Sometimes being in a relationship means changing for someone. Obviously not a huge change, but maybe adjusting your schedule to be able to hang out with them, or something simple like that.
But what happens if your bae wants you to change something you’re not really comfortable with? It can get really tricky and complicated. On the one hand, you want to make them happy. On the other hand, you don’t want to do something that makes you feel uncomfortable, right? It can be really hard to balance the two.
Recently, a reader asked:
So my boyfriend mentioned to me that he wanted me to shave my butt hair. I mean I’m not clueless, I know I have butt hair but I didn’t think it was that bad to be honest. I think do a pretty good job on keeping the vag shaved well, but we all know it’s hard to get down there at the right angles, so that’s why I have never tried shaving…like how the heck am I going to see what I’m doing?
I’m not a fan of hair at all either, but I don’ t say anything to him because I understand how annoying it would be for him shave/wax as a guy. Has anyone else been asked to shave their butt hair?
It can be really awful for someone to ask you to change something about yourself if you don’t want to change! Has your S/O ever asked you to do something you don’t want to do? What do you do when it has to do with your physical appearance/body hair? Take a look at what our brilliant group chat had to say about this situation.
Tell him to get over it!
As a guy, that is effing nuts. Women have hair. You are a person not a statue. Tell him to get over himself.
Honestly, we all have hair! It is nothing to be ashamed about, and if you don’t want to shave you totally don’t have too.
Shave…if he agrees to shave too
I say you should shave…as long as he changes his body to meet a preference of yours (like shaving off all his hair) or otherwise, educate him on the systemic way he is fueling negative values by comparing you to other women who have made different choices with their bodies/body hair.
You could ask him to shave as long as he does…or you can seriously educate him on why asking you to shave isn’t fair. It’s your body!
Try it if you want!
See if you like it and feel sexier.
If you want to do it, be sure to do it for the right reasons: for yourself! It might make you feel better about your body.
Shaving might make it worse
Don’t try shaving, it’ll grow back bristly and itchy.
She’s right: when your hair grows back, it can be super itchy! There are other options like waxing, but it’s best if you go to a professional for that.
Don’t do anything you don’t want to do
Absolutely do not do anything you do not want to do. Period. I wasn’t even aware I had bum hair until I was 17 (or maybe 18) and my boyfriend and I were having relations where he was behind me. After we were finished and preparing to get in bed and he asked me if I was aware I had it and said no. He said it was ‘so cute.’ I was embarrassed at first but he didn’t mind one bit. Tell your boyfriend to get over his unrealistic expectations.
Preach! Never do anything you don’t want to do. Besides, you never know, some guys might be into it.
Don’t let him control your body!
No one has the right to say what you can do with your body, regardless. Shaving your butt isn’t anything but preference.
Don’t listen to anyone else but yourself. If your guy wants you to do something you don’t want to do, it might be time to find a new BF, okay?
Don’t change yourself for someone else
You should NEVER have to change anything about your appearance to get someone to think you’re sexier. He should like her for who she is, and that includes there hair in her butt crack. She’s a human being, not his play thing that he gets to mold and shape how he wants.
Again, if you want to shave it’s totally fine, you just have to make sure you’re doing it for the right reasons.