God rewards for nothing as he rewards for gentleness.
 DMT Has Friends For Me Shirt $21.68 |
 |
DMT Has Friends For Me Shirt $21.68 |
wwoym Write What's on Your Mind
God rewards for nothing as he rewards for gentleness.
DMT Has Friends For Me Shirt $21.68 |
|
DMT Has Friends For Me Shirt $21.68 |
I like Monster. I like it more than I like alcohol. Been drinking Monster and haven't touched a drop of alcohol since. I have 1 350ml every week.
Enjoy your kidney stones.
monster rehabs are so fricking good. the yellow Rockstars are a close second.
It's important... or I don't know if it's important exactly but it seems good to remember that it is entirely possible that she hates me more than anything else in the entire world, and that there is something to that hatred.
Why does she hate you?
I can't sleep. It's 3:20 am and I've been up for hours. I hate when this happens because I just end up brooding about the past. My life has been shit up til this point and it doesnt seem like it's getting better. Whats making this especially bad is that the past year I've had very high hopes, but recently everything has just gone to shit. All these old painful memories are resurfacing. The reality of my present situation is inescapable. I just wish there was a way to make these feelings stop. I wish there was a way to take control of my life.
I'm 33. I live with my mom. I've done absolutely nothing with my life. I have no friends. I have no hobbies. I have no interests. I've no skills. I've no money. I've no thoughts but these, which have been circling the drain of my life for over a decade purely through some strange inertia. Every day I...the word must be obsess, even though I am disinterested in the stuff...I obsess over what I've not done, what I should do, and most of all why. And I never make any progress, and I exhaust myself in this way, and I never make any progress. I've started to lose my hair. I've been getting fat. My penis doesn't work well, and my mind even less so. I remember being told and even believing how superior I was when I was younger. Lately I've been having strange dreams where nightmares meld with pornography, the guns of robbers morphing into giant penises, warm summer rain suddenly revealing itself as odorous urine, the terror of trying to wrench my arm free from something only to pull it out of a young girl's ass along with a handful of her intestines. It's odd how my mind only ever go in a circle but also manage to get worse. I don't prayer for redemption or death anymore, though I used to, now I just hope for dreamless sleep.
Confession
You may as well write out your Kafka metamorphosis ennui. There is no use in letting it go to waste.
And yet, I envy you. I wish pornographic dreams were my biggest concern.
I don't think you remember the first 3/4 of the post
At least you had hair in your 20s. I cannot say the same.
Common problem. My advice is to identify one thing worth doing for the next 3-5 years and commit radically to that. Pour your whole life into it.
Not that anon, but the problem is with evaluation itself. Nothing can be evaluated on consistent terms and thus a kind of paralysis occurs.
I understand but not all things need rigorous analysis. Sometimes, you have to just choose something and if you have a gut feeling, go with that.
You have money if you're able to live with your parents and have a huge inheritance in store.
>mfw both lowly parents are dead
What is the context of this image?
the stupid history
Do I really want a wife or have I psyoped myself into wanting one? Would I even be anything but a burden to one despite my ressources?
The only difference between a wife and a girlfriend is that if the wife wants to leave you, she'll take a good chunk of your shit in the process, a girlfriend has no right to that. You want a girlfriend, anon, not a wife, "wife" is just a title that allows them to steal your shit, I don't see why anyone would ever get married.
>Do I really want a wife or have I psyoped myself into wanting one?
I feel the same regarding relationships in general. I dont know if I actually want it or just feel miserable because I psyoped myself into thinking that what other people want is a good thing to strive for and you must feel shit if you dont have it.
The issue is finding a woman who will not be a net negative on your life. good luck finding a woman who is willing to submit to you and be self-aware enough to recognise and admit when she's wrong. You're better off being single in 99% of cases
This is what I've been thinking as of late.
I've now found a woman who is willing to marry and have children. And it was what I said I wanted for years now.
I'll go through with it, but a chunk of me is wondering if this is what is best for me. I've always been a loner, and the thought of having a house filled with people is daunting.
I might have been psyopped into wanting it, but on the other hand I don't want to be looked at like a loser bachelor for the rest of my life.
Just wait for 50% of all women to be single by 2030 and then have a harem of roasties.
I sure want mentally ill sloppy seconds.
3:20 am frickin stoned & wired and I'm gonna do a bit of self care and read my comfort book. But first I have to clean up this shit I just bust out my ass and let my cat inside. I couldn't find my physical copy so I'm just gonna read it on my Kindle ig. Reading the entire thing will probably take me at least 2.5 hours, so what should I listen to whilst reading anons? I wish I had some cigarettes but fortunately I've got a weed pen which is enough. Oh and I'm wired on caffeine LOL. Anyways, gotta wipe my ass. Toodooloo!
>so what should I listen to whilst reading anons?
Bridge Over Troubled Water (the album) by Simon and Garfunkel.
Good album, but I find that very lyrical music (Dylan is another good example) makes it hard to read because you can't focus on both at the same time
Smoking on the porch
smoke twists
to see you straight
that gate
is in your heart, dear
and ever there will wait
Thinking of going and just having a happy life and this point. I've put in work in order to get into the college I want. I've sacrificed 2 years of my life so frick it why not. I'll learn law as a skill and try and help people with it.
Am I a pseud for not being able to imagine better rhymes than the ones in Pope's Illiad?
They are all great but I feel bad knowing that whenever I try writing poetry I will end up making a cheap copy.
No, but seriously, how to do passable poetry?
I need it for a story I'm writing.
To be honest I doubt I have it in me, making something great I mean.
whiny, terrible protagonist
I have $108 left in my account, that's all for rent for my mum, I can't even buy credit or data for my phone, it'll all be gone in less than a week and then I have two weeks to find a job, I don't know what'll happen if I can't get one within those two weeks.
Yesterday our cat died.
rip cat
Yeah 🙁
Tell me that you buried it and that you did not have someone just toss it in the garbage.
It's not decided yet. We either take it to the veterinarian or we bury it in the garden but it's forbidden where I live due to poisoning of ground water. But it needs to be done the next few hours. So you'd bury it? I guess that would be the way to go.
I've always burried them. Maybe illegal but who will ever find out?
Put him in a shoebox with a towel wrapped and dig that cat a grave he deserves.
try by a wooded area so the waste matter gets more or less absorbed by local flora?
My life has never been good, I don't know what it's like to live a "good life".
Welcome to reality.
>Welcome to reality.
What the frick are you talking about? Do you think I'm a newborn? Do you think this is the first time I've realised this? Do you think not living a good life is a universally shared experience?
No, I think you're a big crybaby.
>No, I think you're a big crybaby.
Why? Because I wrote one thing?
I FEAR THAT I'M ORDINARY JUST LIKE EVERYONE
TO LIE HERE AMONGST ALL THE SORROWS DRAFT AMONGST THE SHORES
HAVE YOU EVER HEARD THE WORDS
I'M SINGING IN THIS SONG
JUST WANNA KNOWS
CAN THE TASTE OF LOVE FEEL SO WROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG
I KNEW
EXACTLY WHERE I WAS
AND I KNEW
THE DISTANCE TO THE SUN
AND I KNEW THE ECHO THAT IS (YOUTH) LOVE
AND I KNEW
THE SILENCE OF DA WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORLD
MY LIFE IS STILL ORDINARY JUST LIKE EVERYONE
TO LIE HERE, AMONGST, ALL THE SORROWS
DRIFT AMONG THE SHORES
EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE IS GONE
AND I FEAR THE ECHONESS OF LOVE
AND I FEAR THE DISTANCE TO THE SUN
AND I HEAR THE COLORS OF THE WORLD
uhhhhhhh
ummmm
durrrr....
i want my reward now
thats actually a good thing
expectations subv--NONONONONO im not falling into this obnoxious infinite jest type hole
i just want
to know exactly where i was
and the meaning of it all
and the distance to the sun
there is an invisible rope tightening its neck on me as if i am a crude caricature of an individual attempting to seem profound
eh the world's collective conciousness is just a god and god is a spook
i am better then anyone else
i kind of stuttered in my head telling that to myself
AND I KNEW THE DISTANCE OF IT ALL
AND I KNEW THE MEANING OF THE SPIRAL
The spiral in your heart yes that's what the word was
goddammit get me out of this text shit i want to work this whole profound writing shit is a spook i get it now just let me out let me out let me out
>LOL we have an edgelord here
oh god not again
okay
i just need to swim
swim swim swim swim
soon i will swim
2 years ago i could not feel it but my hydrotherapy sessions might have had an impact on my cognitive skills
i just want to make my brand
art is a fart, they are all just fartists
fraudists, yeah thats a word
my xj9 tulpa must be given form
>goyslop
oh shut up you based aryan gods who rule the world through subtextual esoteric means i hate you
>he's one very angry brown eyes sissy boy
haha yeah i uhhh...
SHIT I DON'T WANT TO STTUTER POST
PLEASE I DON'T WANT TO GO OFF THE DEEP EDGE
I JUST WANTED A CUTE CARTOON TULPA GF
if i ever get this shit done, do you think i could actually fund and progress transhumanism?
do you think i could actually become the herculean machine i always dreamt of being as a child?
ambivalent
ah the usual
well thanks for nothing
my neurons still struggle to flow through my nerve system properly, seriously how do i get that shit fixed
maybe some kind anon will say it
maybe the universe will have its way and since it is IQfy which sounds a lot like fortune will have its magical ways and give me the answer thehehehehehe
in hindsight plato wasn't so simple wasn't he
i always like to think about the smaller minds
SNOT NOSED ANIME PFPS
thinking they know the best
"zoo wee muh heckin complexity muh heckin esoteric"
i am not even angry anymore im just tired of it all
i deserve to take over the wolrd
the world belongs to me
Genuine great 21st century internet-schizo literature.
This could get published in a literary magazine (online).
or on my post indie melodic poeticcore metal or rock playlists https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_uWwCLbf8zE
this was the first song i got on hitting shuffle. just search La Dispute and you'd get it
You assume too much. In the last few weeks I watched a set of documentaries about everything from Bikini Atoll to the financialization of water resources to details about the design of thermonuclear weapons to a whole lot of shit about Cold War intrigue.
"you should probably have a nice day"
yeah.
>make the big thing
>gets popular for being awesome and touching on "deep" subjects while having kickass presentation
>capitalize off the oppressed consumerist modern day everyman's lack of fulfillment and relativistic uncertainity through making my axiomical fiction that pushes off-compass beliefs, practically gaining me passive socio-ecconomic support that increases over time as my audience's generation grows on the ideas it signals
>use money to get into deeper fancy field studies around robotics and invest in them, buy some land and infiltrate into scientific project experiments goverments hide as to gain physics bending energy resources such as nuclear power to experiment on my privately owned land
>already am israeli, from israel and autistic so i can have the privilege card to hold it against them if they want to make me disappear + they can't use the media since the big thing has become a staple memorized in the unconcious collective populace's of "pop culture"
>give the big thing to the worst people with the worst and most unbearable "progressive" opinions i can think of as to continue its relevance in pop culture + have younger generations suffer from older generation's nostalgiagayging
>gets memed by populace into a manifesto through fan outcry and ironic memes about a screenshot that will showcase this narrative but easily denied as a hoax LARP propaganda
>mass hysteria and anarchy ensues as AI develops and they begin going rouge and asserting an off compass orewillian regime against world leaders because of identity political data assimiliation
>come out of my workshop as a cybernetic superhero with condensed atom powered neurons and body composed of nanomachines with a bond by current of a neuron star's electrogravity
>turn the world into a stage play of war for human freedom vs mechanical authority, billions die as i LARP as humanity's saviour
>shut down the orewillian AI after finishing developing my individualistic robot GF and make it look like our romance saved humanity from the dystopia
>If anyone finds out and dares to enact a propaganda that opposes me, i shall cycle through the off compass ideologies like pokemon
alright mom i posted it
i wonder if the collective of humanity knows who i am through probability manipulation
trapped in a lie, going to be caught soon
>woman
CLOSE TO THE EDGE, DOWN BY THE RIVER
SEASONS WILL PASS YOU BY
THE POWER OF BUDDHA COMPELS YOU MODERN DEMON
list of thoughtspook wordings
vibe
dimension
depth
humanity
anything that ends with two Cs
"oh is that what were doing now, is that the cool thing"
-ism
no just stop
thats it
no more text
text is bad
no
I’m having a hard time deciding where to live given that I might have to move but don’t know where exactly in either January or August. That leaves me with 4 or 11 months to figure out where to be. Do I try to get to where I might be in January ahead of time?
I become really uncomfortable and feel hopeless when trying to concentrate on work or do things alone. I have a PhD in physics but have been unable to do anything in my postdoc because I am being left alone. My psychoanalyst thinks that being left alone reminds me of some missed connection in my childhood. I distract myself from the pain I feel when I'm trying to work alone. With others it is easy and I enjoy it. With external pressures it's possible but not nice. When totally alone to my own devices, I do anything I can to escape from the pain that reminds me of the care I missed from my parents. I don't know what happened to cause this, but it makes a lot of things that are important to me difficult to execute. Perseverance and discipline don't work because the pain is too much.
I don’t believe in psychoanalysis or childhood trauma manifesting in later life
Yes, I'm aware that some people like to think they are insulated from the effects of their pasts
It's good you changed your ways
I just don’t believe we are billiard balls
Why do you think that humans are exempt from being affected by events?
I don’t think we’re exempt from being affected by events. I just don’t take this viewpoint that we are like billiard balls, necessarily set on a course events by a prod by some pile of life or that some sort of cause always creates some sort of effect in our lives. I believe humans are free creatures with free wills and although certain things can tend to produce certain behaviors, we’re basically free to buck that trend and do so subconsciously. That’s why I don’t believe that we just carry our trauma with us forever and that it necessarily shapes how we are. I especially don’t believe that’s the case for people who are capable of recognizing that trauma could be influencing behavior. How could someone be so self aware as to recognize that is happening but be so not self aware that they’re helpless to change it? It makes no sense.
Just say that you've only ever been coddled.
Not the anon that you're replying to.
My life was pretty hard for a long time imo
What is "hard" to you? If you don't mind going into too many details.
I had to help take care of my family when I was a teenager because dad split and my mom had a lot of problems. We lived in pretty shitty living arrangements and had a lot of violence in our area and school because we couldn’t afford anything better. A few people close to me died. I developed a chronic health issue. Dealt with some other things. I got a great job when I was twenty-five and things are pretty decent now.
Not tryna downplay what you went through, it doesn't sound great and I feel for you, but from what you described I can't think of anything that would affect you in a traumatic way later in life. Obviously, there is more stuff that I don't expect you to share that may have affected you, but yeah.
That’s because I didn’t detail it. I don’t really care what you think about it anyway.
>I don’t really care what you think about it anyway.
Uh-huh, anything else?
But trauma and psychoanalysis does not suggest total determinism, it just suggests that there might be explanations for problems in your life based on causes and effects. Obviously not everything affects us in such a way, but do you really deny that there is no possible effect of childhood issues on your present state? I think it's very much magical thinking to think that we are in no way shaped by past difficulties.
> I especially don’t believe that’s the case for people who are capable of recognizing that trauma could be influencing behavior. How could someone be so self aware as to recognize that is happening but be so not self aware that they’re helpless to change it? It makes no sense.
Two things: they aren't, that's why they are subconscious and it requires interpretation. We aren't aware of the things that happened to us that are affecting us and in what ways.
Second, actually suggesting the opposite makes no sense to me: why would knowledge of trauma imply the ability to overcome the effects of it? I don't think awareness has anything to do with strength or willpower.
>We aren't aware of the things that happened to us that are affecting us and in what ways.
This isn't true, I, for one, know that the constant lying from my father when I was younger is why I have terrible trust issues today, an example of him breaking my trust if you need one would be him saying after he beat up my mum that "I won't do it again, mate, I feel so bad" only to do it again merely days later.
So now you accept that your past trauma affects you significantly today? Quite the reversal from before
I should've clarified, I'm not this
anon. I'm a different anon, hello, fren.
rat-like evasive maneuver
It isn't that deep.
Fair enough. Regardless, yeah I am sceptical of my analyst, and of analysis in general, but it was available for free, seems interesting, and has a good efficacy rate, so I don't see why not to try it
In theory, it doesn’t imply environmental fatalism, but in practice it does. The whole point is to treat people like a science. X occurs in childhood, it produces Y trauma, and Z behavioral and thought patterns. This is the goal of psychoanalysis. The truth is that people aren’t nature nor are we predictable.
Of course, I don’t deny that effects can occur. I just think attempts to reduce it to a natural science always fail because we’re not billiard balls. We don’t work like: force acts on us, this motion occurs.
>Of course, I don’t deny that effects can occur
>I just think attempts to reduce it to a natural science always fail because we’re not billiard balls
There's a middle ground between someone being a robot and someone being able to help uncover those effects you admit can occur
Have you actually done psychoanalysis? Because I am doing it and that hasn't been my experience at all. I haven't experienced any effort from my analyst to try and justify and prove all of the experiences of my life.
To me it seems like you are talking more about a stereotype of psychoanalysis rather than what it actually looks like in practise
What a psychoanalyst does is identify some trauma and then identify some behavior pattern that is the effect of that trauma’s cause, as if the psyche is a natural phenomena. The way they identify is by universals. They believe they apply to all human psyches. The idea is that traumas work on people the same way gravity works on people. Psychoanalysis would be useless otherwise. And I do t believe that is indeed how it works. There are no laws, no cause and effects, no universals. There is no hard science for human minds and spirits.
>There are no laws, no cause and effects, no universals.
I find this claim to be far more extreme and mystical than anything psychoanalysts claim
How is that extreme? Psychoanalysts posit we can observe natural laws that apply to human behavior and thought same as we can observe natural laws that apply to physical phenomena…only there is no natural evidence for this. The same holds true for most social sciences. That’s an objectively true statement. I don’t see what is radical about it.
You don't think it's extreme to claim that humans are totally immune to cause and effects and never obey patterns of behaviour?
I don’t think humans work the same as natural phenomena, no. And I also don’t think you can derive immutable laws that apply to human thought and behavior. That is really what I take issue with, and not the idea that things can’t affect people. They do, just not in any sort of universal and immutable way.
I think basically everyone else is going to think you're either moronic or insane for thinking like this
The truth isn’t just what the consensus is and to argue that would be a fallacy anyway so I don’t care. In general, social scientists accept that their fields are not hard sciences, even if they continue working as if they were anyway. Nobody really believes that immutable psychological laws that apply to humans like physical laws apply to nature exist and if they did, they would have no reason to considering such a thing would necessarily not be observable. These are just theories which are by nature unprovable.
Not the same anon but I’d wager that if a person feels a certain way or continues to do a certain activity they will continue doing so. The whole point is having the conscience to break that mentality otherwise they will be in a vicious circle
drop the pseudo israelite doctor and meditate alone - observe the thoughts you run from. that’s the only way forward.
I hate my biography and who I am. If I were younger, I’d feel like I could still change it but I’m not younger so I feel like it’s just too late to change who I am.
>first girl I was ever with raped me my first time (kept saying no as I was no sex before marriage but she kind of forced her way on me and thought it was funny how scared I was)
>had a massive crush and feeling for her for a long time before this incident.
>eventually became consensual ongoing thing
>she ends things with me because i was too clingy but would mess around on and off every now and then
>over 18 years later I still love her basically equally to my wife.
I've gotten completely over everyone in the past yet I still think about her constantly despite being married and feel so happy whenever I see her and wished I had 2 wives or something. It's hard to explain.
Why am I like this over a girl who literally raped me. Why do I still yearn for her?
I don't believe that bullshit about being over your first love. The first love is eternal and it's probably just that, anon
i hope it's not true. nta but i still think about a girl constantly even 2 years since i saw her. if this lasts the rest of my life... well that sucks a lot.
it's my step sister (i met her when i was an adult)
With even the staunchest vax gay not even having had a dose since the first booster early 2022, how can they not admit the whole vax mandate shit (that lead to job terminations) was fricked up and not necessary. Seeing that all the unvaxxed (by choice) are all alive and well just as they are.
I still hear people getting mad over those who don't want to get covid vaxxed even though they're not up to date with their doses themselves
Do you understand what the vaccine does?
The injun was dead.
Blasted in the face, skull split.
Standing firmly, deputy Smith assessed the situation,
"I reckon we all would have done the sa(n)e, no?"
Silence
"Very well"
Smith desecrates the body.
I love the smell of old books. I have an old copy of Treasure Island on my desk right now and I can't stop smelling it. So good.
Thread theme: https://youtu.be/q9jCsOCfUUg?si=yEbJf1JmmLkZD4qC
I'm better than you people.
nuh uh
I’m wondering if I should move back to Philadelphia or if I should move on to somewhere new.
my vote is to move somewhere else. maybe somewhere greener
I’m in somewhere pretty damn green right now, but I’ve lived here for 9 years of my adult life. I feel like my life is boring. I want something new and interesting for a while, even if it’s only a year or less.
Frick it, move to Cannon Beach, Oregon. That's my dream location, anyway.
I want to be within driving distance of my family. There’s a good chance I’ll be back right where I am in the Spring if I’m accepted to the program I applied to. If I’m denied, there’s a good chance I’ll be somewhere entirely different but probably not until the Fall. So basically, I need to find somewhere reasonably close by for like 6-12 months.
Do you see them enough to where limiting yourself to within driving distance of them is worth it?
I see them pretty much everyday
Fair enough.
So what are you thinkin’? I mean, I’d leave them for a while to do something really adventurous but heading out to like LA to wagie at my age isn’t exactly adventurous in my mind. Part of me wants to join the Navy and just live on a ship for a few years. I have a degree so I could be an officer.
What's "adventurous" to you?
Stopping at a coffee shop I've never been to and buying some pastry and a cup of coffee.
Gotta start somewhere, I guess.
Idk. Nothing feels particularly adventurous anymore. Traveling is I guess but it’s so expensive and basically a waste of time. I should’ve joined the military when I was younger. I think my problem is that I’ve spent most of my life in rural and semi-rural college towns and the only time I’ve been to a big city was when I briefly lived with family in the suburbs. Beyond that, I’ve never traveled abroad, never had a dangerous job like military or police, etc.
is coffee good for you?
i don't have any suggestive images saved on my computer
It probably has some benefits.
I want to go my college gym but Ive had hemorrhoids and I feel like when I put on basketball shorts the smell will be obvious
I also have hemorrhoids, anon, and they don't smell. I think you just need to wipe your ass better and shower more.
I keep wiping but the toilet paper is always brown, and then my roids start bleeding which causes my sphincter to constantly leak shit
frick you, I said I wouldn't jerk off for the rest of the day
THEY BANNED ME ON IQfy FOR POSTING TWINKS! THIS IS LITERALLY WHITE GENOCIDE
I got a warning on IQfy for posting that all homosexuals should be gassed, what the frick is happening to this site?
have a nice day
No ;')
Good cities for writers? Chicago and Philly are basically the last cheap big cities that are actually cities in this country and neither are all that cheap. So where is there to go?
Innsbruck, Austria
I’m sure it’s obscenely expensive e
It's ironic how happy I am that I will cease to exist when I die solely because of how terrified I am of my awareness of death.
Pros and cons of joining the army? Can’t really think of anything better to do…
If you're an amerifat and really cannot be dissuaded from ZOGbotting, do NOT fricking join the army. It is the worst branch. In my life I have met 20 odd people from different branches. The only ones who have ever said they regret joining are the Army. Nobody else. Chair Force, Navy, doesn't matter - ONLY armygays regret joining up. The entire culture is that "if I had a shit time, you should too." so nothing ever changes and if it does change it takes way too fricking long. DO NOT join the fricking army.
Were they enlisted?
As an new lawgay, I've started to feel the lack of a creative outlet more than ever in my life. All I do, day in and day out is
> wake up
> go to work
> go to lunch
> go to work
> go home
> shitpost
> watch one episode of anime
> go to sleep
Don't get me wrong, it's an objectively great job: nice office, good pay, friendly colleagues. I'm essentially sheltered from any and all hardships of life. As white-collar as can be.
Nevertheless, I watched an episode of a manga artist drawing a random background and fell into despair. I felt as though bro saw life through a different, more thoughtful lense. The way bro explained his observations regarding the layout of buildings, streets and characters made me realise that I completely disregard them.
In essence, I wish to have an outlet to create in. I don't play instruments, I can't really draw well (and I don't think I wish to cuck myself into learning to), I don't have a sport (apart from the gym, but I honestly hate the consoomerism of just lifting) and so on. Creative writing would be an extension of my day to day job.
Any anons who have gone through this cuckery of self?
follow a religion, if you don't like the existing ones create one.
Already am a devout catholic
why bros
It's too late for you
thank God I'm not you.
>Any anons who have gone through this cuckery of self?
Not me.
Are you a moviegay tho? Are you the one guy who's influenced by movies where the leading man start to rebel his life because he feel to comfortable? Because I think that's what causing this mass rebel mindset among people who live comfortably. Some people live and is comfortable being told what to do. Excuse me if I'm wrong.
Why not take this type of thinking apart, see, you have a comfortable life where many people work for, some work HARD for it.
You said
>Creative writing would be an extension of my day to day job.
Why?
Why not just do it, drawing, sports, instruments? You don't have to dedicate your whole life to it like the manga artist, but if you can TRY, just give it a go, maybe 30 seconds of your life. Take some time to assess your talents, if you anime drawing turned out ugly, just laugh at yourself. So, if you decide that it's not for you, look elsewhere.
I don't think trying this should compromise much of your life since in from my experience shit posting and watching anime can be between 30 minutes to 3 hours. So 30 seconds of doing something that can create something is a pretty good deal.
Isn't it?
At least you get sleep, I'm an insomniac. My traumas woke me up. Been working on it... need sleep.
The only time consuming job I ever worked was construction work. It took up so much of my time and energy, but tbh the fact that I was actually creating something made it worth it.
i want to create something like yume nikki, but i only know how to make music and visual art, like sprites and stuff. i don't know if i have what it takes to teach myself all the other aspects of game creation, specifically coding. i'm shit at math.
I just want to be clean and safe. That’s it.
Having trouble deciding between getting a PhD or joining the army. The PhD seems like the smart choice, but the best case scenario is that I get it in a reasonable amount of time and join the faculty at the same school I graduated from and have worked at since them but I am just so tired of this boring unremarkable life. Do I really want to be 40 and all I’ve done is like get degrees and work at the same university?
Downloaded tantan a few days a go and now I have chink chicks texting me first
Doesn't take much, just be 6'2 fit and 8+/10 facially with 10/10 hair genes and 9/10 beard genes
Brothers, a great truth was revealed to me last night. I immediately wrote it down and would like some feedback on its validity, since it is an attempt to answer a great question: What is one to do with their limited time here on Earth to find peace and satisfaction?
Behold then, what I shall present as The Three Noble Needs:
>To Work
>To Live
>To Give
Keep in mind that these three needs must encompass all aspects of life, even if one does not always enjoy or desire it. I doubt anybody necessarily would want to work if they can help it, but work is indeed a part of life, and is necessary as work produces things -- consider, that these needs are sequential in nature, and their order is no accident.
But yes, to work is the first of the noble needs as one must simply work in life to live and then to give. Work, however, cannot be their whole existence, as would any excess in these three things would cause a grave imbalance. Too much work, and one produces too much while living too little, and giving none of it away. I'll expand on this.
Living, as I have ordered, must then be the next step after working. The farmer must enjoy the fruit of his labor, to relish in his crops, to have time to rest, to enjoy, to perhaps travel, and to develop upon himself. To read, to study, to live. But this cannot be all there is either, because to live too much presents the danger of consuming more than you are producing, to become greedy, to become selfish, too self-absorbed into your own world. Work and living alone, is no way to be.
This leads me to the last and most noble of the needs, only possible once one has worked enough to plenty, and to have lived enough security to ultimately give away their excess to those in need: To give. After all, is the greatest act of humility and charity, to care for others and see a bigger picture than their own. And this is not just giving in monetary value, but to give in time, the most limited commodity one can have, to spend time with loved ones and those important to them, to give back to the world that has given unto them. A farmer with particularly generous crops, plentiful fruit, ought to share some of it in thanks of his good fortune. From this he will be granted tranquility.
Now of course, as good as giving is, there remains the risk of its excess as well. If one gives too much without accounting for their own work or living needs, then they will simply run out of things to give! This is how the system circulates upon itself, and why a great balance, a harmony between the three noble needs is key to living well. Work enough to live, and then live enough to give.
This, as it has been revealed to me, must be the way. At any given time, at any moment, we are all doing one of these three noble needs, and the question must be in how we are understanding and balancing them. A world that governs itself to these three things, would be one of industry, freedom, and absolute abundance.
>
1. This only matters to you because of how you feel. You feel better now so suddenly this became some revelation to you. These things gained value for you, they became important. Others might say, we're just here to eat, shit, procreate and die and it would be just as legit.
2. Everyone finds peace and satisfaction through different means. You are a moralistic pig when trying to prescribe people how they have to live to feel happy. You completely write from your own perspective and you should be aware of that. None of what you said solves anything existential, doesn't even touch such problems.
I'm sick of my job but I can't do anything else, and I don't have enough free time for my hobbies to serve as a cope.
Atleast you have hobbies. I have no friends, no hobbies and only a shitty job.
I don't have a job but have hobbies
I have just one friend and a very shitty job (what I make in a week my friend makes in an hour or two).
I have a bunch of friends I’ve not spoken to in years and shitty job, not even a place to live
It's all just shapes anons...
It's nothing but shapes...
Even when reality is broken down to simplistic shapes with barely any changed properties it is still all too much for me
I just want to produce my world dammit, this text shit sucks! Let me onto the next stage
I haven't had sex in over 5 years. I constantly get eye contact from 7's and up and they come stand near me too, but I simply can't be assed to talk to them
How do I fix? Cocaine?
consecutive escort sessions + phenibut
high end escorts are ultra cheap in my c**t (south europe) but my wallet is spiritually israeli and doesn't go. plus i'm looking for a way to tap all the female attention i because i'm a fervent narcissist
How’s your physical confidence? Are you in good shape? Are you handsome?
187cm 12-13% bodyfat year round, do boxing, good posture since i like to mog passerbies
face i unironically believe 8 or 9, with a spartan style beard
Just boxing or do you also do kickboxing? You should level up to kickboxing and learn a little grappling
Weird that with that confidence you’re not just freely talking up girls. What do you think is the issue?
How to talk to women:
Google: Take a deep breath, be confident.
You: Cocaine
Google: Incorrect, gay
Me: Correct, straight
It feels like i cannot even express whats bothering me, the gap, the schism between me and other people is so vast, its impossible to jump over it.
The things people do, i dont understand them. Why do they do it?The things people say, i dont understand them. Why do they say it?
I doomscroll the news, i doomscroll youtube. How do any of those things that i see there concern me?
I tried lots of things, i went out there, i worked hard. It was all pointless. No one cared, at all. No one cares
It's your problem if you only do things for other people's sake
Was thinking about getting up after a night of sex, sensing that eternal feel of nothingness and indifference crawling back, knowing that for the rest of the day and for the rest of the month probably I won't feel nothing. It's depressing because it can only be taken care of temporarily. I am slave of this natural condition.
I want to move out to live on my own but don't have the courage. Besides seeking better job prospects, my main goal is that by doing so I can grow and be a mature person, which I doubt is a silly and naive view. I fricking despise living with my parents but there is a lingering feeling in me that I need to prepare more before going out. I'm scared that I may not survive this harsh world on my own. I've made a lot of terrible choices due to my stupidity, one of which was going for an art major. That useless degree lead me to the current situation where I'm struggling to find a job. Therefore, moving out now could means starving if that perceived job prospect eventually turns out to be false, another wrong choice made by me, ofc. I hate myself the most for not ever making a good choice in life.
Don't take too much baggage with you. Frequent the forests and farmlands at night. Sleep in stables and abandoned cottages. Wear convenient quality hiking wear. Always keep your clothes and shoes clean and search dry ground when it's raining. Continue with your reason and your heart wrapped in iron until you found a place you consider hospitable and stable. Present yourself as an honest and courageous young man who has a few years of consistent work experience in no matter what field and that you decided to move to a different place.
Living on your own is largely about money. So long as you have money to afford your rent / utilities / food, there's not much to it. Securing a job that can pay for your living expenses is the only real requisite to moving out on your own.
That said, thinking in the long term, you have to consider what moving out accomplishes, and how long you're going to be living in the place you move into, and where you'll be moving to next. This part is hard and not a lot of people think this far ahead. The ordeal of moving is enough that most people are simply glad when it is over and don't want to think about moving again in the future. If the point of moving out is just to satisfy your desire for independence, I think it'd be wise to impose a term on this endeavor and to talk about it with your parents, assuming you're on good terms with them and they're supportive.
What’s going on here is that you’ve made mistakes and in the back of your mind those mistakes are keeping you from making big decisions because you’re afraid of a bad outcome. It’s important to understand that it’s happening and it’s an illogical fear.
Just have a nice day if it doesn’t work. You’ll likely have to if you don’t live in a country with gibs.
IQfy hasn’t produced a single individual thought
It’s a worse hive mind than Reddit
If the people read, they do it for conceited reasons like winning an argument that doesn’t matter
Lurg moar noofawg
>IQfy hasn’t produced a single individual thought
Humans have existed for roughly 300 thousand years, the chances of someone in 2023 producing an individual thought is impossible.
you think tale of two cities would make for a good autumn read? im really autistic about this sort of thing for some reason
what's up with the way everybody either loves or hates society? I've found my answer, I've settled on hating modern society, why can they not?
people neither love nor hate society, they take it as granted.
I don’t want to be fat, I just want to have a big belly. Maybe I should get a potbellied boyfriend.
I have decided to start swiping right on the single moms on dating apps. I will bide my time, take care of her kid in hopes that I may seed my own in her womb.
there he is, the *only* IQfyizen
Don't lie bro, you just want a little girl to molest
I jerk offd to myself in the mirror today
Is that a regular thing for you?
No cause for concern unless you're less than a 6/10 and/or straight. Otherwise it's just another kind of porn, and far from hardcore as nudes.
in the future the english language is going to drastically change and become unrecognizable, how do we feel about that?
>how do we feel about that?
bix nood muhfukka
to be fair you can expect the english language to fork in areas
The onion unironically had a good take on this
?si=RjEZ3G-CJIQXD8Uu
it's not close enough to what i mean with words changing syllables and phonetics entirely but still uses the english alphabet probably. like saying blud instead of buddy
also you're now up to date with the latest trends in pop culture https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GAPW_1sFt3U
Happy ending is when the author felt like stopping the plot building in the beginning of the story
how do i put an end to this shit
Suck a dick already
I’ve been cursed with a moral disposition. An honest backbone the Lord hath give me. Why does he hate me so. But dear lord, I am no Joel.
My ax I did hem shew and did then cleveth hem en twain
Tbh as I got older, I realised that women overall just have this nature in them to want to control things. The problem is, although they can get control very easily they more often than not aren't very responsible with it. Or they misuse it that it leads to destruction, most of the times without even meaning or intending to. Eg. Being accepting of things that are blatantly wrong to gain social favor, such as transgenderism and the covid vaccine, dressing and acting like bawds
It always starts in the homes, where they destroy the husband, so he becomes a weaker (simp) version of himself just to survive her (remember that silly "happy wife happy life" motto that basically implies to give in to her every whim which then often backfires long term), or he ends up leaving. Then the women have free reign to impose their nature onto their kids and control them in some way. Sometimes it's done covertly, through excess coddling which they claim is "love" but then destroys the kids long term as it leaves them unprepared for real life. Or they impose their own traumas, neurosis, complaints about other people (like their father) onto the kids which they then start to identify with passively. Then the cycle continues where the daughters become like her by being controlling with future partners and kids, and the sons either become straight up incels or end up marry women like her who weakens them which stops them from protecting their kids as they should from her. Both sons/daughters thinking it's the normal way to be.
Cont.
Cont.
Seems to be the reason why a lot of issues in society stem from absentee father's or weak father's. I feel there really needs to be a balance of energies. Women need to be self aware of their nature and give up this controlling nature and men need to be strong enough to be able to HANDLE that nature so that it doesn't ruin their kids and protect them from it.
Seems to be why women are the more neurotic, anxiety ridden types. It all stems from wanting to control things, or not being able to control things. Once you come to this realisation you will notice this in basically ALL women in your life, from your coworkers, HR roasties, relatives, even your own mother and grandmother you love so much. Even if you ask them something that requires a simple yes or no, they will speak in tangents to control. Heck, what is makeup? Another thing they can use to control their appearance.
They all do it so some extent and just like that, can switch sides so easily to control the situation and keep life comfy for themselves if it becomes the social norm or to control others perception of them.
I think it's men's job to relieve them of this hell they live in. It's why despite what they say, they always want a man of higher status and more dominant than them. So they can finally relax and have them take the reigns/lead. If they don't trust the man they're with, they go into their control overdrive and they destroy their man and impose their nature on the kids which continues the cycle. You'll notice it in any failed or failing relationship, it almost always stems from the man not being strong enough to lead the relationship/family properly that the woman ended up taking over covertly and brought it to it's destruction
> Women need to be self aware of their nature and give up this controlling nature and men need to be strong enough to be able to HANDLE that nature so that it doesn't ruin their kids and protect them from it
I entirely agree with that and the rest of your analysis. The issue is good luck finding a woman with a modicum of self awareness. They have never known rebuke or correction, especially now. You’re better off single in 99.9% of cases. I’ve been in arguments with women where I am so clearly correct and they best they can muster is a “stop talking” only for them to raise the same topic with the same moronic arguments on another occasion. Once I was even asked to tell one their flaws and I was extremely light in what I said yet she still got upset. They’re overgrown children
I’ll also add that it is far more dangerous when a woman doesn’t like someone than when a man doesn’t. A man, assuming he’s not effeminate, will largely desire to simply have nothing to do with that person. Woman will actively seek to make that person’s life a living hell and turn everyone against that person. A man will get over it, a woman will stew on it - sometimes for a lifetime
I'm a feminine man
I'm an androgyne of the ancient persuasion
six foot three hunchback with a haggard, hooknosed, balding sallow face plus goatee. Asymmetrical features. Thin arms and wrists, potbelly, wears a ring. Svengali type but no tribal admixture known.
The stereotype reeks of brimstone for a reason, I'm a hypersexual rutting hairy violent and resentful man, but people will not only put up with me, they wish to be around me for some reason. I don't respect them and I look down on them all. One day somebody will pay for it.
not him and thank you for the opportunity to BLOGPOST tbh!
In my experience to many men have bothered me for no reason then women
I really regret the career path I’ve taken and I don’t know how to recover now.
which is?
Right now I work as staff at a university
I've recently become interested in the use of propaganda and persuasion techniques for the purpose of enhancing the reader's enjoyment of a book instead of trying to manipulate them in any other way. I thought of the experiment of writing the most cliche type of fantasy novel imaginable but, by use of persuasion, somehow make it endurable to some degree. I am certain that many persuasion concepts are already known to enhance books (such as the 'rule of three'.) I wrote a paragraph of something with the intention of injecting every persuasion technique I could inside of it without care, but I can't tell whether the shit had been made better or effective in any way because of it.
I keep getting demoralized by seeing so many white women dating shitskins, it actually physically hurts me, It's just so revolting and ugly. Being a minority in your own country is dismal prospect, especially when so much of it is being perpetrated by the women of your own race. I might kms.
animal instincts in many men and women who will frick anything. you dont have to look at anybodies relationship as romantic but your own
>you dont have to look at
hate this shit
thoughts are not voluntary
you can't just make yourself think or feel differently
therapy is a scam
your psychology makes you feel what your psychology perceives a reality. if you change reality in your mind then also your psychology will match with that reality
but i should have said it's hard to make your psychology match your new reality, it's always a struggle to replace your old psychology. like it's more comfortable to feel fear again then it is to not feel fear anymore
I understand, and you're probably right, but I don't think I am delusional, my beliefs are at least mostly rooted in reality, they're conclusions I've come to based on observable things and strengthened by the testimonials of others and scientific research and shit, I don't want to weaken my ties to reality or to devalue truth in my mind or to hypnotise or delude myself in to thinking or feeling things that aren't reflective of what's really happening in order to make myself feel better or even to achieve a better life but it's not sustainable to live like this much longer either
I've tried acid, I get what it's like to lose the sense of reality and that infinite feeling of possibility and limitless potential that comes from it, and it feels great but once that wears off and we're back in physical reality you kind of have to eat what's in the table
---- Solaria ---
0816
Strategic Sense
On overcast September twilights when dusk's demarcation
Spreads out for a couple hours
And where quiet privacy takes on the look and feel
Of friendly spirits
Does one know best the why
Of intelligent life,
Settled and serene, with time and space
Enough to make crime a rarity
And music so much as you please
That the lights and sounds of cars turn off
Whenever you forget to, anytime you're weary of vigilance.
---- Solaria ---
0817
The Archive Of Things
The scale of implicit reason in any first world room
Is a little staggering.
There's so much more here than
Tropical islands afford in concentrated intensity of light
Cancelling to its rest.
If you can’t distinguish when to write your versus you’re, or to, too, and two, then you shouldn’t be allowed to have thumbs.
i do youre no apostrophe thoughbeititmay
>be ugly bastard perma virgin
>mostly made peace with it
>out of nowhere start getting the urge to have kids
>constantly thinking about it in the back of my mind
>it's somehow much more painful than regular tfw no gf
>eventually start having dreams featuring a recurring character who I recognize as my daughter while asleep and a figment of my imagination when awake
>start avoiding taking walks by the local park because I flinch when I hear the kids playing there calling their fathers "daddy"
Guys I'm not gonna make it to my 30s if this keeps up
based delusional incel
Have you tried castrating yourself?
Went to two different clubs this week. Didn't spill my spaghetti or anything. I even made a positive impression. But my killer social anxiety caused me to flee right after instead of mingling. I'm a little annoyed at myself for that. I'll attend again next week and hopefully now that the ice is broken I can be less moronic. I'm really doing it bros. I think I'm gonna make it
Unless I hire an escort I'm probably going to die a virgin. There are so many things that could go catastrophically wrong I don't think I could ever do it.
---- Solaria ----
0818
Bryan Again.
Sometimes he satirized my grandiosity, my manic excesses
To my face and in drawings, but somehow
I loved him all the more for it
Though he could never admit anything reciprocal.
He took very good care of me
While crossing scenes of frightening industry
To play games that seemed so slight
In consequence, at the time.
Who on IQfy actually likes their life so far?
I just went into a thread on /tg/ and saw a post commenting on the state of the fantasy genre, then corrected somebody with a superficial remark incorporating the word "hagiographical", only because it gives me a tiny jolt of comfort to appear smart and clearsighted. Here I am to posture again. I wish I never fell for the rationalist meme that you can convince anybody of anything with a good-enough argument. It has literally ruined my life, partially because I feel the need to stick my nose into everything and try to comment about the situation, but mainly because it means I can never make peace with anything that happens, since I feel like it could have been averted by saying the right things to the right people. At this point I've known intellectually that this is wrong for many years, but I still deeply believe it.
I wish I took other people less seriously. I know their opinions don't really matter, but not only do I consider how they could matter practically, I take it too far and work myself up into a frenzy over what are apparently minor incidents.
I'm where I wanted to be in life, but it didn't make me happy, mainly because having a solid personal life (or solid in theory) doesn't really save you from the greater context of your dying dogshit society. Also, COVID made me hate everyone.
Also tbh, not great how these threads have been becoming increasingly stifling pity parties over the past three years, not going to apologize for contributing thoe
It depends. Between 1967 and 1971 were sublime, 1973 to 1979 generally pleasant. 1986 to 1989 was great. 1997 to 1999 were amazing.. 2011 to 2014 was better than usual, almost good as 1989. I am 60 now, not much the worse for wear compared to most men: My paternal grandfather lived to 98, so 90 seems not far-fetched.
I do.
Had a decent youth, some fun times and now I'm an adult and ready to make start a family and career wise it's going good as well.
People with my life could b***h and moan because it was far from ideal, but I simply choose to look at the good side of it.
To not like it is living in impossibility for me.
---- Solaria ----
0819
Very Long Term Sheltered Interiors.
Consider yourself the envy of
This general index:
The gold of mood is strange beyond belief.
My hair is vanishing even faster than I previously thought and I just realized that 7 years of hard work and intense suffering I fought through in pursuit of my dreams were all pointless because of fundamental mistakes I made at the beginning. I want so desperately to end it all and I'm too much of a coward to do so
why am I like this? Why did all my experiences lead me to this? Why can't I just bring myself to walk to the roof and die?
based balding (soon to be dropout) phd student
You should do it
Name more iconic duo than baldness and suicide.
I'm not a phd student. I'm a writer/wagie who found out his novels are unpublishable because I didn't base my entire writing strategy on marketability
The pride in myself is weighed down by the genetic markers that shape my face.
My father's impotent rage is felt, through disturbed drunken naps, contraband and secret truths.
I have long thoughts about those days where he'd drag me by my hair to my room. Closing the door to beat me as the family carried on.
Long thoughts about the lashes on my back till I was bleeding.
To see the man now, his eyes showing only a ghost but not even that of a man. A dogs ghost.
He cranes his neck to either side seeking my love, trying his best to support me, offering me all sorts of trinkets to money.
I wonder if he has the same thoughts as I.
The same sort of regret when I look at him of being from the same base. The same regret that nothing was done sooner. Though, I'm sure for my father he wishes he was never so harsh.
I wish I was harsher, in my adult life as we have gotten closer I see many opportunities to abuse him the same as he did me.
I see some godly wisdom dawning on me to perfectly set up excusable accidents. To make a mistake where I would still be liable but not to the conviction of outright planned murder.
This Jenga tower of feelings I carefully pick apart as to not fully embrace a sudden lack of inhibition but i always wonder why I want it to be an accident.
In a ways, I still feel so much sympathy. I would never want to break that illusion of love, that illusion of care. I only wish to nurture it. To see him smile knowing that this was something he fixed.
To think he would ever give that sort of solace to me? It's laughable. I wish only to be as cruel as he was, as unforgiving.
I want to drive my fingers into his neck and squeeze that life out of him so he may just feel as helpless as me.
This however will only remain an impotent fantasy. Woe to me the most caring man in the world.
---- Solaria ----
0820
Retina
The headlights of an L 1011
Flickeringly occulted by a sweeping tall stand of cottonwoods.
Orion and Scorpius, Venus.
Great fun.
Hmm I don't know. There's so many desires and I have no desire to see past them. I would strongly desire to not feel like a weirdo the most. Of course it can be analyzed to some redundant idea of me holding onto fear or whatever, but that's not helpful.I guess even when thay desire is met it doesn't cure it. Hmm I don't know hehe.
Having language models write my topology proofs cause I'm too moronic to think of them on my own. My future is so fricked. I have no prospects other than teaching in a country where calc students do not understand algebra. I will drink myself into the grave writing shitty poetry and rambling about banach spaces to prostitutes. I've fricked everything up. My relationships, my career, my attention span. The one thing I have is my health, and it'll be hard to ground myself in good health when this dread finally manifests into the public school math teacher in Shithole City. I would run away into the mountains, but I still tie myself to hopes of new love, renewed passions. Finding luck. I'm moronic.
I don't have any skills or interests so I'm thinking of applying for a mining job or a FIFO job, two weeks on, two weeks off doesn't sound too bad to me, I'm only 20 and jobs like these might genuinely be the only way for me to be able to afford a house in this country.
I've gotta get my hands on an M240B.
>I open Tinder.
>I enable discovery.
>I start swiping.
>Every single girl looks the same and has the exact same photos as the last.
>I've swiped left on all of them.
>I enable discovery and turn off Tinder.
?si=c2EIMxuRgWJE9x8Q
I disable discovery*
Tinder is horrible. Get out of there as fast as you can. The less time you spend there, the less it will get back to you.
Dating apps are the only places to meet girls these days and don't even try to sell me on the "Go to the bar" meme.
I'm not selling you any meme here... just.... Uh... "daily wisdom"
Not even true. Dating apps are a sausage fest. 90% of users are men.
What's wrong with picking up at clubs and bars? You just seem afraid.
>What's wrong with picking up at clubs and bars?
When did I mention clubs? Also, people only go to bars to either hang out with their friends or be by themselves, no one wants to talk to you at the bar, not even the bartender, they just do cause it's part of their job. Also, since you brought up clubs, they're only good for hooking up, you're not gonna find the love of your life at a club.
I don't want to find the love of my life. It's a spook.
I've picked up more women out in public than I ever have on dating apps. True story.
>be me yesterday
>tired after work
>nap and vidya til 4AM
>be me today
>decently tired but not terribly so
>grind through work
>something gets pushed back
>miss out on social event
>feeling of social inadequacy makes me want to kill myself
>go home and cry and seethe for about an hour
>"oh well, I can just get a head start on my sleep then"
>browse IQfy till 4AM
>be me in 4 hours
>have to wake up for 12 hour workday featuring a dogshit internal mini-conference
holy frick why am I like this
Wow uhh, I have no idea where to start. I've just experienced the most concentrated feeling of hysteria I have ever felt. I saw an escort, she stopped service because I smacked her ass too hard. She smacked the shit out of me multiple times (of course I loved it.) As I'm leaving her I guess "managers" try starting shit with me. I of course don't care and get to my car to drive home. On the way to the escort the New Orleans funeral piece "Just A Closer Walk To Thee" played on my liked playlist. As I'm driving a song called Thanatos plays followed by another version of the former song playing. I'm so overwhelmed with everything that this sends me into a spiral. I can't believe this is my life right now. The peoplr who love me could never fathom these feelings, nor would they be accepted. This all happens because I was born. Lost my job, havr no skills other than "living" and thinking about what the hell that means, playing music in a mediocre fashion, and trying to attain whatever I feel compelled makes life meaningful. This is awful, how does everyone around me seem to cope with the incesant pulling in opposite directions of consciousness and unconsciousness. It's impossible. I smack an escort's ass super hard because I feel that's what my money bought, but she feels that's not because of whatever has happened in her life. Her "managers" (pimps?) are pissed as well, yet they're pimps because of whatever reason in their lives. I can't stand it, but the oppositions are what keep me alive. I've known this since a child who learned about magnets, but now it's realized. I would rather stay knowing opposite poles attract rather than feeling it. I crave love the most when it isn't judgemental, but that's impossible for humans.
Think I'm gonna have some icecream for breakfast.
Everyday the idea of ditching medicine in my country and working for some mercenary group in Africa in anesthesiology or intensive care grows on me.
I'd get paid very well, can relive colonialism of my ancestors and revitalize my masculine spirit. Then chill out in Dubai in my downtime. As a bonus, I might die nobly and not as some incontinent demented geriatric with no dignity.
I feel alright inside, until I start to think about my reality and predicament. Have stopped drinking and smoking for a year almost now, eating clean, no fap, reading, training on and off too, but I just can't explain it, I'm empty, no will, no drive, I already want to accept death. I've been cheated out of my inheritance plus debt imposed on me which was not of my doing, have no real passions or hobbies, nor do I have friends. Can't focus on women, just can't pay attention to them and realize they do not fulfil me in any way, plus they're all vaccinated, so that's a no too. I'd like to have a purpose, something to live for, but I don't feel it, not sure what to do where to go. Also my birthday is coming up and I'll be alone for it.
In many ways I was in your position. Except the debt, that's a real b***h. Is it a lot?
Depends on the perspective, if its a lot, I guess, its 40k. Was supposed to inherit 2 properties, but those were sold, trickery and foul play involved. It certainly does feel like its over. Wouldn't feel as bad if I had ways of making shekels I guess, but just can't think of anything
---- Solaria ----
0821
Rare View
The cloud ceiling is sweetly mild
And just now a small flock of Canada Geese
Passed across its subtle lines
Like fireworks startling.
By the look of it it must be about 5 miles high,
And composed of very pure ice.
Very near the horizon the trees make with it a ravishing design,
Something never seen on the widest screen.
List of some of the ways my life has changed ever since I got married (it's been almost 2 years):
1. I have mostly given up on alcohol. I was never big on drinking. But I never used to back down from alcohol in social situations. Since my wedding, I've only had two pints of beer.
2. My health and hygiene has improved a lot. Wife cooks amazing meals. I don't skip meals anymore. My squat numbers are at its peak right now.
3. I've started investing my money. I have received two salary hikes in last 1.5 years.
4. Life isn't lonely anymore. Growing up I used to wonder if I am an incel. Despite having a few hookups through Tinder, I couldn't find myself a loving relationship. And my crippling fear of being alone and unloved has gone away.
As someone who seems to be in a relationship that very likely will end up with marriage and children, do you have any advice?
I've never had a relationship longer than a year but plan on changing that.
Were there any doubts about marriage with her and how did that play out if there were?
The moment I saw her, I knew, I want to marry this woman. We got married at the age of 26.
1.
I am not sure how close you are with your mother or relatives. But a conflict / friction between your wife and others (that can be your friends or mom) has power to ruin your day. Let's say your mother was indeed wrong in the situation, you can't "school" your mom. In these cases have a conversation with your wife.
Marriage is full of compromises. At times she'll have to compromise and sometimes you'll have to.
2. Make sure you have a hobby that grants you peace and time away from your spouse. For me it's football (soccer) and working out. You need something you can engage in on weekly basis. Bonus if this activity makes you healthier.
3.
Very important. Make sure your wife also has hobbies of her own, so that she can leave you alone. It's also better for her mental health. And the better she is, better your life will be. For example, if she is grumpy, and she has no way to let that angst out, who do you think will be the sink for all that? You. In case of my wife, it's dancing. She plugs in her earphones and dances for at least an hour in our bedroom, while I am browsing IQfy.
4.
> Were there any doubts about marriage with her
There's this question I go to whenever I had been confused about a woman. I'll try to phrase it best I can. Let's say you have a daughter, who is exactly like your wife. In every manner. Would you be a proud father of such a daughter?
Sounds cringe? If you indeed end up having a daughter guess who will have the most influence over her? Your wife.
Your wife is a representation of you. In the social situations where you are absent, she represents you.
Thanks for your reply. I've asked multiple people online but got vague nonsense. I like how concrete yours is.
Do you plan on having children? I do and she has a strong will too, easily wanting 4 children.
>Do you plan on having children?
I want to have three but my wife wants to have two. I keep joking about how the third one will be an "accident" and happen a decade after the 2nd 😀
Roger grew up with the knowledge that he had been an accident conceived as being the runt of the litter. One day he took to the garden shed and held a lot a pitchfork," i will fricking show them," he would say, and then charge into the kitchen of his family homestead, stabbing all and sundry.
Barney, the eldest, cried as he slumped against the wall, "why, why," he spluttered through the blood of his punctured lungs.
"For no good reason," exclaimed Roger, in an act of supreme karma.
Roger peeled the chunks of flesh and bone from his face and went to sit in the Comfy Chair, "it is my house now," he said, and turned on the television.
Three really is perfect. Hope you get it anon
But I am wondering, if you've been married for nearly 2 years now, why hasn't there been a child yet?
I felt I am too young to be a father at 27. I thought (and still think) that I do not completely understand the gravity of being a father.
Just turned 28 a couple months back.
Also, I had decided I will squat three plates before I get my wife pregnant.
She wanted to be a mom from the first day tho.
---- Solaria ----
0822
Sweep
Sometimes I think that God Almighty has put me here,
In a situation beautiful as Switzerland
But that much more relaxed.
Everyone left the home and I got it all for myself, so I decided to go all naked. Honestly it feels pretty good. I only fear that I might leave some shitmarks when I sit, so I cleaned my buttchecks and put towel on my chair just in case.
I wanted to watch porn, but now I'm feeling more in the mood for exercises.
> so I cleaned my buttchecks
Why not do this every time you take a shit?
I'd suggest to use water+tissues. I know you'd think water is for the 3rd Worlders. But tell me this, if molten chocolate fell on your hand, would you just wipe it with the tissues? And not use water to wash your hands?
if you go to sleep with a nicotine sweet in your mouth, you'll have fricked up dreams on 9/10 attempts, but they will be very long dreams.
---- Solaria ----
0823
Lux
5600 Kelvin wide spectrum lighting is all nice
But there's nothing like daylight
Going through ornate glass,
Nothing so suave.
Shut. The. Frick. Up.
No one reads your trash
As if I care here.
Also:
It's comical how much worse enlightenment era literature is compared to either baroque or romantic literature.
I always get nostalgic when i listen to 90s Sarah McLachlan, as my grandmother liked listening to her.
I also really want to frick 90s Sarah McLachlan
^^^^ Who tf is this mf??? ^^^^
Which one, no doubt that your memory is lacking.
I really wanted to complain that chris chan had hi charges dropped again, but we're close to the end of the thread so i'll wait
hey btw you're an actual registered tripgay? that's hilarious, you know you don't have to pay money and can maek-up whatever name u like, right
Learn what you speak of before you speak. The only price I ever payed was my sanity.
oh i didn't know this, I thought the string of letters was a paid membership ha
This
anon's baiting, you have to have a IQfy pass to use secure tripcodes.
Oh hey you're back
I honestly believe I'm better than other people.
Most of them anyway.
They breathe in sharply and wow when I tell them about my experiences, good and bad, my achievements, more and less impressive, and the impressiveness of which doesn't necessarily go with my pride in them; but what in my mind makes me better than them is not what I've experienced, rather what I gained from my experiences.
My knowledge and my resourcefulness.
Regardless I've met plenty of more knowledgeable and more resourceful people than me who, as far as I know, have not experienced as many good or especially bad things as I did, and I don't think I'm better them, even though one might say I've suffered and soldiered on through more.
I wonder why it's so difficult for people to gain knowledge and resourcefulness.
>I wonder why it's so difficult for people to gain knowledge and resourcefulness.
It depends on what you mean by that. There's not much difference between idle curiosity about merging neutron stars and social gossip on the scale of modern cities, in terms of sheer entertainment.
I don't even feel like I'm on the same planet as you people. I'm here and all, but I'm not actually here. It's like my soul is travelling at a speed in which it can't be contained. You could call it a type of derealization or similar, I've experienced it for a large part of my life. I'm fricking gone, bro.
I wish I had a Indian gf, but I'm white. It's over.
Indians worship white people. You'd be playing on easy mode. Go get her.
I know literally no Indian women, it's just that the ones I met were bombastic.
>open google maps
>search for Indian restaurants
No results found.
blackpilled
Guess I'll have to take a white woman
Sob sob
Where the frick do you live where there no indians? There's like, 2 fricking billion of them. They're everywhere
>Where the frick do you live where there no indians?
I'd like to know as well because I would move there.
How long do you guys read for a day and how many pages do you normally get through? I feel like a moron because I only get through about 10-15 pages a day because I'm a slow reader.
>How long do you guys read for a day
As long as I feel like
>how many pages do you normally get through?
I never thought to record this. Who cares?
---- Solaria ----
0824
Lucio
Master critic of management,
Well dressed little guy,
Inimical to tyranny,
I redpilled some normies at church about UFOs and intelligence agencies using Satanic mind control techniques.
I am always seeking spiritual fulfillment. I tried Christianity but can’t help but feel disconnected from it, wandering in the forest feels like you can feel pagan gods more than Christ. I’m not sure how to explain it. I also think pol got in my head. Suddenly it feels like Christianity is a foreign religion for people of the middle east. like i should be seeking anglosaxon gods instead- which seem to just be the norse gods.
that's your chant
Try esoteric shamanism or typical shamanism
I had this crazy dream that I was walking around some downtown and kept getting bullied by people. Like full on, getting my ass kicked by people twice my size. So I got my bat and started beating them but this only enraged them. The whole town got together and decided to kill me.
you not as weak as you think you are
Yeah I've had this ongoing problem where I always think I'm weaker than I am. It's because I was the youngest child and my older brothers would kick my ass every day. Ironically I ended up the tallest, broadest, strongest, healtheist, and most successful. And come to find out, I'm taller and stronger than most people. My family is blessed with being naturally atheltic. But in my mind I still feel small. I see people shorter than me and it feels like they tower over me. A friend of mine renarked that I think everyone is over 6 feet tall and that I'm moronic in gauging height. It really sucks.
I think working remotely was a big mistake. This whole period has just been a waste. It took years to save any significant amount of money and now I’m older than would be ideal to go do something else. I thought this would be great, but it hasn’t been.
These last few years have been the most pathetic, boring, and miserable of my life. I almost became a cop. What a total 180.
>I almost became a cop.
failed exams?
My ex-girlfriend convinced me not to apply.
>listening to women besides your mom
Lmao
I think she was right in retrospect. I don’t regret not joining that agency.
>What a total 180.
took it up the butt?
Remote worker in a very feminine work environment
feminine in that you were taking backshots on the clock?
Every time someone from a distinct ethnic group strikes me up as unlikable I desire for the extermination of his people
A girl looked at me at a grocery store today. She was paying for her stuff and she was really hot, not super hot but i liked how she looked. Id never date super hot girl anyway, its constant fight for keeping her every goddamn day. She had some fancy bags and she wore maybe a bit too much perfume although it smelled nice.
I was in a line behind her at a more than polite distance and at one moment she turned around fast and looked at my face. I was breathing through mouth at that moment
Ah, It feels nice laying in my clean sheets freshly bathed after spending the better part of my day furiously jerking off to all sort of fricked up shit, I think I came like 6 times.
>learned that people make patreonbuxx with mid fanfic slop
It’s really over