The 6 stages of stalking your ex on social media

When you break up with someone, you can't simply abandon your social media stalking tendencies.

As all millennials know, breakups mostly suck because of social media. Significant others come and go, but Instagram is forever. When you break up with someone, you can’t simply abandon your social media stalking tendencies. Facebook even tried to solve this problem by letting you hide your ex. But the fact remains: it’s a matter of self control. Self control that you don’t have.

1. Denial

You’re a single and empowered individual, so you block your ex on Facebook, unfollow him/her on Instagram, and remove from snapchat. You don’t need that energy in your life.

2. Grief

Here’s the part where you down a bottle of wine and and scroll through the publicly available profile and cover photos. Your significant other is probably happy and replacing you already. Crying may or may not be involved.

3. Anger

Your ex is the scum of the Earth and you put up with said scum for a long time. You have the right to see what this person is doing. Time for your friends to be useful and let you stalk your ex via their social media accounts. This is the part where you trash talk the new significant other who is clearly inferior to you. Why do they have couple photos already?

4. Bargaining

Ok, look. It’s kind of immature to block your exes right, so you should probably re-add him/ her on everything. It’s not like you’ll look at every new photo or status update, just check in once in a while. Besides, how else will your ex know how well you’re doing now??

5. Depression

Now you can see everything your ex is up to, and you have nothing better to do than stalk daily. It becomes clear exactly how pathetic you are, and your hobbies/ friends are quickly replaced by scrolling through mobile uploads and making snide comments.

6. Acceptance

This is your life now. No point in fighting it anymore. Take sick pleasure in the fact that modern technology has robbed your ex of any chance at privacy.

…The single life is so great, right?