There's something I've never got about this book. You can do almost everything in it but if you fail in some step it will be all for naught.
I would say the most difficult step in it is to "be genuinely interested in people". How is one expected to do that, coming from someone who picked up the book over that very flaw in the first place? Is that even possible, or is it just a characteristic innate to people the author observed?
It's garage for salesmen
It works if you only want shallow 10 minute interactions
Besides, people can tell there's something wrong with you before you even say a word. Autism is like a flashing "I'm weird, don't trust me" neon sign. No matter how many books you read and how many social skills classes you take people will never let their guards down around you
Exactly. It’s purely for disingenuous salesmen. It should be called ‘how to feign an interest and have superficial conversations’
i can absolutely guarantee both of you are high brow, low social skills morons
anon, dont listen to these people, the steps work, 99% of people you interact with have 0% reflective skills, if you compliment them, even in the most blatant obviously slimy way they will eat it up. no one will sense something is wrong with you, they are to preoccupied with their own image.
to your first question: it wont be naught, its just what separates one who ticks all the boxes to someone who was really nice to be around
I disagree. Some of the best socializers / schmoozers I have met were autistic psychos who figured out the tricks to communicating with people.
>be genuinely interested in people
It just means "pay attention and engage properly" which it is entirely possible to do as a skill without strong feeling behind it. You don't have to actually care, you just have to engage to the same level as someone who does care.
It's like the conversational equivalent of speedreading vs. deep engagement. If you want to be charismatic, don't speedread people.
t. haven't read the book but have worked settings where manner is important
Being nice to people isn't too hard and will pay off even if you don't follow every single step.
This site is a bad influence though, as the format encourages you to say negative things instead of positive things, which is a bad habit if you want people to like you.
But it's a good question and you are right to ask it
I don't really understand how this point is even supposed to work
Like I am sitting on a bench. I look at other people. I know I AM genuinely interested in people passing me by, I think what they do, what are they like, what are their lives like, what's going on with them. But it doesn't help you at all because they don't really know I am genuinely interested in them.
So how are you supposed to go from just thinking about it to them realizing it?
Also doesn't this logic work on celebrities, since you are interested in them but like how does this translate to me being able to me befriending Anya taylor joy or her wanting to be my friend? Just like people on the street she isn't aware of genuine interest
it seems like something that sounds nice and but it doesn't work in practical terms and falls apart when someone thinks about it, which most people never do which is why they recommend this book
>So how are you supposed to go from just thinking about it to them realizing it?
White man he make words with mouth
the book doesn't say anything about it or what words would you use to express any of it, especially to some strangers just out and about
Why would it? How is he supposed to know what it is you are taking an interest in?
because the book is supposed to be about "how to win over friends and influence people", the whole point of it is to describe it and it doesn't. Why would you even write that in a book if you can't apply it in real life situation?
But he does describe how, in detailed steps. Such as taking a deliberate interest in people. But he can't tell you what it is you are interested in can he? Only you know that
But he doesn't tell the most important step which is the part where the communication happens. If he can't tell how to actually use this interest in people, he's not describing anything. You can go your whole life just sitting on a bench watching people pass you by without them ever learning of your interest in them and the book doesn't say anything about any steps taken outside of your head, it doesn't tell you anything about actual interaction with others. The accurate title would be "how not to win friends and not influence anyone no one can tell you that"
For really socially incompetent people another kind of course is necessary. Business English courses usually teach you the basics of approaching people, in a rather shallow way as these are made to get ESL people jobs. But it's a starting point.
If you're genuinely interested in people, it's up to you to start walking towards someone with good posture and relaxed demeanor and start asking from small talk to feeling the other person. It's like being a pickpocket, but the problem comes when you are not interested in people, like a pickpocket who doesn't want to pick shit. It just becomes another shitty job.
i know someone who read this book, didn't really like me, and convinced me they did like me by spending a shitton of time with me. or maybe they really did like me, i will never know. i assume they didn't really like me because they just disappeared after a while.
I disappear all the time anon, this is another thing books don't talk about, How to stay in contact with others. If I don't have the person in front of me I don't have the gall to call them or go out of my way to visit them, even if I spent good times with them.
That said it absolutely is necessary to do this to have success, or all the time you spent working people would be wasted.
I can always tell when a coper is trying to apply this book.
It's like talking to a salesman who isn't actually trying to sell you anything, so it's even weirder
As a Brit, after knowing many Americans and frequently getting an uncanny vibe from many of them involving forced smiles and 'positivity', as well as grossly overusing the name of the person they're addressing. 'Slimy salesman' captures it for some, but with the less confident ones it comes across more as a desperate, fearful placation.
After hearing about this book, in hindsight it felt like its 'techniques' had long ago seeped into american cultural expectations and social rituals, and now deviation from them in certain situations is interpreted as rudeness or social ineptitude by them.