10 things you can thank porn for Some ways porn's made the world a nicer place.

You know I’m the type of guy who doesn’t have a problem criticizing the things I care about. The world’s not a mess because people are too reflective and problems are being chronically over-thought. Of course all that critiquing can leave people wondering where I stand (look at my trousers and you’ll see where I stand darling. Mmmmn). Truth is I think porn’s pretty awesome. Here are ten reasons why:

Great sex

I wasn’t alive in the 50’s and 60’s and really only qualified as a person in the late 80’s. By the time my junk was ripe, porn was a major cultural force (though hardcore was effectively illegal here in the UK until 1999).

Thanks to porn I’ve never been with someone who thought blowjobs were unnatural, sex could only take place with the lights off or who thought a goat with socks on its hooves couldn’t be trained to do that shit. Until the porn seeing other people have sex was a serious effort, and getting an idea of what other people did sexually was mostly guess-work (which is why people lined up to read the Kinsey Report).

Porn’s given us a universal bedroom we can all peek into, changing sex permanently and for the better.

Sexual liberation

I don’t mean the effects of feminism (though without the Women’s Liberation movement many of the people making ‘loops’ in the 70’s wouldn’t have had reasons to believe they were challenging convention instead of simply prostituting themselves). Thanks to porn people can explore their sexual identity in private without fear of an ass kicking or social humiliation. A teenager can see explicit material, even if their school runs an ‘abstinence only’ sexual (mis?)education program, the only place to buy porn for a hundred miles is the 7-11 (which has Playboy), and they think they might be gay.

The advancement of women

Don’t laugh. Without porn how many ex-junkies from broken homes would be running business empires and buying planes? Before the internet sex-work meant a career that ended when your looks faded and zero security. Websites have allowed women to bypass the establishment and gain control of their careers. Money is power, and porn’s funneled it to smart women who previously enriched other people and then faded away.

The modern internet

Despite the lies of Amazon’s evil patent attorneys, the vast online books-movies-shit-we’ll-sell-anything store didn’t invent e-commerce. The affiliate program, video streaming, voice-over-IP, compression technology and online credit-card processing were all pioneered by pornographers. PayPal was built on porn (they only stopped processing for porn sites in June 2003) and credit card companies still rely on the aggressive fraud porn-sites attract to hone the tools they use to keep mainstream sites secure (if you’re not constantly exposing your systems to fraud you can’t fight it effectively because you don’t know what it looks like.) If you’re thinking of buying a phone you can watch TV on, thank the pornographers who worked out how to make it work.

Deep throat blowjobs

As unnecessary and utterly desirable as a McLaren F1 loaded with you, Nella, Kyla Cole and an English-Czech dictionary – the world is better for them. Before Deep Throat they were the sole preserve of rumors, circus folk and Hell’s Angels initiation ceremonies. Now anyone who wants to can learn to give head without choking (it’s not all about receiving, not gagging’s a huge bonus for a schlong-ingestee) and penis owners get to watch a trick that Siegfried and Roy have yet to perform. On stage.

Decent plastic surgery

Any decent surgeon will tell you that women check out porn-stars before getting work done and often show up asking for stuff they’ve seen. They’ll also tell you that if your boobs cost less than five grand a side you may as well just pad your bra with mince and start crying now. Unlike most women (and few male performers are getting significant work done) porn pros need to look good in order to eat and demand the best. Where else can you meet people who’ve had nine sets of implants in less than a decade? They are the Mercury Astronauts of plastic surgery procedures pushing the frontiers for mankind. Movie stars cannot be relied upon to maintain standards.

HBO

The Home Box Office channel produces some of the best long-form drama on the planet and it’s not cheap. Rome, Six Feet Under, Deadwood and similar shows cost millions an episode which means HBO can’t afford to run 24 hrs of original drama a day. In fact HBO can’t afford to run one hour of original drama a day.

The shortfall is made up by their documentary unit, who stock the channel with content that’s compelling enough to keep people paying a monthly subscription and stands up to being endlessly repeated. What can you make a ‘documentary’ about that people will watch 20 times without complaining? I GOT IT! Taxicab Confessions, Kim Catrall’s Sexual Intelligence, Pimps Up Ho’s Down, Family Business – it’s all softcore porn and it pays for the Sopranos. You’re welcome.

Free speech

The vanguard of First Amendment law in the US work is the defense of pornography. While even idiots realize that stepping on political opinions they don’t like endangers their own, many people are more than happy to ‘clamp down’ on obscenity without thought for the consequences. Provocatively named, badly written laws like The Child Online Protection Act and PROTECT do harm far beyond the jizz-bizz, but the people who risk jail time and spend millions fighting them are pornographers.

Even companies trying to extort licensing fees on old patents (i.e. they’ll claim Windows Media Player contains an idea they hold a patent on and attempt to charge users a fee for use of ‘their’ technology) chase pornographers first. Every time a pornographer beats back legal insanity we all win.

Education

For all the bad, cheesy, unreal gonzo stunt-sex in porn there’s also a huge amount to learn from watching other people fuck. Everyone born since 1980 knows that men are supposed to last longer than 12 seconds (15’s fine guys) and that using your hands during oral sex isn’t ‘cheating’ (unless you’re using them to cover your partners eyes while the dog handles it).

Most people today see porn before they experience another person sexually themselves and whatever its flaws, the reality of hardcore and its lack of impossible glamour, is a far truer representation of sex than the magazines packed with women whose genitals have been airbrushed-out which prior generations had to suffer.

The weather

That’s right, aerosolized jizm combats global warming (I can’t prove this but it’s a strong hunch).

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3 thoughts on “<span class="entry-title-primary">10 things you can thank porn for</span> <span class="entry-subtitle">Some ways porn's made the world a nicer place.</span>”

  1. This topic is so off it’s ridiculous.

    Great Sex - Because great sex is not possible without porn. Since you as yourself stated, do not know a world without this massive availability of porno then you can’t say that for sure. Talk about contradictory.

    Sexual Liberation - This is an empty word. If you want to talk about sexuality liberation, gays still can not marry. Porn has nothing to do with that. All it has done is over exposed people to sex and made sexual images readily available. It’s as simple as that. I can’t believe you are actually trying to convey porn as some step towards the greater good, this “article” is such bs. If anything porn has been sexual condemnation for woman that have any sort of self respect and want to be appriecated for natural beauty. Even so for men, who are conveyed in porns as masters of sex, with big dicks that last forever.

    Advancement of Women - What is that? Like advancement of technology. You aren’t a woman so you wouldn’t have any idea. There are more then twenty male CEOs for everyone one woman CEO. And women gained the right to vote -before- the internet. Women’s rights have nothing to do with porn. In fact it’s quiet the opposite. Porn sends the message that women have to be sluts likewise on your “great sex point” many women just feel obligated to do things. It doesn’t mean they’re comfortable with it. Of course, you don’t care as long as you get it do you? That makes you shallow, once again the woman’s feelings are not a concern. That isn’t advancement, unless by advancement you mean a step back. Woman as well are not projected in many music videos simply as prompts in the background. And I can tell you from work experience things -still- are not equal. Pornography is so lax now, men talk about it at work, they talk about the size of my chest, they talk about taking me to strip clubs anything is game, with no regard to a female’s feelings. And I can tell you from a wide variety of hobbies even when I participated in martial arts, women are -still- far from being treated equal in anyway. And porn as done more to encourage this then discourage it, any day.

    The Modern Internet - Yes I’m sure it’s true that paying over the internet, advancements were made by porn businesses. But lets just forget the hundreds, thousands out there that are scams, that take advantage of people paying over the internet, and they huge amounts of spam that going through our e-mails and not to mention the viruses desguised as porn. The pornography industry is a monster praying on the feeble addictions of a man’s mind and impressionable people looking through acceptance from society.

    Deep Throat Blowjobs - This isn’t even a point. I deep throat pretty damn good I’ve been told, and I don’t watch porn.

    Decent Plastic Surgery -Yay! Once again corporate america is making a living off of people that are unconfident with their bodies and to lazy to lose weight the old fashioned way, by actually doing something about it. Young women, any woman or man should not be idolizing porn stars. There bodies are not natural their fake and I think it’s sad that so many people are ashamed of their bodies because of the constant images of pornography available on the internet and that men or woman come to accept this picture perfect sexual image. I also think it’s funny that you fail to mention all of the risks, sagging, poisoning, mutilation, pain and breakage that can occure during implants. Or the idiots who are going in debt because of these useless procedures. Not to mention young men and woman who aren’t even finish growing begin to feel inadequate because of what they see on the internet and magazines and television, a picture perfect sexual image so readily available to the public. The only thing a flow of plastic surgery brings in is money for the doctors, that doesn’t benefit me one damn bit. But I already listed the ways that is does NOT benefit society by inforcing this false image. Gone are the days of simple life, now it’s all plastic and bling bling, where’d the meaning go? The media and hollywood can be blamed for this partially as well, some people are not even allowed to take on roles on television or movies until they have lost a certain amount of weight. Lighting and airbrushing are all taken into a account as well it’s a damn shame that people are idolizing this kind of thing and feeling ashamed about themselves! In porn they have makeup on, expensive outfits sometimes, before they’re taken off, and lighting and atmosphere is all taken into a account not to mention their body has probably been sucked of fat with plastic added and their hair dyed! It’s NOT reality people. Wake up and think for yourselves. Saying any medical advancement that has been made in the plastic surgery industy is because of porn is a far, far stretch. Though I’m sure that porn is partially to blame for the increase in business. Who says decent plastic surgery wasn’t available before anyway? Obviously it was. The only thing that has changed for the most part is the increase in business and it’s popularity because people are chasing after money and image.

    HBO - Oh yay! This is something not good for America, just HBO or perhaps just corporate America. Praying on porn is just as pathetic as praying on people’s addiction for cigarrettes. Or rasing gas prices because people require it to support themselves. Sex sells, who-hoo. I’m glad that porn is funding HBO (though you’ve shown no proof of that.) But that doesn’t effect me. Having HBO along with a million other channels doens’t effect the quality of my life a damned bit. I don’t give a shit about the way HBO funds itself, but its’ nice to know that porn is adding on to corporate america. Boo.

    Free Speech - “But the people who risk jail time and spend millions fighting them are pornographers.” And here your idocy comes full circle. Yes, pornographers are real freedom fighters, they uphold truly the freedom of speech. No they risk it because it’s an extremely lucrative, and easy business to get into it. Forget Rosa Parks, it’s the PORNOGRAPHERS that are fighting for our freedoms. How. freaking. Stupid.

    Education - Your porn is titled education. But your the substance of that point has nothing to do with education. So they watch porn and see what it looks like. That’s no education. One should not be looking for a representation of themselves through porno, or how they should act during sex. Sure take a few tips or whatever, but that’s part of the societal problem is that people, and young people, turn to pornography as some kind of directive at all sex should be. And sex in porn is meaningless and cheap. Those are the only morals that people take away from this. Not to mentino porn is fake, and it also creates this pathetic sexual la la la land of chemical enduced growth and plastic bodies. It’s pathetic. Learn through your own experiences and create your own opinions, it’s called individuality.

    Weather - Once again, not a point. But there had to be ten, even though you yourself couldn’t come up with ten.

    I am not a conservative. In fact I’m quiet liberal. And I enjoy sex in many forms and angles all of that good stuff. But porn is sucking the meaning from sex and it’s creating a damper on society. It erks the fuck out of me when I see a site like this devouting some kind of praise on something like this. It’s called addiction, and it’s a real problem that people aren’t acknowledging.

    You are correct in that fact that society -is- becoming more and more accepting of sexual aspects, but like I stated, this is becoming a problem in society. And the way you are praising it I find it dismal. You aren’t paying attention to the problems within society it’s caused. Kids are having sex at younger ages, getting pregnant at younger ages, getting boob jobs at younger ages, and concerned about their penis and breast sizes before they are even full grown. Girls and boys are becoming anorexic because they don’t fit that stick like model look. Not to mention STDs or good old fashion morals like loyalty, love and devotion. These things are slipping from us while people like you idolize the sex industry instead of taking a dose of reality and look over society when you publish something like this.

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  2. Yes, I would like to personally thank Briana Loves Jenna for 90% of what my wife and I enjoy today.
    Isn’t it odd that people inside the porn industry view it as sexually liberating for women, but most feminists view it as one of the key factors against them???

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