First we had #GiveElsaAGirlfriend and now #GiveCaptainAmericaABoyfriend is trending. But why stop there?
Plenty of pop culture cannons are in need of a forced injection of progressivism. And come on Twitter, one homosexual relationship is pretty weak. It's current year and homonormativity is the new heteronormativity after all.
UPDATE: The trending hashtag worked. Marvel announces first gay Captain America.
But we can be doing much better. Here are a few suggestions.
#GiveAllFourFemaleGhostbustersLesbianLovers
The new all-lady Ghostbusters is all about the girl power. So why not double it? Give each individual member of the Ghostbusters team her own separate love interest and meticulously build them into individual narrative arcs. First you need the awkward, quirky first meetings, then going steady, then the four Ghostbusters screw up in four different ways and have to win back the hearts of their four distinct lesbian lovers with individual acts of romantic expression. Hell, there might not be time to fight ghosts.
And with twice the womyn, Ghostbusters haters will be twice as misogynistic too!
#GodzilllaNeedsAPolyamorousWithMothraAndGhidorahAndPonies
The hetero and cisnormativity of the Godzilla franchise is frankly stifling. Godzilla, a busy working mother, never has time to explore her pansexuality between leveling Tokyo and fighting differently abled creatures.
That’s why Godzilla, Mothra and Ghidorah need to be a thing. Mothra a male-to-female in transition is having trouble adapting to her new life. The steady, confident Godzilla comes in to show her the ropes of being a womyn. Enter the three-headed Ghidorah, who unfortunately is male, but he’s a PoC, so I guess that’s cool.
And then they have an orgy set in the My Little Pony universe, with ponies cheering and joining in.
Their passionate lovemaking can be heard across the Atlantic. Roll credits.
And they say social justice doesn’t sell!
#ForceTheNinjaTurtlesToMakeLoveToATentacleMonster
They may be reluctant, but director David Green, needs to get those turtles getting on. With a tentacle monster. Only then will the turtles learn the errors of their heteronormative ways and the objective superiority of a non-binary lifestyle.
If they resist they will finally be exposed as the homophobes they are. Cowabunga dudes!
4. #IWillLiterallyDieIfChewbaccaAndC-3PODontHappen
You heard me. I will literally die if Rian Johnson does not ship Chewie and 3PO in an upcoming Star Wars movie. I don’t care if the script has already been written, this needs to happen.
Think about it. 3PO would be the first asexual aromantic character ever to make cross-species love in a major motion picture!
I will be swooning, Republicans will be quaking in their boots. Take that American Values Association, Chewie is in love with a robot and doesn’t care who knows it!
#BatmanMustHaveTheSexualOrgansOfAMaleSeahorse
It’s 2016, and womyn still bear the entire burden of pregnancy, and television and film are complicit in this patriarchal oppression.
https://twitter.com/KainTepes/status/735153235338596352
To close this pregnancy gap, Batman must be given the sexual organs of a male sea horse to be able to bring a baby to a full term. Men in society are completely callous to the pains and struggle of giving birth. But when they see their greatest hero Batman writhing in agony, telling the viewer the pain is much worse than any acid attack by the Joker, then they will listen. Then they will know.
Surprisingly, none of these hashtags are trending yet. So let’s make it happen, Twitter, and finally force films other people already love to line up with our values.
 It's All Fucked Shirt $22.14 |
 |
It's All Fucked Shirt $22.14 |