Breakups are nothing new. I’m sure Adam and Eve had their fair share of arguments and considered seeing other people (if other people existed?). But in modern times, with so many cultural changes and available dating options, people have developed new breaking up rituals.
Sure, sometimes it’s a smooth, respectful conversation between two mature adults, agreeing to move forward in life separately. But other times – oh, other times it’s just a mess. It’s disastrous, it’s jagged, it’s unfair — anything other than clean.
Get in a relationship and know that if it doesn’t result in happily ever after, it might just end in one of these, not-so-pleasant ways.
#1. The false Marvel movie credits
You know how when a Marvel superhero movie ends, everyone waits after the credits in the hopes of being given a little bonus scene?
That’s what happens here. The relationship is over, clearly. It’s very done, and yet the two people sit in the theater for weeks, months, sometimes even years, waiting for a possible bonus clip that’ll make it all worth it.
That clip never comes, and eventually they’re like ok, for real, I’m done staring into a black screen, I think we should see other movies.
The two parties use song lyrics, quotes, memes, indirect statements, and straight up shameless rants to take very public shots at each other. Sometimes the objective is to hurt feelings, other times it’s to share their side of the breakup, and on some occasions it’s done in the hopes of winning the person back.
#2. The video game release
While there are plenty of playful memes about this notion, video game releases are actually a real problem that can cause friction in strong relationships, and be the demise of fragile ones.
A new Call of Duty game comes out and suddenly long nights grinding up those soldier stats is more appealing than a dinner for two. The careless abandonment wears down the deserted party, and whilst one person is busy killing zombies, their relationship is becoming one.
#3. The summer eye-opener
It’s like the sunny days shine a light on all of the things that sound like more fun single, when you’re not fully into a person: beaches, pools, shirtlessness, drinking, barbecues.
If your relationship is tired or you’re only kind of into the person you’re dating, summertime will expose every crack, and you’ll be like, “I need some solo time. Valentine’s Day is like 8 months away, I’ll have plenty of time to find a new relationship by then.”
#4. The random communication decline
One second they’re dating, the next they just stop spending time, then stop calling each other and communicate solely via text, then they barely even text anymore and the relationship is really only vaguely considered alive because they haven’t spoken and officially confirmed its death.
Eventually someone will muster up the courage to send some type of “This just isn’t working” text, and that’ll be the anti-climactic series finale episode of this show that should’ve ended a season or two ago.
#5. The unknowingly public ending
Breakup in a public setting – from in a fast food restaurant, to on an airplane, to in a coffee shop — and it could potentially be live tweeted, for the entire world to see unfold in increments of 140-characters or less.
You won’t even know it until after it’s over and you see your name as a trending topic, or get a text from your friend who is always on the internet. A cruel way for a relationship to end indeed, but a real possibility in these camera phone/social media heavy days, nonetheless.