I have a problem.
The first step to fixing a problem is admitting that you have one.
I've hurt my gf so many times now and I just feel like a dickhead because of it.
I cheated. She took me back. I cheated again. She cried. I felt like shit. Now, I'm thinking of cheating again.
This can't be right. I don't feel like a cheater, this shouldn't be my story, and yet here I am.
And she's so fricking sweet too...she just takes it and it breaks my heart because she deserves so much fricking better.
She knows I have a problem though. I come from a broken home with a terrible dynamic and that's why I'm like this. She knows this and forgives me for it.
Any books on getting over cheating addiction? I love her and I really want this to work. I really think I could marry her.
Here's a poem I wrote to help her forgive me:
> Girl, why do you love me?
> I've hurt you time and time again;
> Who'd ever do that to a friend?
> Oh, girl do you trust me?
> I try my best but there's no doubt,
> I take love but can't dish it out.
> Is there something I've got for you?
> So good you love me though I'm not true?
> How can I love you like I ought to?
> 'Cause this is not who I'm supposed to be.
> Yeah, this is not supposed to be me!
> So girl, I know what I have to do
> and girl, it's got to be done with you
> but girl, that's only if you want it to
> so girl, will you finally let me love you?
She loves my singing (we met in band) so I've been thinking of singing my feelings to her. Still working on the fingering but I'm really proud of the lyrics so far.
Aside from the completely unrealistic premise, your bait fell apart here
>She loves my singing (we met in band) so I've been thinking of singing my feelings to her. Still working on the fingering but I'm really proud of the lyrics so far.
People in band are dorky as hell. They're definitely not cheaters. I appreciate the effort to hone your bait skills, but you're going to have to work harder and be more creative than that.
Lol, I definitely am dorky as hell, you got that right (part of my charm I imagine) but this isn't bait. I am a cheater and I need help. Anyone can be a cheater, even dorks. Please recommend a book even if you do think this is bait, I would really appreciate it.
No, it's definitely a psychological problem, just like drinking, drugs, or anything. Sex addiction and the like are real. Like I said, I have a problem but that doesn't mean I love my gf any less. I'm trying to fight it so it's not just about "low morals" or "lack of self-control". It's definitely influenced by the terrible family dynamic I grew up in. It's not an excuse, it's a fact, and I'm sincerely trying to fight against it. I also have a lot of anxiety that I sometimes deal with poorly. There's a lot of stuff that I don't want to get into rn that's influencing my actions. Anyway, my gf knows I'm sincere (or at least I hope so...) so I frankly don't care if you believe me.
> It's definitely influenced by the terrible family dynamic I grew up in.
Prose check and this repeated indicates a relatively close family member molested you - you're going to have to forgive them. The reason people who were molested as children pursue sex so aggressively is because desire is a pre-word pain and as such it tries to communicate with the child-self via recreating the trauma in the form of hyper desire. This then is used to try to basically fix the trauma via lust. Obviously it doesn't work and only forgiveness does.
Wtf? Because I have a sexual problem that means I must have been abused? and why would I forgive someone who abused me? frick him.
>If you were just a little selfish you wouldn't use your family history to get this girl to stay with you.
I'm not "us[ing my] family history to get this girl to stay with [me]", butthole. I've already addressed this attack here
. Psychology influences the actions of people. It is not helpful to say "you lack morals" or "you lack self-control", you must say "you have a problem, let me help you". Don't fricking ridicule me for my problem when I'm actively trying to fix it. I'm ngl, everyone else making fun of me didn't really bother me but your post is actually pissing me off. I was going to ignore it but I have to say something, if not for you, then to everyone reading.
>You are fricking a person for good andi, f you were decent enough
Nice English there, bud.
>if you were decent enough, instead of crying on IQfy like you are the one getting hurt, you would tell her that she deserves better and finish it.
You don't fricking know me or my situation, butthole. I have a special woman and I don't want to let her go. I doubt that you've ever had a love like mine so I don't know where you get off telling me to let go of her. (1.) we have a long relationship that you don't know shit about and I don't want to throw that all away (2.) she's been faithful to me this entire time, why would I reward her efforts by fricking dumping her like she's fricking trash instead of trying to fix myself? If we ever leave, I want to leave on a good note. She's not an idiot btw, she knows she can leave anytime. I didn't just put it in the song, I've communicated this numerous times to her. THAT'S WHY IM SO SURE THAT SHE LOVES ME AND THAT WE CAN WORK THIS OUT.
> Yeah, so frick her, right? As long you are "trying" by complaining about it on IQfy and writing shit poems to appeal to her sentimentality and frick her up even more, as long as you do this, she should be kept by your side while you repeatedly break her heart, right?
But I am fricking trying. Frick me for trying though I guess. My efforts don't matter, I should just fricking quite instead of attempting to get better right? Our relationship doesn't matter according some fricking stupid anon.
> writing shit poems to appeal to her sentimentality and frick her up even more
Are you serious? I'm using art to communicate because I'm an artsy person. It isn't some fricking scheme. Art can be used to heal, but apparently because I'm the literal Devil, in my hands it can only be used to subvert and fricking destroy.
>You are scum and don't try to go around it.
I have a problem, I never once denied this. I hate myself for this but it is what it is. I must work to fix it, not just give up idiot.
You haven't done jack shit, you repeated (and are about to repeat) the behaviour you've tried oh so hard to prevent, as far as i can tell all you've done is ask this hive of morons if there's a book that deals with your specific "problem"
>we have a long relationship that you don't know shit about and I don't want to throw that all away
If you don't want to throw it away then stop pursuing other women you fricking moron, this is not a difficult problem, you're acting like just realising that you act like a fricking dickhead and hurt the people around you is some kind of achievement, and it's not, you haven't done frick all, will probably do frick all, and cheat on your girlfriend again, "feeling bad" about something you repeatedly do isn't actual shame, it's just going through the motions of what people expect from you.
Develop some actual fricking shame, because you've done a horrible thing, repeatedly, that any decent person would be genuinely ashamed of.
And you know what? Yeah, frick you for trying, i used to down bottles of whiskey straight going on 30 minute walks, i don't anymore, frick you for expecting that trying and failing is enough, or worthy of praise.
>You haven't done jack shit, you repeated (and are about to repeat) the behaviour you've tried oh so hard to prevent, as far as i can tell all you've done is ask this hive of morons if there's a book that deals with your specific "problem"
You're actively wishing for me to fail. Do you realise how fricking pathetic that is? You don't know me and yet you wish me ill will. And yes, this is the literature thread, so I asked for a book from somebody who has dealt with my problem or about my problem.
> If you don't want to throw it away then stop pursuing other women you fricking moron, this is not a difficult problem, you're acting like just realising that you act like a fricking dickhead and hurt the people around you is some kind of achievement, and it's not, you haven't done frick all, will probably do frick all, and cheat on your girlfriend again, "feeling bad" about something you repeatedly do isn't actual shame, it's just going through the motions of what people expect from you.
You're not in my mind so how would you know how fricking hard it is? I literally default to flirting. I've noticed it, and I'm trying to stop it but it just happens sometimes. So I get into a flirty relationship with a girl who I'm friendly with and guess what, eventually something happens. Frick, I feel like an idiot explaining this to you because this is absolutely lost on you. I fricking swear, I posting to a brick wall. I know you'll just look at this and just call me a moron, so at this point I'm just posting so that other anons read this and know that I'm not the literal Devil. Frick you.
>Develop some actual fricking shame, because you've done a horrible thing, repeatedly, that any decent person would be genuinely ashamed of.
> say you're ashamed of doing something
> this moron: develop some actual shame and be ashamed of that doing thing you said that you're ashamed of doing
>Yeah, frick you for trying, i used to down bottles of whiskey straight going on 30 minute walks, i don't anymore
So now you get to judge everybody, right? cool origin story, judgmental man.
>want
think is the word you're looking for. I'm not going to act on it but I'm working on not even thinking about it anymore.
>>I'm not going to fricking cheat again, butthole
>>>Now, I'm thinking of cheating again.
>k
See the reply to the other anon above.
>was this the time you fricked behind her back, or the time you betrayed her trust and fricked someone else behind her back, or now, where you're having a crisis about being unable to resist your urge to frick behind her back
Are you trolling me or are you actually this fricking self-righteous? I said I made a fricking mistake and I'm trying to fix myself for it.
I'm prioritizing her feelings now, but I've always had her in my heart even if I made stupid mistakes sometimes.
>You're not in my mind so how would you know how fricking hard it is? I literally default to flirting.
ok then don't do that, if you want an exclusive relationship with your GF stop being such a massive bawd
>So now you get to judge everybody, right? cool origin story, judgmental man.
Wow!!!!! ok actually, i'll let you know i come from a very bad home environment, and even if i fell back on the wagon i'm still trying not to drink so much so i'm basically better already 🙂
>think is the word you're looking for. I'm not going to act on it but I'm working on not even thinking about it anymore.
What the frick does that even mean, you are in control of your own actions, stop actively seeking to frick other women you prick
I said develop some actual shame instead of bowing your head and acting or being sad is not shame, genuine shame drives people to permanent change, something you have repeatedly failed at, so far being an emo homosexual hasn't achieved anything, so why not at least try and get over yourself? you had to make excuses for yourself with the broken home thing on an anonymous image board, i can't imagine how fricking insufferably defensive about your behaviour you must be IRL
>So I get into a flirty relationship with a girl who I'm friendly with and guess what, eventually something happens
You make this sound like something out of your control. "Oh, woe is me! I flirted with a girl and it escalated to me cheating! What ever could've been done?"
Learn to take accountability for your own actions. It's not your home environment that did this, it's YOU doing it IN THAT MOMENT.
>i simply must slay pussy constantly because uncle billy raped me
homie grow a pair.
And I'm supposed to believe that you were some jock, in school, right? Frick off, band kids probably got more pussy than you've ever jerked off to. You're not a dork all of a sudden because you're in fricking band. Girls literally get wet as soon as you start singing to them but you wouldn't fricking know that because you're most likely a musically illiterate virgin.
You misunderstand me. I speak from experience as someone who was in band in high school. You sound like one of the theater kids tbh.
>theater kids
>band kids
I can't believe I even share a board with you gremlins
>t. was the druggie burnout who always came in late
Based - how'd you know?
this
YES
>I come from a broken home with a terrible dynamic and that's why I'm like this
You're ignoring that the common element in all of your problems is YOU, Better people have come from worse homes.
If you're gonna cheat again, then do your gf a service and break up with her beforehand you goddamn failure.
Your poem is shit btw, saged
spbp
frog>jakshitter
pretty much
>Cheating addiction
It's not an "addiction" you're just a selfish fricking c**t who can't or refuses to control himself.
Therapy. Get a good therapist, try multiple if you don’t like the first. Declare to yourself out loud that you will fight this evil power and be free of it. You have almost certainly damaged your relationship really badly here. It could help to do couples therapy.
One thing you need to admit right away is that, whatever your circumstances, it is still your fault. This is not something that you should beat yourself up over, it should give you hope. If it’s your fault, then you’re also the one who can fix it. As long as you get serious help.
If you view pornography, stop immediately. Easy peasy method works, look it up. This stuff seriously messes with the way you perceive other women. Since I stopped, I no longer see other women in this lecherous way. I’m reminded of how Levin describes cheating as being as unthinkable as stealing a loaf of bread after eating a full and luxurious meal.
Don’t cling to your relationship out of fear or guilt. If your relationship doesn’t allow you to be true to who you are, or for her to be who she is, it isn’t going to work.
As always, I will pray for you and your girlfriend anon.
>It could help to do couples therapy.
Couple's therapy! How did I forget that was a thing! Yes, thank you so much!
I'm kind of broke but I'll do my best to try to find something.
>One thing you need to admit right away is that, whatever your circumstances, it is still your fault. This is not something that you should beat yourself up over, it should give you hope. If it’s your fault, then you’re also the one who can fix it. As long as you get serious help.
Yes, it was me, and only me, and I need to stop it. This much I know.
>Don’t cling to your relationship out of fear or guilt. If your relationship doesn’t allow you to be true to who you are, or for her to be who she is, it isn’t going to work.
I want to make it work. I believe it can work. I get what you mean but it has to work, anon.
>As always, I will pray for you and your girlfriend anon.
Much, much, appreciated anon.
Do you have any book recommendations for my specific problem btw? Like I said, I want at least a book because I'm not exactly rich enough to just do therapy (not that I won't try it) all the time and a book would be just perfect.
The cat in the hat
That poem is so cute anon! I really hope you make it up with your gf. No one deserves to get cheated on but you seen really based and sincere.
Read Karen horney. Somewhat in the same boat but I’m not a homosexual in a band.
Understand you're fallen. We're all sinners, one way or another. Repent, read the bible, find an orthodox church near you. God bless you anon.
>Understand you're fallen. We're all sinners, one way or another
Cope. I refuse to be filled with this level of self-reproach and self-blame. People like OP are inferior and I'm tired of pretending otherwise.
How are you better than OP? are you telling me you've never made a mistake? that you're perfect?
The fact that you're still breathing is an act of grace. Be grateful and repent.
reproving sinners is an act of charity, anon. but to feel contempt is sinful. The ideal pathway is :
>recognize God's love and compassion for you, even in your sins
>be transformed
>bring that love and compassion to others
The truly joyous person doesn't compare himself to others or look down on them. The grievous sins of another person should bother us, they can even anger us. But that anger should never be occasion for malice.
This anon speaks the truth.
>t. Fellow christcuck
Good post.
kind of reads like it would be good lyrics
Can OP or somebody else Vocaroo this? I'm actually trying to hear what it would sound like sung but I'm not musical enough.
Take a sledgehammer to the problem. Cheating does NOT exist my friend. Your god did not tell you that it was true,—— you did! It's all on you dude, isn't that wonderful? Soso wonderful 🙂
OP if your gf cheated what would you do
Then, I'd know it was over :,(
Don't listen to this
anon, that's not me.
Honestly, though, I don't even know what I'd do. It might unironically be over at that point but I just don't know. Maybe I am a little selfish.
A little selfish? If you were just a little selfish you wouldn't use your family history to get this girl to stay with you. And don't you fricking tell me that you don't. You did and you do. You are fricking a person for good andi, f you were decent enough, instead of crying on IQfy like you are the one getting hurt, you would tell her that she deserves better and finish it.
>b-but I am trying to get better
Yeah, so frick her, right? As long you are "trying" by complaining about it on IQfy and writing shit poems to appeal to her sentimentality and frick her up even more, as long as you do this, she should be kept by your side while you repeatedly break her heart, right? If you cared about her, you wouldn't keep her close as you "try" to heal just for the sake of yourself not being lonely even if that means destroying her life. You are scum and don't try to go around it.
>instead of crying on IQfy like you are the one getting hurt
Also, I never said that I was the one getting hurt; but here's the thing: this HURTS ME. Yes, I'm not the victim, yet I feel pain. Why? because I don't want to do this. I know this is hard for you to believe but there is this emotion called regret and shame that some people have, it's like how judgy you're getting but turned inwards and upon yourself by yourself. I know, it's crazy, but I have that.
>Yeah, so frick her, right?
This entire time I've only been thinking about her and how to help her especially by fixing myself. Why would you lie about my intentions if you don't know them?
>she should be kept by your side while you repeatedly break her heart, right?
I'm not going to fricking cheat again, butthole. I'm trying to reform myself yes, but I care to much about her to hurt her like that again. It won't happen.
>If you cared about her, you wouldn't keep her close as you "try" to heal just for the sake of yourself not being lonely even if that means destroying her life.
We've been together for a couple of years and I'm in this for the long haul. What makes you think I'm with her just so I'm not lonely? I could date anybody else, but nobody and I mean nobody is as good as she is. Do you think my life's mission is to go out and ruin a good girl's life? I love her. This isn't on purpose (again, I have a problem). I'm compulsive, yes, but heartless? no. You clearly don't know shit about what you're talking about, and yet you talk so confidently. idiot.
>We've been together for a couple of years and I'm in this for the long haul.
you literally opened this thread saying you want to cheat on her (for a third time)
>but here's the thing: this HURTS ME.
good
>because I don't want to do this.
so don't
>I know, it's crazy, but I have that.
Ok, listen to the voice in your head telling you not to cheat on your girlfriend for the third time
>I'm not going to fricking cheat again, butthole
>>Now, I'm thinking of cheating again.
k
>This entire time I've only been thinking about her
was this the time you fricked behind her back, or the time you betrayed her trust and fricked someone else behind her back, or now, where you're having a crisis about being unable to resist your urge to frick behind her back
>Still working on the fingering
I bet you are
Read the Holy Bible and marry her.
Piss in your mother's mouth.
I really hope this chick eventually wises up and ghosts you becausw you are an abusive butthole if you keep cheating on her after she takes you back.
Oh well, eventually she'll realize penis is fungible and that's about the same time you'll realize good pussy isn't.
honestly can't believe women can stand being on this site
You are a b***hmade pussy ass homie. I regularly beat the mother of my children and I still think you are a weak wreck of a human being.
>I regularly beat the mother of my children
Why would you do that, anon?
Not literature, as you're not really asking anything related to literature. Self help is not literature. A book won't help you stop being an idiot. It's not a magic trick.
If you were asking for critique (which you didn't), then, I have to say that your poem sucks almost as much as you do.
Go to /adv/.
If you want my advice, just be a man and leave that poor girl alone. She'll find someone better.
Not gonna read all this cringe
>This can't be right. I don't feel like a cheater
And i don't feel like i put on a few pounds, but here we are.
>Any books on getting over cheating addiction? I love her and I really want this to work. I really think I could marry her.
I'd definitely start with "How to meet friends and influence people" followed by "You are an indescribably vile frick pretending that you have no agency because it's easier" By Hillary Rodam Clinton
Mein Kampf.
> I come from a broken home with a terrible dynamic
:~~*~~*
its ok buddy u can frick anyone u want because you came from a sad house, all you have to do is post sad_wojak.png and write bad poetry and you'll come off as a tortured artist and not a total c**t
let your gf cuck you so that you're both even
then realize the weight of how much of an butthole you are/were
t. one who was cheated on after 4 years
Why do we allow threads like this?
This sounds a lot like sex addiction to me, anon. I'd look for help if I were you, be it a therapist or sex addicts anonymous. I know this, because I'm a sexting addict and I'd do similar things although I wouldn't physically cheat. Don't beat yourself up over it, instead try to understand. Why did you do it? What did you get out of it? Do you love your girlfriend and want to be with her still? Maybe go into counseling together with your girlfriend, because you probably traumatized her with your actions.
if this terrible poetry is part of an elaborate bait, bravo. If this is a real (hopefully teenager) writing this, then get help.
Take my (You), but no bump
Addiction isn't real btw, you should go read about that.
Who asked?
I did.