Send your work in now for a chance to be featured in & Issue Seventeen, coming the first week of July. We’re enforcing a stricter word-count limit for this issue, so anything over 5000 words is unlikely to be accepted. We especially are in need of classifieds, Steal These Stories and poetry right now.
Submit:
[email protected]
[email protected]
https://lampbylit.com/submit
Check your submission status here:
https://lampbylit.com/elite
Username: anon
Password: god
Best of & is on schedule and will finally arrive this July.
&&&&
p&&&&am
mp&&&&a
amp&&&&
&&&&
p&&&&am
mp&&&&a
amp&&&&
>Submit to &
How about no!
First for James Krake
Thanks for the free advertisement Gardner. Feel free to keep filling my coffers for me.
Is it really advertisement if the only thing people see is how far along your transition to Discord trannies has come?
You got the submission email wrong, it’s [email protected]
kek. Based Gardner.
You got the submission email wrong, it’s [email protected]
3/10 trolling.
OP is correct morons.
How many posts can you make it before the thread meltdowns into sperging about discord drama?
Is it Ari or Gardner making these threads? I'm so confused. What does Krake have to do with any of this?
It’s Ari 100%. He wants revenge on editor-kun for taking Atlas’s side and throwing him under the bus
Ari would never do that. It has to be Gardner.
>Ari would never do that
Ari hates Atlas. He must be pretty pissed off that editor-kun picked her to edit the upcoming issue and has sexiled him to the best-of cuckshed. You think he’d draw the line at making troll threads? I bet he wants to burn this b***h down.
Why don’t you guys just apologize to Ari if he’s going to be this big an issue? You guys need to bury the hatchet on this.
Krake is the best writer on IQfy I love him
Tell me more about Krake. Why does Unreal hate him so?
They’re jealous of his writing
Hahahaaa he's being ironic, Krake is one of the worst.
James Krake is amazing
Wrong
>so anything over 5000 words is unlikely to be accepted.
LAME
He looks like he has a mild form of Down Syndrome
Why are you so jealous of their love?
Can I just send any random shit? like what kind of stuff does your zine accept
What was it about this dogshit thread that made you want to submit?
Read past issues to get an idea. The bar is pretty low.
We accept basically anything—stories, poems, nonfiction essays, art, photos, reviews…send it in to [email protected]
I don’t know what’s taking Ari so long with the best of. Krake only has one story so there’s only one story to add. I guess he just wants to make it perfect. Krake deserves as much.
>I don’t know what’s taking Ari so long with the best of.
It’s just laziness.
Seriously remove the word count limit or we're going to have problems. I will personally hunt you cowards down. I'm sick of this dainty microfiction gay bullshit.
I will frick you up.
Look at this as a blessing in disguise. Now you have no reason to read/submit to this dumpster fire of a mag. You’re free.
5000 words is plenty. Most anons can't even write 500 words worth publishing. Have you never heard the phrase 'kill your darlings?' Take it as a sign you should be significantly cutting down your work to the pure idea and form.
You’re free to submit a story that’s longer than 5000 words for consideration, but it has to be good enough to justify its length. If the quality-to-quantity ratio isn’t there then we probably won’t use it.
Exactly. Concision is a virtue.
fap and CUM
it you're in such dire need why don't you classify these nuts?
I’ll put this in the classifieds section, thanks anon
if you have such a dire need why don't you classify these nuts?
Unreal's greatest crime is not the doxing of Ari, but the arrogance that came with not heeding the words of Krake. Let this be a lesson for us all.
So… is this still coming out the first week of July? Even with the generous interpretation, that’s today.
We’re releasing the new issue on July 7th.
What about the best of? OP says it’s coming out this month as well, but OP is also a troll.
What’s even up with Ari anyway? If he hates & why is he doing still doing the best of?
Ari doesn’t involve himself in the petty drama. He’s working on the best of because he cares about us. Don’t believe the lies.
Ari doesn’t care about anyone but himself. If he finishes the best-of it’ll be to satisfy his own ego, not because he cares about anyone involved in &.
I have no idea. The last I heard he was aiming for July. If you want more updates you’ll have to ask him yourself.
came to IQfy to shitpost and discovered this thread
i ain't gonna email you shit, i'll shitpost right here and you can take it or leave it
>Title: French Fries
I was about to cum when the alarm went off again.
I groped at the phone's screen with my left hand and utterly failed to swipe the notification away. "Shit," I lamented as the orgasm burst through too soon and melted away into a dribble running down my right hand. The moneyshot involving a brunette bawd played somewhere behind the alarm notification. Frick it -- it was already 7:15 AM anyway. I got up and wiped my fingers off on a wad of Chipotle napkins, sniffing the seedy bundle before throwing it into the toilet.
I grabbed a bag of frozen fries from the freezer and dumped half of it into my air fryer. 400F, seven minutes, GO. Seven minutes to check my work laptop. Angry email from HR demanding to know who racked up $23,300 in travel expenses last month. Email thread about yet another mainline regression. IM from the boss angry about the unfinished disclosure paperwork.
The air fryer beeped. I discarded the death threat I was typing up in Outlook and went back to the kitchen. Paper plate, dump fries on top. Ketchup -- missing.
My day was ruined.
absolutely terrible
Still better than the American Psycho essay.
give me a cliffsnotes on the american psycho essay
> It’s an awkwardly-written, tedious piece of work that drones on for multiple pages without saying anything unique or thought-provoking. Most of the observations made in the essay are incredibly obvious to anyone who’s even skimmed the book, and a lot of it is just plot summary, so it also feels insulting to the reader’s intelligence. It has this pretentious, stiff, and weirdly prudish tone that serves as a bizarre contrast to the novel’s crude and graphic subject matter—it reads as though the writer is a mid-40’s Evangelical Christian from the Midwest who works a dweeby middle-management desk job and runs an amateur bowling league on the weekends. But the biggest issue is that it lacks focus. It the writer had chosen a single theme to focus on in depth— Bateman’s influence on internet culture, for example—it could’ve been somewhat interesting, but it feels like the author attempted to comment on everything and ended up saying nothing of substance.
This bag of fries has a more complex and cohesive graphic design than anything I have seen from &. Really puts things in perspective.
Dude, & Magazine is a stupid piece of shit. Literally zero people have heard of it. Literally it doesn’t exist. It never happened.
I think its funny
Atrocious. Even as a shitpost this is awful. You need to either vastly improve or shit the bed even harder. As it is now, if compared to the last issue, you're not even bottom three.
this is coming from a really dark place
Well, you're not wrong. I traded my burning desire to become a musician for a stable corporate absurdity with regular pay.
Sometimes I wish I had the skills to put my impotent seething into words so that others may gawk at what I've become. It'd be like a performative art done entirely on paper. Since I can't do that, I just eat french fries for breakfast.
I don't toss my Chipotle cum napkin in the toilet, btw. That'd be too much even for me.
obsessed
True actually! Krake would have had his own radio show by now if Ari wasn’t so damn doxable..
Give 018
Where's the Gardner mag? I was actually excited for that dumpster fire. It's been radio silent since he announced it.
Keyword was another one of editor-sama’s psyops
Keyword was an in joke from us. We didn't do the initial announcement though so it may actually be real.
017 when? pls gib
Tomorrow.
But you said the 7th..
Oops, I thought Saturday was the 7th—I should’ve said the 8th. We’re almost done, don’t worry. & is coming.
ye bawd
ye ageless harlot
ye trammel-cow
ye bungled assortment
ye mundanity
ye cloud of quotidian error
ye common bag
ye b***hed-up lob
ye blight on my skids
ye feedback, low and mechanical
ye underthought
ye languid
ye nail poorly set in the shoe of a lame horse
ye clock-miser
ye fizzle-not-bang
ye prattler, tattler, and fig
ye unmade bed
ye hazy shame
ye calendrically disconnected limb
ye bog turtle a-roadside wandering
ye mattress
ye comprende no
ye tower of crenellation cracked and leaning slightly
know that I am VERY PUT OUT
Wasn't & planning to normalize submission acceptance emails?
Which wiener was responsibly for the absolutly botched line editing for Adem’s story? How do you even miss some of this shit? Repeated text, obvious misspellings. I’m going to fricking kill you. Make sure Tales 2 is clean you piece of shit
They copy&pasted the story into fricking Word template. Do you expect real editing? I don't know whether this makes them look better or not, but they have used the excuse that they did no editing at all to the text. All the mistakes present were present in the original draft. They were too lazy to run it through a spellcheck, but so was Adem I guess.
Correction: it was a Canva template
Was Tales really made in fricking Canva? Are these people moronic? Does no one have $250 to drop on Vellum? InDesign and Scrivener are cheaper alternatives if you're poor. Frick, just use Word if you're desperate. Come on guys. This is embarrassing.
Tales was not made in Canva. & is. Tales is
I don’t know what you mean by this but both you need to move off of Canva. Learn Photoshop. You’re gimping yourself with a meme webapp because it lets you cheat in a couple effects you don’t want to learn how to do in PS.
Unironically this is insanely moronic. Do not complicate your workflow, one that half a dozen people are already acquainted with, in order to pursue a minor increase in efficiency. It’s not worth it when the profit is nonexistent and the product satisfactory. The problems I mentioned would be solved by simply reading the submitted story, canva has nothing to do with it.
Tales never touched canva. It was rough rough drafted in paint.net and google docs, then the lead designer redid everything in the appropriate adobe suite programs.
>minor increase in efficiency
There's so much more to graphic design than throwing in some $15 a month clipart and a couple blur effects here and there. If you don't want to put the effort into reaching that, say you don't want to put the effort in. Don't give some unconvincing spiel on the merits of dragging your ass.
Canva is a pile of shit and you would be moronic to use it for anything that isn’t a grade school presentation. Even Ari with his defence of GIMP is less moronic.
>men who produce nothing tell producers to change their methods of production
It truly never ends. Also, you don’t even know what you’re looking at, have no way of telling what was made in canva vs what wasn’t, what’s clip art vs what is custom vector art. If you don’t like the design then say that, but don’t make a fool of yourself by blaming the tools. Always a very lazy approach.
People want to be heard. Critique is the attempt of the soulless to create something, by modifying the work of the makers.
>Critique is the attempt of the soulless to create something, by modifying the work of the makers.
I’ll ignore how pathetic a deflection that is and instead point out how supremely ironic it is for you to say that when you’re only contribution to art is the mishmashing of other people’s writing onto other peoples art, most of which you don’t even receive consent to use.
*your
I left that mistake in there on purpose to see if you would catch it. I also used the non-possessive "peoples". Apparently that went over your head despite being right next to a proper usage of the word.
If you morons spent as much time proofreading & as you did on pretending to be big shot magazine editors on an anonymous imageboard then maybe Adem's story wouldn't have been butchered so badly.
Where was this when Adem's story was being typed up?
Is it fricked?
Ari did that. He’s so useless.
017 when? pls gib
Still seething about Adem's story because I cannot believe the laziness on display, but I will say the editor did a great job with the formatting for No Adonis. Fantastic piece, and you masked the length really well. Couldn't believe that story was 10k words when I put it into GDocs. Read it in a sitting, it definitely felt long but it was compressed to ~5 full sized pages and double columned. The art was great as well.
I guess being a mixed bag is sort of a staple of IQfy productions.
Where 017 btw. I need to get some of these printed out for my coffee table.
Also the link to 016 is busted. Come on fellas.
It's hilarious that no one has spotted what an absolute mess Adem's story was until a month after it was published. Does no one read this shit?
They don't make it easy. & is actually insanely hard to access. Like I said, the link for 016 doesn't even work, I had to find the upload archive to even read it.
It wouldn't be much trouble to get &'s circulation to respectable numbers tbh, and I anticipate Zulu working to broaden its reach.
These are entirely astroturfed troll threads anyhow. 31 IPs, and I'd estimate ~7 are responsible for 75 of the posts. When 017 drops we'll get the usual customers of & coming through, which is kind of the problem; the mag hit its peak in terms of reach in 2021, hasn't really grown since. Should though. It's good enough, looks nice, which is what drew in those guys in the first place, that, and it's an accessible platform for their art.
>It wouldn't be much trouble to get &'s circulation to respectable numbers tbh
Honestly, I don't think there's much of an audience for this. The vast, vast, vast majority of these "usual customers of &" are people who were previously published in the mag, are currently being published or who want to be published down the road. Very few people seems to be reading it for the stories, only propping it up in the hope that its success may one day prop them up. When even the most core of your core audience are only willing to give it a passing glance and a single sentence of encouragement once every 1-4 months how are you supposed to broaden your reach? You're the first guy to mention the Mixtape issues. Supposedly there are 31 people in this thread, all of whom are & super fans who have read this front to back, but no one caught that. Why?
>hope that its success may one day prop them up
I was never holding my breath for that. And concerning Mixtape, I didn't read that part because I already read the novel.
There's *an* audience. It's just very hard to cultivate one. &s problem isn't their ouroboros fanbase, but rather that they limit their scope to IQfy. People don't realize how slow this damn board is. When I ran ads here the numbers suggested that the amount of unique weekend posters were in the dozens. There may be 150 regular posters on this board. They've grown as much as they can here,
Is this true? Mostly lurk except for poetry threads. I can't believe it's that low
A few other people (mostly related to &, ironically) have also run IQfy specific ads. I've heard similar things from them. It's a small board. I often blame the eternal newbie for the quality of threads here, but more than likely it's just 25 or so morons that have made it their home board and refuse to stop scenting the joint up.
That's sad to hear. All I can say is that poetry threads are distinctly worse that years prior, so maybe this is a newer phenomenon
>Mixtape
>Hybperboria