longing of beauty edition
previous
 Thalidomide Vintage Ad Shirt $22.14 |
 Ape Out Shirt $21.68 |
Thalidomide Vintage Ad Shirt $22.14 |
Write What's On Your Mind ?
longing of beauty edition
previous
Thalidomide Vintage Ad Shirt $22.14 |
Ape Out Shirt $21.68 |
Thalidomide Vintage Ad Shirt $22.14 |
Pathetic coomer
Are you now? Pity.
Looks like one of those trumpet players from Elden Ring.
Reading through that Houellebecq thread I was thinking back on how comfy I was when reading Serotonin.
It was spring, I was without a job. Reading it in the park while the wagies were at work and the only people in the park were kids, the elderly and mothers with small children.
Meanwhile 25 year old me was enjoying the sun and reading.
Maybe the only times I've ever been truly happy was when I was unemployed.
I’ve only ever really felt happy when I wasn’t working and was spending a lot of time making stuff. I wrote book, painted a few paintings, and I built some stuff for home. I felt a little happy when people around me considered me highly successful because I had a high status job and was making a lot of money, but I wasn’t really happy if you know what I mean. I was kind of ashamed deep down actually.
I know what you mean anon. Strutting about and reading in the park while unemployed is also a very fond memory to me.
Same tbh. I had more time for me and I could spend every second doing exaclty what I wanted. I've actually considered beginning a cycle of work and non work just to be as happy as I was back then.
Is getting rich always immoral and/or undignified?
It is easier for a troony to pass as a woman than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven
Rich people are spiritual Black folk
But it can’t eternally be the case, right? History is filled with kings and aristocrats who were presumably rich but nonetheless pious. Is piety even what we should aim for or should we simply be the sort of person we are?
The early modern ideal before mass democracy took over was "middle class" in the noble sense of having enough that you are independent, but not so much that you are spoiled. So enough that you have to work in life to become what you are, and a bout of economic scarcity can't destroy you and lower you to undignified behavior because you have your own land etc.
They saw wealth as ambivalent, as it obviously opens up opportunities for guys like Coleridge to be tutored in Hebrew Greek and Latin when he's 5, but it spoils the vast majority of people in exchange for this.
The best way to overcome it is a meritocratic aristocracy in a state in which everybody wills the national good. The British system in the 19th century achieved this by having a rigid but mostly unspoken caste system in which there was a relatively large class of "gentlemen" who had property and thus didn't have to work, and beneath them were 60-80% of the population who were anonymous background characters, servants, charming wienerney accent salt of the earth characters who show up for a chapter in a Dickens novel, etc. In exchange, the English gentleman felt genuinely massive pressure to "serve" by making himself socially useful. Men like Gibbon and Darwin could devote their entire lives to their scholarship and science because of this system, and Weber talks in some essay about how the English country gentleman who held all the local offices of importance really did protect his constituents and have a benevolent paternalistic attitude toward them.
I think the ideal is a fusion of all the best of these systems with the worst of none of them. A meritocratic service aristocracy like the Victorians, but without the rigid caste system, and a welfare state that makes it so the lower orders can excel, but without enabling massification and lumpenproletarianization of society and cultural standards. The ideal should be a middle class yeoman like Lasch talks about in Revolt of the Elites. I would read that, at least the first chapter, if you're thinking on these subjects. It's short. There's also an audiobook:
Also the first chapter of this, on Rome, is a good read on what happens to rootless wealthy classes WITHOUT a service ethic:
https://www.gutenberg.org/files/44908/44908-h/44908-h.htm#p_1
>and a welfare state that makes it so the lower orders can excel, but without enabling massification and lumpenproletarianization of society and cultural standards.
Not possible homie. Plus a universal emphasis on national good requires a high degree of homogeneity. We could instead have a legalistic imperial identity which would be kino
19th century London was nightmarish. Just reading about their problems with opium and gin addiction should be enough to convince you. An aristocratic class who cared about the people wouldn’t have let things get so bad. That’s not even mentioning other historical faults of British society, like constantly neglecting homeless crisis and doing token reactions to it by implementing ridiculous measures such as forcing them to acquire a fricking loicense to beg - being subjected to increasingly harsher punishments every time they were caught without one - or how an apprentice was little more than a glorified slave in the eyes of the law. I get your point about how great men like Darwin could only flourish under the aristocratic system, but for each Darwin there were dozens of useless nobles. The thing about this retvrn mentality that literary inclined people have towards aristocrats is that they tend to focus on the virtuous ones or think that even the hedonistic ones will be like Wilde or Byron while not realising that these men are remembered precisely because they were the few worthy ones and that among them lived a cabal of useless dandies that did little more besides metaphorically and literally going around fricking the British people before finally dying and being forgotten.
Anyway, I enjoyed reading your post and think that’s an interesting subject to discuss. I’ll be sure to click on your links latter.
I’m having a hard time getting past your first paragraph. It seems to me that the noble class did indeed have more wealth than that, enough so that most if not all, didn’t have to work.
I can agree with the country gentleman as a sort of ideal, but I think that ignores the basis of wealth today, which is not land, and also the problem of politically enfranchising anyone who can acquire wealth and land, and maybe title, and call themselves a country gentleman. What if meritocracy means running a banking empire and exploiting people with usury? You can surely make your aristocratic friends wealthy that way, but is it good? Probably not.
>nooo don't be a heckin' lion think of the heckin' lambs
I was gonna say it isn’t when the whole thing happens incidentally and then I thought about all of those fricks who got rich suddenly and immediately went around spending money on the most obscene things possible. The thing about money is that we are all neurotic towards needing more of it. It’s comprehensible when you’re poor/middle class since you’re always just a bad year away from being destitute or having your finances wrecked over sudden expenses, but even the rich act like that. I saw a video where an ex-account mentioned that all of his millionaire clients lived in a state of constant dissatisfaction, complaining about things like the price of milk rising while being on the top 5% financially. Maybe that’s why they’re emphatic towards not accumulate riches in the Bible. They knew that no matter how much a rich guy has he will always live in a perpetual state of avarice, coveting more and more. I think that the saddest thing about it is that nowadays the average Joe sees things like usury and greed as virtuous practices and admires those who live by it.
So imagine a scenario where a guy had a career as very successful banker and he accumulates a lot of wealth. He has periods where he lives luxury, but in the end, he retires, distances himself from it all, uses his money for public good and his own personal freedom and the welfare of his family, and he lives a modest life in the country away from the luxury and excess and hedonism of the city. He has a big house, maybe multiple houses, but otherwise lives like a small hold farmer or village aesthete.
Is that immoral?
Im my opinion being a banker is an immoral profession due to how most banks operate, but for the sake of your argument lets pretend this man was something else. I think in general the lifestyle he has isn’t imoral. I’m not gung ho about having material possessions or think that everyone who has more than average should make a vow of poverty and donate it away, I just think that the way society relates to money and to the rich is obscene and blinding. Dunno how he’s doing lately, but I recall an article about ten years ago saying that Keanu Reeves lived in a flat in NY, donated money regularly and tried to maintain an average lifestyle whenever he wasn’t working. He appeared to live comfortably but without excess. I think that’s a good example of what you mean.
I am in the mood for a good joke. Explain what a banker does and how that is somehow immoral compared to a private school nepo baby who is shit at his profession and only got broken into the business because his mother was a huge prostitute.
Well, there aren’t many ways to get rich today which can’t be considered immoral or bad in some way, whether it’s banking or a tech company, so this is pretty central to the thought exercise.
Ive been living like a bum lately and its been fun. Better than sitting in my dad's house all day.
Every buddhist thread on this board is indiscernible from autists discussing Kingdom Hearts or Warhammer lore, with the difference being that those nerds don’t larp as being enlightened.
I get a kick out of calling people israeli on IQfy.
I have no ideological hang-up but think it's funny
I have been absolutely shitting up the internet since I have this office job with a lot of free time.
Convinced that the neets are the ones effortposting and being constructive while the shitposters are the ones with jobs.
I would shit up the chons even more but my office wifi and land based connection are rangedbanned, for pedo shit some randos posted almost a decade ago noless wtf, and my phones network is banned on the major boards because of moronic spammers. How am I supposed to tolerate listening to inane roasties at the office when I can barely funpost my anons. I suffer in the West.
Last night I vented too much in this thread and regret it. I popped my jaw by accident and it hurts.
Why is it called the "judeo-christian tradition" if judaism resembles islam so much more than either resembles christianity? If it is a matter of succession, why don't we call it the "levantine tradition" or something like the "assyrio-zoroastrian-helleno-judeo-christian tradition" considering the influence of ancient near eastern and post-alexander hellenic culture on judaism?
It’s not called that. People refer to that as if it were a historical tradition in order to obfuscate the distinction.
> Historian K. Healan Gaston has stated that the term emerged as a descriptor of the United States in the 1930s, when the US sought to forge a unified cultural identity in an attempt to distinguish itself from the fascism and communism in Europe. The term rose to greater prominence during the Cold War, especially when it was used to express opposition to communist atheism.
In other words, it arose as an attempt to lump Christianity and Judaism together.
I thought it came from Nietzsche.
Now read this article on circumcision which was imposed on gentiles in America around the same time, in what may be the most bizarre adoption in human history of a culture adopting a self mutilation ritual from another culture without adopting that culture/religion as a whole
https://www.cirp.org/library/history/gollaher/
Adopting circumcision wasnt adopting judaism. It was implemented to stop masturbation out of a strong puritan impulse.
>levantine tradition" or something like the "assyrio-zoroastrian-helleno-judeo-christian tradition" considering the influence of ancient near eastern and post-alexander hellenic culture on judaism?
Because thats extremely autistic and excessive. You dilute meaning with such over precise terms. It's properly called the Abrahamic tradition, and given that the patriarch, Abraham, is israeli, makes the union ofterms useful. We exclude islam in that grouping because when the term arose, Islam was a very far away and foriegn culture. It wasn't present in America and therefore not culturally significant enough to include.
Plus, there was a judaizing impulse from certain American sects, such as Scofield and John Nelson Darby and the dispensationalist theology, that it was easy for the zionists to link israelite to Christian
>makes the union ofterms useful.
...or maybe the term is used to slander and throw shade at Christians instead.
As a Christian I despise the term given that israelites literally rejected Christ and the Sermon on the Mount was a huge critique levied against the israelites, but if you want to be a secular sociologist then the term is useful
Secular sociology itself is not useful
Oh well
>be me
>walk into library w headphones
>some teens look at me and say something
>reply with a loud "what?"
>they keep a straight face and say "nice shirt"
>I give a thumbs up and cheeky smile and continue to my desk
Someone explain the situation to my autistic brain? What would've been the chad response?
Just ignored the dumb zoomer like you would ignore a homeless schizo.
You did nothing wrong.
Life is a loose-jointed walk through the woods. Sometimes you have to stop to let some bees fly by, sometimes you have to scare a black bear by getting big, and sometimes a gay little leprechaun comes out and says gay shit and you just have to stand there until he goes away. The only way to lose at the game of life is to run into the swarm of bees, cry like a b***h at the black bear, and walk away thinking "what the hell did that gay leprechaun want? what was the right move in that situation?"
So you're saying I should not give a shit about what this guy is saying, okay done
I just get confused when and when not to respond to "challenges" in public. I want to not do the cowardly thing. How do I know the right way to act?
For me I only achieved inner peace when I realized that it's about having a solid "core" in me, not permeable with the social environment outside me, by simply always doing what I think is right according to values I take to be objectively good and reasonable (compassion, morality, etc.). This way the absolute worst that can ever happen to me is that I misjudge, and make a mistake. But since one of my core values also happens to be that people who are doing their best to be good people, but who make a mistake, shouldn't be too harshly judged and ought to be forgiven and gently corrected, I also know that if someone is cruel or mocking when I make a mistake are themselves just confused, since good people with values don't do that. All people make mistakes regularly, so anyone would just be stupid to pounce on others today, when tomorrow will be their day of shame. People who mock or shame others for being awkward are not winning any thing, they are playing a bad game in which they always break even, and which any sufficiently thoughtful person naturally opts out of.
Even when I make a really stupid mistake because of autism or social cluelessness, I can always trace the chain of decisions and assumptions I made back to my core of basically good motivations. Thus even if I get brutally mocked or clowned upon by real hep cat normies, who are less awkward and autistic and know the latest hand gestures to make from the TV shows, let's say the worst case scenario happens like the whole library laughs at me for wearing blue pants with a green shirt, I can shrug and move on.
This is why boomer grill dads have such a confident energy about them, because they instinctively feel like they already succeeded at life by having a big family and beat the game. If you try to mock them for something trivial, like dressing shitty or saying "are ya winning son" about a game one doesn't "win," they have to rev up their caring engine manually, because it's always off by default, because they know they're valid by default. They already won, you can't take their core validity away from them by going DAD YOU FRICKING moron YOU DON'T WIN AT ANIMAL CROSSING! or DAD NOBODY USES BLACKBERRIES ANYMORE FRICKING IDIOT. You can attain that same level of default instinctive validity early in life by just knowing that there is a part of you that isn't permeable with ephemeral social status games, like knowing the latest way to wear your hat or knowing precisely how to respond to being sassed by a teenager at the library.
The easiest way to do this is to have parts of your core inner life that connect out beyond yourself to objectively cool and valid things. Einstein on his way to work on his papers on relativity after a conceptual breakthrough wouldn't have cared if the library chads mocked his penis hanging out of his pajama fly, a doctor on the way to save somebody wouldn't care if some kid said "HEY IDIOT, THE TAG'S STILL ON YOUR SHIRT! CATCH YOU ON THE FLIP SIDE!" and all the kid's friends laughed.
The social world is a mixed up place with lots of bored, aimless people who have nothing objectively important to do, and no inner life, no core. So their sense of self and self-worth is permeable with the social environment, and they slump into a kind of brownian back-and-forth of mutually mogging one another with no net change in the system forever. Conversely people on the autistic spectrum tend to have such intense and intricate inner lives that they want to understand the exact relation in which their inner life stands to the outer world, so they obsess over the "right" way to engage with the brownian soup of sleepwalkers drifting from one impulse or vague association to the next. And autistic people tend to assume everyone thinks like them, as they're always trying to think through thinks rationally, and they assume all people are basically rational agents trying to maximize their satisfaction etc., which leads them to overanalyze what some random kid said or did. But it's really like the kid who says "dusty old bones full of green dust" from King of the Hill:
They are basically dreaming while awake, their choices are as random as yours are in a dream. They are drifting from associations mixed with memories and impulses, often ugly animal impulses.
The worst fate a thoughtful or autistic person can suffer is never breaking from his tendency to think he's just like them, thus spending his whole life trying to parse "dusty old bones full of green dust," or trying to understand the exact calculus of how many social status points they lost by zigging where all the normies instinctively zagged at work when people were really just repeating mindless nonsense and enjoying the hypnotic resonance of being part of the group. This guy's "challenge" was on the same psychological level as a goose thinking you're trying to get close to its goslings. You don't even bother to explain his mistake to the goose. Just like Einstein doesn't explain to the skateboarders at the park that he simply forgot his penis was out because he has just created a new physics paradigm, and boomer dads don't bother explaining to their son's friends that they used to play way cooler video games than this lame shit.
This is truly one of the most important things I have ever read. No one has ever explained the autistic experience to me like this before. Thank you dearly Anon
QUALITY POSTS
Just want to say I thoroughly enjoyed reading these posts. Thank you anon. I think these have genuinely influenced my way of thinking.
Pic rel is literally me. I'm tired of pretending to be happy talking with other people when all I want is to just sit in my room. I can't find joy in any activity that I can't do alone. Books for that feel?
The Outsider, Colin Wilson
You're just like me.
You probably just have shit company. Which is unfortunately 90% of people. It took me a few years of constantly going out and randomly talking to people to finally amass a group of people who I actually enjoy being around. Usually cool people hang out with other cool people so it's usually a matter of finding one quality person.
We should get rid of hours, minutes, seconds and go back to dawn, morning, noon, afternoon, dusk, night. And morning is between dawn and noon, not 1 AM at night.
Read Le Goff, Time Work and Culture and How Forests Think
I decided to live at my mom’s house for a while to save some money, and in the meantime I crossed an age that is way too old to live with a parent. I went to visit my father for Father’s Day for a while and I realized just how miserable it is staying at my mother’s tiny house at this age. I need to get out of here ASAP, but that also means I’m going to remain stuck in my shitty job I guess. Im having a really hard time identifying what move I can make and feel good about at this point. I just feel like I really fricked things up these last few years and now I’m screwed.
>I crossed an age that is way too old to live with a parent
According to who exactly
Society definitely, but also myself. It’s not necessarily living with family that’s bad, but relying on mommy and living in this tiny little house? It is. The thing is, I never actually had to do this. I managed to save some money doing it and my plan was to use that to change courses, but things kept getting more expensive and now it’s not enough to do a whole lot with. So it was all sort of pointless.
I have enough for a down payment, but the prospect of a 30 year mortgage and being stuck in my job is not appealing. You’re not planning to buy a house outright are you?
For
I have the same thoughts about being stuck with a job because of the mortgage.
I have enjoyed just quitting jobs and neeting it up for 2/3/4 months and might be risky with a mortgage.
Outright buying a house no, but a lot hinges on how much my dad would chip in. If I could get by with a very low mortgage that would be gold.
But mostly I want it cause I would like to do some handywork and other hobbies you just can't do in an apartment.
Sounds nice. I could probably buy a rental property with a family member, but I’m not sure that’s a good idea. If your dad is going to chip in to buy you a house, you should take him up on that. I don’t get shit from my dad and never did.
Definitely some amerimutt shit. I know Italian and slavic dudes that have wives and kids, jobs that provide for their families, and nonetheless they still happily live with moms or nonas babushkas that still make them do chores.
Difference is that we have wealth and space, something a European cannot comprehend.
Maybe it is but if that’s the perception, that’s the perception.
I did live on my own for years after college. It just got really lonely, and pointless. Once COVID lockdowns made my job remote, I jumped at the opportunity to get rid of my rent payment. I’ve managed to save some money, just not enough to do anything.
I think it’s a bigger problem because I’m just down about life in general right now.
iktf
I decided to rent out my apartment for a year to stay with my dads. His house is nice but I already fricking hate not having a place of my own.
My hope is that the money I save is enough to buy a house at the end of next year. If not I just have extra cash but I really want to stop being a rentoid.
What's that website where photos of neutral expression faces are turned into smiling faces?
I am literally Benincasa from "La miel silvestre".
It's so fricking over. It never even fricking started.
Quiroga was a phenomenal writer though.
Lol that is such a far out reference. Imagine dying to honey bees vomited up from poisonous flowers.
Technically he got eaten by warrior ants after drugging himself with said honey.
I always preferred his snake and dog stories. RIP in peace Yaguai.
I'm reading books on how to run a country just in case I'm transported into a fantasy world like in my anime.
卐
I just saw a female stag beetle awkwardly trying to flip itself over right on my doorstep. Now I'm paranoid that they'll climb into my house, though they are probably too big to slip in anywhere. I hate summer.
Was she cute?
I have a friend who started reading books like a year ago, and they are already his personality, so weird to see him posting quotes on his social media
i was at the grocery store earlier today and i really enjoyed the pop song that was playing. i even danced a little while i was shopping. feels good
This place is like crack cocaine for me maybe i should get addicted to crack cocaine to break my IQfy addiction
I went to a work-mandated anti-suicide briefing today. The focus was on developing a system of values which allows one to contextualize and understand pressures and stresses without being overwhelmed. At one point the presenter asked the audience if they possessed such a system of values, or if they considered themselves to practice spirituality. The 120 people in the seats stared at him until he kept talking. Dozens were actively trying to ignore him by playing on their phones. At another point the audience was asked to give examples of things they would do to relieve stress. The two most popular activities, given with much cheering and high-fiving, were going to the bars and Tinder. When the topics of finding meaning in life, the nature of reality, the nature of self and relation to reality, and God were brought up, several members of the audience looked actively annoyed to even hear such things and toned out the speaker.
>When the topics of finding meaning in life, the nature of reality, the nature of self and relation to reality, and God were brought up, several members of the audience looked actively annoyed to even hear such things and toned out the speaker.
Well, yeah cause it's a stupid work mandated meeting being forced on them. The speaker here honestly seems more annoying to me.
I've never heard of that. What kind of work mandates anti-suicide briefings?
Dumb corpo shit that has more money than sense and gets scammed into hiring consultants to spout bullshit at the wageslaves. At least my last white collar job we had the option to just take a free extra paid day off to skip that gay shit.
elites are trying to make us like the Chinese since turning us into Western Europeans didn't work, with suicide nets in the near future. the elites truly hate freedom
I don’t know what’s worse, the fact that this talk took place (especially in a workplace) or the normies’ antipathy to God. Both stem from the same sickness anyway
I slept nearly all day. cripes
Just wake up you lazy sack of shit
nah. today is my day off and I don't work until tomorrow. I'll do as I please.
someone post the passage about her handling the gun
what the frick is she on about?
The epitome of femoid privilege. She only survived as long as she did because her braindead naivete and waifish israeli looks inspired protective paternal instincts to save her from herself in tje men around het when a dude with her same neuroses would be written off as a qcceptable casualty.
really just meant her writing
What do you think people who find themselves at odds with modern life but don’t feel called to monastic life like Buddhist or Christian monks should do? Obviously, they’re going to have to find a niche for themselves to tolerate modern life. I think the universities and artistic circles used to provide shelter for people like this, but that’s increasingly off the table. What’s left? Do you have to get rich as quickly as possible so you can escape as early as possible?
Become a hermit and live in the desert
You need money to become a hermit.
I'm so tired of my schizophrenic brother. He's such a crazy ass hole.
Alex?
No
MY SHIFT AT THE CHILDREN'S BOOKSTORE IS OVER AND I'M READY TO GET FFFFFUUUUCCCCCKKKKINNNN RACIST
I ate the whole log
I'm so drunk bros.
One was known as big breasts and the other as little breasts, but they'd both be big-bellied in five months. The two television repairmen had sneakily spiked the gym mom's water bottle when she wasn't looking. Their devious plan worked and once she was goofily out of her mind they made short work of her clothes as she giggled uncontrollably. After removing big tit's panties they spiked it with a couple dabs of chloroform and then proceeded to use it to knock out little breasts, who was playing blissfully in her room. The devious duo parked their van right against the garage door and carried the "four breasts" into the back, where they were bound and gagged for good measure. After an hour of driving they arrived at a yakuza-owned motel, where they had obtained due license to engage in occasional forays of naughty fun. Most action was at first centered around little breasts, who they passed between them four times before midnight, all while big breasts snored. After which one of the guys ventured out to get pizza from an all-night diner, which they ate and also fed to little breasts who was in total shock, but became more pliable after they had her imbibe some saki. Indeed, they plied her with just enough saki that, exhausted as she already was, it didn't take long for little breasts to tip over into sleep. Soon after, big breasts woke and though still drugged was showing signs of disconcert, so they offered her another glass of drugged water. After which she became fully relaxed again and indeed quite giggly–they then decided to have their way with her at last, as the anchovy pizza had had an interesting aphrodisiac effect on their constitutions...just then Haruto the repairman was rudely awakened from his daydream by the lady of the house: "Why are you looking so intently at my daughter, please don't tell me she's been annoying you good sir? She's such a spoiled little brat."
Wanna take my shot at being a public (art) figure but worried about my nudes leaking
>decide to jerk off
>finish and my brain immediately feels deprived
>compulsively eat an entire bag of chips, over 1000 calories,in like 5 minutes
it really does feel like all of my vices are tied together sometimes. im probably gonna be sick now and its going to make me miserable and prevent me from living the life i want to live, and that will in turn make me jerk off and binge eat more , and the whole thing will prepeat over andover and over again
So break the cycle
The Fathers said that gluttony and lust are closely related
I hate waking up to regret. I'm just so angry. I went off to college at 18 and it was the worst hear of my stupid life. I hated being there and I was just humiliated over and over again. It absolutely destroyed my young life. I became reclusive and weird and now I'm in my mid 20s, still alone and uneducated, no real life going on. Worst part is that I didnt even want to go to that university but my dad bullied me into going there. I just have so many regrets and so many resentmente I dont know how to deal with it. Everytime I hear about college on tv or someone I know going to college I get this knot ij my gut and I became so rageful. I'm pissed off. My whole life was destroyed by college and I have no outlet for it.
I think what you need to do is figure out what you want to do, and go do that. Build some competence, build some confidence, and move on to the next chapter with your head high. It’s really that simple.
Yeah I've been working on it. I got fricked because right after my nightmare college experience the pandemic hit. I tried out construction work but I'm not made for it. Back in college now but I just feel the weight of all those wasted and lonely years and I cant help but get extremely bitter everytime I see a happy 18 year old. It just all feels like such a waste of opportunity and it makes me so fricking angry to think about it
I watched as all my efforts into becoming more of an extroverted person and taking the initiative to do things, and my plans for my last univ semesters, crumbled during the pandemic, day by day, month by month. Writing was one of the handful things, and perhaps the most important one, that kept me going. I think I would've lost my sanity by now, as I'm still not fully recovered, mentally (but much better than a year ago, I reckon).
I don't know exactly how to encourage you to keep going. I won't be hypocrite and portray all that in a positive light and glorify my suffering just because I've learned some things out of it all. All I can say is, I plan to get back to it next semester, to finish what's overdue but still possible. It's miserable, and it's not at all what I wanted, but one of the things I learned is that what you want, what you can and what you must don't align all the time. I hope you find your way out.
>things I learned is that what you want, what you can and what you must don't align all the time. I hope you find your way out
Truest words ever spoken. Thanks, I appreciate your post. I'm full of regret but i know its all just part of life
West coast rap
>I'm drinking gin and juice, gonna frick a b***h with no condom
East coast rap
>Commit armed robbery and sell drugs
Memphis rap
>I'm raping and torturing women in my basement
What the hell happened there?
you already know the answer, Anon
The Satanic panic in the South wasnt a fricking meme or a case of mass hysteria. Everyone out chea was on some Dirty shit. Black white rich or poor. Bankroll other hoe just another victim that I chose.
There's so much evil in the world it would make my heart stop if I knew 1% of it
White rappers
>satire of immoral black rappers, nerdcore, science, politics, literature references
You started listening to pop-rap.
I wouldn't pretend that stadium country is the only type of country music, unless I was a homosexual like you.
Playboi Carti is the only rapper I listen to these days. I hardly know what he's saying. It could be about rape and satanic rituals for all I know
I still feel immature, and I imagine that’s how others see me.
So much of how I can maintain my habits comes down to my specific life circumstances. Its easier to wake up and get out of bed immediately if you have a job you need to go to, compared to being a NEET with no obligations or reason to get up. Its easier to maintain the habit of brushing your teeth in the morning if you live with someone that you want to kiss whom wouldn't want to kiss you if you didn't brush. ADHD is one thing, but having ADHD when being a NEET that lives alone with no friends means having so little outside pressure or outside motivation to keep you in check and following the habits and routines you want to follow.
If I'm going to write something of substance, I should really finish it before AI takes off.
I'm right at the cusp of being able to converse with it a little, but it doesn't produce anything great or lengthy on it's own.
I'm sure it will truly begin to surpass us, and even in its current state some of the works and articles people are copy-pasting from it are flying under the radar of enough people's bullshit detectors.
I worry that my work will have no meaning soon enough, or that it will be mistaken for AI regurgitation.
The most beautiful secrets of the universe, when shared with undeveloped souls, only gather their imperfection.
At least you tried to share that beauty.
https://xkcd.com/1053/
I hate every living second of my existence. I 'recovered' from 2 years of inactivity and managed to finish my degree and landed a job. But being 'functional' and interacting with other people drains so much of my energy. I've probably lost like 10 pounds in a month, want to smash everything on my sight right this moment. I don't even have privacy anymore. I fantasize about killing myself all the time, but I think that at my age I'm not one to kill myself, I will just grow bitter and bitter.
Have you ever fricked a nice prostitute? Great way to get out of a rut
I haven't but I must recognize that it's something that I'm tempted by
If it's meant to be you will be provided signs
Burnout, you're in the wrong job. Your in an extrovert's job when you are an introvert. I have an extrovert persona, but I'm actually quite introverted in reality. Problem was I kept on being prompted to positions that dealt with people and my managers would always think that I would be a good fit, but I would just get frustrated, burnout, then quit. This would perplex the hell out of the people I worked with but I guess I'm a fricking idiot because it took a while before I started to see this pattern and I took a year off using the money I saved to live off of and I feel 100% less stressed out and happier. People will always tell you to either find a job that pays the most or find a job that you love regardless of the money, the truth is in the middle. Find a job that you love that pays decently, take cuts to your lifestyle as much as you can to make it work. I don't believe that the goal of life is to be happy, duty is called duty for a reason, civilization requires you to onboard a certain amount of misery to keep it moving; but at the same time don't overpay your misery.
There's something about a basement that I find calming.
I never got how "basement dweller" became an insult ! These people are missing out. It's a comfy part of the house , rich with the scents of the past , brimming with the relics of memory, fortified security , insulated quiet , and subdued peace. I always feel centered in my basement.
My dad always used the basement as his workshop . I have fond memories of watching him do stuff . Now look at me getting too sentimental .
There has to be an emotional link to the basement for it to have that ambiance . This is why your parent's basement, with all those bits and baubles of a fragile lifetime's history. And it helps if there is a workshop of some sort , a place where you can focus your energies on concentrated tasks away from the hubbub .
I used to do my earliest writings in my basement when I was a teenager . There was nothing to distract me . The spartan and functional atmosphere clarified my mind . It's as if the things said and thought in a basement are impenetrable and encapsulated from the outside world. Everything above the surface can be intercepted , but not in that sanctum of concrete and mildew .
Lovely! Thanks for sharing
ray bradbury said something like, an attic is a time machine
i think basements are a little like that too
Lovely writing anon, very touching
post theme:
I've been a loner for a really long time and for most of that time I've been okay with it. But what sucks the most is that when you get sad you have no one to share it with. No one to hug, no one to tell you things will be okay. Its in these moments when I feel lonely, and not a momentary fleeting lonliness, but a lonliness and a longing that stings. I don't know how long this bifucation in my soul can persist before it breaks me. I'm fine being alone, or at least I thought I was, but I think the truth is that I probably reject and push people away because I'm afraid they will do that to me first and to be the one pushing hurts less than the one who is pushed.
I think the next time I meet up with a prostitute I'm going to make her watch Matthias Wandel videos with me before we bump uglies
E.g. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m0pkFbEhpro
I love this homie like you wouldn't believe
I started with the Greeks when I was 13, obviously. Over the span of 8-10 years, I fell for many memes and wasted time reading things which imo weren't worth it, instead of enjoying life outdoors like most people my age. I was an innocent little pseud who could appreciate poems about nipple piercing warriors along with Camus and carry on with my life, but the consequences of severe social isolation, pre-existing mental illnesses, and the works of idiosyncratic French, German, and Russian authors were a disaster for my developing personality and my overall ability to perceive the world around me.
In simpler words, at the age of 20, I find myself in a mental state where I can't distinguish much intellectual difference between my current self and my 13-year-old self, except for the fact that my perspectives towards the outward world have become distorted beyond my own comprehension. Instead of focusing on starting a career, earning money, and pursuing relationships as my family and past me expected, I have lost all interest in such materialistic pleasures. The pursuit of money no longer excites me, and the temptations for sexual pleasure, social validation, and women has faded into emptiness. I find myself unable to experience happiness or depression, and I struggle to see a purpose in accumulating wealth beyond what is necessary for survival.
Are there any books that can help me break free from this socially detached state of mind? I'm seeking a narrower, hedonistic even, perspective on the world, which would allow me to become a more ""normal"" individual.
tldr
I do not wish to be based any more, I just want to be a bugman.
Youre only 20. Dont be a gay. Go outside
I do go outside
I go outside everyday
Go outside more
what do I even do when I go there
B yurselv
Talk to people
I do but I can't relate and the conversation seemingly goes nowhere
they are only interested in politics, NETFLIX and e-celebs
And you're so deep because you read Underground Man, Mr 20 year old. Get your head out your ass
stop assoooming stuff anon
I never said I was
He's a bitter 35 year old man.
Go sign up for things where you're forced to work with other people. It can be anything from soccer to painting warhammer figures.
I would say join a boxing gym, I regret having stopped doing that too soon.
>Are there any books that can help me break free from this socially detached state of mind?
I'm not sure about books, but I can relate.
I'm a very detached person, but I think what's needed is to introspect about that detached aspect why you feel a sense of detachment from normal "materialistic" pleasures.
There's nothing wrong with seeking a simple detached life, but just be sure it's truly chosen and not stemming from an incapacity rationalized as superiority.
Or from a fear of being known. Giving up before you started to claim that yoy never wanted to participate in the race.
For me my detachment has made it hard for me to connect and sympathize with people. I can try but very rarely feel a natural sense of connection, only an abstract vague sense that this person is okay.
I'm not saying I dislike this path because I would have quit long ago if that was the case but, I do not come from a very economically gifted family and I have to bear some inevitable responsibilities
backing down from these responsibilities would be pretty traitorous of me
mates, please help me, I'm srs
my family wasted a lot of money on my education and I don't want all of it go down the drain in the NEET hole
I have tried all these memes like working out, going outside, no fap, fasting, etc
I can tolerate being a cookie cutter pseud but not an academic failure because it doesn't affect only me but my family too
Combien d'argent pour le fromage bleu!
Parle-moi salope!
I wonder whether it is women that I want, or rather the feeling of being a normal man.
A normal human being needs companionship. Even if they feel they need a lot of space and alone time, it is an absolute we must have another to talk to, to relate to, to keep from going mad. We come of them, and mustn't stray too far. Mother, wife, male companions, alike.
I wonder if my writings have ever killed someone. More to the point, I often ask myself what is the average number of words it would take to kill a given person.
i like you guys (at least when you're trying to be helpful or constructive)
Thank you. Now frick off.
My faith in women is waning. I've been listening to "asexual" women, and they actually have sex all the time with multiple partners. It's a lie.
are you implying that these women got tired of sex and started calling themselves asexual ?
No, the reasoning they gave is that they prefer cuddling and forming a bond instead of casual sex, even though they still do a lot of casual sex they just have the preference for bonds. Never trust a woman who says she's asexual.
I knew a girl in college who gave off mousy lesbian vibes for the first 3 years, called herself an asexual. We would smoke weed every now and then, and eventually decided to become housemates senior year. Over that summer she did a complete 180 in her personality and became this hyper-sexualized e-thot. It was kind of traumatic.
Yeah a girl told me she was a vocel and I laughed. The combination of being bored and constantly medicated in a ephemeral, directionless world has created monsters. Ultimately these girls want bfs but they blow shit up way too frequently and the guys with some experience can spot the red flags immediately.
>I discovered that meme sexualities don't exist
you don't say???
...but he had inflicted upon me the most grievous of curses, the most perfidious punishment of them all: ideas i had no way to parse, emotions i could not comprehend, thoughts alien to everything i had ever known...
and a deep and forlorn desire to share them with others
This thread made me think about this song:
You guys seem more melancholic than usual, or maybe that’s just me.
Sounds like something out of Soul Sacrifice. Damn, that game didn’t deserve being forgotten. It should have escape Vita hell along with Gravity Rush.
I just lost all my friends and even at this very moment I'm more annoyed by israelites than I am about actually losing them.
Then ~~*they*~~ have won.
Is there any sexually charged female supremacy propaganda I can read that isn't oriented towards attention-span depleted coomers with chastity cage/whipping fetishes and other nonsense?
All I want is to read an intellectually fortified philosophical treatise that takes itself seriously and has erotic undertones about why women are superior beings to men and why men should worship them and devote themselves to their service, and I want it to be devoid of 3rd wave feminism nonsense as well as coomerbait chastity cage shit. Bonus points if it includes guidelines about subtle points of behavior that men should include in their lives to further advance the cause of women and serve them without drawing attention to themselves.
It doesn't matter if it falls on its face upon deeper intellectual analysis, it just needs to be convincing enough that I can be absorbed into the LARP while reading it. I would prefer it to be about the female gender as a whole, but wouldn't mind if the work only refers to any one race/ethnicity/religion of women in particular, regardless of which it is.
Any recs?
>Any recs?
Drop a large, blunt object on your head.
It’s quite insensible, but I’ve already written off most of life as unworthy of being lived. What more does one have to look forward to? Marriage? Children? The endless tedium of life?
It’s one different thing if I had the disposition to dedicate my life to scholarly pursuits. But the most curious of all is the state of my sporadic, unreliable cognition. There are times where I’m driven by a surge of inquisitiveness, of thirst for learning so sudden and profound. And I perform well too. And then the sentiment departs just as suddenly. Hadn’t stayed long enough to be tenable long term.
So what do I actually have to look forward to. People, in arguing against suicide usually point to the small pleasures that make life worth living. A beautiful sunset, a lofty breeze. Something. But even now when I think, I could go lay on the beach and do nothing. What more does one want? But no. I’ll have to still be me on the beach. In the parc. In Indonesia. More and more I begin to understand why people lop off their limbs when they feel their out-of place-ness in their bodies. I wish I could point to one part in my self that feels so egregiously wrong but I have to contend with the sum of it all now.
The way the homosexuals on this site will always ignore my best posts with mathematical certainty legitimately pisses me off and ruins my day.
Maybe your best posts just aren't very good.
No, they are posts that back when this place wasn't filled with zoomers would get a whole chat going. They're mostly funny posts, my humor hasn't changed. Instead I check on the thread and it's gone to the archive. But shitty thread #57463477373 that isn't even a good bait gets 400 replies. This place is really like Reddit now. People reply to the OP and then just skim the rest. If there's a comment with a lot of (you)s they read it, if not they literally just ignore the whole conversation. It's why the whole FPBP thing got so obnoxious.
your posts might be boring, stupid or just not very good
I've been on this site for 13 years (sadly)
i don't recall asking how long you have been on this site, i merely pointed out that perhaps your posts get ignored because they're boring, stupid or just not very good
>perhaps your posts get ignored because they're boring, stupid or just not very good
that detail matters because something changed over the years
by your reasoning, you're implying that lazy bait obviously written by chatgpt and twitter screencaps get replies because they are interesting
this site genuinely feels like pre-scripted bots replying to each other at this point
I subscribed to my sister's OnlyFans
make a video with her
just say "step" so it's legal in Muslim c**ts
What's on my mind? 3 things, constantly. It's almost cathartic.
>I don't want to die, I don't want to die, I don't want to die, My body is weak and mortal but I don't want it to be. I have done nothing yet I feel exhausted from lack of action.
>I AM making my way, on the dead corpses and broken yearns of those weaker than me. Body is broken but the soul is willing!
>holy shit I need a true friend and a true family. Or maybe to just accept that those I have may be the best life has to offer.
>asexuality is a meme, just look at my cherrypicked example, i would struggle with being asexual
if you have to struggle you're not asexual you're just an incel, the fact that you're so quick to call it a meme sexuality means you're not asexual
if the idea of someone having low libido and even lower interest in sexual relations with other people seems impossible to you you're a coomer normie and should return to a certain website
>someone having low libido
that's not "asexual" that's "low libido" you fricking zoomer mongoloid
>and even lower interest in sexual relations
oh look, it is the moronic boomer who stuck his nose in halfway through the message and spewed his moronic opinion for everyone to see while forgetting he wasn't talking to his underpaid employees who are forced to agree with his idiotic takes and to put up with his mentally challenged takes
how about you read the fricking text before you reply to it next time you impotent diaper shitter
I've met an asexual person and Im pretty sure they exist. I don't know why but I have that natural unease around them when I'm trying to relax.
Likely a genetic defect of the human genome, to be asexual. It's worse than chastity because you don't have any problems to overcome, flattening you as a person and making your development moronant and errous.
>someone who doesn't debase their body to their natural urges or at the very least have to overcome their reproductive urge is defective to me, i glorify life and reproduction to the point of divinity despite it just being one of naturals urges like any other irrational urge that others have
anon there are people who are into sticking their dick into other peoples mouths and asses, and you see the person who has 0 desire to rub bodies with you as the weird defective one?
with your logic anyone who doesn't have child making sex is a genetic defect and the highest goal of humanity is to make more babies, are you by any chance japanese?
>didnt read what I wrote
Black person
>strawmanned
black Black person
>trolls
black gorilla Black person even
I wrote that chastity out of volition is way better than chastity without choice you daft sod.
>i called asexuals freaks of nature but i did say that monks are cool!
baby boom boom tard
>I've met an asexual person
was it having 0 sex including masturbation since this discovery? If no it was bullshit
>read non-fiction book
>really like it
>read criticism that debunks a lot of the book
>don't like the book anymore
if it made intuitive sense to you then it is right even if it is wrong
Nihilists/ realists/ pessimists/ cynics are boring
Is there any place on this entire site one could discuss economics and metaphysics of economics?
Not in the least, they don't even care about business only shit coins let alone economic theory and metaphysics behind it.
Maybe try a better site that isn't complete shit, unironically. I wanna leave
Quite the frickin few days I've had lads. Saturday I met up with some mates of mine and lost my fricking phone, yesterday it was my 21st birthday and after cleaning the flat ive moved into to up for hours since 6 in the morning i had my parents turn up to see it for the first time, they stayed for like ten minutes and then proceeded to break the lock so now the door's completely fricked and I'm having to get in and out the flat through my frickin kitchen window and today I'm trying to get into my bank account just to see that it's been completely emptied out by whoever it is that has my phone. Anyone here reckon they've had a worse 4 day run?
I actually want to discuss natural law and economics as seen from Catholic tradition and how Austrian economics is the continuation of this tradition as rather than deriving from enlightenment and classical liberalism as it is often accused by what I call right-wing socialists who militantly oppose the free market.
can't you see that this site is just bots and bait
I think I’m going to quit my job and use my savings to spend the next year focusing on my health and fitness and art. This is what I consider investing in myself. If I spend all of my savings just to get killer shape and get a year of serious and concerted focus on creating, that’s well worth it in the long run. And I’ll probably go back to school at the end and send my net worth into the negatives anyway, so what difference does it make?
Literature is so great.
i want to go back in time and destroy the first cro-magnon who invented language. he has doomed us all.
Welp I'm range banned from my only home board
frick the jannies, I'm gonna try leaving
what is the archetype, or condition, of someone who has never really fricked with abstract, creative, ironic, etc. concepts, who mainly gravitate to the normiest shit?
i have a childhood friend like this. we have a big group of friends, who are some combination of smart, cultured, weird, outrageous, but our one homie is just never received on this wavelength. OR really ever went outside his comfort zone. he is still smart and successful at what he does partake in
also what books could i recommend to this person. as a gateway drug. i feel like he wouldn't 'get' most anything.
There isn't anything such as a dangerous book; it's just people being stupid.
That would be a notebook, not a book.
Persuasion and Rhetoric was dangerous when I was in college. Plenty of literature leads to destructive outlooks and actions.
IQfy should produce its own edition or commentary on Plato's Republic where Polemarchus and Glaucon are a bunch of /misc/tards
>IQfy should
Sorry I'm going to stop you here, you're a gay homosexual
I think for my personal career ambitions, it’s okay to stumble out of the gate when you’re young but you need to recover big time in your later twenties. I failed to do that and now I’m looking at just starting at thirty what I realistically should have accomplished by now. Better late than never I supposed, but it’s disheartening to say the least.
Yeah I can see the absolute comedy of a talentless homosexual realizing he cant blow his way to the top anymore after losing his twink looks.
Its weird because ive dated dozens of women but none could ever compare to my ex, we spoke about literature, film, music, art, philosophy, everything. The one major issue i guess is she could be extremely quiet at times and that bothered me quite a bit, but I still wanted her over any other women, we had such a deep spiritual love. I gave up all the fooling around for her, I couldn't escape her. We ended up breaking up though over a 3some that never happened. I was under the impression for years she wanted one and as an artist i always expressed how much I wanted it for inspiration. She had a breakdown when it came time to actually do it and I was so mad she lied to me about wanting it that i just ended things. I found a lot of happiness shortly after but i was able to only through anger/frustration that helped me move on. We spoke for 10 hours a month ago and we still love eachother so deeply, its been hurting me ever since. She always said we're the loves of eachothers lives, i was never sure if she was right, but i know ill always love her and she'll always love me. I guess all i can do now is cry and move on. I'm 28 now and looking back I was so foolish and stupid for most of my 20s, living selfishly, hurting everybody to do whatever i wanted. I feel only through this breakup I've been able to do real reflection on myself finally, for the first time in years. I don't know if its just romantic of me but my ex was the first women i always wanted around whether it was turbulent or not, I wanted a child with her and she wanted one with me, even if i was going to be a shitty father. I feel at times I've sacrificed a lot as an excuse to keep pursuing new experiences for my art, kind of like freud or picasso would. I don't know if its worthwhile tbh, and I don't know if i'll ever find someone as special as my ex. I know i can find other special women but some people really are one of a kind.
men truly think only with their dicks.
Maybe, ive been worried with every person I've been with that maybe I was settling, its hard to be fully satisfied by any 1 person forever. It doesn't just come from wanting to think with my dick but also this existentialist fear of being trapped with someone and missing out on true happiness. Thus wanting to open up a relationship. The problem though is when i look back at my life, i had to date dozens of women to find my ex, and if i had settled with any of the previous ones I would've missed out on someone truly special. So I have in my mind that if i do settle maybe i'm missing out on the best person ever i could have.
>perfect relationship ruined by being a degenerate coomer
Naahh bro you don’t get it man
He could be having sex with TWO women. At the same time!
Like bro just imagine dawg how epic that is
You stick your pee pee in one vegana and then you dip it into another!
How could a great relationship ever compete with that?!
finna bussin fr fr homie
you guys aren't wrong..i just..i don't know. I obviously have a problem, what the hell am i supposed to do about it though? how do you escape being a coomer, how do you escape not wanting more always?
Hard to say since I don't have the issue. I have a hard time putting myself in your shoes. A drug addict I can understand when he fricks up. But just rubbing your dick?
I don't know, maybe rub one out when you wake up and you'll be less horny the rest of the day. Post nut clarity is a thing
Just don't do it
You are me
Beg her to take you back and swear an oath (to God and yourself, not her) to cut your dick off if you ever cheat on her
Her absence pains me deeply and thinking about it only worsens it. When my mind is occupied I feel hollow.
Time will equalize emotions and thoughts
The feeling is nostalgic and homely. This sad tale all feels familiar and stirs my impatience.
It has been done before
I've started my self destructive spiral knowingly, but I'm losing control and can't bring myself to care.
Can I bring myself to truly not care and really lose hope?
She was gagging on another dudes dick weeks before she dumped you. You are a footnote on her resume of thottery.
Posting about heart-ache is a relatable experience, but damn... does reading the weepy lamenting also stir a sense of scorn.
Stuck between compassion and not caring.
I find I can find catharsis via poetry.
---- Solaria ----
0504
Strange Holidays
To meet or make rare midmornings
Takes the charm of memory that operates
Without felt strain, does what it does as purest play,
Completely unconcerned about degrees
Of obscurity whether in the longest or the shortest run,
Lives from the outset for reflective day.
It's almost noon and the air is still cool and sweet, in weird contrast
Or is it in consonance to the look of the sky--
Richly veiled, the sun almost the color of orange impatiens
Glinting off chrome of most steely design.
Of futurity, that I notice the resemblance of sweet pea flower scent
To that of Fruit Loops cereal, while considering
The vicissitudes of how each were derived,
The use of candles around screens,
What it would be to dream through universal loops of time,
To persist forever with friends and relatives.
Part of me is so disgusted and fed up with the shitty sex-obsessed ultrahedonistic culture of the first world that he's ready to just say frick it and become a wizard if he never meets the right girl, and part of me wants a wife and family so bad it tears him apart.
I characterize these parts as separate people because it's less painful.
You must not live in the first world if you imagine it like that. On the whole we're, if anything, rather more sensuous than sensual. It's not a particularly subtle distinction, if you're used to rather more than usual creature comforts.
I dunno man, I live in a decent size town and it's Tinder hoes and thots with private snapchats as far as the eye can see.
Take what goes on online with statistical perspective: Women in general are more loyal when it comes to sex and marriage than men are. Most of them are sweethearts, few of them prostitutes.
OLD FLESH WASTING, BLOOD AND STONE, LIKE A KNIFE, IN MY SIIIIIIDE
PAIN EVERLASTING, AGONY'S THRONE, MY ENVY OF THOSE WHO DIIIIIIED
KIDNEY STONE
KIDNEY STONE
CUT MY THROAT AND PUT ME DOWN
KIDNEY STONE
KIDNEY STONE
FREE FROM PAIN BENEATH THE GROUND
I want to feel something deeper than pain.
I've refused to accept my place, and I only worsen my condition for it. I'm still looking for a way out of a difficult fate. Humility is the only way of life for me, if I can accept it. I doubt it, but I really don't have much choice. Death, I suppose, but I don't think I want it.
mind expanding ?
I'm probably left with a permanently significantly diminished mental state due to much mental illness. It starts with something I did myself, a self-harm behavior, but.. what I've been doing is seeking solace in religion, but the truth is that rather than accepting my lot as what God has ordained for me (the actually religious conclusion) I have engaged in many very strenuous religious practices in the hopes of being awarded some kind of miracle in return. A way out. I don't want to accept that I will probably only have some form of "adapted" "work" for those with diminished capacities, some government program and a barebones pension in return (thankfully my living costs are very low and currently I have some money) and no higher goal to aim for than the peace of mind of my relatives when I can (in these adapted circumstances) support myself. That is probably what I can hope for from life, the solace that I did right by them. I'm not finding this easy to accept. I tried to go off my medications and I.. took some things pretty far, and I think it worsened my condition. In the end I attempted suicide, although once I'd made an attempt (I shoved a knife into my throat. I'd say I did give it a real go for about 1-2 seconds, but the skin didn't break) I chose to call for help. I'm currently in a psych ward, borrowing a computer. (yes, this is where I went when I got internet access lmao)
Are you expecting some kind of miracle for yourself because you are a goodboi or a poor tormented soul?
What are you searching for? A reward?
>A reward?
maybe. it's a good question. Some kind of sustainable hope of a life that I would find enjoyable, I guess. "a worldling after all" as I believe someone on here put it.
no.
32
>Some kind of sustainable hope of a life that I would find enjoyable
>I've probably lied to myself about this, in some form of desperation.
I think I know what you mean and have been there myself. My way of coping is to carry myself in a manner that corresponds with my morals while not expecting anything in return. If it doesn't pay off I can still keep face knowing I lived with dignity.
I think the important thing to realize is that I've probably lied to myself about this, in some form of desperation.
Are you the anon that is getting increasingly blind?
wtf man
how old are you ?
I need to see her in person to kill any hope and get me out of this emotional torment.
It's happening again and I hate it.
The warrior-monks, or warrior-philosophers, is the most interesting group that appears in world-history and and Miyamoto Mushashi is the most remarkable among them.
>warrior-monks, or warrior-philosophers
name the last great one
Miyamoto Musashi died in the mid-17th century so off the top of my head, he is probably the most recent.
Me
I've heard this guy raised as a candidate
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ahmad_Shah_Massoud
I think it’s difficult to identify any modern-era soldier as a warrior and thus as a warrior-monk or poet. I think when someone invokes Mushasi, they’re not just invoking his courage or toughness, things modern soldiers can have, but also his dedication to his craft. That craftsmanship I think is something that’s lacking in modern warfare, but is essential to being a warrior.
I read a lot, I read everything, I can hold conversations in every social circle there is, I'm told that I am smart... But I know that despite all that I'm stupid, know nothing and am nobody.
How can you say you know nothing and nobody, yet can hold conversations in every social circle? Have you ever loved anyone on first sight? Man or a woman? Someone, anyone, astonished or astonishing? The eldest brother of a crime family, a heroin addict with a degree on organic chemistry from Cornell, a young woman who lives in an exquisite rural vantage, a lonely guy met in a lowland park, a comfortable great grandmother whose son operated an insurance office, a journalist for a municipal rag, two engineers managed by my dad, long conversations with your own father in a car you're driving, while you talk about almost anything that comes to mind, in language polite or not.
I have loved, first sight etc.
Despite my thirst for knowledge, I know that I will always be ignorant.
What ever happened to that girl having a spazz out about her bf leaving her, asking over amdover why he hates her, and then threatening to kill herself? Did she dead?
>Taking a piss at work after shift ends trying to get all my to directly inside the whole in urinal
>realize I will never amount to anything and that I'm a slave in my soul, and that I hate my mom and my father is dead
Haha
I'm not going to fix the spellng mistakes, my mind is in a haze
Two weeks ago, I learned that I shouldn't feel bad for interacting with (some) women with mere sexual intentions nor feel bad for letting them know it. It feels liberating and I can see some of them appreciate it as well.
I have quit weed for nearly 6 months now and I question whether it was worth quitting it at all.
I have not noticed any benefits. Instead of getting high and playing a video game I now scroll twitter and read either a book or articles online.
What's the difference really?
I think a critical difference for our time compared to previous times with regard to ethics is that in an agrarian society production is predictable, and even when it isn't there isn't anything else to do. If there's a famine then there's a famine, but people weren't faced with the prospect of being fired from a job. I think modern human beings live with a completely different level of stress. It's harder to be giving when you can lose your own means of sustenance at any point.
it's also harder to form meaningful bonds with people when your place in the world isn't fixed. Why spend time bonding with people when you all could be spread to the wind by a recession at any moment? This apart from the inherent individualism in our mode of production.
A big wake up call for me was realizing how just about no aspects of modern life pre-date the 19th century and also how a lot of the terminology we use today to signal mental illness (i.e. trauma, shock, etc.) came along with industrialization. They don’t pre-date it. So many of our problems are precisely modern problems.
Anyway, I think the loss of genuinely aristocratic aspects of life have been a greater loss for the world than broadly agricultural ones. There’s an aspect to that which is is agricultural, but it’s not as simple as identifying “agricultural production” as the cause. I think the manner of “production” is less important. In fact, once you’re talking about things in terms of “production” you’ve sort of already given ground to what you don’t want.
how to become schizoid? i hate being avoidant.
Stop self-diagnosing yourself with bullshit medical conditions.
an actual diagnosis
Take datura. Quick trip to schizo mode and if you are already a brainlet, like ~~*You*~~, it will be permanent.
Dot be sarcastic. Datura is a cruel joke at almost any dose: Even my schizo sister enjoyed herself a whole lot more in full hebephrenic mode.
---- Solaria ----
0505
Headphones, With Equalization And Compression
I used to tour and still often do, more often,
Anything within easy reach of cars.
Autumnal suburban splendor, heartbreaking scenery far away from it in spring.
maybe someone here knows
in Buddhism, What is the basis for the assumption of good deeds necessarily rendering good? Experience, perhaps; having a conscience, but it's the.. I suppose the fundamental leap of faith of much religion, the assumption that your mind can change, that the sum of the vices doesn't have to be constant. If it is impossible then there is nothing to achieve. The question is how to mold oneself productively. If you look at abrahamic religion then the answer is that God by His intentionality will not allow the efforts of the servants to go to waste. My experience with buddhism has rather been that there are a number of statements about reality, and then quietude with regard to why or how this is the case.
What do you do when you feel like you want to give up?
Depends on what you would give up on.
If it's something that is important to me or that was once very important to me, I just try to stop thinking for a while, go for a jog or bike ride, put on music or something and just try to exist for a bit. Sometimes it helps clearer thinking.
Beat up minoritys and homosexuals.
i rapidly consume music, books, videogames, media, never giving myself a minute to think. only sleeping when i can pass out immediately.
works like a charm so far
Any tips on becoming more cultured?
It's an outlandish suggestion given where we are, but have you ever considered reading?
Being cultured is just being able to name drop artists, musicians, and writers in conversation.
Thats very Kafkaesque
A big regret of mine is not continuing into a graduate program when I was younger. I feel like I’m too old for that now.
What field. Did you consider applying back then?
How old are you now?
---- Solaria ----
0506
Intellect
to recognize the reality of the central black holes of galaxies,
To recognize the rarity or worlds like ours.
Making too much food and watching it grow cold on a plate. Weeks spent waiting for weekends spent waiting for weeks. Parents who no longer ask when I'll meet that special someone. Effort that ultimately leads to nothing. Overhearing coworkers talking. Taking time off but never taking vacations. Tidying things so they'll be easier for someone to donate to a thrift store or take to the dumpster. Not being able to make out the faces of the people in my fantasies any more. Dust in the kitchen and under the bed. Silently attempting suicide and going to work like normal the next day. Chewed out by a supervisor again. Hugging a pillow. Not being able to remember childhood memories. Forgetting what year it is. No one to call when the car breaks down. Not noticing holidays. Tasteless food. Conversations on the phone with Dad stalling out. Rope. Gas. Stone. Ice. Dust. Nothing. Nothing.
When things are all you think of
And plans are all you make
And thoughts are all you dream of
Your falls are all you take
Look out, the world's destroying you
Relax, it isn't fair
Mother nature's disposition
She don't mind, she don't care
She don't mind, she don't care
Fricking love Built to Spill. Perfect from Now On is a truly genius album.
The sexual market and the market for finding a wife are completely different things, I'm sure you are young but eventually it will become obvious to you that these things are not to be conflated. No one in history has ever found a wife on the internet. The impulse in a woman to look to the internet for validation is the exact impulse that disqualifies her as a wife. School, work, mutual friends, church, etc., these are your options.
I'm always surprised the see the broad range of music that anons on IQfy know.
>No one in history has ever found a wife on the internet
Thats not true. My dad met his wife on E Harmony.
----- Solaria ---
0506
Lush
Nothing so gradually climbing,
Nothing so soraring, nothing like ancient themes.
The world is nothing like it as it seems
I published a wienertail menu and I am pleased with its reception.
Apparently I've been very fricking sensitive from an early age.
I wish I wasn't like this. Everything makes me nervous.
This post is the story of my entire fricked up life, a bit sad that it's this simple but I feel you more than you know anon, godspeed and let's try to stop being homosexuals.
Indubitably.
>This post is the story of my entire fricked up life
How is it going for you? I try to do stuff even if it causes me anxiety, but "playing the number game" just doesn't work for me. I just always am nervous no matter the "experience I have, doesn't get better.
What I'm most afraid of is actually people noticing my anxiety (I don't want to come off as a coward), so it's a self-fulfilling circular hell. So absurd. Constantly feels like I'm inches away from a genuine happy life, but I just mess it up for myself by always worrying over bs.
I should’ve joined the military after I graduated, or gone to graduate school, or law school, or bootstrapped a startup, or done literally anything at all that might have been actually challenging and interesting.
men hate their sons and love their daughters.
so does my mom. I think I'll look to having kids just to spite her, despite rape being illegal.
If I read will the "bad" thoughts go away?
>I know almost any music you could name because, as with books, I am superficial
Patrick Bateman?
Minus the success, confidence, etc., sure. I'm not really angry at the world though, just not part of it.
I don't know what could work if experience doesn't. You could lean into it and try being over-the-top, extra fake-outgoing, play the clown, but that just becomes a fricked up coping mechanism in itself. Being honest can feel nice sometimes but it really only works with a fellow loser, otherwise I would imagine you just get blank looks and uncomprehending, awkward pity followed by avoidance.
>What I'm most afraid of is actually people noticing my anxiety (I don't want to come off as a coward), so it's a self-fulfilling circular hell. So absurd.
Yeah, pretty much. I hope God is getting plenty of enjoyment out of his little joke, it's clever enough but lately I'm finding it hard to laugh at.
>Being honest can feel nice sometimes but it really only works with a fellow loser
I'm afraid you are right.
Consider this though: there are people out there that just don't get nervous, ever. It's gotta be a genetic disposition somehow relating to the physical body as well.
Since it seems like you are one I can be honest to, I'm currently struggling with this: I decided to give it another go at trying to find a gf. We started dating with this really cool and sweet girl, but any time I'm with her I'm just on the verge of panic-level stress. It's only the fear of this messing up the opportunity that causes the stress. It completely disallows me to be genuine. And of course, no honest passion can grow in that biotope.
I wonder what I can do. Can I tell her? Do I stay silent and pretend that I'm not nauseous often?
I think the best path would have to be something moderate, a "limited hangout" - being perfect is not normal, it's reserved for those superhuman types that you mention. It's ok and expected to frick up in small ways, some women will not accept it but they were never going to be happy with a normal guy anyway, their fate is the harem member -> slampig pipeline. Now if you're so on edge that any opening-up would immediately open the floodgates, that's unsustainable as you say, but I think moderation in that department is something that *can* be learned with experience. There are a lot of women out there, a lot, and while I'm sure this woman wouldn't fully understand your struggle, she is ultimately either 1) a normal person who can understand a normal level of imperfection, or 2) someone with her own issues, whom you're better off avoiding anyway.
Keep in mind though that I am speaking almost entirely theoretically and I don't really know what the frick I'm talking about, so you should wait for someone with actual experience to fact-check me.
>Keep in mind though that I am speaking almost entirely theoretically and I don't really know what the frick I'm talking about
At this point I'm eager to know anyone else's thoughts on this.
I feel trapped in a pit of irrational fear.
Well, as far as I can figure, what I said seems like the best and probably most tried-and-true way out: allowing for a little bit of failure to preserve the overall social performance. And for normal people seeing that bit of vulnerability in you will also probably make them more comfortable around you themselves.
>pride month
>Pride (superbia), also known as hubris (from Ancient Greek ὕβρις) or futility. It is considered the original and worst of the seven deadly sins on almost every list, the most demonic. It is also thought to be the source of the other capital sins. Pride is the opposite of humility.
It is through pride the devil became the devil. It was because of pride that God smited the Earth and it’s inhabitants with the Flood. And in the most blasphemous way imaginable, the people mock God and his promise to never do it again by using the very weapon he used to smite them as the symbol of their pride.
Lord have mercy on them.
Filk music
---- Solaria ----
0508
REM
I dished with my favorite sister about the land we found ourselves in.
A long forested valley with a long mount within,
That looks like a huge meteor slanted
Across it a very long time ago,
Maybe ten thousand to a hundred million years
It's hard to tell by the look of it.
Always happy to see and feel her beside me, inexplicable as the scenery is,
No matter how much I'd rather she were always
Available for sightseeing on that scale.
Wtf is a solaria? No definition when I googled it.
It's a fictional planet in The Naked Son by Isaac Asimov.
In The Naked Mum by Me I showed your mom my Issa Asimov and she was impressed.
What did you just say?
I showed your mom my little robot and it was so destructive to her that she came up with a whole set of rules to govern it :^)
Doesn't aria mean song? I don't see how you're getting Solitary Aria from Solaria, considering its the latin word for "sun room"
>"sun room"
The idea is a synthesis of both, especially when it comes to experience. One has to get a lot of time outdoors in pleasant circumstances to appreciate the term. And grow a lot indoors, though the two usually go together, along with a whole lot of music.
It's almost dusk where I live. The sky looks like an almost perfect 5 Kelvin white dome. Who knows what it will look like tomorrow morning. Probably not so placid, probably rich with contrast.
Solitary Aria. Stevens used a similar term, Solitarias, and Asimov named a planet Solaria. In retrospect the idea, or the term, is obvious.
Like with Solaris I just see the sun, the brightness of the association is blinding.
Ever have that moment where you recall a memory and sudenly realize that the situation was extremely abnormal and weird? And then you start remembering more and more, whole years of life that you'd totally forgotten and then it becomes apparent that your entire childhood was really fricked up and there's probably a very good reason you ended up reclusive and weird
weed? shrooms?
No, I just go on long walks and think about stuff.
It seem obvious that if intelligence is not directly correlated with evil, it at least is a requirement for evil to emerge and greater degrees of intelligence beget a similar capacity for evil. In nature, it certainly seems absurd to suggest that less intelligent species such as insects and lizards could be capable of evil acts, but when we start to see behavior that we could begin to consider as evil, it is only the more intelligent species that we see commit such acts, such as cetaceans (killer whales, dolphins) and apes.
Similarly, in humans, evil acts such as rape and murder committed by the mentally impaired could be viewed as less evil that those same acts performed by someone intelligent. When we see the torture of animals committed by children, we may feel anger and disgust at the child - but we would never consider the child itself evil, just their act. This is because we know the child lacks the capacity to full appreciate the cruelty it is committing, even if it understands it is bad to some degree.
This makes the prospect of extraterrestrial life so frightening - the level of intelligence required to cross the stars would also assume the capacity for evil beyond human comprehension, though not beyond human suffering (a horse being flayed may not understand the concept of being skinned alive, though it certainly will feel it as acutely as we would).
Started watching succession and I really hate how Gregg is literally me
I watched Midsomer Murders more or less for the scenery. I'm pretty content where I am, though if I had move to other continents, on any budget, I could do with the west coast of Australia first, and the UK second. The Netherlands are nice, and so is Norway, though I can't stand the climate. All in all I'd rather live in Hawaii. I hate winter so goddamn much you wouldn't believe it.
An intriguing olfactory encounter within the confines of the bathroom. Fecal matter in the toilet bowl emanated a potent amalgamation of nitrogenous compounds, specifically urea and ammonia, resulting from protein degradation. The enzymatic actions facilitated by intestinal bacteria contributed to an earthy and putrid aroma, notably influenced by the presence of indole and skatole. Subtle emissions of hydrogen sulfide indicated an ongoing bacterial sulfur reduction, introducing a sulfurous undertone to the olfactory composition. The culmination of bacterial fermentation yielded short-chain fatty acids, manifesting as a rancid and acrid scent experience. This intricate interplay of chemical processes offers a valuable representation of the complex physiological phenomena associated with bodily excretions. Further investigations could involve exploring the taste as well, to gain a comprehensive understanding of the waste's sensory characteristics.
Exquisite.
Disgusting.
If all of you would die tomorrow, and I was the heir to all of you, would I still own nothing, considering that mostly virgins and NEETs post here?
I sit here tonight drinking ale
Reflections getting ever less pale
Work long since over
Tomorrow grows closer
My state would sure bring a gale
I miss you so much. I wish you would text me or call me or email me or anything at all, just once even. I hate myself for being pathetic enough to still hope for that.
Who do you miss?
I miss someone too.
Someone who presumably hates me.
Are you the girl who was having a breakdown and planned on throwing herself into a lake
Why do you even care? Just leave me alone
I dont want you killing yourself. Ive been thinking about it a lot since you mentioned it. Dont do it.
You don’t even know me. If I died you would never hear about it and it would have absolutely no impact on your life. I’m not sure why it matters so much to you. But thanks for caring I guess.
The westward setting sun rendered the world into strict dichotomy between shade and gold-tinged filagree. Birds, stirred to action by silence and cool seaward winds, called out playfully to one another. Their chorus, alongside the rush of wind, alone stood out from the evening silence. Every once in a while a car could approach, engine purring, scarfing, scuttling. But such momentary distractions soon exited the stage, nothing more than bit players. The people I saw, however, half-shrouded by plexiglass, stuck with me. The same evening sun which covered the earth in gold now illuminated their scars and gashes, their ridged foreheads and stretched lips. The sum total of 20,30,40 years worn into their faces, each one a map to personal trials and tribulations. This wrinkle here? The result of many sleepless nights after bringing home her firstborn son. That blotched scar? A melanoma removed, now little more than a joke for the family and a thankful prayer in the mirror each morning that he escaped a worse fate. One wonders why the eyes are so regarded as windows to the soul - unchanging as they are - when a man’s face cannot help but tell the truth of his condition.
Gorillas and orangutans are surprisingly less aggressive than both chimps and bonobos, but we are more related to the latter two. The former two are polygynous and much less promiscuous, even with harems, whereas the latter two are very promiscuous and border on polyandry.
Homosexual behavior is also more common among males in gorillas rather than the females, which is very rare, which can happen during male rejection.
I think a system of being more like gorillas is better. I don't like giving women rights and free reign. Feminism was a mistake and a civilization destroyer. I believe polygyny should be normalized. Early Islamic Civilization actually got this right and was generally more peaceful and stable (ignoring their obsession with heresy).
How do you know how to dress or style your hair or what cologne smells good if you've never had a girlfriend or friends you can ask about stuff like that?
>i miss you umu
>who do you miss? i also miss
>they hate me..
>are you person x who wanted to do thing y?
>you don't care, leave me alone~
gee, i wonder why the person hates you, i don't even know you and i can already assume that anyone who is close to you would be forced to walk on eggshells and to accommodate your self victimization
Anxiety like I haven't experienced in a decade has returned. I'm frustrated by it to the point of tears almost daily. It's causing anger that makes me want to lash out violently. Food makes me sick but I've at least been able to keep it down. Now I have to spend seven days in a small house with nine other people followed by being part of a wedding and all that entails and then three more away from home. I hope the anxiety is brought on by the coming two weeks and it will fade once it's over. I feel like a mess, I can't get anything done, stress is causing my face to break out and I have to be around and in front of people, over a hundred strangers that I'm gonna have to chat with because I'm the brother of the groom. I can't fricking stand living like this and there's no end in sight.
Heat gives way to cold, but returns in the morning.. I learn this lesson every morning when i wake in my sweat . We always desire the opposite condition to escape from our present. Homeostasis is not real . Everywhere I leave behind I remain alien, to myself as much as others. There isn't a home anywhere.
Recently I've begun to notice that strangers are rude to me for no reason. Not now and then but regularly. I wonder if there's something visible in my face that makes people so naturally distrust me.
I've never been able to form relationships because I never know where I stand. Standing or status is everything, a game I don't want to play but have been born into. I do not hate or love anyone.
Dislike is strange when I think about it. It is really only disimilarity, and why should I hate what is dissimilar. Though it doesn't matter that there's no reason, I will still dislike that which is significantly different from my own preferences. But I can't even make sense of my own preferences so why bother with the social game.
Love and hate require too much energy, and a confidence that one's own impulses are true.
I hate to be perceived, seen through, but to be unknown is to be non-existent.
Either way is hell. To be known is hell because now you live through the eyes of others, whose perception of you is not your own, but to be unknown is nothing at all. People in extreme isolation in the wilderness sometimes report losing their sense of self. Suggesting our own self is not our own. Unknown is preferable, safer.
eternal victim flaunting their suffering for the world to see
>will no one give them a pittance of attention and dare i say sympathy, who will weep for poor mymble her brow is heavy with sorrow and her shoulders slouched, would anyone even care if pitiful mymble would disappear from the world, oh how woeful is the lament of the mymble won't you give her some sympathy?
you're a self victimizing homosexual who thinks your misery entitles you to dictate over others, in real world no one gives a shit about how miserable you are victim olympics is only a social credit system in the west where some people circle jerk about their misery in slave morality fashion and try to turn their woeful life's into strength instead of just accepting that their life is or was shit and moving on from that
integrate your shadow and maybe the person you pine for would give two shits about what you do or how you are
DUDE JUST BUILD PROJECTS OUTSIDE OF SCHOOL/ WORK DUDE JUST LEARN MULTIPLE PROGRAMMING LANGUAGES DUDE JUST EXPAND YOUR NETWORK DUDE JUST BUILD WEBSITE/PORTFOLIO SHOWCASING YOUR EXPERIENCE DUDE JUST FIND INTERNSHIPS AND TAKE CLASSES WITH LARGE PROJECTS DUDE JUST CREATE DRAFT RESUMES AND GET THEM REVIEWED DUDE JUST LEARN AND MASTER BIG O DUDE JUST LEARN AND IMPLEMENT DATA STRUCTURES AND ALGORITHMS FROM SCRATCH IN JAVA AND C THEN LEARN DATABASE FUNDAMENTALS AND GRIND 200 LEETCODE QUESTIONS A WEEK DUDE JUST MEMORIZE DIJKSTRA'S ALGORITHM HASH TABLE COLLISION RESOLUTION RABIN KARP SUBSTRING SEARCH AVL TREES RED-BLACK TREES MAPREDUCE HASHMAPS TREENODE'S TRIE AND TRIENODE DUDE JUST LEARN JAVASCRIPT AND BUILD MORE PROJECTS IN REACT DUDE JUST LEARN PYTHON AND MEMORIZE DATA SCIENCE LIBRARIES IN PANDAS NUMPY PYTORCH REQUESTS BEAUTIFUL SOUP 4 DUDE JUST BE A ROCKSTAR CODING NINJA PROGRAMMER PASSIONATE WILLING TO WORK IN YOUR FREE TIME FOR FREE WITHOUT GETTING PAID DUDE JUST WORK FOR FREE AT A LOW COST START ON FIVERR FREELANCING UPWORK INTERNSHIPS WITHOUT ASKING FOR MONEY DUDE CONTACT EVERY BUSINESS AND MAKE THEIR WEBSITES FOR FREE GET YOUR FOOT IN THE DOOR DUDE GET TESTIMONIALS FOR FREE AND CLIENT EXPERIENCE DUDE BE MORE PASSIONATE WORK ALL THE TIME FOR FREE GUARANTEED DUDE JUST READ JAVA FOR DUMMIES C FOR DUMMIES HOW TO AUTOMATE YOUR JOB IN PYTHON 1000 PAGES IN YOUR FREE TIME PYTHON CRASH COURSE STRUCTURE AND INTERPRETATION OF COMPUTER PROGRAMS C++ DESIGN PATTERNS PDF CODE COMPLETE MUST HAVE BOOKS FOR PROGRAMMERS DUDE JUST READ IT IN YOUR FREE TIME READ CRACKING THE CODE INTERVIEW AGILE SOFTWARE HANDBOOK THINK LIKE A PROGRAMMER PDF DUDE JUST SELF-STUDY ITS ONLY 1000 PAGES A NIGHT JUST READ AT WORK/SCHOOL ON YOUR LUNCH BREAK READ YOU DON'T KNOW JS EFFECTIVE JAVA C# IN DEPTH
welcome to late stage capitalist dystopia