>The Rime of the Ebonic Mariner
Press ganged into naval service by racist whitey after a night drinking lean in 1720's London, Tyrone finds himself working as a cabin boy on a British Privateer ship. Quickly drawing the ire of the crew and mates for his insouciant attitude and casual performance of his mopping duties, he is keel hauled and tied to the mast. Being given a second chance, he returns to his duties with the same lack of attention. Eventually, as a gull flies overhead, he takes aim with a musket (held sideways) and shoots it, deep frying it and consuming it below deck. A storm hits and the crew become convinced that he is the cause, throwing him overboard. The sea calms immediately, and he is washed onto a desert island where he whiles away his day in bliss eating dead crabs and trying to figure out how to open coconuts.
>Under The LED Eye >Millenia after an intelligent system was developed by humans and took over the world, the last of mankind survives in a sort of zoo that displays the wildlife of the world that was. The exhibit is unfortunately set up in a haphazard manner, mixing different cultural artefacts from different times in a way that the machines do not recognise as disjointed. Man's intelligence has declined sharply with the years of imprisonment, and the perspective of the novel is that of one of the robots created by the almighty AI to simulate some sort of society, in spite of the fact that it is essentially a hivemind. There is a heavy emphasis on the nature of identity, with the robot coming slowly to the understanding that it is merely a sort of partitioned sentience within an overall mind. This realisation is engendered through the comparison with the now-enfeebled humans who yet retain their complete mental independence from any overarching control.
What a day. I grabbed the eviction notice off my door, turned the key to my apartment and collapsed on the couch. By and by, I took out my phone and opened up IQfy.org/lit/.
>The Portal to Arcadia
Anon recounts the events of today leading up to the present moment. Like yesterday and the day before, Anon waddles from his bedroom and wallows in comfortable misery browsing IQfy on the couch. Deciding to participate in a post your bookshelf thread, he rolls off the couch to take a picture of his collection. While agonizing over what order he should read these books in the future, Anon notices something on his wall. It appears to be a passageway, no a portal, illuminating the room with glorious light. Curious to know what waits on the other side, he unlatches the sliding pane and first pokes out his head, then his arms. Enamoured by the beauty around him, he leans into the portal completely and leaves his apartment forever.
When I told the time machine to "surprise me," I expected to be put in the midst of the battle for Troy, or perhaps in attendance for the birth of Napoleon; instead, there I was, staring Aristotle directly in the eyes, while he pretended he was doing something other than clearly making love to a beehive.
>Basket Case
A mentally deficient man who has recently been released from a home for moronic adults finds a suitcase in some bushes whilst aimlessly wandering the neighbourhood. Within lies a brick of cocaine and 50k in gold bullion. Enamoured with the shiny objects, he takes the case and is subsequently tracked down and hunted by the organised crime outfit to whom it belongs. His lack of intelligence fortuitously saves him in every instance.
For a long time I used to go to bed at 7 in the morning.
>By Night
Action packed tale in first person told by a professional burglar and party animal. His lifestyle begins to catch up with him when he is diagnosed with liver failure, and subsequently decides to pull a heist to steal a new liver from the hospital transplant department. Story has an overall vibe of realism, but with a focus on the particular personalitites (thieves, fences, ravers, druggies) that make up the night world that the protagonist inhabits, as well as a certain banal humour.
"As soon as I shove this hot poker up my ass, I'm gonna rip my dick off!" the Pope shouted to a room full of stunned archbishops.
>The Decline of the Holy See >Takes the form of a chronicle, with each entry taking the form of a tale rather than a sterile statement of facts. Outlines the decline of a version of the papacy in a universe that is not ours. Chronicle begins with Paulus I in 1500 and continues until Kevin III in 2200. Each story focuses on one particular degenerate Pope, and between these stories is merely a timeline of the events that occurred between the events of the stories. The Papacy in this world has decided as of the reforms of 1112 that Jesus was an arachnid and communicates with humanity through consumption of psychadelic mushrooms and ergot. Incidentally, the edict that stipulated this came about after a terrible blight affected the corn across Europe, leading to mass psychosis and lasting mental issues. The consequences of this, and of the bizarre doctrine, are clear down the following centuries, as society has taken a distinctly absurd and hyper-violent aspect to it.
The sea which lies before me as I write glows rather than sparkles in the bland May sunshine. With the tide turning, it leans quitely against the land, almost unflecked by ripples or by foam. All of a sudden, a Black person appears and I must vomit
Sing, Goddess, Elliot's rage,
Black and murderous, that cost the Roasties
incalculable pain, pitched countless souls
of Chads, and left their bodies to rot as feasts
For dogs and birds
Cautious tale about the dangers of alchemy: instead of a machine that creates gold the protagonist creates a seagull extinction machine that makes them burst into flames. The god of seagulls takes revenge by wreaking havoc all over the world but is ultimately appeased by an offering of the largest fish sandwich mankind has ever seen.
Bofa Deez Nuts, these words rattled through my byronic noggin.
>The Rime of the Ebonic Mariner
Press ganged into naval service by racist whitey after a night drinking lean in 1720's London, Tyrone finds himself working as a cabin boy on a British Privateer ship. Quickly drawing the ire of the crew and mates for his insouciant attitude and casual performance of his mopping duties, he is keel hauled and tied to the mast. Being given a second chance, he returns to his duties with the same lack of attention. Eventually, as a gull flies overhead, he takes aim with a musket (held sideways) and shoots it, deep frying it and consuming it below deck. A storm hits and the crew become convinced that he is the cause, throwing him overboard. The sea calms immediately, and he is washed onto a desert island where he whiles away his day in bliss eating dead crabs and trying to figure out how to open coconuts.
The robot screamed but humans in the zoo cage didn't wake up.
>Under The LED Eye
>Millenia after an intelligent system was developed by humans and took over the world, the last of mankind survives in a sort of zoo that displays the wildlife of the world that was. The exhibit is unfortunately set up in a haphazard manner, mixing different cultural artefacts from different times in a way that the machines do not recognise as disjointed. Man's intelligence has declined sharply with the years of imprisonment, and the perspective of the novel is that of one of the robots created by the almighty AI to simulate some sort of society, in spite of the fact that it is essentially a hivemind. There is a heavy emphasis on the nature of identity, with the robot coming slowly to the understanding that it is merely a sort of partitioned sentience within an overall mind. This realisation is engendered through the comparison with the now-enfeebled humans who yet retain their complete mental independence from any overarching control.
My arrest was not surprising, but I can't say the same thing about my charge.
What a day. I grabbed the eviction notice off my door, turned the key to my apartment and collapsed on the couch. By and by, I took out my phone and opened up IQfy.org/lit/.
>The Portal to Arcadia
Anon recounts the events of today leading up to the present moment. Like yesterday and the day before, Anon waddles from his bedroom and wallows in comfortable misery browsing IQfy on the couch. Deciding to participate in a post your bookshelf thread, he rolls off the couch to take a picture of his collection. While agonizing over what order he should read these books in the future, Anon notices something on his wall. It appears to be a passageway, no a portal, illuminating the room with glorious light. Curious to know what waits on the other side, he unlatches the sliding pane and first pokes out his head, then his arms. Enamoured by the beauty around him, he leans into the portal completely and leaves his apartment forever.
When I told the time machine to "surprise me," I expected to be put in the midst of the battle for Troy, or perhaps in attendance for the birth of Napoleon; instead, there I was, staring Aristotle directly in the eyes, while he pretended he was doing something other than clearly making love to a beehive.
posting excerpts from infinite jest is cheating
feminist retelling of the hobbit after it enters the public domain
The clever thing to do would be to shut it close and turn away, but George was not a clever man.
>Basket Case
A mentally deficient man who has recently been released from a home for moronic adults finds a suitcase in some bushes whilst aimlessly wandering the neighbourhood. Within lies a brick of cocaine and 50k in gold bullion. Enamoured with the shiny objects, he takes the case and is subsequently tracked down and hunted by the organised crime outfit to whom it belongs. His lack of intelligence fortuitously saves him in every instance.
>By Night
Action packed tale in first person told by a professional burglar and party animal. His lifestyle begins to catch up with him when he is diagnosed with liver failure, and subsequently decides to pull a heist to steal a new liver from the hospital transplant department. Story has an overall vibe of realism, but with a focus on the particular personalitites (thieves, fences, ravers, druggies) that make up the night world that the protagonist inhabits, as well as a certain banal humour.
>The Decline of the Holy See
>Takes the form of a chronicle, with each entry taking the form of a tale rather than a sterile statement of facts. Outlines the decline of a version of the papacy in a universe that is not ours. Chronicle begins with Paulus I in 1500 and continues until Kevin III in 2200. Each story focuses on one particular degenerate Pope, and between these stories is merely a timeline of the events that occurred between the events of the stories. The Papacy in this world has decided as of the reforms of 1112 that Jesus was an arachnid and communicates with humanity through consumption of psychadelic mushrooms and ergot. Incidentally, the edict that stipulated this came about after a terrible blight affected the corn across Europe, leading to mass psychosis and lasting mental issues. The consequences of this, and of the bizarre doctrine, are clear down the following centuries, as society has taken a distinctly absurd and hyper-violent aspect to it.
In a hole in the ground there lived a woman.
I was once a gyrating flexion.
For a long time I used to go to bed at 7 in the morning.
>The Edge
>story follows a gooning loner who browses IQfy all day until he meets a woman who does the same thing but browses crystal cafe
It was at that moment I decided to become a homosexual.
an autobiography.
confessions of a IQfyner
The sea which lies before me as I write glows rather than sparkles in the bland May sunshine. With the tide turning, it leans quitely against the land, almost unflecked by ripples or by foam. All of a sudden, a Black person appears and I must vomit
"As soon as I shove this hot poker up my ass, I'm gonna rip my dick off!" the Pope shouted to a room full of stunned archbishops.
Hairy, itchy, flattened nostrils, bulging muscles, I did it, I became the gorilla; ooga-booga!
I am nobody...nobody is perfect...therefore I am perfect.
Sing, Goddess, Elliot's rage,
Black and murderous, that cost the Roasties
incalculable pain, pitched countless souls
of Chads, and left their bodies to rot as feasts
For dogs and birds
The day I found out what color that flower was, it was already too late: the sea was engulfed in silence and ashes.
Cautious tale about the dangers of alchemy: instead of a machine that creates gold the protagonist creates a seagull extinction machine that makes them burst into flames. The god of seagulls takes revenge by wreaking havoc all over the world but is ultimately appeased by an offering of the largest fish sandwich mankind has ever seen.
Lmao. Seagulls bringing down the world would be an interesting ending to things. Such little c**ts, but also so endearing in their own savage way
Picrel