The penny-pinching bible: 500 frugal tips guaranteed to save a fortune

Twitter's frugality guru presents ingenious life hacks that will set you on track to possibly retire in the future.

Hi folks, Alec Parsimonious here. I am currently on track to retire (around 2076) and wanted to share some helpful money saving tips I have picked up along my journey to early retirement. As a quick background, I live in McAllen, Texas and have a current net worth of $9,835.34. My hobbies include watching Netflix all day.

Stop using toilet paper

Toilet paper is a really big expense. The average American spends over $350/year wiping their butt. A great way to cut these costs to the bone is by using washable rags instead of toilet paper. I detailed the economics of using washable rags instead of toilet paper in a tweet the other day.

Butt-beautiful family cloths have allowed the Parsimonious family to save over $360 dollars per year. “One step closer to retiring and quitting my job.”

Basically, if you use washable rags instead of toilet paper the future total value of the money you save is over $65,000.

You can take this even further by washing your rags in your neighbor’s birdbath when they are sleeping to save on water costs.

Reuse bathwater

Water is a crazy “hidden” expense that a lot of people forget about. The average water utility bill for a family of four is $275/month. This equates to over $3,300 per year.

A great way to save money on water is to reuse your bathwater for dishes, cooking and all sorts of things. I detailed the economics of reusing bathwater on twitter today.

If you reuse your bathwater the future value of your savings is over $235,000. Hot tip: gather sticks in your yard to start a fire to boil the water instead of using your stove. Avoiding the use of expensive electricity will further increase your savings.

Grocery saving tips

Eating food is a huge cost to the everyday American who is looking to retire early. I have spent countless hours awake at night trying to figure out ways to stop eating. Alas, I quickly realized that I would die of starvation if I stopped eating.

But no need to worry, I have found several ways to save money on groceries. Here are some of my favorite ways.

  • Pick up rice with tweezers after a wedding. Savings: $5-7
  • Rummage through garbage outside of high-end restaurants. Savings: $15-20
  • Swallow your toothpaste after brushing your teeth (a lot of calories). Savings: $1-2
  • Ask people if you can finish their plate at a restaurant. Savings: $10-15
  • Skip entire meals and call it intermittent fasting. Savings: $15-20

Save money on higher education

If you have kids, then I am sure you are worried about higher education costs. College costs have soared and it doesn’t look like it will be slowing down anytime soon. But don’t worry, I have some great tips on how to avoid paying for college completely while still giving your kids a great education.

  • Full ride scholarship: Anytime my kids get anything less than an A on their report card they are not allowed to shower for a month. This is a great incentive for them to get a full ride scholarship and not get called names at school.
  • Tai Lopez’s YouTube channel: I don’t think I need to explain anything here.
  • Standing outside of a college lecture hall and eavesdropping: Great way to get your kid an education while not paying a single dime.

Sneak into hotels for their complimentary breakfast

Hotels offer complimentary breakfast to the people who stay there. A great way to save money on breakfast costs is to sneak through the backdoor and act like you stayed the night. I like to wear my pajamas while doing this, so it looks like I just woke up. The cost savings on this is tremendous and their orange juice is really good!


Well, that’s it folks. Those are my hot money saving tips for the week. By using these techniques, I am now on track to retire early (2076) so I can sit on my couch and watch Netflix all day.

If you would like to learn more about how to save money and invest, consider subscribing to Alec’s (me) newsletter where I dig into the nits and grits of savings and investing.