Amazon wouldn't publish my short story. Where can I upload it online for you guys to read?
Amazon wouldn't publish my short story. Where can I upload it online for you guys to read?
Amazon wouldn't publish my short story. Where can I upload it online for you guys to read?
Ok I tried wattpad
https://www.wattpad.com/story/365239690?utm_source=android&utm_medium=com.miui.notes&utm_content=share_reading&wp_page=reading_part_end&wp_uname=JimHolland777
I would caution against posting here. The chances of you getting useful, fair-minded feedback are basically nil. People are going to shit on whatever you write because this site has trained them to be needlessly acerbic. Even if they think it isn't so bad, they'll still say something nasty since they have a crab-bucket mentality.
Pointless, vile post.
Useless criticism.
More vileness with added aspersions cast on OP's experience as a writer. Also useless in terms of criticism.
Subjective opinion masquerading as expertise.
Again, OP, there's zero way you're getting anything helpful from this board.
Can't help someone without pointing out the flaws. Yes, it will hurt, but OP will be better off from the criticism.
Re-read my post. No-one has offered constructive advice. Not one. "Frick a troony" is not constructive advice.
It's better advice than your initial post of, dude Just give up. Everybody hates you and everybody is against you.
Not constructive at all.
>dude Just give up.
Did he make that point?
If so, yeah, frick that anon.
Nowhere did I say he should just give up. I said he shouldn't look to IQfy for feedback.
He's here because this is probably his last resort. Maybe it's because he's poor or just shy about his work, and he turned to anonymity to seek advice. I don't care for the reason he's here now, and he posted a story and asked for help. Frick you for telling him to frick off.
In any case, I've read three paragraphs and it reminds of The Catcher in the Rye.
Teenage angst as a subject matter is utterly repellant to me, but the style is okay.
Find a better subject matter OP.
Are you the anon that told op to leave? Because that was terrible constructive criticism.
best advice ITT
>Are you the anon that told op to leave?
No.
not any of those anons but aren't subjective opinions important as well?
once you publish something you will get pretty much nothing else than subjective opinions - Amazon reviews, goodreads reviews, very few of them will be objective or constructive or made by experts, in the end your success will depend on if an average reader likes your book or not
Yeah, but I've read more useful subjective reviews for my local McDonald's than I have in this thread. It's a question of degrees.
OP has fled the thread. He probably feels like shit. I stand by what I said. There's nothing useful here... it's all just malice.
Then give OP some useful criticism, you dumb ape, be the helpful person you desire to see itt. I won't hold my breath.
The very 1st thing he does is tell OP to frick off and then gaslights him into feeling bad for seeking advice on how to better his writing. My pieces may have been opinionated at 1st, but when OP posted his second story, I was more interested in helping OP.
>gaslights
No I am not trying to convince OP that he's delusional when he isn't. Stop misusing words.
>Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which the abuser attempts to sow self-doubt and confusion in their victim's mind. Typically, gaslighters are seeking to gain power and control over the other person, by distorting reality and forcing them to question their own judgment and intuition.
Yeah, advising someone to avoid abuse, and then showing evidence of that abuse, doesn't fit that description.
Telling somebody that their work is subpar is not abuse, but telling someone to not look for help because of reasons is gaslighting.
>but telling someone to not look for help
I didn't say he shouldn't look for help. I said he should avoid this place specifically like the plague if he actually wants feedback. I stand by that. This thread, like every criticism thread on IQfy, is utter garbage.
So direct OP. Tell OP some sources available for them to go and get helpful criticism don't outright hand waive them away like you initially did.
Can't do it. Wrong head space. If I read his stuff, his style will start cropping up in my own writing. I'm like a sponge. As for sources, maybe try Macintosh Cafe, OP?
I don't like the story. If you're going to write about something transgressive like a minor losing their virginity to a prostitute, you need some kind of takeaway. It comes off as pointless, which could be excused if the writing was superb, but there are some really basic descriptions like "ink black kitchen". All of your strongest moments when writing are dependent on allusions to "poetic" things. Don't stop writing, hopefully you can find some people who will give you honest feedback. I hate telling people how to improve their stories because I think most people can point out flaws, but not many give good suggestions on how to improve them, but definitely write something longer if you want people to take your work seriously.
>hooker does the deed before processing payment
>appraisals of the choosing beggar le mint condition
>le man
>pointless drivel about heart condition
>bolting after the squeaky gate would have been funnier because of the suspense of consequence.
What would you do if she did wake up, roll the bike back home?
Keep writing anon. Only way is up.
I like encaustic paintings.
So you lost your virginity to a trap? What would compel you to write about it?
i cant believe i read this bullshit
It was pretty bad, I did like the bit in the elevator, but the ending to that scene was terrible.
What was so bad about it? I think there are stronger parts than the elevator.
It reads like It was someone's attempt to write for the 1st time. It's not bad, but it doesn't engage either. I liked the inner turmoil in the elevator scene although the way it ended was very disappointing. What scene did you like?
I'm trying to get better. What about this?
https://www.wattpad.com/story/365244395?utm_source=android&utm_medium=com.miui.notes&utm_content=share_reading&wp_page=reading_part_end&wp_uname=JimHolland777
Ok, so I read it. It is much better written compared to that virgin story you had. It still didn't want me to engage with the story. Strong opener though I did like that.
Actually a great way to describe your work here. In both stories, you set up a particular way of reading, but then later on, you rush to whatever point you want to make. It's not bad. It just needs a bit more to engage the reader.
It was good until it wasn't. The almost poetic way you described everything until when you entered the room clashes with the simple and pornographic way you describe his body and the sexual interaction. you either have to make it poetic and 'soft' as well or go all in and make it disgustingly dirty, almost revolting on how crudely it's described. otherwise it's just poor written porn. don't be scared to dare.
The last paragraph made me lightly giggle. Most of it reads like you're just throwing words on the page trying to make traveling from point a to b sound interesting.
>I had a minor heart procedure
Why bring this up? Is this your first draft? You should do more editing before posting.
good save amazon
we all know op is now gooning to not break down 🙁
Meaningless degeneracy. The world is now worse because this exists.
stop being useless and vile!!
>useless and vile
Good way to describe the "story".
Sorry anon but it reads like a 15 year old edgy pretentious tryhard using what he perceives to be elaborate adult words to describe his cliche overwritten story.
Find inspiration for a more novel idea and edit the shit out of your prose. Not every single word needs to be an adjective or adverb.
It's like 3 pages homie, that's not a short story that's an anecdote
The writing has too many I's towards the beginning, I did this, I felt this... Also, it doesn't flow as well especially btn meeting the prostitute, learning he is a man and fricking him, that's where you should put your I's, you should do a lot of exposition on the shock that he is a man and that you liked him. You should also explore the post nut clarity that comes with it, make experienced men believe you and women jealous of the fleeting romance. This could easily go to twenty pages if you are willing to be more honest with yourself. The first paragraphs should tell us why you want to frick a prostitute and not your neighbour or high school crush. Herr you talk about your environment using other people, what you think they think of you, a little dialogue to show us your place in society and what kind of community you live in. You should move the story through the lens of others here then progressively get more personal as you approach the brothel.
Seriously trying way too hard. Keep reading and writing and you'll improve.
i dont like vulgar stories.