A reader asks:
There’s this guy I work with at an ice skating rink, so we see each other a lot. We both kind of like each other and he asked for my Snapchat and phone number. We’ve been talking and flirting a lot, but it’s been four months, and our relationship is nothing more than that – flirty friends.
He says things like, “Maybe I’ll take you to the movies,” or “We should go to a hockey game together sometime.” Every time, I express interest, but then he never brings it up again. To make things worse, in the last month, he’s ben bringing these other girls to the rink so he can talk to them while we work.
He doesn’t ignore me and still teases me, so why he is bringing these two girls around? He swears they’re like sisters to him, but I always see them flirting.
Maybe I’m just beyond frustrated with the slowness of our relationship, or maybe I’m jealous of the girls for spending more time with him. At first, I thought maybe I just wasn’t being clear with my feelings, but I’ve asked him to Homecoming and invited him to my ice skating shows. Do you think I need to do more?
Ugh. Sending mixed signals like this has to be one of the most annoying things a guy (or any crush) can do – and unfortunately, it happens quite often.
Why does he flirt, talk about hanging out, and make it seem like he likes you when he won’t ever actually make a move? There are a few things that could be going on, so let’s discuss.
Possible reason #1: he likes flirting with you, but… that’s about it
Flirting doesn’t always equal full-on crush.
Some people have flirty personalities and like to tease and joke around with pretty much everyone. They like to have fun with people even if they have no intention of ever taking things any further.
It’s totally possible that this guy is into you as a friend and as someone he can joke around with, but he doesn’t see things getting to another level.
Possible reason #2: he knows how to talk, but doesn’t know how to follow through
Maybe this dude is more inexperienced and shy than you think. A lot of guys feel comfortable flirting and joking around, but when it comes to actually asking someone out or trying to kiss them, they get freaked out and can’t go through with it.
Try asking him out instead. You mention that you’ve invited him places before – if he said yes, cool! If he said no and made up excuses, then that might not be the best news.
Possible reason #3: he’s used to girls making the first move
Is he hot? And are you not? I’m just kidding. But if he is hot, there’s a chance he’s used to (and putting some of his ego into) girls making the first move on him rather than the other way around. So seize the day! — see reason #2.
Possible reason #4: he likes someone else and is keeping you as an option
This possibility sucks, but it’s something worth bringing up. Maybe he’s hanging out with someone else – like the girl he keeps bringing around – and that’s why he’s not trying to make things more serious with you.
My suggestion is to confront him. You don’t need to be like, “Do you like me or not?”
Instead, try asking him on an actual date, like saying, “Do you want to grab dinner one night?” or “Want to go to the movies with me?” See what he says.
If he seems interested and it happens, great. If he shies away from it, then you know that he’s never actually going to make things work aside from flirting at your job.
It’s better to know than to sit around and wonder, right? And honestly, any guy who plays with someone’s feelings like that sounds like kind of a wimp, so you’ll probably be better off.