The electronic world around us has changed how we do just about everything. It’s changed how we eat, how we sleep and yes, how we have sex. No longer is making love just two naked bodies rubbing together until fluids are spilled. The rules of the game are different.
Indeed, In the 21st century, you don’t need to be in the same room as somebody to have sex. Hell, you don’t even need to be in the same state. The playing field has been blasted wide open.
Oculus Rift porn
It’s not an exaggeration to say that new technology is often driven by adult content. We’re a horny people, and if something can bring us porn more efficiently, we’ll embrace it.
With virtual reality being the next hot ticket in tech, it’s unsurprising that several companies are getting in on the bandwagon. Adult film company Naughty America has already produced content especially for the Oculus Rift, allowing you to take on the dude’s role in a threesome with Nikki Benz and Jaclyn Taylor.
And yes, they’re working on VR smut for ladies as well.
Spinning and vibrating male masturbators
The technology of sex toys has advanced a ridiculous amount in the last decade or so. Let’s be crude here: if you were a dude getting off solo with a toy in the 20th century, it was probably pretty janky.
Modern erotic aids like the Realistic vegana Pussy Stroker are made with high-tech materials to simulate the real thing in ridiculous ways. This sex substitute offers a no-stress experience thanks to a series of motorized rollers that take the work out of your wrist.
Eventually we’re going to get full-on sex robots, but this is a hell of a first step.
Long distance couples massagers with customizable vibes
With a no distance limit, you can wear Remote Control Couple Vibrator when you go out and your partner can control it from home. It has a wide array of custom vibrations and you can also use it to let your favorite songs stimulate you harmonically, because of course.
MakerLove
3D printing has transformed the hobbyist world, with affordable machines giving people the power to manufacture just about anything in the comfort and privacy of their own home. And yes, that extends to sex toys as well.
MakerLove is a repository for 3D models that you can feed into your printer to create the perfect toy. Designs range from ordinary penis-shaped dildos to vibrating Sigmund Freud heads for when you really want to get freaky.
IZIVIBE
Your phone can now officially do everything for you, as the IZIVIBE is a sex toy operated by your phone's vibrations. The phone case with an attached silicone handle can be controlled by its accompanying app settings. Choose from 7 different speeds or simply use the silicone handle as a dildo. It can also be operated remotely if you're in the mood to get freaky with a long distance lover.
The company describes its new product as "original and not vulgar... [it's] simple and effective." It also seems like a UTI waiting to happen. Perhaps dropping your phone in your bacteria-infested purse all day and then shoving it up your orifices isn't medically advisable.
Realistic women's behinds
Ah, silicone. It gets so little credit. We need to ban the development of realistic behinds so men don't get any funny ideas about not needing women any more.
Realistic Butt Pocket Pussy Ass -- Amazon.
OhMiBod blueMotion
In this increasingly connected world, it’s more than common to fall in lust with somebody that’s several time zones away. When a booty call isn’t in the cards and old-school sexting just won’t cut it anymore, the magical world of teledildonics steps in.
That’s a catch-all term for hardware that you use on your naughty bits that’s controlled by a partner from a distance. The blueMotion vibrator from OhMiBod gets turned on from an iPhone or Android app via Bluetooth and can deliver good feelings to a lady for as long as an hour on a single charge.
SexFit
There are a lot of variables that go into doing it, and if there’s one thing computers are good at, it’s tracking variables. The SexFit advertises itself as a way to monitor your “sexual fitness,” sort of like a pedometer for your penis.
The silicone base also vibrates for additional pleasure, and you can program it with the “pacing mode” to choreograph your erotic activities in a set sequence. If you’re an exhibitionist, the SexFit can even share your bedroom stats on social media automatically.
Glance
Google’s Glass device was primarily the provenance of hypernerds, but that didn’t stop some horny techies from trying to come up with sexy apps for it.
Glance is a piece of software that takes the popularity of PoV porn and gives it a little twist. When you activate it along with a partner who is also wearing Google Glass, it streams their field of vision into yours, and vice versa.
This kind of reality-twisting is exactly what sex tech is good for, allowing us to experience things that we normally would never be able to.
FriXion
Social networking pervades every single aspect of our daily existence, for better or worse. So, it’s not surprising that some clever soul has found a way to mix getting off and clicking around.
FriXion is a Florida-based startup that is building an online network that allows sexual partners to link up their computer-controlled sex toys. Their goal is to develop a universal platform that works with devices from any manufacturer, using bidirectional force feedback to create as realistic a cybersex experience as possible.
Tempe
If getting yourself off isn’t the problem, don’t stress. At least one in four men suffer from premature ejaculation, defined as popping your cork before your partner’s ready to accompany you.
Inventor Mike Wyllie, best known as one of the dudes who worked on the formulation that would become Viagra, recently announced a new product designed to help — a spray-on desensitizer called Tempe.
You squirt this on your Johnson five minutes before you’re ready to go and it numbs the tissues just enough to keep your orgasm at bay. Studies showed users could do the do up to five times longer than before.
Lovely
No matter how many mind-blowing orgasms we give our partners (and trust me, it’s a lot, right?), we all want to be better in bed. That’s the principle behind Lovely, a new sex toy currently raising funds on Indiegogo.
The silicone ring sits over the base of the dude’s dinger and delivers subtle vibrations during the sex act. It also monitors your time and suggests positions, even tailoring the tips to your needs. Lovely will even tell you how many calories you burn during each bout of lovemaking.
The MOD, Multivibrating Open-Source Dildo
Let’s close this out with a new product that folds several of the innovations we’ve seen so far into one powerful pleasure tool. The MOD, Multivibrating Open-Source Dildo, is the creation of tech company Comingle.
Their goal is to create a vibrator that is completely customizable. Unlike most other sex toys, this puppy has a trio of motors at different spots on the shaft, and it plugs into a customized Arduino board that lets it interface with just about anything.
You want a vibe that responds to music, or gets faster every time you get a Twitter reply? The MOD can allegedly do that. It even works with a brain-sensing headband that lets you get yourself off with thought alone. Allegedly.
So, whether you think you’re doomed to a life of solitude, or just want to make your frequent sexual experiences better, there’s enough technology in the world to lend a hand — or robotic mouth.
