve got deep, dark secrets you’re hiding.

As fun as it is being an open book who's comfortable sharing any and everything about themselves, there are some who struggle to divulge personal details that they feel might make them emotionally vulnerable. It’s one things to be friends with a guarded person, but it’s entirely different to date someone with cautious, hesitant tendencies.

If you’re up for the challenge and care enough about a guarded person enough to do whatever it takes, these are just some of the struggles you’re likely to deal with. If you’re the guarded person, these are the things you know to be true of yourself, and perhaps can somewhat warn your potential love interest of in advance.

1. It can seem like you’ve got deep, dark secrets you’re hiding.

Did you murder someone? Are you living a double life? Or are you just really picky about what aspects of life you share when you’re first getting a feel for somebody? When you don't open up about anything, the person you're interested in dating can assume anything about your mysterious past.

2. You can get more attached to people than they are to you.

If you've only shared your favorite color and a few fun, basic facts about yourself while the person you're dating has shared everything from their darkest fears to their future goals, it’s possible for you to fall deeply in love with them while they can just kinda, sorta like you based on the little bit they know.

3. But then you worry that if you do share more, the person won’t like what they see.

What if someone likes what you’ve shown, but the more you share with someone, the more of an unattractive, weirdo you become? Or, even worse, you’re just boring/lame, and they don’t want to stick around to experience your very-basic-nothing-special ass personality.

4. Texting makes sharing easier, but it comes at a price…

It’s a lot easier to type out words and share personal things via text – unfortunately this is the most impersonal means of communication, and an unworthy method of sharing important words. No emotion, no tones, no eye contact. Texting limits you to cold, detached sentences, which is why it’s so much easier that way.

5. It’s assumed that your desire for alone time or quietness is for a bad reason.

Maybe you just need time with your own thoughts, perhaps you’d prefer to just listen, but these are things that get thrown in the bunch with other ‘bad mood tendencies’ so you’ll often be asked why, and even after you answer, it’s unlikely you’ll be believed unless a person understands that that’s just how you are.

6. If somebody does you wrong, the lasting effects will pour into your next romantic relationship.

Someone in the past breaking your trust makes it unlikely you’ll give the next person a clean slate and fair shake. Any wrongdoing hardens you, and you’ll build stronger, more secured walls that the next person will undeservedly have to find a way through.

7. You’re well aware of your flaws...even if they don't always make sense.

You know that your ways can be problematic, stressful, and/or annoying. You don’t like to initiate conversations about deep, personal things, but you also want the other person to be the one to start that discussion. You don’t want them to just ask questions and expect immediate answers, you need them to pry a little, which may seem selfish or silly, but it helps you know that they want to uncover all of your unknowns, and care enough to patiently find their way in.

Join the conversation 💬

Add to the conversation