It Happened To Me: he beat up my BF & I can't stop masturbating to it I try to fight it so hard when these thoughts come into my head, but I have no idea what to do.

I've been with my BF for two years. Things have been going great as we adjust to post-college life. We're talking about getting married and what we want the future to look like. It's been such a fun adventure to share with him.

My BF's social circle is pretty testosterone driven. They all played sports together in college. They still play together through some local leagues, but they hang out a lot too. Not everyone is friendly with one another, but they all share the same interest, so they all end up hanging out.

Two weeks ago we were at a house party with these guys and one guy (I'll call him Dylan) was being a total ass to a lot of people, but as the night went on, he focused in on my BF especially.

Dylan is one of the more obnoxious people in the group, and while some people enjoy his company, my BF and I do not.

Dylan ended up taking things too far and a fight started between him and my BF. The end result for my BF was not good – he basically struggled to get back up while Dylan insulted him.

My BF has (understandably) been seething about this the past two weeks and I've been pretty pissed too.

But lately I've been having these intrusive thoughts about Dylan.

It started when a picture he was tagged in showed up on my FB feed. I just kind of noticed things about him I had never seen before. I'll find myself at work suddenly thinking about his arms or something.

It makes me feel fucking awful. Like I'm betraying my BF. I don't want to find Dylan attractive or have these fantasies, but they keep happening.

Last night I was with my BF while he and some of these people played a pickup game of basketball. Dylan showed up after a while and joined the skins team. The minute he took off his shirt, I was overwhelmed with all of these fucking terrible thoughts. I ended up just looking at my phone to try and distract myself.

My BF and I left shortly after Dylan arrived (BF understandably wanted to leave because he couldn't stomach being around Dylan). The worst part is I couldn't help myself when I got home and I ended up masturbating while thinking about Dylan without his shirt.

I feel so incredibly guilty this morning that I've been crying on and off for a few hours now. I want this to stop, but I have no idea what to do. I try to fight it so hard when these thoughts come into my head. I thought I was doing better, but last night I ended up going farther than I ever had before and it sickens me to my stomach.

How do I stop these thoughts? How do I cope with my guilt from last night?

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54 thoughts on “<span class="entry-title-primary">It Happened To Me: he beat up my BF & I can't stop masturbating to it</span> <span class="entry-subtitle">I try to fight it so hard when these thoughts come into my head, but I have no idea what to do.</span>”

  1. This might be a bit of a gamble to say the least, but why not tell your boyf that you think seeing him get brutally beaten up by this obnoxious poopyhole is now your go-to wank fodder... he might even find it hot too, deep down!
    I'm a hetero male and I actually fantasize about being beaten up in front of a girlfriend (not kidding here).
    Hear me out - rather than just focus on the "depravity" of it, why not consider the positive - your boyfriend was prepared to take a beating, to endure it.
    How many times have we seen that in the movies? When the leading lady gasps wide eyed as her hero takes a humiliating beat down.
    It can be seen as noble, heroic.
    Maybe secretly your bf is a masochistic freak like me?
    Imagine the Irony if you were both touching yourselves over it and you never told each other!

  2. The problem is your BF has lost his authority as an alpha male from this altercation. If you want your BF to gain it back in your eyes, you should allow him to assert his dominance over you by being honest and telling him about your feelings for Dylan, then allowing him to beat the shit out of you. If he's an alpha he'll do so and masculine order will be restored as it should be according to the animal kingdom, but if he's not an alpha then it's not worth being with some beta who won't even beat his woman.

    You could also decide you're not just an animal who follows their base instincts and control your urges for the sake of your BF who controls his urges due to his love for you.

  3. Your conscious self is not the author of your feelings, you don't have to feel bad about that. But you can decide to notice how dumb they are. This is latent ape programming from far back in the evolutionary chain. If that's who you'd like to be by all means indulge your inner ape. But then remember how you'd feel if your BF indulged his inner ape. If he disregarded everything you meant to him because someone else happened to be hotter. Or if he left when you were pregnant or vulnerable for a more competent woman. Or much worse I'm sure you can reflect on the worst parts of male impulse. Evidently he doesn't do that so either do what he's done and conquer that part of yourself like a true Amazon or get out of his life

  4. Your conscious self is not the author of your feelings, you don't have to feel bad about that. But you can decide to notice how dumb they are. This is latent ape programming from far back in the evolutionary chain. If that's who you'd like to be by all means indulge your inner ape. But then remember how you'd feel if your BF indulged his inner ape. If he disregarded everything you meant to him because someone else happened to be hotter. Or if he left when you were pregnant or vulnerable for a more competent woman. Or much worse I'm sure you can reflect on the worst parts of male impulse. Evidently he doesn't do that so either do what he's done and conquer that part of yourself like a true Amazon or get out of his life

  5. You should try masturbating to Dylan as much as possible to reduce him to a mere object and desensitise yourself to him.

  6. This is the most vile and degenerate group of individuals both in the person of the author as well as 97% of the commenters. You’re all absolutely I sane and need to wake up and splash some water on your faces. The fact that your romantic partner got hurt and you have the audacity to not only not care but fetishize the aggressor is sickening. You need help. Things happen and feelings arise but if we want or remain faithful to our partners we can’t just indulge in them ever. I don’t see pretty person on the street and then masturbate to the memory of them later, and I don’t see a pretty person i know and do the same. There’s no excuse, you need help and I am genuinely disgusted and will hope for the rest of my life this was satire, or at least the comments are. If you care about your partner at all, you have a lot of introspection to do because this is egregious and just wrong on so many levels. The title of this article shows how messed up the posture is too, not at all one of apology and feeling bad about a mistake, but viewing it as an inevitable occurrence. Unbelievable

  7. Tonight, I will read an Akathist to teh Theotokos (Mary, the Mother of God) specifically for you. I don't even care if this fake. The kind of kind that would even cook up this insanity sorely needs prayers and God's grace, for humility and repentance. Consider monasticism. May our Lord, God and Savior Jesus Christ have mercy on us all.

    • Okay honestly? Give yourself some grace. It's okay if you are attracted to your boyfriend's friend, that isn't cheating. But, def consider why Dylan is a bad match for you. Chances are you're physically attracted to him but that's it! Also consider if you're happy where you are 🙂

  8. I know this is a silly story and most people are just trolling, but I'll attempt to take this seriously.

    First of all, no one likes weakness in anyone. Mental, physical, or emotional. It's usually highlighted that women don't like it in men, but I'd say it is universally thought of as a negative trait/behavior. Him seething about it is reasonable, but not constructive or "strong" really. Lashing out is not sexy. I imagine if he had a better reaction to it initially your reaction would probably be better too, but I don't know the specifics. Everyone has their moments of weakness, even the strongest people, it's only natural. It's all down to how we deal with it.
    Second, your BF is a dumbass for allowing this to happen - he should know how to diffuse or at least get out of such a situation with this guy if he's known him for long enough. He also should know getting his ass kicked in front of his GF and friends is a bad look to say the least. As well, the other friends allowing it to happen is stupid too but whatever. But it sounds like this entire friend group is dumb jocks.

    Anyway the best way to remedy this is from a positive position, not a "oh youre not cool anymore from getting your ass kicked" nothing can be gained from that, its super negative, demeaning, and unnecessary. Your BF is already something of an athlete from the sounds of it, so he's already in shape and takes care of his body, just isn't super serious about it. You have to pitch to him like this: "You know Dylan is a raging idiot but I think it would be sexy if you kicked his ass next time he acted up, teach him a lesson. I think that's the best way to deal with it." Have him train in something like Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu or Muay Thai and have him keep it a secret from all of his friends. Then next time he acts up, your BF will be prepared and also looking out for it. Plus your BF will have extra motivation to kick the shit out of him, where as he just blindly attacks people because he wants to feel strong. Trust me, this guy will not apologize and attempting to do that will not help anything(it will be hollow moral victory at best), his language is in physical aggression.

    oh and general pro tip: always sucker punch the guy. always. you will regret it every time you don't!

    P.S. go to a therapist, a real one and a good one - it will help you more than you know. it's a bit intimidating to be venerable with one but if you find the right one it is worth it in the end for sure.

  9. Yea so I guess this also happened with me once…Me and my boyfriend would hit the city on weekends, get a few pinchers and such but one night a man, let’s name him Tyrone spanked my ass. My boyfriend didn’t want to let it slide and asked Tyrone to apologize. Tyrone then proceeded to gutter punch him and together with couple of his friends they pulled his pants down and went to town on him one after one.

    We are no longer together but Tyrone has proven to be an excellent BF.

  10. shiiiii you must be dat WHYTE GOLD all my otha siss be talkin bout. Y'all white women so unfaithful get wid a sis so we can really disrespect yo stupid ass.

  11. Encourage your partner to be a man.
    Tell him to work out, learn to fight and regain his honour by beating Dylan in single combat.
    Once you see him out caveman his enemy you'll want his babies in no time.

  12. The only solution to save your relationship is for your boyfriend to train in hand to hand combat until he becomes strong enough to dominate Dylan physically and rape him in front of you.
    This will restore your love and lust for him.
    You can also get penetrated by Dylan whilst your boyfriend sodomizes him. This will allow your boyfriend to fuck you through him, reducing him to a mere flesh condom.

  13. Damn...
    Yes hello, Dr. Freud. I'm sorry for making fun of you on Twitter, you were right about absolutely everything.

  14. Reading shit like this makes me understand the mental fragility of the female mind. Let me be blunt on the subject of keeping your woman. Women want to be dominated like a pack of yappy little dogs, they need direction and a reason to be. Once you show a soft side they will fantasize about an Alpha pounding the Hell out of them. Become a Goddam wolf and lead them by their pussies because all women's thoughts are driven by their vaginas and you be a fool not to understand this basic shit.

  15. It's normal, your boyfriend is probably an unmanly, sensitive, weak, feminist vegan, anti-racist, pro-lgbt person. So in your mind he's a good person, but your subconscious knows he's a sub-human driven to extinction by natural selection. You are a woman and despite your ideology your instinct pushes you to breed with a dominant male, that is to say a strong, aggressive and conquering man who will dominate you. I advise you to leave your boyfriend and become a whore.

    • do you dominate women often. if so how do you manage to choke them without resisting the urge to murder them outright, given the generally demonic outlook of your soul. have you not found the right arteries yet? consider serial murder.

  16. "If the person you're lusting after is off limits because one of you is already in a relationship, or pursuing them could complicate other areas of your life, thinking things through rationally is key. "Strong sexual attraction is often a matter of desiring novelty and the unknown," says O’Reilly. "When you’re physically attracted to someone you don’t know well, your mind may subconsciously fill in the blanks to create an ideal sexual partner; You assume that they’re good in bed, kind, compassionate, attentive, loving, funny, and charming because you want to like them." However, the truth is that no one's perfect. So, O’Reilly emphasizes the importance of realizing that your impression of them probably isn't fully in line with the reality of who they are. "

    https://www.elitedaily.com/p/can-you-stop-being-attracted-to-someone-experts-say-its-really-tough-17930282

  17. I am not an expert but:

    1. Think about your boyfriend and the good times with him and masturbate about him instead.
    2. See a psychologist as long as your boyfriend doesn't find out.

  18. That's biology speaking to you - your body wants to produce offspring with a strong man. You could discuss with your BF if he'll allow a semen donation from Dylan so you can get the strongest possible boy or girl when/if you're ready for children. If he's a real man he'll be happy to "upgrade" so to speak. They'll be better equipped to take care of him when he gets old.

      • Maybe go out with Dylan but only have anal with him. It’s not technically cheating, but may get it out of your system.

        If you can manage to keep Dylan’s semen inside your rear passage and head home to your BF, your sex with your boyfriend may be elevated too and this may help you get over your Dylan problem because you can associate Dylan’s seed inside of you with your BF now.

    • Ahhh yes the good ole, “Semen of Demon” Theory. Dr Lamont Robbins study on beta male inter breeding. A great solution!

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