>even a specialist surgeon with a high salary can't afford to buy a house outright
Man you are so full of shit, I have a surgeon friend who bought a huge house with cash
I found this in a word document dated in february. It was a time where I felt okay letting go of things. I reread it and cried a little, because all I did after this was frick myself up by letting a woman steal my joy. Never again. Now I'm back on Lexapro and can't write anymore. I won't let them win.
in flux
senses wax and wane in sudden frenzies
brought to still waters by your word
so beautifully wrought
another snare for the winter fox
ripped and twisted and pried away
hatred filled upon escape
the air occluded by a tempest
in my arms I cradled dust
and wept as it blew away
in my head the grinding machine feasted
the skies never cleared
you nodded as if assured
every fire you lit had burned
withering and pale
i reach and grab the air
the fog offers leverage and carries me away
I feel u bro. Hope you get better. I mean not as a writer but as in like your mental state. You lived life and although it spit you up you felt something. When you're ready to go again I wish a better ocean of emotions for you to sail. You won't get blander just more seasoned.
I'm taking 0.5 mg of dutasteride in a last ditch effort to fight my hair loss, I can't accept and will not give up my brown hair, the norwood reaper can frick himself.
My wife decided to be a fricking b***h today for no reason. God forbid I relax for a few hours after getting off early. Next time Im just going to chill at a bookstore or some shit after work and stay the frick away from home.
Why did catholic Ireland never produce a "great" writer? Beckett and Joyce abhorred catholicism and irish nationalism, Yeats on the other hand was neither catholic, Irish, or really christian at all, but rather a neopagan mystic of sorts.
>no no you see if you want to stop being Irish Catholic and say you don't like Ireland or Catholicism or you want to go back to the old ways then you stop being Irish Catholic
kekekekekekekekekekekekekek
I fear the day I no longer gain pleasure from what I currently love, and am already seeing the effects of that loss by how much less it's already effecting me emotionally. When I read a particularly sad book, it used to hit me deeply, I'd lie awake for hours at night, I'd cry for a while for the catharsis. Now the same kinds of books no longer affect me in the slightest and I don't know if that's just because I'm not reading the best ones or if I've already lost it.
Yeah you’re settling into a new phase of maturity. Don’t worry, you wont get figurative butterflies like you used to but youll soon find something that resonates with you on this new plane.
I went into the student health center because I've had a cold for almost two weeks. The reception lady said my symtpoms are similar to covid and that I need to test and will only be allowed to contact a nurse by way of video call. This shit is so fricking moronic. The test came back negative by the way. Next time I'm just gonna buy my amoxicillin from the pet store
I think the resentment for the total incompetence of the people who call the shots for this civilization and for this civilization in general is mounting.
the pleasure in this world, it has been said, outweighs the pain; or, at any rate, there is an even balance between the two. If one wishes to see shortly whether this statement is true, let them compare the respective feelings of two animals, one of which is engaged in eating the other.
Ah, makes sense. I think Ivan’s question to alyosha resonates most with me concerning this idea. If you were God would you make the world, not even as it is now, but almost perfect, except for one child has to suffer. Of course he has to admit he could not do such a thing, it would be extremely immoral. Im not an atheist or anything but it is a truth that cannot be ignored or reasoned away by christianity.
8 months ago
Anonymous
Also would like to add that most people who have experienced the most suffering become very religious. Thats the only counterpoint I could think of, but it still doesn’t excuse the world.
8 months ago
Anonymous
the only way I can reason through why God makes us suffer is because he doesn't care and it doesn't matter.
8 months ago
Anonymous
Solzhenitsyn argues a good point about spiritual ascension through suffering. But even he admits that it only does good to those who make it through said suffering. Again goes into the idea that the world as a whole may be worth it to most, but the concentrated suffering of unlucky individuals is so profound that it easily makes the world regrettable as a whole. Id stretch to say it would be selfish not to eliminate everything under the sun to put an end to certain tragedies. But I cant speak for the otherworldly.
8 months ago
Anonymous
u ever read 'the ones who walk away from omelas'?
8 months ago
Anonymous
No just looked up the plot and it looks interesting, definitely right on point with the idea. Any good?
8 months ago
Anonymous
It's a super short read. Basically there's the happiest possible society and everyone in it is as happy as possible. But this happens only on the condition that they cause a single small child to suffer extreme emotional distress. The question is if this society is moral.
8 months ago
Anonymous
That was an interesting read.
8 months ago
Anonymous
A situation only justifiable if the child chooses to heroically accept his fate for the sake of everyone else's happiness.
8 months ago
Anonymous
No it’s still not acceptable.
8 months ago
Anonymous
Nah frick em I'm choosing paradise. Not walking away.
Also story is dumb.
It's basically just: won't someone think of the poor oppressed turd worlders??
At least it's not as shitty as the response story The One's Who Stay and Fight
Do you mean demiurge in its original sense as a kind of creator, or do you mean it in the gnostic sense as in an evil entity that has trapped us in matter and uses our tears to jerk off
Fact is, nothing can justify our existence. existence of any flavor is not only unjustified, it is useless, malignantly so, and has nothing to recommend it over non-existence. a person's addiction to existence is understandable as a telltale of the fear of non-existence.
Bros I've cracked the code. Just made spaghetti and decided on a whim to add some shredded cheese.
Heat melts the cheese and now I've mac n cheese.
No one told me it was that easy.
I've unlocked God mode
I'm not a writer, just a guy who wants to be known as one. All my life, I've been a hedonistic misanthrope who would rather watch life from afar. I engage in voyeurism and grow resentful of others. They live out my dreams on a daily basis. The fear of failure never crosses their mind. I envy that.
Morning journal entries usually help, but I've been inconsistent with the habit. It's important to sort out the neuroticism in my mind. All it takes is 20 minutes with silence, my journal and pen to clear out the junk. I do this to establish order, regardless of how chaotic and miserable life can be at times. Jordan Peterson recommended it, and it has proven helpful. Most writers, and artists in general, allow the nonsense of the world and their thoughts to overwhelm them. I envy those who can contemplate the abstract and present it clearly to others.
That, to me, is the highest form of art.
And yet I still struggle with this task myself. If I can't communicate, am I truly all there? Will I remain lost in fantasy? I pray not- but it's God's will, not my own.
Maybe I should take a creative writing course. The slow road to progress is plagued with disadvantages. I need formal training to put my thoughts together in a coherent manner.
Stop romanticizing misanthropy, everyone else doubts themselves just as much as you do they just dont make it their personality. Youre essentially playing the victim, even though Im sure partly your wiring is fricked up. That changes with age though if youre open to it. Dont be a pussy.
I do have a tendency to wallow in self-pity. Thank you for slapping some sense into me. I'm already in my late 20s and with the way I'm heading into the rest of my life, I can't afford to be a sourpuss
The more I leave "denial" and enter the "anger" phase, the more I want a fricked up relationship where the girl is completely obedient and subservient to the point where if I don't message her for a day she starts fretting and freaking out. I have this fantasy of the first week of "obedience testing" I escalate things more and more until the last day, her final test, is to go to a cafe or Starbucks or something during a rush period and pisses her pants while standing in line for no reason other than to prove her complete devotion.
look at your body - a painted puppet, a poor toy of jointed parts ready to collapse. a diseased and suffering thing with a head full of false imaginings.
I've recently been trying to break into Chess. I'm having fun playing chess online but I feel it'd be more engaging to play in person. I could join the chess club at my uni though there are some peculiar characters on campus I don't think I'd assimilate well with them.
I relapsed after 55 days nofap. I feel bad. I can't stop thinking about sex. Is this normal? How can stop from being slave to this desire? I'm 25 btw and never had a gf. Currently unemployed but still looking for job. I think if I had a job, I wouldn't have this problem.
The people I considered my friends never actually enjoyed having me around. They were always laughing at me, not with me, and I just couldn't tell the difference. I wonder if I ever really had a real friend.
I wasted years of my life working towards a goal. I got hurt along the way, sold my morals for pennies, burned important things as fuel for the journey. At the end I realized I never wanted what I'd been working towards. There was never anything there to reach, just an illusion. A painting on a wall I mistook for a door.
>tfw no affectionate vampire gf
Resident Evil 8 really fricked me up, bros.
That one line "I want to drown in your blood" has had me swooning for 2 years now
Because my grandma died a month ago after I spent the last 2 years taking care of her and on top of all the grief from losing her it's magnified that much more by the fact I have way too much free time now
I’ve seen hundreds and hundreds of videos of deaths and horrible accidents, one thing I’ve noticed as a key feature in the behavior of the people who died by stupidity such as walking along train tracks, falling off a tall building, getting beaten to death for acting foolish, there is, in the beforehand, in the manner of their demeanor, almost always a sense of extreme arrogance in their body language. It’s a mixture of timidity and defiance that causes non automatic movements of the body, every lift of the leg, every twist of the arm is exceedingly arrogant and self conscious, their posture is purposefully blasé in the face of extreme danger. There’s a legitimate attempt to appear cool, to appear nonchalant that is betrayed by an undercurrent of shyness that presents itself in deliberate slow, mechanical movements. I’ve seen this countless times, a resistance to the instinct of self preservation that manifests itself through a rebellion by the mind against reality. There is almost always conscious swagger, sneering born by irresponsible ideas, chiefly pride and a desire for excitement. The man crawling up the train or the phone tower always has a calm, satisfied smile on his face before he touches the exposed wire and is killed, often laughing in smirking bravado before his life is ended. Another man is running across the top of a twenty story building, jumping from ledge to ledge with automatic courage, adrenaline ensuring he makes every step perfectly, his mind preoccupied with the preciseness of his movements, until his foot lands short and he falls.
I’m 30 years old and have been making $50k for the last 3 years ffs. I can barely afford rent let alone a house. It’s not even like I have a low paying but prestigious job. It’s just a loser job. I feel like I’m fricked.
>I live comfortably in a middle-of-nowhere town that has nothing fun to do and all the people are either old, fat or feral.
Wow, I'm so jealous.
8 months ago
Anonymous
I live in a major city with lots to do I'm just not moronic with my money.
8 months ago
Anonymous
>I make $20k a year >I live in a major city
Lol, lmao, rofl, kek, sure you do, bud.
8 months ago
Anonymous
Population is about 300k.
Now let's see that budget
8 months ago
Anonymous
I'm a different guy, I don't have to prove anything to you.
8 months ago
Anonymous
I was able to live off like 20k a year in a big city. It's not ideal but it is possible. Given this was like 5 years ago.
8 months ago
Anonymous
i lived in the nyc metro area on less than 20k for like five years. the key was to almost never go out drinking or to restaurants. like maybe two or three times a year. other than that, my lifestyle was ok. had to have roommates though obviously. it wasn't that bad really. i don't think it would be possible since bidenflation hit though. probably need 25k or more now to have the same standard of living. still way below whatever that dude was whining about.
8 months ago
Anonymous
>i lived in the nyc metro area on less than 20k for like five years. the key was to almost never go out drinking or to restaurants. like maybe two or three times a year. other than that, my lifestyle was ok. had to have roommates though obviously. it wasn't that bad really.
That's what I do. Got a few other roommates and my rent is $325. I go out to eat once a week at taco bell and otherwise cook all my food.
Not bad at all.
Think my monthly expenses are probably about $1000
8 months ago
Anonymous
>Got a few other roommates.
Imagine using the same commode used by others. Bleak.
Wtf was penguin classics thinking by switching to the all white lettering format? The books are a million times shittier and devoid of soul. They even feel cheaper and the good smell is gone
Ever feel like you are unwittingly imitating a character from a book?
Like, you read about character X. And IRL you just start larping like X without realizing it?
I’ve already accepted it. Surrendering to it will just lead to suicide.
It's definitely gotten better for me but I still have it, and I suspect I always will to some degree. What will make nearly obsolete though is if I have millions of dollars, they say money can't buy happiness but they don't know that all of my problems will disappear with money and therefore, I will be happy.
>money will solve my depression
The fact that you see a possible solution to your “depression” shows that you never truly had it.
These people are trash but they are my trash and I am stuck with them. I should do more to cause physical harm or humiliation to myself both to make it up to them but also to get them uninterested so they leave. I would cut my throat open right this second if I thought it was safe on the other side.
8 months ago
Anonymous
I know those guys are losers but they’re MY loser. I should’ve either not begged for the attention of an atheist fedora loser while in a psychotic state with no meds or I should’ve dealt with his harassment like an adult. I asked for that loser so I got him. This is what I get.
8 months ago
Anonymous
I forget that i’m sometimes talking to npcs on this site
It's definitely gotten better for me but I still have it, and I suspect I always will to some degree. What will make nearly obsolete though is if I have millions of dollars, they say money can't buy happiness but they don't know that all of my problems will disappear with money and therefore, I will be happy.
Any anons got a solution to apathy/misanthropy. I can't, just can't bother about anything. I've stopped talking to people, stopped most things to do with people other than me and I'm way better off now tbdesu. Still, some part of me thinks this is wrong and needs to be corrected.
that IQ range (135-140) is pretty cursed. You're smart enough to be somewhat above average, like middle management, but not smart enough to really do something substantial with it.
It's over
>that IQ range (135-140) is pretty cursed. You're smart enough to be somewhat above average, like middle management, but not smart enough to really do something substantial with it. >It's over
isn't the average iq of a physician like 105 or somewhere thereabout? don't be a demoralizing jackass.
That requires a decent upbringing, money and not having debilitating diseases. Without that you are left being antagonized and bullied by people who would be cleaning your toilet if you didn’t have autism.
I hate to sound condescending but the moron kids from whatever English or math class were never going to make anything of themseves anyways. They have no “talents” or skills in anything. THEY were there simply because they’re dummies.
I looked it up and average MD's and PhD's have an IQ of 125.
I'm not the demoralizing troll anon, but that is honestly that's still lower than i thought. Just goes to show IQ is a limited as a predictive property, on the individual level at least.
That's 105 to 115, 120 is neither and essentially resentful malcontent territory (I'm here, for example). 130-145 is the ruling class tier IQ. Anything above 145 is extremely repellent and antisocial savant territory, usually.
I know reading those Francis Adams texts are hard. I don’t blame ya. That would require having more than three brain cells and all of the police station combined couldn’t even come up three. Just please add more about atheism. That is what we need to hear.
Called my parents the other day. Hadn't called in several weeks. I work nights so even on my days off once I wake up it's often already night where my parents live.
The oddest part about growing older is realizing how your parents are both stupid and smart at the same time. Depending on what's being discussed.
Intellectually they're kind of simple people.
Despite being highly educated, they have little understanding or interest in the wider world.
They have this engrained belief I've noticed, mostly picked up from media, that every non-American country is basically simple, regressive, and tribalistic. In their minds' eye most every state that's not America is just made of generic pre-modern tribal bush people clicking their tongues. Like something out of an Indiana Jones movie. And a very un-reflective American exceptionalism deeply embedded into their brains. I mostly don't contest or bother arguing against it, as it can be entertaining.
Besides politics, my mother seems childish in a certain way.
Hard to explain, but like her perception is filtered through whatever media she's most recently read/consumed instead of actual life experiences. To an extent that's true for everyone, but with her it's like real-world knowledge or practicality is not something she understands.
I get the impression in general she's lived a very sheltered life.
Sometimes she'll just say something like, "I read this article in the NYT about tiger-tamers in Brazil and reading it, y'know made me think this was something anon could do! Anon would be so good at that! "
Even concerning abstract ideas, she doesn't seem to have real, independent thoughts but only vague feelings of allegiance--that certain ideas are off-limits, suspicious, or dangerous because they're associated with the enemy group..
There are definitely certain topics, though, my parents definitely know more about, either from accumulated life experience or just superior knowledge.
there are these two young white junkies that are stuck loitering at the local dope spot for maybe the last month and i'm kinda jealous. they must be relatively new to opioids becuase the chick is still kind of attractive even though they both have that dirty/tan look white junkies start to get. they're out there when i go to work in the morning, they're out there when i came home from work at night, though they do disappear really late night when i go for a run. i'm like shit, i spend all day in an office and then come home alone meanwhile these guys spend all day together high as hell on opioids. if any of the other junkies can be used to predict their future they will age about 20 years in 5 and become really disgusting and then disappear forever either to a grave or some prison, but for the moment, their life looks comfy.
>started early with paper >Still do everything last minute
How do I escape this. Its like I need the tension of being out of time but then its always too little too late when I hand it in. And when im done I suddenly feel like I snapped out of a dream and I realize all the things I forgot to add.
Why is it stressful if you know it's gonna get done?
8 months ago
Anonymous
Because its half assed
8 months ago
Anonymous
>procrastinate on doing your paper >paper done by due date but it's not as good as it could be
well, if it isn't the consequences of your own actions.
8 months ago
Anonymous
But it still passes, right?
8 months ago
Anonymous
Yeh usually around
7/10
>procrastinate on doing your paper >paper done by due date but it's not as good as it could be
well, if it isn't the consequences of your own actions.
Usually I think im done. Then I reread and realized I missed the point or didnt properly answer the questions.
8 months ago
Anonymous
Yeah, no shit.
That's why you start the paper early so you can finish it and do rewrites. By the due date, you should've rewritten your paper at-least a few times to refine things and content you missed.
i would swap my gooning habit for hard drugs, on the plus side, very often I can tell if a girl has heart-throbbing feet based on the face, almost like reading auras
Sometimes, I want to be tied up and forced to play games of trivia wherein attractive women will spit in my mouth for getting the questions correct, or spank my scrotum if I get them wrong. Pic related would be a perfect candidate.
And it would be a good spank, too. Not one where she barely grazes one of my balls and it's this vague ouch feeling, oh no. She would get a really good spank on them, and it would reverberate throughout my entire sack. "Incorrect!" she'd say in sync with the smack.
I've slapped my nuts to replicate this feeling, but one can only punish their boys so much before they demand that you call it quits. Don't be like me, boys. Juss ain't wurf it.
Emptiness is hard to write about. Probably because it is the boring side of the duality required to create the potential of the world, the other being pleroma. Though I suppose excitement is in neither of these, but in the kinetic allowed when these nodes are joined by a media. So what is the kinetics produced from the emptiness I feel and the contents of my brain? incipient whining in a notebook and escapism. If I'm not careful here I may have to draw the conclusion that these kinetics are so lack luster because the contents of my brain are so similar to emptiness that there really isn't much potential to speak of in the first place.
Finished reading Treasure Island today, it was alright, not great but not bad either, I think it would've been more enjoyable if I didn't constantly have to look up all the different parts of the ship and the different old words that they used.
Benefit me? I’m not sure that it benefits me, or if it does exactly how. I only know that I’ve found something worthwhile in it. I don’t necessarily think there’s anything wrong with going to university at an older age. It’s rather that there’s a concern that it won’t yield fruits in the end.
>I’m not sure that it benefits me >I only know that I’ve found something worthwhile in it.
Meesa so confused.
>It’s rather that there’s a concern that it won’t yield fruits in the end.
You'd be right in thinking that younger people absorb knowledge better and are generally better at learning things but I don't see why you wouldn't be able to yield any fruits from it if you put all your effort and focus into it.
8 months ago
Anonymous
Well, I assume you meant beneficial in a financial or self-development sense. I could be wrong, but that’s how it seemed. But it’s not about that for me. Something can be worthwhile and not exactly yield financial rewards. I think I would seek a university post but I don’t necessarily expect that to pay off.
I just deeply question if somebody can dedicate themselves to something later in life and become particularly successful. To date, philosophy for me is a bit like a hobby or a fun game. What I want is to evolve it into something more like a profession or calling. But there’s a level beyond that, which I know I’ll want eventually even I don’t now, and that’s to make some sort of contribution to the field. That’s more what I worry about. I worry about whether this will only ever be at best kind of a teaching profession. That’s probably an irrational fear.
If you are planning on taking out loans to do it don't. Otherwise go for it. There is no problem with treating an education as a pass time if you have means to do so. Its probably one of the more worth while things to spend your time on, even if it doesn't yield an exploitable product. Just don't go into debt for it unless you have a path preplanned that can sustain your life with that debt after the fact.
8 months ago
Anonymous
I work at a university, so if I really wanted to I could go part-time there and that would discount the tuition by about 90%. I just don’t really want to go part-time. As for funded programs, I doubt I could get into a funded MA and I know I couldn’t get into a funded PhD. A funded PhD could be possible after killing an MA I suppose. Either way, I’ve decided I want an advanced degree at some point. I’ve recently learned that JDs can teach and do research in philosophy and politics departments so that’s something I’m exploring as well. If I could get scholarship that might actually end up being cheaper.
Can cigarettes turn you into an unironical junkie? I don't mean someone who drugs, I mean the physical appearance and mental behaviours of a legitimate junkie.
>What about anxiety
No, cigarettes often help with anxiety. >paranoia
Nope, it's just a cigarette. >muscle twitching
Nope, it's just a cigarette. >nervousness
Not in the way that you're probably thinking, some people do get nervous when they're about to do something big and they don't have a cigarette though because they use cigarettes to calm their nerves. >undernourishment
They can be good for weight loss, Joaquin Phoenix and Christian Bale have both used them for weight loss benefits while preparing for movies. >dehydration
Nope. >obsession?
Yeah, people can get obsessed with them, I'd go as far as to say that most smokers are, despite what they tell you (I can quit whenever I want, no I don't need to smoke as soon as I wake up, I just like to etc. the same things weed smokers say)
I've been around smokers my whole life and both my parents and some of my friends still smoke to this day, I'd like to think I know what I'm talking about but obviously take everything I say with a grain of salt.
I larp as women hater on IQfy for memes but I have no problems with women in real life. I think majority of men and men are both moronic. There are some fringe autists who are really really into some shit and yes you won't find these autists in women but it is same as how you won't find autists in normalgays.
I hate women intensely but also love them. I've never seen a contradiction. I am just a very masculine man (autism variant) and have a naturally low tolerance for feminine frivolity, naivete, and entitlement. Pic related. Women are generally big goofuses who want special treatment in every little thing. They want a trophy even though they lost, they want to be forgiven for causing a massive problem due to their lack of seriousness, even where a man would be punished and ostracized for doing a tenth of what they did. They are spoiled brats. But I also love them and want the best for them. I don't even think they're second class men. I just think they haven't figured out what they are yet. I genuinely hope that when they figure it out, it's not "kitchen slave and housewife."
In the right context their frivolity can also be very nice.
God I am so miserable. Why, why the frick I was born? I was snatched away from the bless calm of non-being and randomly shat into this shit pile of total suffering.
3 different on 3 different occasions have said they wanna hang out with and yet flaked on my ass in the last moment. I didn't see them as any potential partners, I was fine with just getting to know them and having an excuse to get out of my house. If its just as friends, I don't really care. I just wanna check out joints, restaurants or bars around the city.
Normally I would've been fine with someone ditching at the last minute, since I didn't really care either way. But what grinds my fricking gears is when I stumbled upon them when I'm out alone or with someone else they'll be shocked or suprised I didn't call them. You flake out on me without a word or even excuse and then complain I don't call you to hang out? What the frick.
>I just wanna check out joints, restaurants or bars around the city.
Then do it? Why the frick do you need someone with you? Can't be alone with your own thoughts?
I'm fully content with my current girl. Only been together for like a month.
Now I have gotten a friend request from this girl. Pretty. Used to be the gf of my best friend. Things went sour, can't blame her, he can be difficult.
Anyway she sent me a friend request. About 9 months after she broke up with him. I wonder why. I remember she wanted to move to where I'm at now, I remember being friendly with her. Nothing deep but you know.
I will not let this derail the current relationship. I will not even entertain it. Who is to say she wants anything anyway? Stupid. Sure, I've thought about getting with her when they broke up, but it was not done. They were together for 8 years and I was moving away anyway. Longshot, and would probably cause issues with him. Impossible. He's moved on now, new gf and everything. Maybe she wants to ask how he's doing?
I did accept the request.
That's rude.
It wouldn't be the first time. And who cares, talking never hurt and no intention has been communicated
8 months ago
Anonymous
>no intention has been communicated
But there is one. Oh well, you've gotta let people touch the stove over and over again until they realise it burns.
8 months ago
Anonymous
I'll hear her out
8 months ago
Anonymous
Nevermind, after thinking it through and checking out her page, I think I'm good.
I let my mind wander, but only for a few minutes.
I'm allowed to imagine different situations, but I will not act on this one.
She lived saying she wanted to die. Now it's time for that. She's got the start of dementia - her behaviour is harming all the family and she sound happy with that. I can't feel compassion for her.
We can dance if we want to
We can leave your friends behind
Cause if your friends don't dance,
and if they don't dance
well they're no friends of mine
sayyy, we can go where we want to
the night is young and so am I
and we can dress real neat
from our hats to our feet
This song is on my mind. It won't leave, and I don't even remember all of the lyrics
All comparison is illusion, all clinging is illusion, that illusion suggests clarity is illusion so that even illusion is illusion. Sure, sure. But it's fun. The being I've ever seen and sworn I've known isn't a drop in the ocean but it is more fun to cycle in and out of attachment than to dwell overlong in either state.
mystic, new-age nonsense like this is so stupid. you know something's either trite or absurd or both when it's impossible to distinguish from the output of a chatbot.
I just realized that for my entire life I've been resorting to rocking back and forth in my seat whenever I have to calm down and get a grip on my emotions, all done privately of course, which is a trait that is commonly associated with autism. What I usually do is sit on a low stool or on the floor, and contort myself to where I could gently hit my forehead against my knee on the way down. I also have the tendency of talking to myself out loud if there's nobody around. I may be voicing my inner thoughts or I could just be simulating a conversation.
Another tick is the daily habit of listening to music for hours on end at night and dancing along to it. I must have been doing that on a daily basis for a decade now at the very least. I always imagine some sort of scenario involving music, and it gets so vivid that my body moves along with it. I've been accused of that often actually, living in my own imagination.
Am I really on spectrum? I have very little issues with understanding people or social contexts. I just have this ticks for some unknown reason. It could just be the side effect of too many video games as a kid. It could also explain why I'm so terribly clumsy and never seem to find what objects I could be looking for despite them being right in front of me.
Most autism “signs” are visible in a large swath of the male population. The whole reason they consider it a spectrum is because you know it when you see it, but the actual traits are relatively common in a really wide range of people. This way they can go “oh, well it’s a spectrum so it’s only autistic if you have enough traits and they’re bad enough”. They don’t actually know very much about autism at all. You’re probably completely normal.
This is true.
I remember reading somewhere that they scanned the brains of women diagnosed autistic, and found that their brains looked similar to the average guy lol
Which goes to show how subjective of a thing it can be.
The rounded shield of the Zuwa is a sturdy construct of layered latticed timber and hides which curves slightly inwards so that a piercing blow upon the shield does not deflect away whilst the latticework of the wood prevents the shield from being destroyed or sundered; a very deep strike with an axe will simply imbed the axe rather than sunder the shield, for example, and the thickness also lends itself as an effective arrow-sponge, with the outer pins being wiped away and leaving their steel tips in the body of the shield offering a greater fortified bulwark. The Zuwa long shield, though rarer, is of the same composition of this and is remarkably heavy as a consequence. Of both rounded and long the Zuwa have, of course, the well-known custom of flaying the heads of their victims and stretching the skin of the head entirely across the rounded shield, layering their hide-protected arm and leg in the lower jawbone, beginning with the leg on upwards, and treasuring the act of turning the upper skull into a cup or bowl which they eat their meals from. The long shield carrying Zuwa are presumed to be some local elite or ceremonial guard as they concern themselves not with flaying the head, which must be considered common by them, but with the torso itself and this they flay and stretch the skin of across their long shields so as to present a flattened image of a naked human being – it is entirely unknown as to their selection process but these torsos seem to generally consist of females; the head, of course, being impaled whole to the top of the shield with the eyes pinned opened and the tongue pinned between two sticks so as to emerge through the lips and give, altogether, a most ghoulish sight of a flattened torso and its wide-eyed owner in the most unflattering form possible.
Do you ever think about how your biography, or your life’s story, thus far would read? I started thinking about it last year, it’s given me so much anxiety.
It’s fine because teaching is at least a real profession, but if you’re certain you want to be a writer then try to get some stuff published before you turn 30. You’re not certain you want to be a writer though, so consider trying to figure out what you really want to do with your life ASAP.
I know I want, and am in the path of being a writer. I got some shit published, but nothing great. I'm working on a novel for 2 years now and that's my first real shot at it.
8 months ago
Anonymous
If you’ve published anything at all, you’re doing great. Most people are going to turn 30 and have basically nothing at all to be remotely proud of. Many will fail to have any certainty at all regarding what they want to do until they turn 30 at least.
No such world can exist. But that doesn’t mean people should pursue it. We know not everyone will live into adulthood, but all kids are encouraged to live as they will regardless and that’s a good thing.
Its not always a good thing. some kids were better off not growing up. Just like some peoples passion is rape and murder. My point is one should cultivate a passion for true virtue. If we must stick to passion as our guiding daemon at all. That way, no matter what you are doing, so long as you are doing it with virtuous purpose, you are content.
8 months ago
Anonymous
That’s true. I think it’s really hard to reconcile virtue with ambition now though.
8 months ago
Anonymous
Yeah you really aren't supposed to reconcile those two things. Ambition is the striving force of pride and vanity in man. Now the external appearance of ambition is a different story, since actions taken to better mankind in some way can, at least in our current system where such moves are rewarded with status, look a lot like moves taken out of ambition. the difference is that sometime moves made purely out of ambition can lead to bad ends or if you like non virtuous action like cheating, making up damaging claims to spin narratives in your favor etc.
8 months ago
Anonymous
Historical figures did it
8 months ago
Anonymous
Im not so sure they did. like I said, there is a difference between doing things out of ambition and doing things because they are the right thing to do. Im positive many if not all of the historical figures you are referring to had to do some pretty un virtuous stuff do do what their ambition wanted them to do. That being said imperfect world, imperfect beings. yada yada. Still definitely better practically to let virtue guide you rather than passion. Thats not to say don't feel passion. otherwise whats the point. Just let virtue draw the lines and let passion color the image. If you can cultivate a passion for virtue all the better.
It seems so obvious to me that the rise of non-religious institutions in Western civilization is basically a bourgeois cope for the loss of aristocracy.
And Ellul was right. The whole of modern politics, sociology, economics, law, everything can he easily understand as grasping at a sort of therapy in order to massage people back into the technological society.
I'm on my own in this life and a cluster b moron apparently, so I will devote myself to nothing more than chasing power and even omnipotence and immortality if I can somehow obtain it, all for the sake of satisfying my cheap desire
Oh God I don't want to go to work today. It's going to frick up my equilibrium of getting back into writing. Just like it always does. I don't have fricking time, energy, or the temperament to worry about that shit
Going to college at 18 was my chance to get away and start my life. If things had gone right I could have a group of friends, a girlfriend, years of good times, a degree, and a career now. But everything fell to pieces. I was like a fish out of water there and faced serious social alienation. A year of being alone but surrounded by thousands of people constantly drove me insane. I've tried really hard to make up for what I lost then. But I can't. Something inside me permanently broke and the best I can do is just limp by. I feel so behind in everything. I feel so out of place everywhere. Everything I try fails and it's getting hard going on. It's like treading water and slowly going under.
How many years has it been and how have you been since?
[...]
Try to realize that one day you’re going to be a man nearer to or over thirty and that’s when your real manhood can begin, and maybe not even that. The early adult years for men are at best a base-building exercise. There are a few things you can do. Try to find something worth doing with your life and set out on it, but barring having something to worth doing with your life, indulge your impulses, and not your base ones but your intellectual, professional, social inclinations and treat this period like a tunnel you have to dig through to come out the other side as a man.
Yeah I've been on that grind for a while. I'm 24 now, will be 25 very soon. I've been putting a lot of effort into improving myself and my life. I became religious, I got more serious about fitness, I started being more outgoing and taking opportunities. But it all feels very fruitless. I know a major part of it is because the pandemic hit at a very delicate time in my life. My life was basically put on hold for almost 3 years. I got stuck working some dead end job and being mostly socially isolated for the entire time. Now that the pandemic is lifted I feel very stunted. I'm still an undergraduate, I still depend on my dad, my social skills are nonexistent, I've been single since high school, and I just always feel out of place. I was really excited to start college again because I thought it would be the answer to my isolation and dead end career. But it's very disillusioning because college hasnt really offered me anything. I can't break into any community or make friends. I'm craving a normie social experience but I keep finding myself on these fringes. I do have friends but they feel like part time friends. I'm sort of on the edge of these groups, where I'm kind of a side charatcer. I keep spinning my wheels, trying to make something happen, be it education, career, or social but nothing ever happens. It just gets exhausting to keep tring with no fruit bearing
Self-improvement for self-improvement’s sake is ultimately meaningless. If you’re going to self-improving it’s going to have to be to some end that gets you up in the morning.
I can relate. Went to college right after high school and I was socially clueless, could not build up a network and I basically lived like a hermit.
Try to realize that one day you’re going to be a man nearer to or over thirty and that’s when your real manhood can begin, and maybe not even that. The early adult years for men are at best a base-building exercise. There are a few things you can do. Try to find something worth doing with your life and set out on it, but barring having something to worth doing with your life, indulge your impulses, and not your base ones but your intellectual, professional, social inclinations and treat this period like a tunnel you have to dig through to come out the other side as a man.
Big reason why humans are so miserable is that men and women think completly opposite
when men are in love they turn women they love into a holy person , they love them more than anyone else but women hate being loved and they just want someone handsome that doesn't feel anything towards them. men base relationship on their feeling to someone and that someones feeling towards them, whereas women can only thing based on artificial, unemotional ways like height or money on top of emotion being nothing but detractor, emotional love/being loved is something only appealing to men, women find it disgusting, they just want to be in uncaring exchanged of money/looks which is why many women get into ugly woman/pretty man or pretty woman/ugly man relationships, nothing but exchange matters.
>see picture of a cute girl >imagine an entire life with her in a split second >remember I'm an ugly bastard >feel bad
I'd rather just lose my sex drive and desire for intimacy completely than constantly have an urge for something unattainable.
On a whim, I entered a sex shop and purchased for myself a dildo, wide-rimmed and peawiener green. It was impractical, more costume than dialator, but I wanted to mark the day somehow—the first day I gave my coin to a voluptuous begger literally begging for my coin. She had these deep ceases in her folds some might cal wrinkles, I saw a challenge. She sang to me with this solicitoubess Japanese like siren. Her hands were pink and ruddy and raw. I could barely contain myself. I started screaming wild with rage.
I'm getting close to supervillain levels of hatred for other people. Like they're all just such low IQ fricking pigs and there's no fixing it. Trying to speak rationally with a midwit is so pointless, it's like talking to someone in a language they don't understand. I know people will call this fedora tippy and cringy and shit but it's how I really feel. It's so sickening the lack of critical thinking and self awareness, how do you live in this world if you're not a complete fricking moron?
That's some redditor shit >how do you live in this world if you're not a complete fricking moron?
step one is realizing you are one and finding friends who'll suffer your moronicness
There are actually very intelligent people out there. We just don’t get to meet them because we weren’t born into the right circles, didn’t go to the right schools, join the right clubs. If you had gone to Yale, joined Skull & Bones, and worked for the CIA, most people you know would still be idiots but you would know at least three other people who you considered intelligent.
Just realized that schizophrenia can start as late as a person's 30s. It runs in my family and I thought that I was in the clear because I'm in my mid 20s. It's terrifyyng to think I could just wake up one day hearing voices and having no grasp on reality.
Sorry to hear that. It’s never easy to deal with death in the family, even if you didn’t like them. Try to be sympathetic to your father. For him, it wasn’t that long ago your brother was an innocent baby in diapers who could do no wrong and there’s a degree to which he’ll always consider your brother as that baby in diapers that could do no wrong. I’m sure it’s difficult and confusing.
When we talk we have nice conversations but she never reads my messages that say good night and doesn't initiate conversation. It's very odd and sadly means she probably isn't into me.
You can observe Jung measuring the soul of boys and girls in his symbolic assays. The boy, in his despair turns to transitioning, or an adult (big) question of his pedophilia (pedo-philia?). The girl, is a murderer if men will kill, rape, go to war or prison for her. What's wrong with pedestals? Well, in a perfect world, there has been... eugenics. Jung rates (hopefully there is no player error in saying it this way) the boy, the girly genius, lowly. Nonetheless, in a perfect (normified) world, that girl has not twisted some necks, I'm pretty sure. Check Lazy Town. And also, the boy might suicide or go on a murder spree. Kill counts, and prison rates do matter I think. I don't think she enjoyed murdering people, it was just the case some people disappeared in her eyes, for her to later sickly fractionate and despair, and then what good is she? She's sick! She murdered people! Well, that's all folks, I have no clue what the frick this says about me or any of you. (Hell No) What about the adults in this sick and twisted picture? I don't think either really matter, but that guy,... that guy is the fattest woman in the universe. Yikes.
There's a reason we mostly gave it up all those years ago
There are actually very intelligent people out there. We just don’t get to meet them because we weren’t born into the right circles, didn’t go to the right schools, join the right clubs. If you had gone to Yale, joined Skull & Bones, and worked for the CIA, most people you know would still be idiots but you would know at least three other people who you considered intelligent.
There is so much worship of "status" on IQfy these days. People are always talking about shit like top 10 schools, six figure salaries, the superficial and easily faked signifiers of wealth like hobbies and tastes. It's a real drag, kind of pathetic. I get the impression that very few of the people who rhapsodize about that sort of shit are actually living it. "Oh if only I was a legacy admission at Yale, maybe then I wouldn't be a fricking loser." You still could be, that's the thing. You can find intelligent people anywhere. "Skull and Bones" is a frat for rich kids.
>There's a reason we mostly gave it up all those years ago
Because we wanted to be overpopulated and overcrowded, susceptible to disease, dumber by domesticating ourselves, and oppressed by the rule of a few who created states of slavery and taxes.
How to reconcile ambition and aspiration with the sense that any sort of success which is realistically possible today necessitates an abandonment of dignity and principles.
Just stuff all over. Everything from playing RuneScape as a kid to the feeling I had years back when I was deeply depressed and just reading a lot of manga and watching anime and listening to certain songs but also writing a lot and really engaged with writing and creativity. You know how nostalgia is. It’s hard to talk about because it’s just a feeling.
Faraway thunder has softly rumbled on and off from midmorning to late evening where I live, but only once and briefly resulted in rain and visible lightning, about 30 minutes ago, around 8PM, just after the last of twilight. Local warnings about waterspout-tier twisters came at about 6 and went at about 7. Every prediction of the weather models has overstated the worst recently. Even now and then I can hear the vague rumbling bass of a small thunderhead that's about 15 miles away, passing harmlessly. Late September is usually gorgeous and peaceful here, where film and music archives are expected to include almost everything and all the time.
Far behind and above the roof of where I live there's a group of trees, among them a cottonwood that's about 90 feet tall. It's younger than I am by about half, and obviously at its peak. I used to live a casual walking distance from an oak that's about 600, and one of the most amazing aspects of it that it was and doubtless still is in the front yard of a modest house. I walked past it with friends once, and drove past it about 1000 times.
i thought about this once when i went to see some renaissance sculptures that were on loan to a local museum from italy while the church they are normally installed on was getting repaired and how of all the people that walked in front of them those for hundreds of years present and past now me and the chick i went with will be part of that anonymous but immortal crowd of people who stood before them and marveled though we did it on american shores far from italy.
Italy is very strange from my experience. I've lived my whole life in the Chicago region, but have flown to the tropics, St Maarten, etc. My next oldest sister used to spend rather a lot of time in Hawaii. Still, I could never afford to see St. Peters or Chartres.
False that is HYLIC machine cope to prevent you from reaching your peak powers.
There's a reason the chosen one chose alcohol to be his blood and that is because it is sacred.
Please drink up and cease to listen to the machinations and deceptions of hylics
I'm so starved for physical intimacy that a random girl brushing my shoulder on the street will occupy my mind for 3 days. If I ever got so desperate as to hire a hooker I'd probably just have her givr me a lap pillow and stroke my hair for an hour.
Whether I should merge my dad's library, my grandad’s library and my own. We’re talking about almost 14k books (I own 7k).
On a personal, non-book related level, whether I should quit my current job, which makes me happy, and go back to one which paid me almost 3 times more (yes, almost 3!). Some years ago, I was subjugated by this need to try something radically different, which I did (fighting, in some cases almost physically, everyone I knew, from family to friends), but now I ought to put the comfort others before my own (a sacrifice I deem perfectly suitable).
Without saying too much, I think it is time to ditch the discipline and return to a job where my qualifications matter a great deal.
Sometimes I think my life story is beyond belief. On an Uber ride around the North Loop I met and had a delightful conversation with old chick, dying of cancer, whose voice I instantly recognized from 70s broadcasts. That was around 2017. She looked terrible, but still sounded amazingly good, serene and still happy to be alive.
Do you think she could be as nervous as me? This is the first time in a while that I've felt "in love". I've constantly fought against the idea from depth psychology ideas of being in love, but I think it's time to embrace that. Here's to hoping things go well.
wait. you're in love with someone you haven't had any significant chats with? that's bonkers, mate. you're positioning yourself for a potentially demoralising disappointment.
If you're aware of this, frick what I said. I just don't want a fellow anon to have his heart crushed fruitlessly.
Life is too short to allow theoretical prognostication of fears to suspend your pursuit of happiness.
Look, screw what I said. Go for it. Good luck!
Yeah that's exactly the point. I've tried to consciously abstain from fantasies when I should be trying to live them out. I have until later in life to figure all of them out anyways. I'm not new to being in a relationship, but I am new to the psyche and its will. There's a reason why love at first sight is a widely researched topic in analytical psychology.
if i leave here tomorrow
would you still remember me
i must be travelling on now
cause theres too many places i got to see
but if i stay here with you girl
things just couldnt be the same
cause im as free as a bird now
AND THIS BIRD YOU CAN NOT CHANGE
dazzle the lass with a short yet persuasive explanation of why Richard III was not responsable for the murder of Edward V and Richard the Duke of York.,
living the heroic life of a clear-eyed desperado of pessimism
rather than wallowing in the self-deceptive happiness of a human pig.
help the suifications are not working
omg i love you anon for posting mainlander, godspeed
cant wait to read his magnum opus, have a nice day
>even a specialist surgeon with a high salary can't afford to buy a house outright
Man you are so full of shit, I have a surgeon friend who bought a huge house with cash
Murder on my mind
but with this soundtrack
Season 2 was unironically so fricking good! I don't understand why it's so looked down upon.
I found this in a word document dated in february. It was a time where I felt okay letting go of things. I reread it and cried a little, because all I did after this was frick myself up by letting a woman steal my joy. Never again. Now I'm back on Lexapro and can't write anymore. I won't let them win.
in flux
senses wax and wane in sudden frenzies
brought to still waters by your word
so beautifully wrought
another snare for the winter fox
ripped and twisted and pried away
hatred filled upon escape
the air occluded by a tempest
in my arms I cradled dust
and wept as it blew away
in my head the grinding machine feasted
the skies never cleared
you nodded as if assured
every fire you lit had burned
withering and pale
i reach and grab the air
the fog offers leverage and carries me away
I feel u bro. Hope you get better. I mean not as a writer but as in like your mental state. You lived life and although it spit you up you felt something. When you're ready to go again I wish a better ocean of emotions for you to sail. You won't get blander just more seasoned.
I'm taking 0.5 mg of dutasteride in a last ditch effort to fight my hair loss, I can't accept and will not give up my brown hair, the norwood reaper can frick himself.
>Not embracing it and becoming a sex god
Ngmi
fight the good fight, cueball
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whenever i get home from work i drink a coffee to get energy but instead it makes me tired so i take a nap
My wife decided to be a fricking b***h today for no reason. God forbid I relax for a few hours after getting off early. Next time Im just going to chill at a bookstore or some shit after work and stay the frick away from home.
heckingg no way but internet 'tards told me wife and sex solves everything
I think my problem is that at some point I settled into mediocrity and now I’m bored.
Why did catholic Ireland never produce a "great" writer? Beckett and Joyce abhorred catholicism and irish nationalism, Yeats on the other hand was neither catholic, Irish, or really christian at all, but rather a neopagan mystic of sorts.
Ironically, Oscar Wilde.
>Anglo-Irish
>homosexual
>godless anarchist and ex-freemason
He repented. Still he wasn't really Irish.
>no no you see if you want to stop being Irish Catholic and say you don't like Ireland or Catholicism or you want to go back to the old ways then you stop being Irish Catholic
kekekekekekekekekekekekekek
I fear the day I no longer gain pleasure from what I currently love, and am already seeing the effects of that loss by how much less it's already effecting me emotionally. When I read a particularly sad book, it used to hit me deeply, I'd lie awake for hours at night, I'd cry for a while for the catharsis. Now the same kinds of books no longer affect me in the slightest and I don't know if that's just because I'm not reading the best ones or if I've already lost it.
Yeah you’re settling into a new phase of maturity. Don’t worry, you wont get figurative butterflies like you used to but youll soon find something that resonates with you on this new plane.
I went into the student health center because I've had a cold for almost two weeks. The reception lady said my symtpoms are similar to covid and that I need to test and will only be allowed to contact a nurse by way of video call. This shit is so fricking moronic. The test came back negative by the way. Next time I'm just gonna buy my amoxicillin from the pet store
I think the resentment for the total incompetence of the people who call the shots for this civilization and for this civilization in general is mounting.
Death to america
holy shit how come no one told me about this game
she called me "alleo" is that good or bad? i don't even know what it means
>be me
>have some interest in a book
>see book on Amazon
>only 1 left in stock
>buy it
I've learned to conceal the extent of my pessimism. just keep it between me and my friend Schopenhauer.
better to have never been
the pleasure in this world, it has been said, outweighs the pain; or, at any rate, there is an even balance between the two. If one wishes to see shortly whether this statement is true, let them compare the respective feelings of two animals, one of which is engaged in eating the other.
Little gem if somewhere in context in the middle of a book but for gods sake don’t make it the opening sentence.
it's Schopenhauer 😉
Ah, makes sense. I think Ivan’s question to alyosha resonates most with me concerning this idea. If you were God would you make the world, not even as it is now, but almost perfect, except for one child has to suffer. Of course he has to admit he could not do such a thing, it would be extremely immoral. Im not an atheist or anything but it is a truth that cannot be ignored or reasoned away by christianity.
Also would like to add that most people who have experienced the most suffering become very religious. Thats the only counterpoint I could think of, but it still doesn’t excuse the world.
the only way I can reason through why God makes us suffer is because he doesn't care and it doesn't matter.
Solzhenitsyn argues a good point about spiritual ascension through suffering. But even he admits that it only does good to those who make it through said suffering. Again goes into the idea that the world as a whole may be worth it to most, but the concentrated suffering of unlucky individuals is so profound that it easily makes the world regrettable as a whole. Id stretch to say it would be selfish not to eliminate everything under the sun to put an end to certain tragedies. But I cant speak for the otherworldly.
u ever read 'the ones who walk away from omelas'?
No just looked up the plot and it looks interesting, definitely right on point with the idea. Any good?
It's a super short read. Basically there's the happiest possible society and everyone in it is as happy as possible. But this happens only on the condition that they cause a single small child to suffer extreme emotional distress. The question is if this society is moral.
That was an interesting read.
A situation only justifiable if the child chooses to heroically accept his fate for the sake of everyone else's happiness.
No it’s still not acceptable.
Nah frick em I'm choosing paradise. Not walking away.
Also story is dumb.
It's basically just: won't someone think of the poor oppressed turd worlders??
At least it's not as shitty as the response story The One's Who Stay and Fight
Lately I have unironically begun to believe in the existence of the Demiurge.
Do you mean demiurge in its original sense as a kind of creator, or do you mean it in the gnostic sense as in an evil entity that has trapped us in matter and uses our tears to jerk off
I've got the demiurge to suck start a shotgun
The latter.
Fact is, nothing can justify our existence. existence of any flavor is not only unjustified, it is useless, malignantly so, and has nothing to recommend it over non-existence. a person's addiction to existence is understandable as a telltale of the fear of non-existence.
Bros I've cracked the code. Just made spaghetti and decided on a whim to add some shredded cheese.
Heat melts the cheese and now I've mac n cheese.
No one told me it was that easy.
I've unlocked God mode
she will be, in a sense, a pure c**t in the best way possible
an "oh damn, oh snap"-invocator
lovingly perform armed robbery
I'm not a writer, just a guy who wants to be known as one. All my life, I've been a hedonistic misanthrope who would rather watch life from afar. I engage in voyeurism and grow resentful of others. They live out my dreams on a daily basis. The fear of failure never crosses their mind. I envy that.
Morning journal entries usually help, but I've been inconsistent with the habit. It's important to sort out the neuroticism in my mind. All it takes is 20 minutes with silence, my journal and pen to clear out the junk. I do this to establish order, regardless of how chaotic and miserable life can be at times. Jordan Peterson recommended it, and it has proven helpful. Most writers, and artists in general, allow the nonsense of the world and their thoughts to overwhelm them. I envy those who can contemplate the abstract and present it clearly to others.
That, to me, is the highest form of art.
And yet I still struggle with this task myself. If I can't communicate, am I truly all there? Will I remain lost in fantasy? I pray not- but it's God's will, not my own.
Maybe I should take a creative writing course. The slow road to progress is plagued with disadvantages. I need formal training to put my thoughts together in a coherent manner.
Stop romanticizing misanthropy, everyone else doubts themselves just as much as you do they just dont make it their personality. Youre essentially playing the victim, even though Im sure partly your wiring is fricked up. That changes with age though if youre open to it. Dont be a pussy.
I do have a tendency to wallow in self-pity. Thank you for slapping some sense into me. I'm already in my late 20s and with the way I'm heading into the rest of my life, I can't afford to be a sourpuss
Same here, good man.
The more I leave "denial" and enter the "anger" phase, the more I want a fricked up relationship where the girl is completely obedient and subservient to the point where if I don't message her for a day she starts fretting and freaking out. I have this fantasy of the first week of "obedience testing" I escalate things more and more until the last day, her final test, is to go to a cafe or Starbucks or something during a rush period and pisses her pants while standing in line for no reason other than to prove her complete devotion.
You alright?
Does it sound like I'm alright from my post?
Blessings to goodder stranger evil.
from whence did Dante get the material for his hell, if not from this actual world of ours?
look at your body - a painted puppet, a poor toy of jointed parts ready to collapse. a diseased and suffering thing with a head full of false imaginings.
how do I stop aimlessly consuming internet
Step 1: turn off the computer
ok i will do this rn
Did you succeed
i am in the process of succeeding
Do it now or I'll frick your ass
one can do what he wills, but he cannot will what he wills.
Thats where you're wrong kiddo
Where are the success stories? Why does it feel like there’s no way to win?
I've recently been trying to break into Chess. I'm having fun playing chess online but I feel it'd be more engaging to play in person. I could join the chess club at my uni though there are some peculiar characters on campus I don't think I'd assimilate well with them.
I relapsed after 55 days nofap. I feel bad. I can't stop thinking about sex. Is this normal? How can stop from being slave to this desire? I'm 25 btw and never had a gf. Currently unemployed but still looking for job. I think if I had a job, I wouldn't have this problem.
The people I considered my friends never actually enjoyed having me around. They were always laughing at me, not with me, and I just couldn't tell the difference. I wonder if I ever really had a real friend.
I wasted years of my life working towards a goal. I got hurt along the way, sold my morals for pennies, burned important things as fuel for the journey. At the end I realized I never wanted what I'd been working towards. There was never anything there to reach, just an illusion. A painting on a wall I mistook for a door.
That's rough, buddy.
>asteroid mining
How do moronic insentient zoomers keep falling for this shit?
None of that was even me, but you’ll blame me anyway.
As writing is to speaking, drawing is to cleaning.
ha hah! i'm about to order more books!
>tfw no affectionate vampire gf
Resident Evil 8 really fricked me up, bros.
That one line "I want to drown in your blood" has had me swooning for 2 years now
Check out the vampire threads on IQfy sometime, you'll be in good company.
>currently none
Life is suffering
Give it a couple days, they're one of the recurring not-generals on that board and one of the regulars is bound to make one sooner or later.
Why are you doing this?
Because my grandma died a month ago after I spent the last 2 years taking care of her and on top of all the grief from losing her it's magnified that much more by the fact I have way too much free time now
That wasn’t intended for you but thanks for sharing
any time, pal
>pal
Hmmm.
Getting in a relationship killed my reading gains
If I don't start this week I might as well start over with this book
I’ve seen hundreds and hundreds of videos of deaths and horrible accidents, one thing I’ve noticed as a key feature in the behavior of the people who died by stupidity such as walking along train tracks, falling off a tall building, getting beaten to death for acting foolish, there is, in the beforehand, in the manner of their demeanor, almost always a sense of extreme arrogance in their body language. It’s a mixture of timidity and defiance that causes non automatic movements of the body, every lift of the leg, every twist of the arm is exceedingly arrogant and self conscious, their posture is purposefully blasé in the face of extreme danger. There’s a legitimate attempt to appear cool, to appear nonchalant that is betrayed by an undercurrent of shyness that presents itself in deliberate slow, mechanical movements. I’ve seen this countless times, a resistance to the instinct of self preservation that manifests itself through a rebellion by the mind against reality. There is almost always conscious swagger, sneering born by irresponsible ideas, chiefly pride and a desire for excitement. The man crawling up the train or the phone tower always has a calm, satisfied smile on his face before he touches the exposed wire and is killed, often laughing in smirking bravado before his life is ended. Another man is running across the top of a twenty story building, jumping from ledge to ledge with automatic courage, adrenaline ensuring he makes every step perfectly, his mind preoccupied with the preciseness of his movements, until his foot lands short and he falls.
i'm realizing sobriety is whatever you make of it
and i'm not making the best of it, to say the least
Why did you turn your read receipts on?
I’m thinking about becoming a disciple of Epicurus and partaking in the epicurean lifestyle
I’m 30 years old and have been making $50k for the last 3 years ffs. I can barely afford rent let alone a house. It’s not even like I have a low paying but prestigious job. It’s just a loser job. I feel like I’m fricked.
If you can't survive and save money on 50k you're a tard. Lets see that budget.
Depending on where they live, $50k might not be enough. Here in Australia for example, you'd barely get by on your own with $50k a year.
I live in the U.S off 20k easily.
Cry harder
>I live comfortably in a middle-of-nowhere town that has nothing fun to do and all the people are either old, fat or feral.
Wow, I'm so jealous.
I live in a major city with lots to do I'm just not moronic with my money.
>I make $20k a year
>I live in a major city
Lol, lmao, rofl, kek, sure you do, bud.
Population is about 300k.
Now let's see that budget
I'm a different guy, I don't have to prove anything to you.
I was able to live off like 20k a year in a big city. It's not ideal but it is possible. Given this was like 5 years ago.
i lived in the nyc metro area on less than 20k for like five years. the key was to almost never go out drinking or to restaurants. like maybe two or three times a year. other than that, my lifestyle was ok. had to have roommates though obviously. it wasn't that bad really. i don't think it would be possible since bidenflation hit though. probably need 25k or more now to have the same standard of living. still way below whatever that dude was whining about.
>i lived in the nyc metro area on less than 20k for like five years. the key was to almost never go out drinking or to restaurants. like maybe two or three times a year. other than that, my lifestyle was ok. had to have roommates though obviously. it wasn't that bad really.
That's what I do. Got a few other roommates and my rent is $325. I go out to eat once a week at taco bell and otherwise cook all my food.
Not bad at all.
Think my monthly expenses are probably about $1000
>Got a few other roommates.
Imagine using the same commode used by others. Bleak.
Wtf was penguin classics thinking by switching to the all white lettering format? The books are a million times shittier and devoid of soul. They even feel cheaper and the good smell is gone
I’m so sorry.
I dreamed that I received a letter and woke up before I could read it. Maybe tonight I will.
love writing, hate reading
Ever feel like you are unwittingly imitating a character from a book?
Like, you read about character X. And IRL you just start larping like X without realizing it?
BU FA POTATO
Depression is impossible to beat. You don’t ever get used to it. I’ve tried everything.
Have you tried embracing and accepting it? Surrender
I’ve already accepted it. Surrendering to it will just lead to suicide.
>money will solve my depression
The fact that you see a possible solution to your “depression” shows that you never truly had it.
That doesn't even make sense, moron.
These people are trash but they are my trash and I am stuck with them. I should do more to cause physical harm or humiliation to myself both to make it up to them but also to get them uninterested so they leave. I would cut my throat open right this second if I thought it was safe on the other side.
I know those guys are losers but they’re MY loser. I should’ve either not begged for the attention of an atheist fedora loser while in a psychotic state with no meds or I should’ve dealt with his harassment like an adult. I asked for that loser so I got him. This is what I get.
I forget that i’m sometimes talking to npcs on this site
It's definitely gotten better for me but I still have it, and I suspect I always will to some degree. What will make nearly obsolete though is if I have millions of dollars, they say money can't buy happiness but they don't know that all of my problems will disappear with money and therefore, I will be happy.
Any anons got a solution to apathy/misanthropy. I can't, just can't bother about anything. I've stopped talking to people, stopped most things to do with people other than me and I'm way better off now tbdesu. Still, some part of me thinks this is wrong and needs to be corrected.
that IQ range (135-140) is pretty cursed. You're smart enough to be somewhat above average, like middle management, but not smart enough to really do something substantial with it.
It's over
if you were really smart you would recognize the malignant uselessness of 'substance'
>that IQ range (135-140) is pretty cursed. You're smart enough to be somewhat above average, like middle management, but not smart enough to really do something substantial with it.
>It's over
isn't the average iq of a physician like 105 or somewhere thereabout? don't be a demoralizing jackass.
That requires a decent upbringing, money and not having debilitating diseases. Without that you are left being antagonized and bullied by people who would be cleaning your toilet if you didn’t have autism.
I hate to sound condescending but the moron kids from whatever English or math class were never going to make anything of themseves anyways. They have no “talents” or skills in anything. THEY were there simply because they’re dummies.
I looked it up and average MD's and PhD's have an IQ of 125.
I'm not the demoralizing troll anon, but that is honestly that's still lower than i thought. Just goes to show IQ is a limited as a predictive property, on the individual level at least.
That's 105 to 115, 120 is neither and essentially resentful malcontent territory (I'm here, for example). 130-145 is the ruling class tier IQ. Anything above 145 is extremely repellent and antisocial savant territory, usually.
Btw, medicine is not a middle management profession or even in the same orbit as it.
I am imagining Ma aging gin again.
Should I read Plutarch’s ‘Rise and Fall of Athens’ or Nassim Taleb’s ‘Skin in the Game’ next?
im just thuggin my g
I know reading those Francis Adams texts are hard. I don’t blame ya. That would require having more than three brain cells and all of the police station combined couldn’t even come up three. Just please add more about atheism. That is what we need to hear.
Called my parents the other day. Hadn't called in several weeks. I work nights so even on my days off once I wake up it's often already night where my parents live.
The oddest part about growing older is realizing how your parents are both stupid and smart at the same time. Depending on what's being discussed.
Intellectually they're kind of simple people.
Despite being highly educated, they have little understanding or interest in the wider world.
They have this engrained belief I've noticed, mostly picked up from media, that every non-American country is basically simple, regressive, and tribalistic. In their minds' eye most every state that's not America is just made of generic pre-modern tribal bush people clicking their tongues. Like something out of an Indiana Jones movie. And a very un-reflective American exceptionalism deeply embedded into their brains. I mostly don't contest or bother arguing against it, as it can be entertaining.
Besides politics, my mother seems childish in a certain way.
Hard to explain, but like her perception is filtered through whatever media she's most recently read/consumed instead of actual life experiences. To an extent that's true for everyone, but with her it's like real-world knowledge or practicality is not something she understands.
I get the impression in general she's lived a very sheltered life.
Sometimes she'll just say something like, "I read this article in the NYT about tiger-tamers in Brazil and reading it, y'know made me think this was something anon could do! Anon would be so good at that! "
Even concerning abstract ideas, she doesn't seem to have real, independent thoughts but only vague feelings of allegiance--that certain ideas are off-limits, suspicious, or dangerous because they're associated with the enemy group..
There are definitely certain topics, though, my parents definitely know more about, either from accumulated life experience or just superior knowledge.
I just need to keep jiving man and then everything will be alright
the urges I have to do hard drugs are overwhelming
there are these two young white junkies that are stuck loitering at the local dope spot for maybe the last month and i'm kinda jealous. they must be relatively new to opioids becuase the chick is still kind of attractive even though they both have that dirty/tan look white junkies start to get. they're out there when i go to work in the morning, they're out there when i came home from work at night, though they do disappear really late night when i go for a run. i'm like shit, i spend all day in an office and then come home alone meanwhile these guys spend all day together high as hell on opioids. if any of the other junkies can be used to predict their future they will age about 20 years in 5 and become really disgusting and then disappear forever either to a grave or some prison, but for the moment, their life looks comfy.
maybe im deranged, but it seems like being a homeless junkie in a relatively safe city would be fun as frick
for a few years atleast, probably wouldnt be too much fun when you're older
2/2
You have complete freedom because you're homeless, you can go wherever you want, and you spend all day getting high
who managed to convince us this is an undesirable lifestyle
>started early with paper
>Still do everything last minute
How do I escape this. Its like I need the tension of being out of time but then its always too little too late when I hand it in. And when im done I suddenly feel like I snapped out of a dream and I realize all the things I forgot to add.
As long as it gets done then why do you care?
Its stressful. Strange thing is I cant recall ever having finished an assignment days before the due date.
Why is it stressful if you know it's gonna get done?
Because its half assed
>procrastinate on doing your paper
>paper done by due date but it's not as good as it could be
well, if it isn't the consequences of your own actions.
But it still passes, right?
Yeh usually around
7/10
Usually I think im done. Then I reread and realized I missed the point or didnt properly answer the questions.
Yeah, no shit.
That's why you start the paper early so you can finish it and do rewrites. By the due date, you should've rewritten your paper at-least a few times to refine things and content you missed.
*add content you missed
do the 2 minute trick
sounds dumb i know but it genuinely works
tell yourself you'll work on your paper for 2 minutes, because 2 minutes is nothing
but once you start working on it, you'll wanna keep going and you'll end up getting a lot done
i would swap my gooning habit for hard drugs, on the plus side, very often I can tell if a girl has heart-throbbing feet based on the face, almost like reading auras
Sometimes, I want to be tied up and forced to play games of trivia wherein attractive women will spit in my mouth for getting the questions correct, or spank my scrotum if I get them wrong. Pic related would be a perfect candidate.
And it would be a good spank, too. Not one where she barely grazes one of my balls and it's this vague ouch feeling, oh no. She would get a really good spank on them, and it would reverberate throughout my entire sack. "Incorrect!" she'd say in sync with the smack.
I've slapped my nuts to replicate this feeling, but one can only punish their boys so much before they demand that you call it quits. Don't be like me, boys. Juss ain't wurf it.
No one told you when to run,
You missed the starting gun.
some people are so behind on a race
that they actually think they're winning
Emptiness is hard to write about. Probably because it is the boring side of the duality required to create the potential of the world, the other being pleroma. Though I suppose excitement is in neither of these, but in the kinetic allowed when these nodes are joined by a media. So what is the kinetics produced from the emptiness I feel and the contents of my brain? incipient whining in a notebook and escapism. If I'm not careful here I may have to draw the conclusion that these kinetics are so lack luster because the contents of my brain are so similar to emptiness that there really isn't much potential to speak of in the first place.
oh look, a gnostic boomer
Finished reading Treasure Island today, it was alright, not great but not bad either, I think it would've been more enjoyable if I didn't constantly have to look up all the different parts of the ship and the different old words that they used.
I want to return to university to study philosophy, but I’m worried that I’m too old.
Why would you study philosophy? How would that benefit you? Also, people go back to uni at 80 years old, you're never to study.
Benefit me? I’m not sure that it benefits me, or if it does exactly how. I only know that I’ve found something worthwhile in it. I don’t necessarily think there’s anything wrong with going to university at an older age. It’s rather that there’s a concern that it won’t yield fruits in the end.
>I’m not sure that it benefits me
>I only know that I’ve found something worthwhile in it.
Meesa so confused.
>It’s rather that there’s a concern that it won’t yield fruits in the end.
You'd be right in thinking that younger people absorb knowledge better and are generally better at learning things but I don't see why you wouldn't be able to yield any fruits from it if you put all your effort and focus into it.
Well, I assume you meant beneficial in a financial or self-development sense. I could be wrong, but that’s how it seemed. But it’s not about that for me. Something can be worthwhile and not exactly yield financial rewards. I think I would seek a university post but I don’t necessarily expect that to pay off.
I just deeply question if somebody can dedicate themselves to something later in life and become particularly successful. To date, philosophy for me is a bit like a hobby or a fun game. What I want is to evolve it into something more like a profession or calling. But there’s a level beyond that, which I know I’ll want eventually even I don’t now, and that’s to make some sort of contribution to the field. That’s more what I worry about. I worry about whether this will only ever be at best kind of a teaching profession. That’s probably an irrational fear.
If you are planning on taking out loans to do it don't. Otherwise go for it. There is no problem with treating an education as a pass time if you have means to do so. Its probably one of the more worth while things to spend your time on, even if it doesn't yield an exploitable product. Just don't go into debt for it unless you have a path preplanned that can sustain your life with that debt after the fact.
I work at a university, so if I really wanted to I could go part-time there and that would discount the tuition by about 90%. I just don’t really want to go part-time. As for funded programs, I doubt I could get into a funded MA and I know I couldn’t get into a funded PhD. A funded PhD could be possible after killing an MA I suppose. Either way, I’ve decided I want an advanced degree at some point. I’ve recently learned that JDs can teach and do research in philosophy and politics departments so that’s something I’m exploring as well. If I could get scholarship that might actually end up being cheaper.
Can cigarettes turn you into an unironical junkie? I don't mean someone who drugs, I mean the physical appearance and mental behaviours of a legitimate junkie.
No.
What about anxiety, paranoia, muscle twitching, nervousness, undernourishment, dehydration, obsession?
>What about anxiety
No, cigarettes often help with anxiety.
>paranoia
Nope, it's just a cigarette.
>muscle twitching
Nope, it's just a cigarette.
>nervousness
Not in the way that you're probably thinking, some people do get nervous when they're about to do something big and they don't have a cigarette though because they use cigarettes to calm their nerves.
>undernourishment
They can be good for weight loss, Joaquin Phoenix and Christian Bale have both used them for weight loss benefits while preparing for movies.
>dehydration
Nope.
>obsession?
Yeah, people can get obsessed with them, I'd go as far as to say that most smokers are, despite what they tell you (I can quit whenever I want, no I don't need to smoke as soon as I wake up, I just like to etc. the same things weed smokers say)
I've been around smokers my whole life and both my parents and some of my friends still smoke to this day, I'd like to think I know what I'm talking about but obviously take everything I say with a grain of salt.
Probably. Tobacco has taken a toll on me
I have shit placements in my natal chart hence I suffer.
>I have a natal chart and thus I suffer
Occam's razor
I've seen superior ones. Mine is just terrible in terms regarding astrology.
I larp as women hater on IQfy for memes but I have no problems with women in real life. I think majority of men and men are both moronic. There are some fringe autists who are really really into some shit and yes you won't find these autists in women but it is same as how you won't find autists in normalgays.
I hate women intensely but also love them. I've never seen a contradiction. I am just a very masculine man (autism variant) and have a naturally low tolerance for feminine frivolity, naivete, and entitlement. Pic related. Women are generally big goofuses who want special treatment in every little thing. They want a trophy even though they lost, they want to be forgiven for causing a massive problem due to their lack of seriousness, even where a man would be punished and ostracized for doing a tenth of what they did. They are spoiled brats. But I also love them and want the best for them. I don't even think they're second class men. I just think they haven't figured out what they are yet. I genuinely hope that when they figure it out, it's not "kitchen slave and housewife."
In the right context their frivolity can also be very nice.
God I am so miserable. Why, why the frick I was born? I was snatched away from the bless calm of non-being and randomly shat into this shit pile of total suffering.
3 different on 3 different occasions have said they wanna hang out with and yet flaked on my ass in the last moment. I didn't see them as any potential partners, I was fine with just getting to know them and having an excuse to get out of my house. If its just as friends, I don't really care. I just wanna check out joints, restaurants or bars around the city.
Normally I would've been fine with someone ditching at the last minute, since I didn't really care either way. But what grinds my fricking gears is when I stumbled upon them when I'm out alone or with someone else they'll be shocked or suprised I didn't call them. You flake out on me without a word or even excuse and then complain I don't call you to hang out? What the frick.
>I just wanna check out joints, restaurants or bars around the city.
Then do it? Why the frick do you need someone with you? Can't be alone with your own thoughts?
NTA but its fun to have friends to experience life with?
Sure but they're not always gonna be available so why not go by yourself when they're not?
I'm fully content with my current girl. Only been together for like a month.
Now I have gotten a friend request from this girl. Pretty. Used to be the gf of my best friend. Things went sour, can't blame her, he can be difficult.
Anyway she sent me a friend request. About 9 months after she broke up with him. I wonder why. I remember she wanted to move to where I'm at now, I remember being friendly with her. Nothing deep but you know.
I will not let this derail the current relationship. I will not even entertain it. Who is to say she wants anything anyway? Stupid. Sure, I've thought about getting with her when they broke up, but it was not done. They were together for 8 years and I was moving away anyway. Longshot, and would probably cause issues with him. Impossible. He's moved on now, new gf and everything. Maybe she wants to ask how he's doing?
I did accept the request.
>Maybe she wants to ask how he's doing?
>I did accept the request.
What the hell are you wheezing at?
The fact that you're so stupid.
That's rude.
It wouldn't be the first time. And who cares, talking never hurt and no intention has been communicated
>no intention has been communicated
But there is one. Oh well, you've gotta let people touch the stove over and over again until they realise it burns.
I'll hear her out
Nevermind, after thinking it through and checking out her page, I think I'm good.
I let my mind wander, but only for a few minutes.
I'm allowed to imagine different situations, but I will not act on this one.
Play the game until you are free, only when you reach the end you will see, that life was always the beginning and the end
Why can't people die with some dignity? If I was in the state my mom is right now I'd probably have killed myself already.
Imagine thinking you are owed other people dying in ways you are more comfortable with. Why don't you live with a little more dignity instead?
She lived saying she wanted to die. Now it's time for that. She's got the start of dementia - her behaviour is harming all the family and she sound happy with that. I can't feel compassion for her.
Have you considered that suicide is not dignified?
Dignified in the way that you die while still having some humanity inside. And before all that's left of you to others are bad memories
We can dance if we want to
We can leave your friends behind
Cause if your friends don't dance,
and if they don't dance
well they're no friends of mine
sayyy, we can go where we want to
the night is young and so am I
and we can dress real neat
from our hats to our feet
This song is on my mind. It won't leave, and I don't even remember all of the lyrics
All comparison is illusion, all clinging is illusion, that illusion suggests clarity is illusion so that even illusion is illusion. Sure, sure. But it's fun. The being I've ever seen and sworn I've known isn't a drop in the ocean but it is more fun to cycle in and out of attachment than to dwell overlong in either state.
if all is illusion then illusion is all including truth. equal signs work both ways. welcome to brahma big dog.
That works for me.
>welcome to brahma big dog.
is that what they call crack cocaine these days?
nah, I think nowadays they call it simulation theory.
mystic, new-age nonsense like this is so stupid. you know something's either trite or absurd or both when it's impossible to distinguish from the output of a chatbot.
Directly after fapping the tears of your bloodline is heard
I just realized that for my entire life I've been resorting to rocking back and forth in my seat whenever I have to calm down and get a grip on my emotions, all done privately of course, which is a trait that is commonly associated with autism. What I usually do is sit on a low stool or on the floor, and contort myself to where I could gently hit my forehead against my knee on the way down. I also have the tendency of talking to myself out loud if there's nobody around. I may be voicing my inner thoughts or I could just be simulating a conversation.
Another tick is the daily habit of listening to music for hours on end at night and dancing along to it. I must have been doing that on a daily basis for a decade now at the very least. I always imagine some sort of scenario involving music, and it gets so vivid that my body moves along with it. I've been accused of that often actually, living in my own imagination.
Am I really on spectrum? I have very little issues with understanding people or social contexts. I just have this ticks for some unknown reason. It could just be the side effect of too many video games as a kid. It could also explain why I'm so terribly clumsy and never seem to find what objects I could be looking for despite them being right in front of me.
At the end of the day you are yourself. No need to stress over what you are or aren't.
Most autism “signs” are visible in a large swath of the male population. The whole reason they consider it a spectrum is because you know it when you see it, but the actual traits are relatively common in a really wide range of people. This way they can go “oh, well it’s a spectrum so it’s only autistic if you have enough traits and they’re bad enough”. They don’t actually know very much about autism at all. You’re probably completely normal.
This is true.
I remember reading somewhere that they scanned the brains of women diagnosed autistic, and found that their brains looked similar to the average guy lol
Which goes to show how subjective of a thing it can be.
It’s just male personality really. Makes it hard to get laid.
Which makes no sense wouldn’t that make more attractive to a heterosexual female?
All my motivation has fallen off a cliff this past week
For me, the past few years. It’s tough to find things that it feels like it’s worth waking up for these days…or is that just me?
not just you its ogre
The rounded shield of the Zuwa is a sturdy construct of layered latticed timber and hides which curves slightly inwards so that a piercing blow upon the shield does not deflect away whilst the latticework of the wood prevents the shield from being destroyed or sundered; a very deep strike with an axe will simply imbed the axe rather than sunder the shield, for example, and the thickness also lends itself as an effective arrow-sponge, with the outer pins being wiped away and leaving their steel tips in the body of the shield offering a greater fortified bulwark. The Zuwa long shield, though rarer, is of the same composition of this and is remarkably heavy as a consequence. Of both rounded and long the Zuwa have, of course, the well-known custom of flaying the heads of their victims and stretching the skin of the head entirely across the rounded shield, layering their hide-protected arm and leg in the lower jawbone, beginning with the leg on upwards, and treasuring the act of turning the upper skull into a cup or bowl which they eat their meals from. The long shield carrying Zuwa are presumed to be some local elite or ceremonial guard as they concern themselves not with flaying the head, which must be considered common by them, but with the torso itself and this they flay and stretch the skin of across their long shields so as to present a flattened image of a naked human being – it is entirely unknown as to their selection process but these torsos seem to generally consist of females; the head, of course, being impaled whole to the top of the shield with the eyes pinned opened and the tongue pinned between two sticks so as to emerge through the lips and give, altogether, a most ghoulish sight of a flattened torso and its wide-eyed owner in the most unflattering form possible.
Do you ever think about how your biography, or your life’s story, thus far would read? I started thinking about it last year, it’s given me so much anxiety.
Most of us will die alone and be forgotten soon after it. You shouldn't care abotu it
I do care about it though. That’s not a fate I want to accept. Even the thought is so radically depressing to me.
At once I felt I had been nigged. I decided that I would make it my purpose to renege.
Guys, make the most of your twenties. Find your calling and get in the right career path. Don’t dally.
I'm stuck as an esl teacher and in the way to be a writer. Have I done it right?
It’s fine because teaching is at least a real profession, but if you’re certain you want to be a writer then try to get some stuff published before you turn 30. You’re not certain you want to be a writer though, so consider trying to figure out what you really want to do with your life ASAP.
yeah man everyone knows your life is ogre at 30
Yeah…
I know I want, and am in the path of being a writer. I got some shit published, but nothing great. I'm working on a novel for 2 years now and that's my first real shot at it.
If you’ve published anything at all, you’re doing great. Most people are going to turn 30 and have basically nothing at all to be remotely proud of. Many will fail to have any certainty at all regarding what they want to do until they turn 30 at least.
What would the world be like if everyone followed their calling? What kind of system could sustain such a thing?
No such world can exist. But that doesn’t mean people should pursue it. We know not everyone will live into adulthood, but all kids are encouraged to live as they will regardless and that’s a good thing.
Its not always a good thing. some kids were better off not growing up. Just like some peoples passion is rape and murder. My point is one should cultivate a passion for true virtue. If we must stick to passion as our guiding daemon at all. That way, no matter what you are doing, so long as you are doing it with virtuous purpose, you are content.
That’s true. I think it’s really hard to reconcile virtue with ambition now though.
Yeah you really aren't supposed to reconcile those two things. Ambition is the striving force of pride and vanity in man. Now the external appearance of ambition is a different story, since actions taken to better mankind in some way can, at least in our current system where such moves are rewarded with status, look a lot like moves taken out of ambition. the difference is that sometime moves made purely out of ambition can lead to bad ends or if you like non virtuous action like cheating, making up damaging claims to spin narratives in your favor etc.
Historical figures did it
Im not so sure they did. like I said, there is a difference between doing things out of ambition and doing things because they are the right thing to do. Im positive many if not all of the historical figures you are referring to had to do some pretty un virtuous stuff do do what their ambition wanted them to do. That being said imperfect world, imperfect beings. yada yada. Still definitely better practically to let virtue guide you rather than passion. Thats not to say don't feel passion. otherwise whats the point. Just let virtue draw the lines and let passion color the image. If you can cultivate a passion for virtue all the better.
I'M WORKING ON IT
It seems so obvious to me that the rise of non-religious institutions in Western civilization is basically a bourgeois cope for the loss of aristocracy.
wat
And Ellul was right. The whole of modern politics, sociology, economics, law, everything can he easily understand as grasping at a sort of therapy in order to massage people back into the technological society.
I miss you.
There's a non-zero chance that a troony somewhere out there has stuck their dilator in a dog's butthole.
I'm on my own in this life and a cluster b moron apparently, so I will devote myself to nothing more than chasing power and even omnipotence and immortality if I can somehow obtain it, all for the sake of satisfying my cheap desire
God has set me aside from the beginning to be a frickin loser
Nearly had sex with an asian twink but I became so repulsed that I left without saying bye and I haven't been able to get it up in 3 days.
Oh God I don't want to go to work today. It's going to frick up my equilibrium of getting back into writing. Just like it always does. I don't have fricking time, energy, or the temperament to worry about that shit
She says she's not wearing any panties I'm like hey me neither
I'll be staring at my phone for 3 hours straight, put it down for 5 minutes, and get 3 calls and ten texts while I'm away
Bored and thinking of my ex, again. It's been two years since she's left. I think she stole a part of my soul on the way out.
the self-hatred.
Going to college at 18 was my chance to get away and start my life. If things had gone right I could have a group of friends, a girlfriend, years of good times, a degree, and a career now. But everything fell to pieces. I was like a fish out of water there and faced serious social alienation. A year of being alone but surrounded by thousands of people constantly drove me insane. I've tried really hard to make up for what I lost then. But I can't. Something inside me permanently broke and the best I can do is just limp by. I feel so behind in everything. I feel so out of place everywhere. Everything I try fails and it's getting hard going on. It's like treading water and slowly going under.
I can relate. Went to college right after high school and I was socially clueless, could not build up a network and I basically lived like a hermit.
How many years has it been and how have you been since?
Yeah I've been on that grind for a while. I'm 24 now, will be 25 very soon. I've been putting a lot of effort into improving myself and my life. I became religious, I got more serious about fitness, I started being more outgoing and taking opportunities. But it all feels very fruitless. I know a major part of it is because the pandemic hit at a very delicate time in my life. My life was basically put on hold for almost 3 years. I got stuck working some dead end job and being mostly socially isolated for the entire time. Now that the pandemic is lifted I feel very stunted. I'm still an undergraduate, I still depend on my dad, my social skills are nonexistent, I've been single since high school, and I just always feel out of place. I was really excited to start college again because I thought it would be the answer to my isolation and dead end career. But it's very disillusioning because college hasnt really offered me anything. I can't break into any community or make friends. I'm craving a normie social experience but I keep finding myself on these fringes. I do have friends but they feel like part time friends. I'm sort of on the edge of these groups, where I'm kind of a side charatcer. I keep spinning my wheels, trying to make something happen, be it education, career, or social but nothing ever happens. It just gets exhausting to keep tring with no fruit bearing
Self-improvement for self-improvement’s sake is ultimately meaningless. If you’re going to self-improving it’s going to have to be to some end that gets you up in the morning.
Try to realize that one day you’re going to be a man nearer to or over thirty and that’s when your real manhood can begin, and maybe not even that. The early adult years for men are at best a base-building exercise. There are a few things you can do. Try to find something worth doing with your life and set out on it, but barring having something to worth doing with your life, indulge your impulses, and not your base ones but your intellectual, professional, social inclinations and treat this period like a tunnel you have to dig through to come out the other side as a man.
It’s still so hard to figure out exactly what to do…
Lucky numbers, anon. I'm sure you'll find the way
I just wish I received some sort of obvious sign
>get trips and dubs in a row
It is obvious, kek
777 and 11, even. Daaamn
Big reason why humans are so miserable is that men and women think completly opposite
when men are in love they turn women they love into a holy person , they love them more than anyone else but women hate being loved and they just want someone handsome that doesn't feel anything towards them. men base relationship on their feeling to someone and that someones feeling towards them, whereas women can only thing based on artificial, unemotional ways like height or money on top of emotion being nothing but detractor, emotional love/being loved is something only appealing to men, women find it disgusting, they just want to be in uncaring exchanged of money/looks which is why many women get into ugly woman/pretty man or pretty woman/ugly man relationships, nothing but exchange matters.
>see picture of a cute girl
>imagine an entire life with her in a split second
>remember I'm an ugly bastard
>feel bad
I'd rather just lose my sex drive and desire for intimacy completely than constantly have an urge for something unattainable.
On a whim, I entered a sex shop and purchased for myself a dildo, wide-rimmed and peawiener green. It was impractical, more costume than dialator, but I wanted to mark the day somehow—the first day I gave my coin to a voluptuous begger literally begging for my coin. She had these deep ceases in her folds some might cal wrinkles, I saw a challenge. She sang to me with this solicitoubess Japanese like siren. Her hands were pink and ruddy and raw. I could barely contain myself. I started screaming wild with rage.
I'm getting close to supervillain levels of hatred for other people. Like they're all just such low IQ fricking pigs and there's no fixing it. Trying to speak rationally with a midwit is so pointless, it's like talking to someone in a language they don't understand. I know people will call this fedora tippy and cringy and shit but it's how I really feel. It's so sickening the lack of critical thinking and self awareness, how do you live in this world if you're not a complete fricking moron?
That's some redditor shit
>how do you live in this world if you're not a complete fricking moron?
step one is realizing you are one and finding friends who'll suffer your moronicness
There are actually very intelligent people out there. We just don’t get to meet them because we weren’t born into the right circles, didn’t go to the right schools, join the right clubs. If you had gone to Yale, joined Skull & Bones, and worked for the CIA, most people you know would still be idiots but you would know at least three other people who you considered intelligent.
Just realized that schizophrenia can start as late as a person's 30s. It runs in my family and I thought that I was in the clear because I'm in my mid 20s. It's terrifyyng to think I could just wake up one day hearing voices and having no grasp on reality.
Honestly, a big problem is that there are too many things to do and not enough time to do them.
Almost 2 months since my brother died and my dad has finally reached the anger stage of grief. For the best anyway. My brother was an ass hole
Sorry to hear that. It’s never easy to deal with death in the family, even if you didn’t like them. Try to be sympathetic to your father. For him, it wasn’t that long ago your brother was an innocent baby in diapers who could do no wrong and there’s a degree to which he’ll always consider your brother as that baby in diapers that could do no wrong. I’m sure it’s difficult and confusing.
When we talk we have nice conversations but she never reads my messages that say good night and doesn't initiate conversation. It's very odd and sadly means she probably isn't into me.
You can observe Jung measuring the soul of boys and girls in his symbolic assays. The boy, in his despair turns to transitioning, or an adult (big) question of his pedophilia (pedo-philia?). The girl, is a murderer if men will kill, rape, go to war or prison for her. What's wrong with pedestals? Well, in a perfect world, there has been... eugenics. Jung rates (hopefully there is no player error in saying it this way) the boy, the girly genius, lowly. Nonetheless, in a perfect (normified) world, that girl has not twisted some necks, I'm pretty sure. Check Lazy Town. And also, the boy might suicide or go on a murder spree. Kill counts, and prison rates do matter I think. I don't think she enjoyed murdering people, it was just the case some people disappeared in her eyes, for her to later sickly fractionate and despair, and then what good is she? She's sick! She murdered people! Well, that's all folks, I have no clue what the frick this says about me or any of you. (Hell No) What about the adults in this sick and twisted picture? I don't think either really matter, but that guy,... that guy is the fattest woman in the universe. Yikes.
What should someone do if they suspect they fricked up their life?
Depends how they fricked up. Some mistakes can be fixed, some can’t.
''''Woman and children, get on the '''life rafts.'''''''
Life would be more enjoyable if everyone was nomadic.
There's a reason we mostly gave it up all those years ago
There is so much worship of "status" on IQfy these days. People are always talking about shit like top 10 schools, six figure salaries, the superficial and easily faked signifiers of wealth like hobbies and tastes. It's a real drag, kind of pathetic. I get the impression that very few of the people who rhapsodize about that sort of shit are actually living it. "Oh if only I was a legacy admission at Yale, maybe then I wouldn't be a fricking loser." You still could be, that's the thing. You can find intelligent people anywhere. "Skull and Bones" is a frat for rich kids.
>There's a reason we mostly gave it up all those years ago
Because we wanted to be overpopulated and overcrowded, susceptible to disease, dumber by domesticating ourselves, and oppressed by the rule of a few who created states of slavery and taxes.
Nobody mentioned status or success until you did just now. It sounds like you have some sort of complex you have yet to work out.
>If you had gone to Yale, joined Skull & Bones, and worked for the CIA
What is all this if not the stereotype of American aristocracy
But it has nothing to do with status or money
Do you guys try to get the books of an author from the same publisher, or do you not care whether it's mixed up?
How to reconcile ambition and aspiration with the sense that any sort of success which is realistically possible today necessitates an abandonment of dignity and principles.
Hurlements, souffrances, douleurs. Torture de l'esprit, l'Enfer.
Lots of nostalgia tonight…weird feelings.
Nostalgia about what?
Just stuff all over. Everything from playing RuneScape as a kid to the feeling I had years back when I was deeply depressed and just reading a lot of manga and watching anime and listening to certain songs but also writing a lot and really engaged with writing and creativity. You know how nostalgia is. It’s hard to talk about because it’s just a feeling.
People keep calling me an enigma as an insult. I'd rather be that than predictable.
Faraway thunder has softly rumbled on and off from midmorning to late evening where I live, but only once and briefly resulted in rain and visible lightning, about 30 minutes ago, around 8PM, just after the last of twilight. Local warnings about waterspout-tier twisters came at about 6 and went at about 7. Every prediction of the weather models has overstated the worst recently. Even now and then I can hear the vague rumbling bass of a small thunderhead that's about 15 miles away, passing harmlessly. Late September is usually gorgeous and peaceful here, where film and music archives are expected to include almost everything and all the time.
Please don’t be irked anymore.
Far behind and above the roof of where I live there's a group of trees, among them a cottonwood that's about 90 feet tall. It's younger than I am by about half, and obviously at its peak. I used to live a casual walking distance from an oak that's about 600, and one of the most amazing aspects of it that it was and doubtless still is in the front yard of a modest house. I walked past it with friends once, and drove past it about 1000 times.
i thought about this once when i went to see some renaissance sculptures that were on loan to a local museum from italy while the church they are normally installed on was getting repaired and how of all the people that walked in front of them those for hundreds of years present and past now me and the chick i went with will be part of that anonymous but immortal crowd of people who stood before them and marveled though we did it on american shores far from italy.
Italy is very strange from my experience. I've lived my whole life in the Chicago region, but have flown to the tropics, St Maarten, etc. My next oldest sister used to spend rather a lot of time in Hawaii. Still, I could never afford to see St. Peters or Chartres.
wait, you DIE if you get drunk every day? why did nobody tell me?
False that is HYLIC machine cope to prevent you from reaching your peak powers.
There's a reason the chosen one chose alcohol to be his blood and that is because it is sacred.
Please drink up and cease to listen to the machinations and deceptions of hylics
Everyone dies
UGH!
I feel like I'm screaming into a void and whenever something echoes back I'm disappointed it's nothing solid.
It never ends.
Dealing with pains and diarrhea right now
Shouldn't have had taco bell
I'm so starved for physical intimacy that a random girl brushing my shoulder on the street will occupy my mind for 3 days. If I ever got so desperate as to hire a hooker I'd probably just have her givr me a lap pillow and stroke my hair for an hour.
i'm getting really sick of working full time.
just stop
don't have enough other sources of income yet
learn to do with less
Whether I should merge my dad's library, my grandad’s library and my own. We’re talking about almost 14k books (I own 7k).
On a personal, non-book related level, whether I should quit my current job, which makes me happy, and go back to one which paid me almost 3 times more (yes, almost 3!). Some years ago, I was subjugated by this need to try something radically different, which I did (fighting, in some cases almost physically, everyone I knew, from family to friends), but now I ought to put the comfort others before my own (a sacrifice I deem perfectly suitable).
Without saying too much, I think it is time to ditch the discipline and return to a job where my qualifications matter a great deal.
Sometimes I think my life story is beyond belief. On an Uber ride around the North Loop I met and had a delightful conversation with old chick, dying of cancer, whose voice I instantly recognized from 70s broadcasts. That was around 2017. She looked terrible, but still sounded amazingly good, serene and still happy to be alive.
How do you even get in touch with Peter Thiel? Thielbucks are a huge meme but how do you even meet the guy? He seems like a sphinx.
PUSSY
Do you think she could be as nervous as me? This is the first time in a while that I've felt "in love". I've constantly fought against the idea from depth psychology ideas of being in love, but I think it's time to embrace that. Here's to hoping things go well.
wait. you're in love with someone you haven't had any significant chats with? that's bonkers, mate. you're positioning yourself for a potentially demoralising disappointment.
If you're aware of this, frick what I said. I just don't want a fellow anon to have his heart crushed fruitlessly.
Life is too short to allow theoretical prognostication of fears to suspend your pursuit of happiness.
Look, screw what I said. Go for it. Good luck!
Yeah that's exactly the point. I've tried to consciously abstain from fantasies when I should be trying to live them out. I have until later in life to figure all of them out anyways. I'm not new to being in a relationship, but I am new to the psyche and its will. There's a reason why love at first sight is a widely researched topic in analytical psychology.
if i leave here tomorrow
would you still remember me
i must be travelling on now
cause theres too many places i got to see
but if i stay here with you girl
things just couldnt be the same
cause im as free as a bird now
AND THIS BIRD YOU CAN NOT CHANGE
dazzle the lass with a short yet persuasive explanation of why Richard III was not responsable for the murder of Edward V and Richard the Duke of York.,
Is college actually worth it? I can just read all the books I like online. What's the point even?
my professor is cute and she gives good lectures
Lmfao, he fell for the prostitute meme