People who have read the Bible, what's the weirdest part?
 Shopping Cart Returner Shirt $21.68 |
 Nothing Ever Happens Shirt $21.68 |
Shopping Cart Returner Shirt $21.68 |
People who have read the Bible, what's the weirdest part?
People who have read the Bible, what's the weirdest part?
Shopping Cart Returner Shirt $21.68 |
Nothing Ever Happens Shirt $21.68 |
Shopping Cart Returner Shirt $21.68 |
the part where Jesus vaporizes that kid for pushing him
Underrated, to be fair most people don't read the Apocryphal texts
i don't even remember which one that was
thomas?
Infancy Gospel of Thomas, also the Arabic version of it was a source used for the Quran.
can I get a reference/quote? where is this?
The fact that Jesus never calls himself God, but yet Christians believe he is
>I and the Father are one.
John 10:30
>all those times Jesus prays to himself apparently
Well, he was a israelite. And israelites pray only to G-d.
>John
>the latest gospel, written by an anonymous writer a century after Jesus
No one who met Jesus believed that he was God. Jesus himself never said he was God. He only ever prayed to God, and told his followers that he himself was powerless without God.
Thomas called him "my Lord and my God" after seeing his wounds following the resurrection.
Yeah. In the Gospel of John. That anon is saying the appearance of it in the last written gospel shows the evolution of ideas about Jesus over the first century. It's also got the virgin birth story and other extra stuff.
The first Christians probably believed that Jesus was an incarnation of Micheal. That's why he's always calling himself the Son of God. This would have been part of the mystery cult, secret knowledge only passed to the elect
It's interesting that from the first to the last Gospel, Jesus goes from man to God.
The Holy Bible is a complex book. You either believes in what is there or don't. Even for those two options there is the blind belief/disbelief and the "I want to learn more about this belief/disbelief".
Not saying it is unique on that, but is far easier to find an non-believer studying the holy bible than any other religious book.
Your kind was already btfo in the fourth century, why persist? Already the second epistle of John goes against those that deny the Incarnation. But all the new testament is filled with qualities of Jesus that can only be attributed to God.
For starters he describes himself as making the judgement that only God himself can directly do, and tells of himself specifics of it that are directly of YHVH according to the psalms also Zachariah 14.
He also describes himself as having power of remission Mt. 9,2; Mk. 2. 5; Luke 5, 20 that are only of God, and the israelites are butthurt about it.
Then he mentions his omnipotence, his power over the law (which only god has in the OT, and the new, and even later in the works of rabbinical judaism).
He also sent the prophets Mt. 23, 34, a divine prerogative. It is also equated to Wisdom in Luke 11, 49. His superiority to creatures is everywhere, and in fact already the book of Wisdom saw it, far above Michael.
Phil 2 is also about Jesus being consubstantial with God. Plenty of other passages in Paulien epistles can only be understood this way.
>first Christians probably believed that Jesus was an incarnation of Micheal
Let's not forget Heb 1.6-8 where it explicitly calls the Son God, and opposes him to the angels.
>6 And again, when he bringeth in the first begotten into the world, he saith: And let all the angels of God adore him.
>7 And to the angels indeed he saith: He that maketh his angels spirits, and his ministers a flame of fire.
>8 But to the Son: Thy throne, O God, is for ever and ever: a sceptre of justice is the sceptre of thy kingdom.
that's not even mentioning book outside biblical canon such as the Didache specifically using divine names like kurios for Jesus. Or argument by prescription.
That's only going by superficial one liners, the entire new testament and even later books of the old make no sense outside the Incarnation.
>divine names like kurios
this was/is a government office in Roman Law; actually i think technically this would be to call Jesus a Roman Nobleman; Curite/Quirite, from the Roman name for the Romans, meaning "hunter"or more literally "spearman", from Quirinus.
that's actually interesting
> the entire new testament and even later books of the old make no sense outside the Incarnation.
They make some sense as a sad attempt by a man at stopping his fellow barbarians from being grotequely evil, but to then pretend him to be an actual 'god' ruins whatever philosophical or sociological lessons can be gleaned from any of it, especially the prior hebrew theology a to what points may have been made in the first place that they had cretinously misunderstood.
Sure thing bro, keep saying he is Michael or something. Nice goalpost moving btw. Did you realize you hadn't read the epistles?
>sociological lessons
Top kek. Jesus came to tell us to not be israelites. Truly what Christianity is about.
uh.. no i'm not the guy you were talking to, i just jumped in when i noticed kuros kurios.
lol,
>sociological lessons
>Top kek.
yes, god forbid you learn how to be a decent human being in this life.
> Jesus came to tell us to not be israelites. Truly what Christianity is about.
Yup, quite literally. Why would someone who didn't subscribed to hebrew laws, at the time jesus as around, need to be told about errors in hebrew laws? Nobody was killing their children or random prostitutes by a mobs armed with stones outside of Judea in the Roman Empire. That kind of barbarism would've been punished by crucifixion. actually no pun intended.
also, still me, you write awfully like the guy i was talking to yesterday who disappeared,
funny you mention marcion
I wasn't in any thread yesterday. There is some serious heresy in there but then it's a satanism thread. I mentioned Marcion because some guy shilled his old testament bad video.
See
I honestly don't think I've seen any other book of the New Testament cited to support the Trinity. Prove me wrong. name ANY GOSPEL or ANY BOOK of the New Testament that supports the idea of a Trinity. I can find MAN MORE verses in the other texts (of the both the Old and New Testament) that support the Islamic idea of Tawheed, monotheism.
Also, the very idea of the Trinity would be INCONCEIVABLE to any israelite before Christ. No israelite would have ever been crazy enough to suggest that idea.
Or maybe I'm the crazy one. In that case, you need to get moving and prove me wrong. Oh, and it can't be just one verse. There need to be several in order to outweigh the number of monotheistic verses.
I hate to cite a gaytheist, but even Bart Ehrman agrees that the Trinity is fake and gay and it was a concept invented by the Christians AFTER Christ.
John 1
Dumb.
Dumb.
Dumb thread on a dumb board full of dumb replies.
The final book. It's completely out there and shows just how far removed Christian eschatology is from anything in the Old Testament.
How so? Most of it is a straightforward redux of the plagues of Egypt
This is not true. Had a course on this where the prof showed that a great number of verses are taken 1:1 from the prophets in the Old Testament. Especially the last part is very similar to the ending of Ezekiel.
If anything it's the opposite. The Apocalypse of John is a midrash on the prophets especially Daniel and Ezekiel.
isn't that the point of the NT?
Book of numbers. Shit is straight cray cray fr fr no cap.
In one part this guy describes these eomen fricking men who's genitals and "emissions" are like that of donkeys. Besides that God calls for the genocide of the amorites specifically including infants and babies. The part of the bible that made me stop believing was where God blesses moses' staff with the ability to turn itno a snake, then the egyptian "magicians" do the same thing. Some bs if you ask me. Haven't read the whole thing. Main thing to remember is Romans 7:6 and that's pretty much it for the bible.
>where God blesses moses' staff with the ability to turn itno a snake, then the egyptian "magicians" do the same thing
That's not even the only part of the bible where it implies that black magic is real.
In fact i think you'll find this part in particular even more interesting, because not only it implies that things like black magic are actually real, but also that you can fricking communicate with the dead by using it.
The witch of Endor stuff makes sense in the israeli context since they believed in Sheol (a Hades like place for everybody instead of heaven and hell, concepts that didn't exist until Christianity), it's only weird when taken in Christian context
>The part of the bible that made me stop believing was where God blesses moses' staff with the ability to turn itno a snake, then the egyptian "magicians" do the same thing.
Why is that the one part that made you stop believing? It’s pretty believable if you ask me.
The thing is that Christians also believe that pagan gods are demons, so the Egyptian gods DO exist in the Bible.
>The part of the bible that made me stop believing was where God blesses moses' staff with the ability to turn itno a snake, then the egyptian "magicians" do the same thing.
But then the snake made from Moses's staff eats all the Egyptian staff snakes. It's basically a sign that Jahweh's magic is stronger than that of the Egyptian gods.
Yeah, magic is real in the Bible. I don't know why people think that is weird.
Thats a weird place to stop believing.
The part where God sends a two bears to kill dozens of children because they mocked some guy's baldness.
Based.
Frick those kids
T.bald giy
The bible the og incel lit.
Elisha's
Revelation is fricking nuts.
>And out of the smoke locusts came down upon the earth and were given power like that of scorpions of the earth.
>They were told not to harm the grass of the earth or any plant or tree, but only those people who did not have the seal of God on their foreheads.
>They were not given power to kill them, but only to torture them for five months. And the agony they suffered was like that of the sting of a scorpion when it strikes a man.
>During those days men will seek death, but will not find it; they will long to die, but death will elude them.
>The locusts looked like horses prepared for battle. On their heads they wore something like crowns of gold, and their faces resembled human faces.
>Their hair was like women's hair, and their teeth were like lions' teeth.
>They had breastplates like breastplates of iron, and the sound of their wings was like the thundering of many horses and chariots rushing into battle.
>They had tails and stings like scorpions, and in their tails they had power to torment people for five months.
Yeah it was a bit of a tone shift to say the least
Guy was obviously high on LSD or DXM when he wrote it
People need to learn to enjoy the weirdness and zaniness of bible stories the same way they would other ancient oral traditions. Obviously these were composed as deeply sacred texts, but I have a feeling there were parts, at the very least, that were meant to be enjoyed in the retelling.
>Marcion
>Arius
What's with the meme heresy revivals attempted by some memesters on IQfy?
> Lord, do you want us to call fire down from heaven to destroy them b?
The part where God tries to kill Moses
I think it was because Moses refused to circumcise his son or something.
Obviously the Lord being about to kill Moses could be any instrumental cause... everyone who dies is killed by the Lord, because God does all things.
Either Ezekiel's visions (look up Merkevah mysticism) or Revelation probably.
The gangrape and subsequent dismemberment of the concubine at the end of Judges. Is there any wonder why the final verse of Judges is "In those days there was no king in Israel: every man did that which was right in his own eyes"?
judges is a book that tries to teach us what kind of government israelites got for not following up moses law, that's why bad things happen, even jefte sacrifices his daughter to god
sorry in my mother tongue is plural
revelations, that's the equivalence of a jumpscare on a book
>suddent
>out of context
>didnt warm up
>revelations
>s
The passage about BBC.
when God said "On God (that me lol) we bussin"
lol anon is a silly gooseg8dt0
That part where God kills Job's entire family because of a bet with Satan.
God permitted Satan in his infinite malice to talk smack to Him.
God permitted Satan to tempt Job. But in the end, God was glorified.
God has the authority to do that kind of thing.
Based might makes right and your entire family may be dead but here's a new one so IT'S AWWWRIGHT moron.
God's might is secondary to His righteousness, not the cause or source of it. God's righteousness is substantial. He has total rights over all His creatures.
The whole point of the book is the ineffable abyss of God's will.
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the Lord.
“As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.
Revelation is pretty schizo. I fully believe in the Bible and Christianity but I can see why Revelation would appear to be off-the-walls crazy to a nonbeliever or skeptic.
It's only nuts to take it literally. You're supposed to read it like Nebuchadnezzar's dream that Daniel interpreted. The statue with feet of clay was a metaphor for successive empires. In the same way, all that gonzo shit in Revelations is just a coded story about Rome.
The book of Revelation only seems crazy when you think apocalyptic texts are talking about future events. They are usually coded stories about political events written under a pseudonym to avoid persecution. To the people at the time of the writing, the book was about as crazy as reading a blog post referencing the threat of "the great orange beast crawling out of their golden tower" . Fast forward 2000 years and lose that societal context and it sounds like esoteric nonsense or a premonition of things to come.
From what I gathered by talking to theology students, a lot of theologists thinks it's pretty silly that bit was even included in the Bible. It's a fun read, but doesn't have much religious value.
stupid
Revelation is one of the most mystical books of the Bible.
The book references both Rome and the coming kingdom of the Antichrist because Rome at the time was a shadow cast backwards by the monster at the end of history.
>Revelation is one of the most mystical books of the Bible.
Yes, but there isn't much theological value to it.
mysticism is at least a quarter of theology, if we take the traditional position that interpretation can occur on four levels:
1. literal
2. moral
3. allegorical
4. anagogical
moreover, the spiritual/mystical level of interpretation is the highest/deepest level. a theology which neglects or fails to include mysticism is gravely deficient.
>a theology which neglects or fails to include mysticism is gravely deficient.
likewise, you can be sure a scientific discipline is completely serious and reality-based only if the professor is lifting his frock and waving his balls around whilst chanting to Moloch.
theology is not a science in the modern meaning of the term. Now science means something like “empirical knowledge of the material world.” Theology has nothing to contribute. But if you accept spiritual realities, it would be stupid to arbitrarily discard mysticism.
>science means something like “empirical knowledge of the material world.” Theology has nothing to contribute. But if you accept spiritual realities, it would be stupid to arbitrarily discard mysticism.
I would disagree; mysticism - especially literally mysticsm - would be like to purposefully mistake the lightning bolt with the wrath of the god of lightning and never figure out how lightning works due to the imposition of a prior story as a false explanation - a premature "case open and shut" on something else.
e.g. a civilization who held onto that belief, for instance, would never develop the science necessary to create lightning guns.
or .. maybe a better way to say it is that: mysticism is willful ignorance towards figuring out the working-science behind XYZ and so never figuring it out, and making a virtue out of ignorance.
better example:
ghosts. there is no doubt some basis to this but by shunning investigation and adopting paranormal fetishism/ritual one will never ever figure out the subject of ghosts,
when one has figured out the science of the thing then they are no longer dealing with a mystical thing but a science.
Recently reading the story of Samson, it's rather strange. Such as when he finds a honeycomb in a dead lion. When he eludes a philistine ambush by lifting the gates of a city.
And of course the famous slaughter of a thousand with the jaw of an ass.
Some transgender person made a LEGO Bible and they personally cherry-picked the strangest passages. But if you examine them closely you'll gradually become religious. Such is the power of the word. I did, anyway.
Song of songs
The Gospel of Mary, where it says that Jesus loved her most, and he would kiss her on the lips.
yeah, Jesus got pussy. what's the problem? do Christians want him to be gay?
I have to say, I can't blame the Mormons for making it doctrinal that Jesus and the Magdeline were married. I'm just surprised the Muslims didn't do it, too.
That's not a point of their doctrine, though you could be forgiven for thinking so since one point that is of their doctrine is that God the Father is married to a female deity with which he produced the souls of mankind.
Mormons don't directly come out and say it, and their official position on Jesus being married is agnosticism, but anybody who studies the fine print'll realise it's obviously being implied by the Church. The highest level of heaven's reserved for married couples who've had a temple marriage, and wives are supposed to wash their husbands feet with their hair before they consumate their marriage.
a lot of it is weird if you take it as it's written, especially in the very haughty and matter of fact prose in KJV
like i don't mean this in a cringe atheist kind of way, but the bible is genuinely a very fricking funny book (especially the OT) in a certain very bleak kind of way. the sudden random reversals of fate from god and all the weird commands and messages he gives people crack me up sometimes
>Lot's daughters
This and God asking Abraham to circumcise his son and that anyone who wasn't was blasphemous and destined for Hell.
It put into perspective why Americans love God so much.
it's still incredible that israelites internalized their punishment so much that rather than admitting they had been bad people and were punished with genital mutilation by the Pharaoh for their role in the libyans invasion, that they made up a big grand story about it and did it to their own sons, just so they wouldn't be ashamed of what had been done to them.
it's not unlike how much trouble they had with the concept of gods and moral virtue, and were said by others that they "struggled with god (or) had trouble with god" then they made up a story where one of them fights god in a wrestling match and is given the epithet as a nickname, by god no less, for a "reward."
the part where it says YHVH is part of a pantheon of gods
Overstated after two millenia, but Revelation is simply really out there, and some of the most interesting and startling prose to come from any Abrahamic text. I think it's understated in its influence on writing in general, especially horror. Also this animation is good.
lol the fact that .... people, completely without threat of violence anymore to do so, voluntarily brainwash themselves into believing in any of the spurious and deranged claims made in hebrew theology, and that they then consider themselves superior israelites, whilst rejecting israelites, by claiming to worship the messiah of the israelites who came to liberate the israelites from hebrew theology, but not following jesus but following instead paul of tarsus who murdered christians contradictions jesus around 60 to 70 times; demanding christians to the exact opposite of what jesus otherwise told them to do - and them all being told this, being well aware of it, and not being phased in the slightest.
that's gotta be on the leaderboard of the most fricked up
https://www.jesuswordsonly.com/books/175-pauls-contradictions-of-jesus.html#originalsin
Revelations
That part when Saul orders David to collect Philistines foreskins and David brings them before Saul and count them one by one. That other part where God orders Joshuah's soliders to cut off their foreskins and they build a little mountain with them.
The part where God says he hates Esau. And loves the cheating Jacob.
After the Flood, Noah gets blackout drunk and passes out in a tent. While passed out, his daughter comes in and rapes him. Always found that pretty fricked up.
wtf that's not what happens. one of his sons saw him naked after he got drunk and the two others put a cloth over him while turning their back to avoid seeing him naked. Noah dosen't even have a daughter
Hes mixing up the story of Noah with Lot
My bad, it's Lot whose daughters got him blackout drunk so they could rape him to carry on the family lineage. On two separate occasions!
Hot. Pornhub needs to start adapting bible stories.
do you guys not realize that they had grown up in the city of Sodom? Of course they'd be sexually depraved. Lot is not some model patriarch.
One thing in Genesis which rubs me the wrong way is how much emphasis there is on humanity being above the natural world. I feel this attitude enabled a lot of the exploitation of the natural world we have seen.
Genesis is the only somewhat primitivist book in the bible. Cities, metallurgy, agriculture and engineering are seen as the work of evil men or evil lines (it isn't even subtle about the sons of Kain). Meanwhile the neolithic goat herders are always the good guys. It changes drastically at least after the Torah and even in the legal sections of the Pentateuch.
Based change btw, the wilderness is terrible and exploitation of nature is a good thing.
Reading this part as a grown man exposed to so much gay shit in my internet life it sure sounds weird, but as much as they put a gay illustration over it and choose the most flowery translation of the verses possible (these might not even be the actual verses), it's simply not logically possible that these two were homos.
The reason for this being that King David was, according to the OT, literally the guy chosen by god to rule over Israel. Why would God ever choose a guy that engages in an act so strictly forbidden by his law of Moses that's something considered even on par with bestiality (according to Leviticus) and deserving of the penalty of death?
I'm not even Christian myself, but that would just be a huge plot hole. It's just another Sam and Frodo situation. Also David literally gets an innocent man murdered later because he found his wife so hot.
David was already banging Bathsheba when she was still married to Uriah. Adultery was just as frowned upon a sexual sin as sodomy, in some ways more, and yet God didn't take away his kingship over it.
Besides, it's not like he was the first Biblical hero to live sinfully and ultimately still be forgiven.
You haven't read the full texts, i assume.
God literally killed David's firstborn son because of it.
If he had engaged in homosexual behavior we would have known. The bible doesn't shy away from telling that shit (Lot, that one bit from Judges, etc.). David would have been punished severely and it would've been written.
Also no, adultery isn't more frowned upon than sodomy (???) according to mosaic law. In both of those instances it is stated that the offenders shall be put to death but only in the case of sodomy do they use the word "abomination" (which one can assume assume makes it worse).
Not that guy and I don’t necessarily think David and Jonathan had a romantic relationship but you should be cautious not to read Biblical texts as if they are all cohesive products of the exact same culture. Remember that it’s like a million different sources stitched together. It’s true that homosexuality is forbidden in the OT, but so is adultery and murder and a bunch of other shit the protagonists engage in. Most ancient rabbinical sources barely even think of the homosexuality as the objectionable part of the Sodom story, instead focusing on the lack of hospitality
>paraphrasing a translation while grasping for straw's
Embarrassing
The fact that Jesus never calls himself God, but yet Christians believe he is
Ezekiels description of the new Temple.
Job. Poor job. Poor humanity.
book of Ezeikiel
book of Daniel
Lot raped his daughters
Noah's son raping Noah
>Lot raped his daughters
His daughters "raped" Lot, but Lot did try to pimp his daughters to the sodomites on account of raping women being a lower sin than homosexualry (especially trying to frick angels).
>Lot is not some model patriarch.
None of the patriarch are. If anything he's not shown doing anything really wrong aside perhaps from pimping his daughters (but see above). In the flow of the tale, just after Abraham interceding if there are just men in Sodom, it's probable Lot is considered a just man and has to be evacuated before the exterminating angels can btfo Sodom.
What is Book of Ruth about? It says that all women shut be willing and give pussy to get fricked by their husbands? What its about?
It's about the goyim being saved, about the church being the bride of Jesus and receiving mysteries. It is also prefigurating the coming of divine kingdom in the figure of the parents of David.
The Tower of Babel.
>And the Lord said, Behold, the people is one, and they have all one language; and this they begin to do: and now nothing will be restrained from them, which they have imagined to do.
>Go to, let us go down, and there confound their language, that they may not understand one another's speech.
Like seriously, what a c**t.
the Song of Songs
Lot getting raped by his daughters, and Noah getting raped by his son
the part where they talk about the race of giants and how the king of the giants was spared and lived on to have kids