Women are attracted to two dimensions. On one dimension they want a guy with a good job who does nice things. On the other dimension they want a guy who physically fit and has aggressive personality traits. The ideal man has both characteristics.
Women start with the guys who are both Sexy and Good, but they get taken off the market quick.
After that, the women will chase the guys who are Sexy but Not Good, and try to change him into being Nice, in order to end up with a Sexy Good guy. That rarely happens.
As a last resort they will settle for the guy who is Good but not Sexy. Women can't change a Good but not Sexy guy into becoming Sexier.
In theory a woman could hook up with a masculine butthole and teach him how to be better person. She can't hook up with an effeminate nice guy, and as a woman, teach him how to be a man. That's why women go for the "bad boys" before the nice guys.
Where things got complicated was when the evangelicals and feminists found a point of common ground and agreed upon the lie: "Women are attracted to Nice Guys and don't care about the Sexy dimension."
Women will participate in that lie. They will say they want a Nice Guy. They will even marry a Nice Guy - but it's late in life, she turns off the sex, gains weight, stops caring, etc. By her actions, she's not happy.
So if you're confused as hell, it's probably because you're high on the Good dimension, low on the Sexy dimension, and society is telling you you should already have the girls when you're not seeing it in reality.